Feedback 500 posts for Sibylla and feedback requested

[Sibylla Abrantes]

Hey folks!

So finally got Sib to a 500 goal post to ask for those who have role played with Sibylla to ask for writing critiques for her as a character and my writing style for my little Padme | Dune Prophecy | Game of Thrones style young noblewoman from a Royal House of Naboo.

I created her because I was really feeling the need to do Non Force User rp and really wanted to make a senator character. Sibylla was born after brainstorming with a good friend and I tossed her right into the mix intending to have her be a long con character trying to get her clout icly politically.

I think I’ve done well on that but my struggle is finding ways to push her or showing that she is more than just her duty and responsibility to Naboo and her people. I’ve been tryin to show that more so she has more personality but doubt still crawl in cause I’m not sure if what I’m writing is making sense for an 18 year old with her background.

Please provide me your recommendations on how to improve her, ideas, writing styles or ways to make her have more depth or facets so she isn’t so politically flat and the like. Or maybe rp ideas for arcs or things that may work for her?

Give it to me straight! I really want her to grow as she’s turned into my main character and want her to be a character that can really shine in her own way that isn’t just politically.

 

[Allyson Locke]

I've absolutely loved reading and interacting with Sibylla! The invasion was masterfully orchestrated, and I especially enjoy how her dynamic with Aurelion continues afterward—supporting his rise and shaping how he emerges from the events of the invasion. I really appreciate the loyalty to the archetype of her character; it breathes fresh life into the nobility and senatorial game, which I feel often doesn't get the spotlight it deserves on Chaos.

I can't wait to see what more story comes from Sibylla, especially with Aurelion up for election—I can see either outcome having a major impact on her development. I'd also love to see her step into more action-driven roles at some point, similar to how Padmé became more active. That said, Sibylla is already amazing exactly where she is and how she is, and I love, love, love reading her! Keep up the great work!

Sibylla Abrantes

 

[Sibylla Abrantes]

I'd also love to see her step into more action-driven roles at some point, similar to how Padmé became more active.

This is something I am totally into exploring. I’ve started sib as being a terrible blaster marksman but okay with fencing.

After her asassination attempts and Wielu she’s started to branch out and try to get some training. I’m trying to think if I want her to become more close combat personal protection route or at least her her to be an ok shot.

But this makes me consider perhaps putting her in objectives or scenarios where she has to practice ( or really defend herself ) with these things would be a good option as well!

Thank you for the feedback!

 

[Acier Moonbound]

I haven't seen her whole arc yet, but from what I have seen, I think you're doing something really cool with her. Like, she's clearly got the political weight and noble thing down, but it doesn't feel one-note or stiff, there are these small moments where you let her crack just a little, and it says a lot without spelling it out. It makes her feel grounded in a really believable way.

Also, the fact that she's not a Jedi or Sith but still feels important and fully realized. It honestly makes the Chaos universe feel more fleshed out. Like, not everyone has to be a walking weapon to matter. Sibylla feels like someone the galaxy would genuinely revolve around, just in a different way.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing where you take her. She's got mad potential to shine, not just in courtly stuff but like… character-wise. You're doing great, fr.

I'd also love to see her step into more action-driven roles at some point, similar to how Padmé became more active.

Oh, and I echo this too.

 

[Aurelian Veruna]

I think you have been doing fantastic with her. From back in the first few posts to now she has grown tremendously. Her ambassadorship with the Mandalorians was a good character development point as I think the Voice of the Houses position will be as well. Politically I think she hits all the notes, the trying to be - perfect daughter, voice of Naboo, classic mask of perfection.

Echoing what Allyson said, more action oriented scenarios where she is pushed past just being a Political character. That will come with time, especially with this Voices position.

I think we have talked about it more, as I too am working on it - but more internal monologuing about what she actually thinks of everything. She is 18, so the insecurities, the anxiety of trying to be perfect, shifting interests, more in depth on what her values might be as she comes into them - all could work for developing more of the character.

Really lean into that would be what I think would be cool to see. But, these things come with time and writing the character. You are doing fantastic so far. It has drawn a whole crowd into the type of RP you had suggested months ago and now we are having a blast.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Oh gosh I love this girl. Especially with how she struggles to balance her heartbreak with her duties as a politician, now the Voice. I’ve a soft spot for earnest characters and Sib’s depth is all the richer and more complex from the rp she’s had over the past few months (said heartbreak, Wielu, dealing with Aurelian Veruna and I’m sure more that I haven’t had the chance to read yet).

With the dominance of force users on chaos, it’s great to see an NFU making waves (along with many of the THR assembly characters).

Gimmie more!

 

[Tohu]

My feedback is: 5/7 will definitely hunt again.

On a serious note, I haven't read as much from Sib to really give something substantial with context, but here's something that comes to mind re: depth/internal struggle -- she's clearly Padme inspired as you said, which is great and I think you do a good job of applying it in your writing, so the thing that comes to mind when you mention age is: she's been born and literally bred to take up all those responsibilities as a noble and an almost-Queen (for now, who knows maybe I gun down Aurelian for you smile?), so like she's literally skipped the best part of her life - childhood, so when she comes of age she can be a 'veteran' of this royal life. So maybe you can lean on a theme of regret, add further depth on struggling with responsibility and the cost that comes with that. Might give her some deep-buried angst from that which can occassionally pop off during some crazy emotional distress, when her discipline slips.

I hope this helps, or at least helps you open new doors to your writing of Sib!

Other than that, see ya in carbonite, I hope!

EDIT: Jesus, I've put SO much "so" in that text, SO maybe don't take writing advice from me, tbh.

Sibylla Abrantes

 

[Dominic Praxon]

The best compliment I can give is that I feel like I am writing opposite Padme.

 

[Connel Vanagor]

Sib is so cute, amd not in the "Zaiya" way. She's snotty, but proper, she's demure but very FAFO
I may not have had the privilege of any of my characters interacting with her but I always enjoyed reading her posts. I think some time seeing "how the other half lives" would push you (amd her)