Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Letters to the past. (#3)

Hey Dad,

I know you’re watching over me, always did. What was it you once said to Tyria and me? “Those who pass on never leave us, those reminders of them, the memories. That is them saying ‘hello’.”? You’ve been saying ‘hello’ to me a lot lately. Every time I talk to someone, it’s your voice. It’s so weird, me saying that, I mean I was taken from you and mom from the apartment on Coruscant when I was five, but I remember so much of the two of you. Even the ten minutes we found each other on Tatooine that little bit had such an effect on me. Heh, I guess it’s just in my blood, you know?

I want you to know, if what they said about the two of you what they said you did if that was true. I forgive you for it. I don’t believe that it is, because I had seen what had happened to the company when they nationalized it, and the galaxy as a whole after. I just want you to know either way that I love both of you regardless of what did or might have happened. I still remember what you said to me, that day when they separated us. I was crying my eyes out, begging to go with you. You asked if you could talk to me, begged the Stormtroopers, and that one with the orange shoulder pad, he nodded. You squatted and put your hands on my shoulders. You wiped my eyes and tried not to cry yourself. You told me to be brave, be strong, and made me promise you something.

“Always do the right thing.”

Well, Dad, I’ll tell you. That affected me in ways that would surprise you. You know that I’m a Jedi, you saw it on Tatooine. I’m a Jedi Master, Dad. I’ve had over thirty Padawans, made some great friends too. I’ve done a lot of good in the galaxy too, at least I hope I did. I made mistakes, a lot of them, but I own each and every one. I’ve gained respect, lost it, but I always tried to inscribe that in my students, and to those around me. I thank you for that. It hasn’t been an easy life Dad, but I can sleep every night, and I can look at myself in the mirror every day and like what I see. Even on my worst day, ironically on Tatooine, but not the day you, mom, and I were separated for a second time, I liked what I saw.

What happened on Tatooine? Well, there was this little Rodian girl, sweet as sugar, she always smiled and waved to me, and I would smile and wave back. I was in a bad way at the time, was doing things, the right things, but things I was not proud of. I was standing up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. What is the word, “vigilante”? Anyway, one of the people I met on that planet, he was a moisture farmer, taught me how to be one. Dad, the man gave me hope that I could be better, that I didn’t have to go down the road I was on. The Hutts killed him viciously. I wanted to kill them all in the worst way possible, and dad, I didn’t care if I went with them. Dad, I saw her on the way there. I was in the worst mood, the worst way and I was still ready to smile and wave. I saw her, she didn’t smile. She was terrified looking at me, she was so scared that she ran across the street and hid behind strangers just to get away from me. That very moment saved my life. I remembered what you made me promise, and I took off. I was a broken kid, and I needed to heal, to be fixed, and I knew the Jedi could help me. I wasn’t going to law enforcement, I wasn’t going anywhere but the Jedi, they wouldn’t judge just help. After that, I just ran with the ball that they gave me, Dad. I was in the Jedi Order and would eventually be Master, it still amazes me, ME a Jedi Master. It was hard, but it was really what I was meant to do. I’m not a nice guy, but I’m a good guy. It’s because of the Jedi…

… because of you.

Tyria, she was okay too, we found each other, she married a military man. Ever hear of the Angellus family? Yeah, she married one of them, he was a great guy, strong-willed, tough as durasteel but a great guy that was more protective of her than I was, her and Aly. Aly is Alyscia, she was my daughter, my pride and joy, Tyria and Arestul had twins, Kameron (after his dad Kam) and Kayla(after mom). Your grandkids, they were all amazing, and all were Force Sensitive, Alyscia was so much like mom. She was thoughtful, caring, and had the biggest heart, but still, like me, was strong and confident in who she was. You would have been proud of her as a person, let alone your oldest granddaughter. When I disappeared, she was in college on Corellia, studying government. Kameron and Kayla? They both took to their sensitivity to the Force, Kameron was a pilot and Kayla was learning to be a healer.

Wondering why I’m writing in the past tense?

I’m writing to you eight hundred fifty years in the future because I want you to know that I’m okay. I was frozen in ice, and rescued by Jedi of all people. I’m here in the future, trying to find my place in a time that passed me by, and offer a point of view that was long forgotten but still seems a bit viable. I don’t know, I’m not trying to change things, but acclimate, and keep doing things the only way I know-how. I’m still doing the right thing though, always will. I’m okay. I am, and maybe the more I say that the more each day I repeat it, I might just believe it. I just want you to be proud of me, you, and mom. Of course, I know you’re going to say you are, but I just want you to be proud of the fact that I have been keeping my promise, and always will.

Well, I guess I had better end this, for now. I’m going to write again. I’ve written to Aly, and Alia(I'll tell you about her another time) and now you, it’s helping me come to terms with having to reconcile what happened and move on. I’m more than able to be that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all-around good guy, but I need to be able to be alone once in a while without thinking of anything but the past. I hope you understand.

Hopefully, I will someday.

You made me the man I am today when I was five years old, and for that, I will always be grateful.

Love Always and Forever,
Caltin Anselmo Vanagor

P.S. No one knows my middle name, so if you wouldn’t mind not spreading it around, I’d appreciate it. (I don’t know why I wrote this, it’s not like you could, haha)
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Caltin Vanagor
I write for me. If you like what I do? GREAT!


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