Reflection, Vision, Direction

Wisdom was never something that Balun Dashiell had claimed to harbour within. Integrity, certainly, but not the wisdom that was attributed to the many great Jedi Knights and Masters known far and wide across the Galaxy, whether present today or immortalised within the annals of archive legends after millennia of historical service.
It wasn't becoming a legend that mattered to Balun now, he had plenty financial equity and holonet presence simply by being a Dashiell, but it was living up to the role of a Jedi Knight and all that it encompassed, that Balun had been considering since Ala Quin had shocked him and Cerys Dyn by Knighting him on the eve of her disciplinary meeting.

Then pair them as Master and Apprentice.

Ala Quin was the Grandmaster of the Order; however, the Jedi were meant to adapt when the need arose. Balun had chosen to have faith in his Master and in the will of the Force, turning his attention and effort into forging ahead. Now, with his own authority of his Jedi Path and responsible for Cerys Dyn's continued training, he needed to determine what this new role looked like for him. Who was he as a Jedi Knight? What role did he play within the Order? What new path of learning would he choose to focus on in his advancement of training? How would he best be of service to the Jedi Council?

When the answer seemed distant, Balun had decided that it was best to look instead to the Force. He had always had a strong faith in the Light, yet meditation had never been a priority in his life.
Too much so a man of action, always on the move and busied by responsibilities, if not to the Jedi Order then to his other areas in life, such as Dashiell Retrofit™ or his son Kellan Dashiell, the latter taking priority above most else, although even in Balun's absence, the boy's father ensured Kellan was always catered for.

Today was one of those rare days where he had time to spare, and so for the fourth time this week, he had returned to the meditation chamber and was pleased to be greeted by the absence of others, entering and moving to seat himself upon a cushioned chair, crossing his legs beneath him and resting his hands in his lap. Once comfortable, he started his breathing exercises to calm and pace his mind: deeply inhale through the nose, pause, exhale through the mouth, pause, and repeat. Five long minutes would pass before the process was no longer a conscious effort and the thoughts of the day had faded, effectively clearing his mind and opening him to the Force's vocation.

Balun was immediately struck by a series of vivid, slow, visual memories, as though he were reliving every moment.

The first was of his youngest years with Falentra back in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, though she went by Nouqai Veil then, when she was still a Jedi. She and her Wookie Jedi Master had been preparing to leave Coruscant, and Nouqai had been excited about one of her trials, whereas Balun was still very much stuck in the mindset of wanting nothing to do with the Jedi out of a sense of rebellion against his estranged mother's decision to abandon him there.

Balun had pushed most people in the New Jedi Order away, refusing to let anyone get too close during his childhood, but somehow he and Nouqai had become friends and wound up being inseparable. At fifteen years old, Balun left the New Jedi Order, and Nouqai had incidentally "disappeared" around the same time. The truth later came out that she had defected to the Sith, and her Wookiee Master had claimed she had died due to the unbearable shame of it all.

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Looking back on things, nothing had ever been straightforward when it came to Nouqai Veil. This, of course, was only the very beginning, and Balun had pursued her friendship during her tenure with the Sith while he himself had assumed the mantle of a Rogue Jedi, training himself and letting his experiences shape him. He had been extremely foolish in the risks he had taken, particularly in the environments he had shared with Nouqai's Sith colleagues, who could have killed him at any point simply for sensing that he was a Lightsider.

It occurred to him now just how arrogant he had been in his feelings about the New Jedi Order and the Sith. He had hated the fact that the mere sight of the Sith seemed to incite the need for conflict, regardless of what the Sith was doing, whether or not they were committing an offence or not. Balun was younger then, and believed that Jedi should never start violence, simply ending it to bring peace, yet so many Jedi seemed so eager to fight and kill the Sith back in those days. By an extension or consequence of these feelings, when he had been with Nouqai walking among her Sith compatriots, he had actually felt it proved he was beyond that bloodlust ingrained in so many others.

Nothing is black and white; however, nothing is so simply defined as right or wrong without room for perspective. He still believed, of course, that a Jedi shouldn't raise their weapon needlessly, but he also knew how things had ended between himself and Nouqai Veil. Their fight, in which he had let her retreat within an inch of taking her life after she had ambushed him and attempted to steal their Son away from him...He would not make the mistake of placing his trust in a member of the Sith Order again.

