So, I've had a few people asking me what happened and everything with my overnight vanishing. I will be honest, when I left with what was happening IRL is a little hazy for me, so some of this might be old news. Besides, my life is a bit of a fustercluck the past three years that I don't expect anyone to keep up with anyway.
First, my brother got arrested for DWI and possession late one night. Sorting that out, not only with him but with the family fall out that happened from it was a pain for me--especially while I was trying to both work and finish my undergrad. And of course, bail ain't cheap so it made it worse when I lost the job I had at the time. It wasn't exactly a great job, but it was money. The circumstances came down to politics and me doing my job with the wrong person. The details don't matter, I lost the job.
I only had a month of classes left so I threw myself into it full time and looking for a job. The week after I graduated I found a great one for a local company that is super good to their employees with benefits and the pay was great. I thought I hit the jackpot. I was high flying.... until a month later they didn't meet their quarterly projections and I was one of the workers who got laid off. Guess they didn't care as much about their employees as we all thought, right? About the same time my brother got arrested again for DWI. The charges of the first hadn't even been fully processed because our legal system is slow as balls here in the USA. So I had to get things situated with his second DWI, and look for another job. A lot of employers don't care why, if you lose two jobs in six months, its an automatic no. So that didn't make it easy.
If you've never had a family member get a DWI, let alone two, its a huge fiasco emotionally when that happens. Unless the parents are pretty out of touch, then they tend to do what my mom did--and go insane. My mom and I are fairly close, so taking care of that was its own... deal ... that involved typically talking about the same things over and over and over again... for a few weeks, for hours every week.
Eventually I found a different job that seemed like it would work well. Life seemed like it was almost throwing me a bone. I started gradschool like I had been so desperately wanting to do. And, of course, life can't just f*king chill, so my girlfriend's dad got health issues. She moved back to her home state after heavy deliberation to help her mom, dad, and sister out. She still is over there and right now we are making the distance work, but it hit me harder than anything else. For those of you who don't know, she and I are incredibly close. I was preparing to buy her a ring and all that when this happened. She is my health coping mechanism, so without her I turned to my unhealthy one--alcoholism.
Alcoholism runs in my family. My mom was an alcoholic (before she got reformed), my grandfather was an alcoholic, my great grandfather was--and so on. Everyone who knows me knows I like liquor, so I got to just getting black out drunk every night after work. I was careful to be home when I got totally wasted though.
Which is what made it all the worse when my brother got arrested again for--you guessed it a DWI and possession. A third DWI in Texas is very serious, especially if it is within 2 years, which it clearly was. This time the possession level wasn't a misdemeanor, it was a felony. So we tossed him in jail and let him rot.
For some reason, I got a promotion at work. Don't ask me how or why I got it, the alcoholic brain can't remember. I don't know for some reason it just motivated me to start getting my life together. I think just knowing someone else saw me as something more than a screw up made a difference. I resolved to only get black out drunk one night a week, instead of every night. I still get thoroughly buzzed most nights, don't get me wrong about that, but I started getting in a healthier place. I decided that maybe I could get something good going.
We got my brother in rehab. I got involved with the nerds in my community. This January I started grad school again, and soon I will be starting my third class. Never mind that I should have started my practicum next month but damn it that is not the point. So that brings me here. I am choosing to try and do more things that I love and make healthier choices in that instead of pickling my liver.
So, all of that to say, I am still alive (sort of). I am in a better place than I have been in the past 3-4 years emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. I do know that I could be kinda a butthole before I left. I could be a salt slu--I mean hoe. I don't know if Slut is gonna get me in trouble, so we're gonna go with hoe (deadpan stare). I am truly sorry for anyone I went too far with. There ain't any excuses for my actions except just strait dumbness.
Thanks for reading. I look forward to seeing you all around. Cheers!
First, my brother got arrested for DWI and possession late one night. Sorting that out, not only with him but with the family fall out that happened from it was a pain for me--especially while I was trying to both work and finish my undergrad. And of course, bail ain't cheap so it made it worse when I lost the job I had at the time. It wasn't exactly a great job, but it was money. The circumstances came down to politics and me doing my job with the wrong person. The details don't matter, I lost the job.
I only had a month of classes left so I threw myself into it full time and looking for a job. The week after I graduated I found a great one for a local company that is super good to their employees with benefits and the pay was great. I thought I hit the jackpot. I was high flying.... until a month later they didn't meet their quarterly projections and I was one of the workers who got laid off. Guess they didn't care as much about their employees as we all thought, right? About the same time my brother got arrested again for DWI. The charges of the first hadn't even been fully processed because our legal system is slow as balls here in the USA. So I had to get things situated with his second DWI, and look for another job. A lot of employers don't care why, if you lose two jobs in six months, its an automatic no. So that didn't make it easy.
If you've never had a family member get a DWI, let alone two, its a huge fiasco emotionally when that happens. Unless the parents are pretty out of touch, then they tend to do what my mom did--and go insane. My mom and I are fairly close, so taking care of that was its own... deal ... that involved typically talking about the same things over and over and over again... for a few weeks, for hours every week.
Eventually I found a different job that seemed like it would work well. Life seemed like it was almost throwing me a bone. I started gradschool like I had been so desperately wanting to do. And, of course, life can't just f*king chill, so my girlfriend's dad got health issues. She moved back to her home state after heavy deliberation to help her mom, dad, and sister out. She still is over there and right now we are making the distance work, but it hit me harder than anything else. For those of you who don't know, she and I are incredibly close. I was preparing to buy her a ring and all that when this happened. She is my health coping mechanism, so without her I turned to my unhealthy one--alcoholism.
Alcoholism runs in my family. My mom was an alcoholic (before she got reformed), my grandfather was an alcoholic, my great grandfather was--and so on. Everyone who knows me knows I like liquor, so I got to just getting black out drunk every night after work. I was careful to be home when I got totally wasted though.
Which is what made it all the worse when my brother got arrested again for--you guessed it a DWI and possession. A third DWI in Texas is very serious, especially if it is within 2 years, which it clearly was. This time the possession level wasn't a misdemeanor, it was a felony. So we tossed him in jail and let him rot.
For some reason, I got a promotion at work. Don't ask me how or why I got it, the alcoholic brain can't remember. I don't know for some reason it just motivated me to start getting my life together. I think just knowing someone else saw me as something more than a screw up made a difference. I resolved to only get black out drunk one night a week, instead of every night. I still get thoroughly buzzed most nights, don't get me wrong about that, but I started getting in a healthier place. I decided that maybe I could get something good going.
We got my brother in rehab. I got involved with the nerds in my community. This January I started grad school again, and soon I will be starting my third class. Never mind that I should have started my practicum next month but damn it that is not the point. So that brings me here. I am choosing to try and do more things that I love and make healthier choices in that instead of pickling my liver.
So, all of that to say, I am still alive (sort of). I am in a better place than I have been in the past 3-4 years emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. I do know that I could be kinda a butthole before I left. I could be a salt slu--I mean hoe. I don't know if Slut is gonna get me in trouble, so we're gonna go with hoe (deadpan stare). I am truly sorry for anyone I went too far with. There ain't any excuses for my actions except just strait dumbness.
Thanks for reading. I look forward to seeing you all around. Cheers!
