To say I have not lived an easy life is an understatement. I don't say that for attention or for sympathy, its just a fact of life. I don't hate my existence for it--actually quite the opposite, I am grateful for the things I have been through because it makes me capable of helping more people. Don't let my snarky and hilariously offensive humor fool you--I do actually care about humanity.
But 2016 has been one of the hardest years of my life. Every month someone I know has lost someone. That's seven deaths. Seven stages of grieving for seven different people I know who all handle it differently and cycle through them in different orders.
I am not saying that to toot my own horn, but just to give the reasoning for this blog and to establish a bit of credence. Everyone, every one of us, has and will again lose someone. Some of us (I would wager many of us) are still in various cycles of the grieving and healing process. Some of us have been in it for years--I still haven't fully dealt with the loss of my grandfather--about two years ago. So let me start this blog with this statement:
It is ok to hurt. Its ok to feel. Its ok to express that hurt and those feelings whether your a man, woman, child, or teenager--regardless of age. Its alright to feel the pain. Just please, for your sake and the sake of those who love you most, don't let it decide who you are.
With that said, I am going to offer some practical tips and tools for getting through the painful process. Whether the one you love just died (or still is dying) and your in shock, or they died forty years ago and you are still caught in anger or depression, this is here to help you find your way. I can't promise that this process will go quickly, smoothly, or painlessly. All I can promise is that if you follow these things, it will help you, just like it helped me and countless others.
1) Reach out to those you love. The pain of Loss is compounded by loneliness and isolation. For some the natural reaction to loss and pain is to withdraw. And while it may feel easier initially than reaching out, it makes things so much more intense and so much more painful. So reach out and make the call. They love you too, and they will be glad to help you work through things or are even waiting for your call.
In the long run you will be glad you did. Not only because the grieving process is over sooner, but also because your relationship to them got deeper, closer, and stronger. Take the opportunity, its one that you will be glad you did.
2) Journal. The APA did a study on journaling and found a three fold increase in reported happiness and emotional well-being. Just twenty minutes a day can help you. No, role playing doesn't help, though it is better than nothing at all. This is why your muse is oft' gone when you are going through emotional turmoil. Write out your feelings in a private journal and don't let anyone see these things. I have a password protected document on my laptop spanning two years--and four years of spirals somewhere in this house with my journals in them. It helps.
3) Meditate/Mindfulness. Meditation isn't based on religion/spirituality. Psychologists are studying this thing and finding the brain activity that is involved. One study showed that meditation for fifteen minutes in three five minute increments for just two weeks results in handling strong emotions better. The almagata, according to their MRI scans, reduced in size (this is the portion corresponding with strong negative emotions) and the frontal lobes enlarged (Corresponding with reasoning and such). I meditate daily for about a year and half now, I can testify personally to its effects on the mind. What is it? Basically directing your mind to the present and observing the world and body around you without passing judgement upon it. There are lots of methods to that, I prefer breathing techniques, find what works for you.
4) Do what you love. Find your hobby, your love of life. Do that with all your might. Again with APA studies, they proved that doing what you love actually makes you love. Granted, I didn't have to tell you that, its kinda a no-brainer. Note that I am not really talking about destructive behaviors such as drinking, drugs, and such. I mean things that build you up and make you happy; photography, working out, whatever works for you (and of course role play). For me, its role play, and working out. The releasing of endorphins will make your life better over time.
5) Be patient with yourself. Some days will be good. Some days less than. One day you will be on top of the world, the next minute you could be triggered into sobbing your eyes out. Getting angry at yourself, trying to suppress it, running from your pain, or trying to reason your way out why you feel this way won't help--its like pouring gas on a grease fire and expecting it to go out. So be kind and patient to yourself. You will overcome in due time, so don't break yourself over this.
I hope this has helped you. There are many more ways to help overcome the pain of loss, so feel free to post bellow what works for you. Please, no hate speech here. As always, my PM box, and Skype are open. Cheers mates and live well.
But 2016 has been one of the hardest years of my life. Every month someone I know has lost someone. That's seven deaths. Seven stages of grieving for seven different people I know who all handle it differently and cycle through them in different orders.
I am not saying that to toot my own horn, but just to give the reasoning for this blog and to establish a bit of credence. Everyone, every one of us, has and will again lose someone. Some of us (I would wager many of us) are still in various cycles of the grieving and healing process. Some of us have been in it for years--I still haven't fully dealt with the loss of my grandfather--about two years ago. So let me start this blog with this statement:
It is ok to hurt. Its ok to feel. Its ok to express that hurt and those feelings whether your a man, woman, child, or teenager--regardless of age. Its alright to feel the pain. Just please, for your sake and the sake of those who love you most, don't let it decide who you are.
With that said, I am going to offer some practical tips and tools for getting through the painful process. Whether the one you love just died (or still is dying) and your in shock, or they died forty years ago and you are still caught in anger or depression, this is here to help you find your way. I can't promise that this process will go quickly, smoothly, or painlessly. All I can promise is that if you follow these things, it will help you, just like it helped me and countless others.
1) Reach out to those you love. The pain of Loss is compounded by loneliness and isolation. For some the natural reaction to loss and pain is to withdraw. And while it may feel easier initially than reaching out, it makes things so much more intense and so much more painful. So reach out and make the call. They love you too, and they will be glad to help you work through things or are even waiting for your call.
In the long run you will be glad you did. Not only because the grieving process is over sooner, but also because your relationship to them got deeper, closer, and stronger. Take the opportunity, its one that you will be glad you did.
2) Journal. The APA did a study on journaling and found a three fold increase in reported happiness and emotional well-being. Just twenty minutes a day can help you. No, role playing doesn't help, though it is better than nothing at all. This is why your muse is oft' gone when you are going through emotional turmoil. Write out your feelings in a private journal and don't let anyone see these things. I have a password protected document on my laptop spanning two years--and four years of spirals somewhere in this house with my journals in them. It helps.
3) Meditate/Mindfulness. Meditation isn't based on religion/spirituality. Psychologists are studying this thing and finding the brain activity that is involved. One study showed that meditation for fifteen minutes in three five minute increments for just two weeks results in handling strong emotions better. The almagata, according to their MRI scans, reduced in size (this is the portion corresponding with strong negative emotions) and the frontal lobes enlarged (Corresponding with reasoning and such). I meditate daily for about a year and half now, I can testify personally to its effects on the mind. What is it? Basically directing your mind to the present and observing the world and body around you without passing judgement upon it. There are lots of methods to that, I prefer breathing techniques, find what works for you.
4) Do what you love. Find your hobby, your love of life. Do that with all your might. Again with APA studies, they proved that doing what you love actually makes you love. Granted, I didn't have to tell you that, its kinda a no-brainer. Note that I am not really talking about destructive behaviors such as drinking, drugs, and such. I mean things that build you up and make you happy; photography, working out, whatever works for you (and of course role play). For me, its role play, and working out. The releasing of endorphins will make your life better over time.
5) Be patient with yourself. Some days will be good. Some days less than. One day you will be on top of the world, the next minute you could be triggered into sobbing your eyes out. Getting angry at yourself, trying to suppress it, running from your pain, or trying to reason your way out why you feel this way won't help--its like pouring gas on a grease fire and expecting it to go out. So be kind and patient to yourself. You will overcome in due time, so don't break yourself over this.
I hope this has helped you. There are many more ways to help overcome the pain of loss, so feel free to post bellow what works for you. Please, no hate speech here. As always, my PM box, and Skype are open. Cheers mates and live well.
