(NFL Theme Plays)
(Camera cuts to Model 1 Nuetralizers wearing Pompadour wigs behind a news anchor desk)
MARTY THE NUETRALIZER: Welcome folks, to another edition of I can't believe the Jedi fell for that bullchit again!
JERRY THE NUETRALIZER: We're here to provide you, The Galaxy, of the best play by play reels of the various epic fails of The Galactic Alliance during this troubling time.
Marty: Y'know, when these bunch of post apocalyptic action film extras reared their ugly heads, no one thought they would get this far. You people sure were sittin' pretty over at the GA, weren't you? And wouldn't you know it, Jerry, the Maw crowd funds together a Death Star knockoff and you got a dead Csilla on your hands.
Jerry: Yeah, but that tenth Sith Empire, huh? Soooo bad...
Marty: If
Adhira Chandra
cared about curbing upstart threats as much as she did staying in power maybe she'd still have a husband.
(A red sign flashing LOW BLOW appears over their heads)
Jerry: Marty, you know I love me a hot take but don't you think it's a bit soon for that? Dude's probably not even cold yet."
Marty: Best time to drive the knife in, Jerry! (Leans over the desk and looks into the camera)
Marty: Pssss. Adhira. I'll lend you twenty credits to cremate his sorry ass, just give me some of his organs if he isn't, y'know, too mangled...
Jerry: Man, that comment burned so hard the devil asked for ice water! What do you need the organs of Chandra's husband for.
Marty: My dog likes fresh meat. Lightly seared.
Jerry: You're a monster, Marty.
Marty: Damn right, Jerry. You gotta give it to Darth Solipsis . He made the counter-intuitive decision to pull a Palpatine in an environment that logically should have seen that chit coming a parsec away. I mean, holy chit. How do you guys fall for something like that not once but twice?
Jerry: I guess GA Intel wasn't getting enough practice (Makes drinking motion).
Marty: At this point, a constant supply of liquor is the only acceptable excuse for not spotting him.
Jerry: And now, Mother on the Weather on Coruscant. Mother?
(Camera cuts to Laertia Io in a business suit and pompadour wig with a back ground of the burning Jedi Temple behind her)
Laertia: THIS CHIT IS BURNING! WHAT THE FETH!
(Camera cuts back to Marty and Jerry)
Marty: Ahhhh, Mother. Always to the point.
Jerry: It's why we love her.
Marty: The favorite enemy of our brothers and Sisters, Erskine Barran made a good show of it though. Probably one of the few actual MVP's in that hellhole.
Jerry: We're following the career of Michael Barran with great interest however. Don't worry Michael! Destiny will find our mutually murderous hands wrapped around each other's throats soon enough!
(Camera cuts away to a crude drawing of Michael frolicking in a grassy field with a Model 1)
Marty: I wouldn't be surprised if he gets drafted by some ambitious team!
Jerry: Too bad the same can't be said for Errik Nimdok ! That guy cannot catch a break. If it's not us hunting him, he's getting his limb cut off. Don't forget, Errik, we haven't stopped hunting you!
(Marty makes a "Rifle Gesture")
Jerry: You and that little bastard Starlin are going to eat it one way or another. But we have an out: Just tell us where Syd is, and we'll only cut off one of your legs with a hacksaw! It's a sweetheart deal!"
Marty: Just kidding. We're gonna take them both no matter what you tell us.
Jerry: (Nudges Marty in an annoyed manner) Marty! You're not supposed to tell him that until after he tells us where Syd is!
Marty: Dude, we been trying to hack apart his step dad a while now. I think ol' Starry is well past believing anything we have to say.
Jerry: You could at least commit to the bit.
Marty: Say hi to Jen for us, Starry! Oh, and by the way, Jen, just so you know, that forty credits that vanished in your wallet? That was The Amalgam. She sleeps under your bed every third weekend!
Jerry: I heard she eats the souls of babies!
Marty: And puppies too!
Jerry: I wouldn't want to be you, Starlin!
Marty: So much chit's about to come down on his head it'll make Ziost look like a fethin' square dance.
Jerry: (Leans over desk into the camera, whispering) If you buy the DLC you get the Full Auto shotgun in New Game Plus.
Marty: Jerry, that DLC is a rip. It takes up three inventory slots! And it charges 70 credits!
Jerry: Still a smarter choice than the NJO obeying the Senate's confinement.
Marty: Good point. What the hell, NJO? Are you that brainwashed that you walked into an obvious trap? Wait, don't answer that question, OF COURSE YOU WERE!
Jerry: Moment that order came you all should have yeeted yourselves the hell out of the system. But instead, like a bunch of good, dutiful little Teacher's Pets, you did exactly as you were told. Without fail.
Marty: How's victory over the tenth Sith Empire taste?
Jerry: So much for that era of peace. If the NIO doesn't move to finish you off, I'll be shocked.
Marty: Whoever isn't advising that at least once with Rurik Fel isn't doing their job.
Jerry: I mean seriously, who walks into such an obvious trap?
Marty: Jedi Knight's gotta look dutiful even if it doesn't make sense. History doesn't repeat. But it often rhymes. But Jedi even suck at those."
Jerry: At least their most gullible have been removed from the dating scene. That's always a relief. Those folks had their shot and Nature selected them for extinction.
Marty: It's sad a lot of the hot Jedi went with them though...
Jerry: Yeah...at least no sappy forbidden romances.
(Both Nuetralizers laugh)
Marty: When we get back, a high light reel of major plays during the battle with running commentary!