The second memory came as suddenly as the first and Balun immediately recognised the location as Celestia Station, his father's Space-Station and base of business operations. This was the memory of their first introduction, the day Balun learned that one of his biological parents was not only alive, but had only recently learned of their son's existance and sought them out. At the time, Balun had been fighting the Empire of the Lost on behalf of the Tingle Arm Coalition, as well as training under the wing of Julius Sedaire.

The invitation to meet with a potential fatherly figure who Balun had spent his life dreaming of having yet never finding within reach, it had seemed too good to be true and thus his pessimistic view of the Galaxy had figured it was more than likely an ambush or something of the sort. Much to his astonishment it hadn't been. @Judah Dashiell would indeed turn out to be his biological father and this day would be a turning point in Balun's life for the better. Whether his father knew it or not, Balun's life would gain stability through Judah's influence, as well as a desire to make his father proud of the man Balun was growing into.

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The Dashhells, deeply suspicious of Force Users and Balun being the sole one among them, still left something of a gap in understanding between them when it came to this part of Balun's life; he didn't otherwise know where he would be without them. Not just his father, but his brother Makai Dashiell and his family too.

They had given him a sense of identity and purpose when he had felt he hadn't known who he was without the New Jedi Order or the Tingle Arm Coalition, beyond War, which was no way at all for someone to live. They had taught him what it meant to be part of a true family, the good, the bad, and all things in between. No matter what came their way, they would always stand by one another.

The memory caused Balun to think of his mother, too, whom Balun had most recently met following his battle against the Sith Lord Darth Nefaron. Kristyl Arenais had met with his father while Balun had been in a bacta tank during his recovery. She had stayed on Naboo until he had regained consciousness, and much to the disapproval of the medical staff, the pair had engaged in a heated argument over his mother's decision to abandon Balun as an Infant; She not without her reasons, though not without carrying her own guilt for her actions over the years.

The memories ceased for the time being, leaving Balun adrift with his thoughts, his feelings, and, of course, the constant, calming presence of the Force flowing around him in strength. Physically, his eyes remained closed, yet here in such a depth of meditative trance, he experienced a state that could only be described as an out-of-body experience. Surrounded by the Cosmic Force, a front-row view of their Galaxy, the great and luminous swirling whirlpool looking thing holding countless billions of lives with all its stars birthing new systems, new planets capable of holding new lives, and of course, the Force interwoven throughout all of it.


The voice came suddenly from his side, Balun gasping as he could have sworn he had been alone. The meditation room had been empty, and he was in such a deep focus that surely the hallucinogenic effect would have fallen away immediately at the interruption of another.

"Don't panic, Balun, or we will lose this opportunity before us. I am of no harm, that I can assure you", the voice continued and started to become clearer as an apparition came into view from the darkness of Balun's peripheral vision. Gradually, he could make out details of the other human man, albeit much older than Balun was, with greying hair and a shaggy beard, tan and white robes that appeared to have been well-worn out over years of hard use.

"Who are you? How is it that you're here?" Balun asked simply, his question blunt, his mind somewhat slowed as though the trance was having an adverse effect on his ability to engage the other figure. Only recently had Balun been submerging himself in meditation to such depths, seeking direction as a newly knighted Jedi of the Order, and reflecting on his past mistakes and shortcomings to overcome them and grow from the times he had failed or fallen short. Never before had he felt as though his meditation had removed him from his present surroundings, let alone communicated with another who hadn't been directly beside him.

Perhaps they were one of the Masters higher up in the Temple somewhere?

The older man simply chuckled and replied, "I'm your Grandfather, of course. Though your Mother would have called me less pleasant names, I'm sure." He smirked as he glanced towards the slowly turning spiral, the beautiful impression of the Galaxy ahead of them both.

"Caedyn Arenais..." Balun murmured to himself, his brows furrowing in confusion, "But I read the reports, they indicated..." His words faded as he realised both what he was about to say and what this all meant for him and the one he was speaking with.

"Indeed. I passed away in my sleep. One should hope that all Jedi are privileged to transcend into the Force in such a peaceful manner," Caedyn offered the younger Jedi a knowing grin. "I cannot say that I miss the consistent unknowing of the corporeal plane, but you have much to see and experience yet. We have a great deal to discuss and only a short amount of time before your meditation is disturbed by your new Padawan...So, let's get started, shall we?"

"You know about Cerys?" Balun asked abruptly, suddenly getting the feeling that Caedyn Arenais knew a great deal more about Balun than he did about his Grandfather.

"Stars, is that really going to be your first question?"