It was raining in Ta'a Chume'Dan. It had been since a week before their arrival, and it seemed it might continue long after their departure. Hapes had, for a brief time, been Brandyn's home. It had been his family's home. Now, it was a place filled with memories he would rather not entertain. He was only here for Cybelle's sake, cleaning up issues with her family's estate. It had been hard on her.
Brandyn sat, legs crossed, and failed to meditate. Instead, he just looked out of the window across the city scape and the lights that filled the night sky. Rain hit the windows, and ran down before his view giving a warped impression of the city beyond. It was dark in the room, and darker still in Brandyn's mind.
He hadn't been able to sleep, but instead had made his way into the living space between he and Cybelle's rooms. So far as he knew, she slept soundly. His mind was lost in thoughts that he should not encourage. There were still people out there that had killed his parents.
At first... She slept relatively well. It wasn't so much that she drifted off peacefully in the rainy evening but moreover sheer exhaustion. The extended family she hadn't known existed were overzealous and didn't understand her choices about being part of the Order. They did approve of her engagement to Brandyn Sal-Soren, however.
Not that she sought their approval... But it was nice to feel like she wasn't doing everything against the Elyance legacy.
Her dreams were chaotic. From bright to dark in moments... From feeling safe to a burning in her sternum left her with the scent of cauterized flesh in her nose. She woke with a start and her hand immediately started checking for an injury... But there was nothing to be found. This left her wide awake. Of course. She followed the bleary sense of warmth and comfort out into the living area, subconsciously looking for the one thing that might make it better. "Bran-?"
Her voice cracked.
He did not respond for a moment, but when he finally did it was with a mournful sigh. "I am sorry if I woke you," he said, words catching in his throat.
"You didn't...," her story assurance was coupled with her rubbing herv eyes and massaging her cheeks until she felt more awake. Less...Trapped. More herself.
She padded over to sit beside him.
"Talk to me?"
He didn't move. Instead he just continued to gaze out over the city. He didn't speak. Not even to respond. Finally, after what must have been a good five or six minutes, his lips parted but no words came forth. He closed his eyes and squeezed them closed.
Cybelle waited for a little while before scooting close in pale green pajamas, finding his hand, before wrapping it up in her own. "It's all right."
So often she couldn't find the words. He was always patient with her. "I'm here."
"Since my parent's death," he said in barely a whisper, "there has been a darkness within me…that no light has driven away. I want…to do…things…that I know are wrong."
"I can't stop thinking about how my parents' murderers live on…"
Her heart stopped for a moment as a not so subtle feeling of guilt ran through her. Things she could have done if she'd been stronger, faster, or less reserved with the strengths she did have. "That's...Grief..."
It was something the Jedi Order tried to drive out of them. The reason that younglings were kept from their parents. "We all have thoughts that don't... Perfectly align with the teachings. Especially with something so...So unforgivable."
"What matters is what we do. How we work it through. There is so much love left behind...Don't forget that."
He didn't reply immediately. She was right, and he knew it before she said it. He knew it all. He had always known what she had said. But he found little reason to cling to old truths when new ones seemed so enticing.
"They do not deserve life," he said quietly, but with an added resolve.
Cybelle laced their fingers slowly and and pulled his hand up to kiss the back of it. "It's not about deserving... Everyone has the right to live. But, doing it freely? No."
"Some people need bars or walls between them and the rest of the galaxy so innocent people don't get hurt."
"I don't care what is good," he murmured, "I want them…gone."
It hurt to say, but it was how he felt. It was how he had been acting. What would she think of his recent activities? Depending on how you felt about droids, he had possibly killed one of those responsible. He had tried to kill others.
"I'm not talking about good or bad... Just... What is," she murmured gently against his skin. His pain ran deep and it led to things he wouldn't normally do or say. Her eyes drifted toward the sky for a moment. "Taking a life leaves a mark."
"It never goes away. Some Jedi learn to live with it like Master Noble.... And some don't recover. Your parents wouldn't want that for you. Justice isn't found in vengeance. What you feel won't lessen with blood on your hands. It'll just stay with you... Forever."
There was another long pause, as the storm in Brandyn's chest swirled. She was right. He could hear himself potentially saying the same words once upon a time. A lightning strike light up the room and caused him to look away from the window. His face came in contact with the top of her head, and he lingered. As the thunder followed up the lightning, his face pressed down gently into her hair.
He finally reciprocated the intertwining of their fingers, and could feel her engagement ring pressing against his fingers. It had been his mother's ring, given to Teyla by the man that had so poorly treated Cybelle. The irony was sweet.
"I don't deserve you," he whispered.
The storm made her jump. Not out of fear but because the crash was so loud...It made her shift just a little closer. "Don't be silly. You deserve every bit of me..."
She liked it when Brandyn was close. Even, if the topic was hard to swallow. Her Master had been a pacifist but Cybelle wasn't quite as reserved. She still valued life... But she knew that there were times that their duties required the ultimate sacrifice. Not just from the enemy but from themselves... It was a last resort. A final measure. "I love that you love them so much... I wish..."
"I wish I could have gotten to know them better. With an adult perspective... Your father did tell me that I had his blessing... So maybe I could have looked at him differently."
She was...Sad. Because the chance to love her new family was gone. So, she would love Brandyn twice as hard. He'd just have to deal with a double serving of her affection. "They love you... Even now. They love you and only want the best for you."
He loved her, and loved her optimism. But her naivete shone through. Baros Sal-Soren would never have approved of them. Never. Despite his mood, he found himself smiling. He would live in her world a little more.
"My mother would have loved you," he said, playing with the ring on her finger, "she did…love you."
Cybelle perked up just slightly at that. The ring she wore with his love was already heavily steeped in a romance that was almost fairytale. It made her feel...Closer. Somehow. "Your life... My life-Our life. I'll be with you wherever you go. We won't agree on everything..."
"But that's okay. I want a partner not a student...Someone to love unconditionally."
His heart was feeling lighter. It was the Cybelle-effect. He wanted to kiss her, but let her finish speaking instead. "I can live with that," he said.
Cheek pressed against the top of her head, he turned to look out over the storm. He was happy just to be here with her, watching the city. He was pretty sure he could see the first hints of dawn approaching.
