It’s 12:15am, and I’ve just gotten home from a 14 hour day of class and evening clinic.
I absolutely knew what I was in for when I signed up for dental hygiene school. I took that in stride because it’s worth it in a lot of ways, and for once in my life I don’t wake up in the morning and go “UGH, TIME TO GO TO THE FESTERING HELLHOLE CALLED COLLEGE.” That’s not to say I appreciate the ulcer it’s giving me or anything. There are days I wish I could ask what fresh hell has been designed for me this day, and why. There are days I want to ask if they derive some sick pleasure from making us squirm with panic.
But in the end it’s not about the money I’m going to make, or the career I’ll have earned through blood, sweat, calculus debridement, and many salty tears. So far, despite the stress, this journey has given me satisfaction. Not only do I love what I’m learning, but I love myself for doing it. I’m proud that I can work hard enough to pass my exams and clinical test-outs. I’m proud that I can help people gain a better understanding of their health – I am SOOOOO proud when a patient looks up at me at the end of their appointment and says “I feel so comfortable with you” or “I’m going to come see you for all my appointments, you made it so it wasn’t scary!” I feel fulfillment. Maybe it’s not what I’m going to want to do forever – maybe I’ll be like my Mom at 45 and decide I want to do something COMPLETELY different and go back to school. (Shout-out to my Mom for being the most rad example of human determination and adventure ever.) But I feel like for now I’m at the right place in this journey called life, if only because as a human I feel challenged and a better creature for persevering through the negatives, and being able to recognize my triumphs.
The only thing I miss – and the reason for this blog post – is writing with you guys.
First semester was nuts if only because we were getting in to the swing of things and constantly going. This semester isn’t quite so crazy as far as time goes (barring my 14 hour clinic days twice a week) and I have more time to be around. But it’ll never be like it was the year and a half I was here when I didn’t have school.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that a part of me feels like I shouldn’t. A part of me feels like it’s all or nothing – I used to have the time to be SO active. I want to be a part of this community, make an impact, have an effect on other people’s characters and the stories they tell, the people they become. Matsu is sort of on the backburner if only because I’ve loved and written her for ages and I’m waiting for the right time to really swing back in, but I have other characters I want to get out there, to really shape in to something new. I have the will. I guess I just have to learn that less-than-800 word posts are acceptable, and I can juggle my hobbies and my schoolwork. I can still mean something here even I’m not cranking out marathon posts like a factory. I’ve been around the RP forum block, and there are few places that have the number of awesome, awesome people like this place does. I want to continue to be a part of it, not only because it helps me unwind and stop thinking about teeth for a while, but because I love, love, LOVE the friends I’ve made here.
I’ve had the most wild experience sharing Star Wars and my up’s and down’s with you weenies. Here’s to another year.
- Kaily