Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Letters to the past. (#6)

Hey Caltin,

If you are reading this, you have seen that young Rodian girl run across the street terrified at the sight of you. Right now you are feeling like your life is a mess, and is essentially over. You are feeling like a failure especially since you almost broke your promise that you made to your father. Right now everything you have done, all those sentients you thought you helped, all of it was for naught, right?


I’m not going to tell you what will happen, but I want you to know that you will be fine. You just have to have faith in yourself. You’re not fine, you have some work to do, but you will be okay. You have the instincts, you have the conscience, and you have the ethics to be the person your mom and dad always thought you to be, even now. Just remember what your dad told you to always do, do the right thing. You’ll come to it.


Padawan Vanagor,

See, I told you that you were going to be fine, it just takes a little patience and being able to stop and think rationally. You were always capable but just had a little slip-up. If you are reading this, you are hearing that your Master had taken yet another Padawan and was already teaching them, and not you. You are feeling abandoned right now, I know, it sucks, but I’m telling you that you are going to be okay. It does not seem that way right now. I am telling you not to give up, I am telling you to go out and meet others, meet Jedi Knights, Masters, talk to them. The Jedi are willing to help each other and they will be helping you out as well, you just have to get over your shyness and put yourself out there. Ask.

If you do that, you will be able to learn a lot of different skills and abilities with a lot of different perspectives. This is going to be the best thing for you because I will tell you now, you are not suited as the investigator you think you will be. Oh, you can do it, do not get me wrong, but you need to open your mind because you will have your own Padawans one day and they will want to learn different things from you. Yes, if you do what I am telling you (which I know you will as you already are) and open your mind to different things, you will be Knighted. You have to do it though, have faith, my friend.


Jedi Knight Vanagor,

See? I told you that you would be Knighted. Have a little faith. I’m opening this letter to you because by now you are realizing that Ala had disappeared without a trace, you are probably thinking that she was taken, and you would be right, she was. Right now you are revisiting an old friend, that feeling of failure because you think you broke your promise to her. Well, you did not. If you “always protected” her then she would have never been Knighted. Your Padawans, if you had been overprotective of them they would have never gotten the confidence to grow and do more among the Order, same principle. Ala knew the risks and would tell you the same thing.

This does not mean she does not need your help, your her “big brother” and she is counting on you. You’re doing the right thing and keeping her sabers close to you, do not even turn them over to the Council. You’re going to find her, and you’re going to bring her back to the Jedi. It’s going to be more than difficult and it will test your patients, your heart, your very being, but you’re going to do it. You’re not the failure you think you are, you’re going to be one of the three Jedi who is not convinced she is gone. That will pay dividends, just have faith and knuckle up. I know you can do it, and more importantly, I know you will.


Master Vanagor,

Feels good, doesn’t it? To realize all of the hard work, all of the pain, the heartache, it all came to this. You’ve grown so much as a person at this point, you are finally starting to realize that it is not your actions that make a difference to those around you, it’s you that makes the difference. You may not be the first sentient people think of when others are asked to name a Jedi, but you are one of the most important, and you’re right to think that this is all that really matters. It just takes time, patience, and realizing that “we are who we are… even if we sometimes forget.” Remember when Master Kenobi told you that? You wondered what it meant? Funny day, yeah, I know. You even found Ala, remember that day? She didn’t recognize you at first, but over time you two became close again.

Of course, if you’re reading this, you’re about twenty meters from slamming into the ice on Rhen Var. You were outnumbered, ambushed and your ship is going down. I’m about to tell you something. It’s not going to end here. You’re going to survive, you’re going to be fine. In fact, you’re going to grow even more. No, you’re not going to become one with the Force, or even become a ghost. You’re going to survive, you’re going to be okay. I know you’re not feeling like a failure anymore, but you need to be stubborn more than ever now. You’re going to get through this, and while you may not be known as much as you used to be across the galaxy, you can re-create yourself all over again. Now buckle up, that first hit on the ice hurts like (censored), yes, I even censor my language to you.

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Caltin Vanagor
I write for me. If you like what I do? GREAT!


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