Now...
The investigation took time to get results. The Marshals, though skilled in their work, struggled to pinpoint the location of the TRAA network. It was streamed through a half-dozen shell sites and the HoloNet itself was always difficult to crack. But time and hard work was what made a Marshal, right?
Nonetheless she was informed of the location by Bernard of Arca not long after the makers of TRAA had attempted to break into the Senate's security systems. Presumably they'd been trying to access more information about her -- unless, of course, it was some attempt to break into actually important information. She'd probably never know. Adrian Vandiir was an odd man, even dead.
The site itself was a testament to the magic of the HoloNet. With a connection, anyone could send anything anywhere. Technological advancements brought wonders beyond counting even to the lowest levels of society.
Literally. It'd taken her about two hours for the little speeder to reach the right level of Coruscant's Undercity. It was a good way to check her privilege, of course, but it was also a reminder that she very much appreciated the cleanliness of the Jedi Temple and Senate Building. Part of her wanted to spend a few weeks with a hovertruck full of wet wipes down in the Undercity.
Maybe, when...
She shook the thought out of her head.
The speeder set down on the street outside the building where the makers of TRAA were supposedly holed up. A bottom section of three stories, all from duracrete. The few windows on the front were dark. Graffiti and other undefined substances stained the walls. The usual 'random building you urinate in the alley of after a night at the cantina' vibe. She got out; the Senate Guard did too, but she gave him a wave to stay. As disguised as he was in his 'casual clothes', the six-foot-three chiseled-jaw soldier would stand out just a little bit.
"Wait here, I'll be back in a few-"
He started to protest.
"Don't forget, I'm a Jedi, too. I'll be fine. Just, ah, stay there; you've got my ride." She walked -- looking both ways before she crossed the street -- over to the building, slipping into the side-alley where the entrance was. As expected, it smelled of urine.
The door was the kind that would take a normal Jedi a quick stroke of the saber to get past. Auteme, of course, didn't like property damage. And didn't have a saber.
Instead she looked to the keycode lock to the left. Deep breath in, and out. She closed her eyes, just to be that bit more impartial. Not that she didn't care, but she just wasn't too bothered about the results.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The door slid open. She kept herself immersed, letting the Force guide her inside. What was the worst that could happen?
Before her eyes could adjust to the darkness, some purple light flared up, and she saw-
"AUTEME DENKO-DURREN. HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?"
That was one big brain. Its vocabulator flashed with each robotic word.
It was probably the Suerton probability manipulation or the Force (or maybe some residual desire to avoid being rescued by the chad senate guard outside) but she didn't miss a beat in her response. "Maybe I just wanted to see my biggest fans."
The giant brain seemed to fluctuate. She wondered if that was what thought looked like. "THIS IS HIGHLY ILLOGICAL," it stated. "OUR DATA SUGGESTS YOU WOULD HAVE GONE TO THE AUTHORITIES FIRST. MASTER VANDIIR'S ACCOUNT STATED THAT YOU WERE HIGHLY ETHICAL AND LAWFUL, AS WELL AS EXTRAORDINARILY FLAWED DUE TO BOTH OF THOSE TRAITS."
She glanced around the room. Yes, their data -- the shapes of a dozen more awfully large brains were spread about the area; only the first's glow showed anything.
A terrible, horrible, no-good idea was forming in her mind. Vandiir's account was a little off.
Her posture changed; she put her hands on her hips and did her best exasperated expression. "Are you really so dull?"
She imagined that if the brain could emote, it would look confused. "Seriously. It's me. I'm right here. Do you really think the actual 'Auteme' would know about this place and not fill it with marshals? They'd probably end up killing you all."
"I AM CONFUSED. PLEASE REITERATE YOUR STATEMENT."
"Ugh. I'm Adrian Vandiir. Remember? Your master?"
"YOU LIE. ADRIAN VANDIIR PERISHED ON DANTOOINE."
"Are you kidding me? Me, literally the smartest person in the galaxy, killed in some cave on some nowhere farmworld? I mutated you to be smart, but clearly I need to make more modifications." The big brain rippled with concentration; Auteme filled the silence. Even a brief interaction with the Dark Councilor of Progress told her that he'd liked to talk a lot. "Come on. That girl was as stupid as the rest and far too dull to be seduced."
