The following was sent via hacking major holonet sites in areas where Ashlan Crusaders are known to operate:

(Camera focuses on The Black Knight in full armor, reclining in a leather chair)

"Well. A whole bunch of little Sith Birdies told me the Sons of Ession are just squirming for a battle with Sith. I have heard of you. If only your zeal could be turned to The Bryn'adul, who have inflicted what you have suffered on billions of others. But no, you just have to get your Sith. It's exactly why I turned completely against the Jedi and their allies. The most skewed priorities in the whole Galaxy..."

(Camera cuts away to a Model 1 loading a pump action shotgun)

"I don't actually like killing Light Adepts. It's a rotten business. But violence is the only thing they will listen to... especially on this matter of refusing to focus on The Bryn'adul. I didn't see any of you at Sarka. Or Sev Tok. It would have been interesting to see if your vaunted reputation was all its made out to be there. But I hear you're often too busy lining up Dark Adepts against walls to shoot them. I used to kill them a lot myself. Then I stopped seeing the point after Nar Kreeta. How none of you seem to want to face the truth about how massively a threat the Bryn'adul are even after The SJC's humiliating routing at Sarka baffles me." The Black Knight said to the camera with folded hands on her lap.

(Camera cuts away to a Nuetralizer Model 1 lining up a few kidnapped Sons of Ession against a wall. Camera focuses on one of the Son's, and a flashing sign that says in big, red letters, "NOT AN ACTOR!!!" appear over his bruised, injured face.)

"Now, I'll be the first to admit that the Sith pretty much destroyed my early life. Hell, choosing to side with them rather than that fool Ryv burned what little cred I had earned in prior actions. I don't regret my choices there: The Jedi are addicted to fighting the Sith. You have to be literally forced away from them to do your jobs. Your real jobs. Against the Bryn'adul. Who you refuse to face except when left with no other choice. That offensive the SJC are mounting against Nar Kreeta as I speak? They should have been showing that sort of gumption months back. It's what happens when you let fools run your war effort."

(Loud shotgun sound rings out on set, followed by the thud of a body off camera.)

"I can"

(Another shotgun sound rings out, followed by another thud.)

"Maybe even a little rough..."

(Multiple shotgun sounds)

"But one thing I am a coward!" Xiphos emphasized jovially. "And to prove it, I'm gonna throw a huuuuuge party with my Sons who are, as we speak, are bringing lots of party favors to Galidraan for the celebration."

(Camera cuts away to a small army of Model 1's and 2's wearing Top Hats and Tuxedos with dress canes--and hefting shoulder mounted chain guns)

"Some of you might call me a psycho. It's ok, I get that a lot. But I'm not the one trying to put whole populations to the sword just for existing. I just want to force the Jedi Order to focus on the real threat. Even if I gotta wax a few of the more stubborn sorts in that crusade. The Bryn'adul have killed more of you than I ever could. Hell, they're arguably much better at it than I am..." Xiphos remarked in a faux amicable manner.

(Camera cuts away to a tied up, beaten Jedi wearing a clown nose, a Model 1 leering over him and remarking, "He don't look too happy! He's been using brand xxxxxxxxxxxxssssss...")

"But let me tell you about the real problem this Galaxy is facing. People like Ryv are bad enough, leading young Jedi to die senselessly, and happily killing even defenseless youngling as the Spy Nimdok Nimdok reported. By the way, as long as I got the air time, I should warn you, Nimmy, I've assigned a team of my son's to hunt you: You'll be seeing them a lot in your future. Just a heads up!" Xiphos chuckled before getting back on subject.

"Anyway, back on track. People like Ryv are bad enough. But it's the ones who trained them to think so narrowly that are the real problem. Like Ryv's teacher, Cedric Grayson . That's right, Cedric. I'm talking to you. You're the one who planted that foolish zealotry in his head, and you, in a curious way, played a hand in my own fate...if he and his gaggle of fething children hadn't screamed to the high heavens against the Elder Compact, Coren Starchaser might have actually proved he was still worthy of leadership that day. Instead, he refused to acknowledge the necessity of all the major factions momentarily forgetting they completely hate each other and folded faster than a restaurant that got an F in the cleanliness rating."

(Camera cuts away to a Model 1 in a chefs hat tossing Pizza Dough into the air. A Model 2 hesitantly inches into the edges of the Cameras peripheral holding up a sign that says "We brought Soda too!")

"You filled his head with that foolish zeal. You are therefore, guilty by being the catalyst to an event that has made my job much more complicated than it needed to be. And I take umbrage to that good sir. Umbrage!" Xiphos huffed in a deliberately overblown and obnoxious manner.

(Camera cuts away to a Model 2 next to a holoprojection of Cedric with a sign that reads "I'm with stupid." A little arrow on the sign is pointed at Cedric's projection.)

Xiphos then removed her helmet, revealing her mutated bronze and green organic eye and her gray cybernetic one. Some of her veins were visible on a quite pale face, a curious Electric Green tint to them.

"I do not fear you. I do not fear the Sons of Ession. They say they are the best? Let them prove it against the sons of Darth Xiphos...that would be me by the way. Come on, Cedric! Bring you and your boys to Galidraan. Come on down for the big..."

Xiphos made a gesture like she was revving a speeder bike.

"Dooku-roo..." Xiphos continued, grinning like a savage. "As you can see, I have taken off my mask. Let's see...if you can take off yours..."

The transmission ended with a freeze frame close up of her grinning face.

After the transmission was ended, Xiphos looked at Maple Harte, who had been filming the whole thing.

"How'd I do?" Xiphos asked her.

"Jack Nicholson called..." Maple said slowly, her illness flaring up to make an OOC reference. "He wants his fething everything back..."