Jory's out, mate. I'm sorry, I'll stop there....

Wait, I'm fairly certain that's the opposite of how this letter's supposed to go. I mean, what good is a letter if you stop after the first line following a painful pun? It's not even a letter at that point. More of a comment, but this isn't the holonet.

This don't work like that.

But in all seriousness, I hope this letter doesn't find you dead. Or shot. Or chained to your bulkhead by a jealous wife.

How is the little one, anyway? I always wondered if you'd tell her she was the outcome of a settled score.

Moving on. I do have a serious question for you. Or rather, a question that's more a request for insight.

For you see, there's this girl.

Yes, yes, I have a lot of those.

But this is one is different. And by different I mean we're probably the equivalent of an emotional solar flare.

In one day, we broke a chair, two vases and lamp, a window and a thick scentwood desk. I'm also fairly certain there was a bookshelf rearranged or two. There was a moment of brief embrace in between two bouts of fighting - the first verbal, the second physical and verbal.

After the latter she managed to pass out on my chest while I lay on her floor having almost been kneed in the groin by a very raging woman. I'll be karked if my throat didn't hurt either. She's a lot stronger than she looks.

What even is this?

It's certainly not healthy.

I swear if you say 'addiction' you're going to have another baby.

Speaking of, how is your wife? I haven't heard news of either of you in some time and we both know I'm terrible at keeping up with old friends except when I need to talk to someone about something. Then again, the galaxy is large and we move in separate circles.

Excuses, really, and admittedly I do feel fairly bad about being so distant. Perhaps we should fix that sometime while we repair a desk. Or maybe I should just order a new one.

I apologize for being so... train of thought with this, but it's how I write. I hope you understand, although I can't say I'm familiar with your preferred style of seeing the written word.

Hopefully you remember the days we used to use these sorts of letters as a means of avoiding the Imps, but those were simpler times, I think.