Flash of insight. "And seriously -- do you know me to make a show about anyone other than myself?"
She gave the brain a little time to think, but after a few moments it seemed that it had made up its mind. "THIS IS IN ACCORDANCE WITH ADRIAN VANDIIR'S ACTIONS. BUT IF THIS IS TRUE, HOW DID YOU SURVIVE DANTOOINE, AND TAKE OVER AUTEME DENKO-DURREN'S BODY?"
"Easy. I mean, my spirit can do what it likes, so I came here after a while. Gave the girl a moral quandary, and while she was distracted I took over her body. I like living too much to die. And, you know, I wanted to try it the other way around. Like that arc where Auteme takes an XY pill, you know?"
"YOU WATCH THE TOTALLY REAL ADVENTURES OF AUTEME?"
"Obviously. I mean, who doesn't?"
"OUR WATCH NUMBERS HAVE BEEN RISING SURPRISINGLY QUICKLY AS OF LATE. YOUR PUBLIC DENIAL OF RELATION TO THE SERIES HAS HAD A POSITIVE EFFECT."
Positive effect. She did her best to keep a straight face. Instead she got to internally cringe. "On that note, would you mind showing me that data?"
"NO."
Auteme paused, forcing down the worry in her stomach.
"WE STILL HAVE NOT TRULY CONFIRMED YOUR IDENTITY. PLEASE STATE THE VERBAL PASSCODE."
The words were falling from her mouth before she knew what was happening. "Azure felicitations to the highest dowager of the periwinkle waterfall."
She winced, expecting some rebuff by the big brain. What happened next was worse.
"...ACCEPTED. WELCOME, MASTER VANDIIR."
What an odd man. She breathed a sigh of relief; the Force had saved her again. A quiet message of thanks flitted from her mind to Jend-Ro Quill .
"IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE US TO CHANGE ABOUT THE PRODUCTION-"
"Yes! Yes. Yes. Ahem." She cleared her throat. "From now on, um... no more invading my personal space, or stealing my clothes. Take down those ads."
"VERY WELL." The closest brain to her left rippled.
"No more illegal things generally, like trying to break into Senate security. I- well, you know, I'm trying to... become Chancellor!" That sounded plausible, right? "Yes. And I wouldn't want something even unofficially associated with me to ruin my reputation. I've kept things, ah, quiet for now, but if it keeps happening something might leak to the press, and that'd hurt my image. And you know how much I love my image."
"YES."
She tapped her chin. "Um... make the show... better?"
"PARDON?"
"Like- well, you know. Make it look better. For me. And the Alliance. Not like, too over the top; keep the current... whatever it is. Just, no slander. Also, no more A- erm, old me. Old Adrian. None of him in the episodes. He's old news." Even just at that, she felt bad speaking ill of a dead man.
The brain looked disappointed. "VERY WELL."
"And send every episode to me for approval, before it's released. AND send me all your data about the site's statistics. And..."
"YES?"
"...would you mind telling me who the voice actor for Ryv is?"
"RYV KARIS, A CHARACTER IN THE TOTALLY REAL ADVENTURES OF AUTEME, IS VOICED BY RYV KARIS."
"Force. Alright. Great. I think you already know my contact information. Just, ah, send the stuff. To my Jedi address."
"YOU WILL NO LONGER BE USING YOUR CREDENTIALS UNDER THE SITH EMPIRE?"
"Oh, no, I- actually, if you could... send me those. And all the financial records, and information, for the funding here. Forgot a bit, after the, you know, whole body transfer thing. Anyways. All that. Yes, just to the Jedi thing." There was a long pause.
"VERY WELL."
"Thanks- uh, well, keep doing whatever it is you're doing," she said, having no idea how Adrian actually acted. "Probably won't come here again. Yep. See ya."
"GOODBYE, MASTER VANDIIR."
Auteme turned and walked back to the exit. She could feel the brain's nonexistent eyes follow her all the way there; it was a relief to be out in the urine-smelling alley again.
The main character of TRAA made her way back to the speeder, wondering in terror at what might be found in her inbox when she got back.
