Last Time...
Now...
Weekly release.
Auteme still had no idea whether or not she was excited for it, but there she was, sitting in her room at her desk, watching the theme of the Totally Real Adventures of Auteme on Primeday. It was startling how close to the upload time she was watching it.
Perhaps it was some vain remnant in her subconscious. A desire to be seen, admired, even just paid attention to, no matter how odd the presentation. Perhaps Adrian Vandiir's ghost was possessing her and felt the need to have a daily amount of ego stroking. She didn't know. Nonetheless, she sat and watched the flashing colors and exaggerated art style (she was portrayed rather disproportionately, and the creators obviously had only seen what she wore to Senate meetings).
The current arc was an odd one, though somewhat familiar to fans of the series. The (entirely fictional) TRAA Auteme in the show was facing off against her evil clone (or evil twin, it varied from arc to arc) Euteme. Real Auteme had to admit, it had a better ring to it than Buteme (there was an episode earlier in the season dedicated to twenty-five clones of Auteme, their names changed by a single letter; Puteme was her favorite). Euteme had taken control of the galaxy and given a vast array of superweapons to each planet, who now fought in a galactic battle royale for no reason whatsoever. The logistics of acquiring that kind of technology and replicating it for widespread use boggled the mind. The real Auteme wished that they'd explained it in the show.
TRAA Ryv, sad that TRAA Auteme had rejected him for her secret lover, had joined forces with Euteme, and proved entirely useless, as Euteme was infinitely more powerful. Still, she kept him around as a pet.
Curiously, the voice actor for TRAA Ryv sounded suspiciously close to the real one. Each of the character's voices changed from season to season. Real Auteme wasn't sure if they were always hiring new voice actors, but she'd initially assumed that they were simulating the voice. It was the dialogue that tipped her off -- most of the time, TRAA Ryv spoke in an almost stunted manner (like most of the characters) but the new voice actor seemed to have his very same vocal quirks. Real Auteme had texted real Ryv about it the other day; he'd dodged the question.
The episode itself... surprised her. Though anatomical textbooks were far more interesting, real Auteme had read her fair share of fiction. Last episode, TRAA Auteme had received her greatest defeat, wounded by Euteme. She'd retreated to Aargau, where a distressed TRAA Aerarii Tithe had tended to her injuries. Real Auteme wondered why TRAA Auteme didn't just heal herself. Real Auteme wondered about a lot of things about the show, and then wondered why she cared so much.
In any case, real Auteme assumed that this would be the lowest point and they'd spend the episode further developing the relationship and strengthening the resolve to defeat Euteme. Instead, TRAA Tithe's wound-tending miraculously restored TRAA Auteme, who hopped out of bed, went back to fight Euteme without any preparation whatsoever, beat her soundly without any explanation, and gave TRAA Ryv a pat on the head. The arc ended, and everyone ignored the number of planets that had been destroyed by the galactic fighting. They were apparently restored through Yuuzhan Vong technology.
Real Auteme exited full screen on the monitor and sat back in her chair. The end theme played. At least the animation was getting better, though she was pretty sure the next season would regress to one of the older styles.
She did a quick scroll through the comments; as usual, mostly simps, "Iconic", and conspiracy theories about the real Auteme being the Sith'ari. Given it'd been just released it was a surprise how long it took for her to get to the bottom -- but at the bottom there was a small ad.
"Help us make TRAA better."
Real Auteme clicked on the ad.
It sent her to a page. Right at the top, in big bold letters, it said:
WE ARE LOOKING TO IMPROVE AUTEME'S WARDROBE. IF YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF HER IN A NEW OUTFIT WE WILL SEND YOU ONE HUNDRED CREDITS. IF YOU HAVE AN ACTUAL ARTICLE OF AUTEME'S CLOTHING, WE WILL SEND YOU TEN THOUSAND CREDITS PER ARTICLE OF CLOTHING.
She blinked.
Someone opened real Auteme's door.
Real Auteme looked at her visitor.
Her visitor, a Rodian man, looked back. In his hand he held a holodevice; the very same bold letters plastered across its screen. The Rodian's jaw fell to the floor.
Real Auteme did not like this visitor.
Real Auteme screamed.
Real Auteme went on to knock this visitor out.