(Camera feed Cuts)
(Camera cuts to Model 1 Nuetralizers wearing Pompadour wigs behind a news anchor desk)
MARTY THE NUETRALIZER: Welcome folks, to another edition of I can't believe the Jedi fell for that bullchit again!
JERRY THE NUETRALIZER: We're here to provide you, The Galaxy, of the best play by play reels of the various epic fails of The Galactic Alliance during this troubling time.
Marty: Y'know, when these bunch of post apocalyptic action film extras reared their ugly heads, no one thought they would get this far. You people sure were sittin' pretty over at the GA, weren't you? And wouldn't you know it, Jerry, the Maw crowd funds together a Death Star knockoff and you got a dead Csilla on your hands.
Jerry: Yeah, but that tenth Sith Empire, huh? Soooo bad...
Marty: If
Adhira Chandra
cared about curbing upstart threats as much as she did staying in power maybe she'd still have a husband.(A red sign flashing LOW BLOW appears over their heads)
Jerry: Marty, you know I love me a hot take but don't you think it's a bit soon for that? Dude's probably not even cold yet."
Marty: Best time to drive the knife in, Jerry! (Leans over the desk and looks into the camera)
Marty: Pssss. Adhira. I'll lend you twenty credits to cremate his sorry ass, just give me some of his organs if he isn't, y'know, too mangled...
Jerry: Man, that comment burned so hard the devil asked for ice water! What do you need the organs of Chandra's husband for.
Marty: My dog likes fresh meat. Lightly seared.
Jerry: You're a monster, Marty.
Marty: Damn right, Jerry. You gotta give it to Darth Solipsis . He made the counter-intuitive decision to pull a Palpatine in an environment that logically should have seen that chit coming a parsec away. I mean, holy chit. How do you guys fall for something like that not once but twice?
Jerry: I guess GA Intel wasn't getting enough practice (Makes drinking motion).
Marty: At this point, a constant supply of liquor is the only acceptable excuse for not spotting him.
Jerry: And now, Mother on the Weather on Coruscant. Mother?
(Camera cuts to Laertia Io in a business suit and pompadour wig with a back ground of the burning Jedi Temple behind her)
Laertia: THIS CHIT IS BURNING! WHAT THE FETH!
(Camera cuts back to Marty and Jerry)
Marty: Ahhhh, Mother. Always to the point.
Jerry: It's why we love her.
Marty: The favorite enemy of our brothers and Sisters, Erskine Barran made a good show of it though. Probably one of the few actual MVP's in that hellhole.
Jerry: We're following the career of Michael Barran with great interest however. Don't worry Michael! Destiny will find our mutually murderous hands wrapped around each other's throats soon enough!
(Camera cuts away to a crude drawing of Michael frolicking in a grassy field with a Model 1)
Marty: I wouldn't be surprised if he gets drafted by some ambitious team!
Jerry: Too bad the same can't be said for Errik Nimdok ! That guy cannot catch a break. If it's not us hunting him, he's getting his limb cut off. Don't forget, Errik, we haven't stopped hunting you!
(Marty makes a "Rifle Gesture")
Jerry: You and that little bastard Starlin are going to eat it one way or another. But we have an out: Just tell us where Syd is, and we'll only cut off one of your legs with a hacksaw! It's a sweetheart deal!"
Marty: Just kidding. We're gonna take them both no matter what you tell us.
Jerry: (Nudges Marty in an annoyed manner) Marty! You're not supposed to tell him that until after he tells us where Syd is!
Marty: Dude, we been trying to hack apart his step dad a while now. I think ol' Starry is well past believing anything we have to say.
Jerry: You could at least commit to the bit.
Marty: Say hi to Jen for us, Starry! Oh, and by the way, Jen, just so you know, that forty credits that vanished in your wallet? That was The Amalgam. She sleeps under your bed every third weekend!
Jerry: I heard she eats the souls of babies!
Marty: And puppies too!
Jerry: I wouldn't want to be you, Starlin!
Marty: So much chit's about to come down on his head it'll make Ziost look like a fethin' square dance.
Jerry: (Leans over desk into the camera, whispering) If you buy the DLC you get the Full Auto shotgun in New Game Plus.
Marty: Jerry, that DLC is a rip. It takes up three inventory slots! And it charges 70 credits!
Jerry: Still a smarter choice than the NJO obeying the Senate's confinement.
Marty: Good point. What the hell, NJO? Are you that brainwashed that you walked into an obvious trap? Wait, don't answer that question, OF COURSE YOU WERE!
Jerry: Moment that order came you all should have yeeted yourselves the hell out of the system. But instead, like a bunch of good, dutiful little Teacher's Pets, you did exactly as you were told. Without fail.
Marty: How's victory over the tenth Sith Empire taste?
Jerry: So much for that era of peace. If the NIO doesn't move to finish you off, I'll be shocked.
Marty: Whoever isn't advising that at least once with Rurik Fel isn't doing their job.
Jerry: I mean seriously, who walks into such an obvious trap?
Marty: Jedi Knight's gotta look dutiful even if it doesn't make sense. History doesn't repeat. But it often rhymes. But Jedi even suck at those."
Jerry: At least their most gullible have been removed from the dating scene. That's always a relief. Those folks had their shot and Nature selected them for extinction.
Marty: It's sad a lot of the hot Jedi went with them though...
Jerry: Yeah...at least no sappy forbidden romances.
(Both Nuetralizers laugh)
Marty: When we get back, a high light reel of major plays during the battle with running commentary!
(Camera feed Cuts)
