Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved NPC Zane Gar

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Razz Michaels

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R
Name: Zane Gar
Rank: Bodyguard
Loyalties: Razz
Role: Bodyguard, and friend
Development Threads: none but will do if needed.
Age: 18 years old
Species: Human
Eyes: Green
Weight: 175 pounds
Height: Five foot ten
Skin: Caucasian
Force-Sensitive: Zane is not Force sensitive
Appearance:

Zane is lean for his age, being taught by Razz helped him gain muscle. His hair is shaved and brown, he has no facial hair, also he has no scars across his face.

Zane's Blue Jeans: http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v2/616278394_2/D8305-1pcs-lot-Light-blue-colors-men-jeans-man-s-best-jean-high-quality-button-fly.jpg

Zane's Vest: http://p.globalsources.com/IMAGES/PDT/B1042536953/Safety-Vest.jpg

Zane's Mask:
http://i1296.photobucket.com/albums/ag11/jesterprops/PAYDAY%20The%20Hesit/IMG_0094.jpg

Personality: Unlike Razz, Zane is a coward, he hates to fight, the only reason Razz keeps him around is to try to teach him to be brave.
Weapon of Choice:
Primary weapon: Combat Knife
Secondary: DLT-20A Longblaster

Wealth: Zane's wealth is at a minimal amount, he uses his Credits to help pay for supplies to help Razz on different expeditions.

Combat Function: Zane tries to stay away from combat, if he is ever forced to he will use his combat knife it is the only weapon he actually is good at using.

Strengths And Weaknesses:

+Very Trustworthy: Zane is very trustworthy unlike his bodyguard friend Raul.

+Excellent At Hand To Hand: Zane can take out one or two opposing fighters he is better then the normal eighteen year old.

-sucks at shooting: if ten bottles were lined up he would miss all of them.

-Coward: Zane hates fighting, even if he is Razz's Bodyguard.


Notable Possessions: Zane owns nothing other than what described above.

Other Notes:

Biography:

Zane born on Naboo was a boy who was very loved by his mother and father. They were both very successful people, they had good jobs, and a warm home.

Zane was never neglected by them, never beaten, and never yelled at. He was a good boy he liked the life that he was living day to day. There was no worries for him, Zane had friends, a loving home and no reason to be scared. One day, Zane and his parents were walking around the city Theed. There were big crowds, they were celebrating somthing Zane didn't understand. His parents were behind him and he simply wandered off out of his parents sight.

When he turned around he couldn't see his parents anywhere, he called out but there was no answer, the crowds were too big. He was sad and scared, he felt aloe for probably the first time in his life. A man found him the next day, this man was very shady he told him that his parents were at his ship.

When they got to the shady mans ship, Zane noticed it was empty. The man kidnapped him and sold him off to slavery, a few years after he was enslaved he was back on the market.

One day a man that went by the name of Razz Michaels, Razz seemed like a anti slavery man. He bought Zane out of kindness, the boy looked sad to Razz shortly after Razz bought Zane he felt as if ownership of another living being was wrong. Razz said he was free but Zane felt as if he did not have a home.

Zane wanted to pay back his debt to Razz, so he decided to be his bodygurd. Though he was a coward, Razz still accepted him as a friend, Zane felt happy again while working for Razz. Soon after Razz felt as if he needed to teach Zane some skill, Razz trained Zane in hand to hand combat to the best of his abilities. Now Zane works for Razz untill he can either find his parents or if he feels his debt to Razz is paid off.
 
[member="Razz Michaels"]

OK, some little things should be fixed.

First of all, the template. The fields should be bold, that's why they are bolded in the original template.
For example, the first line should look like that:
Name: Zane Gar

If you can't bold for any reason, please tell me.

Secondly, appearance is not only what a person wears, but how they look. Please add more to it.

Thirdly, is there any way you could write the biography better? At the moment it looks like it was written in a hurry. Sentences are a bit hurried together and it's a bit difficult to actually understand it. ;)
 

Razz Michaels

Guest
R
Ok hopefully that cleared up, as for the bold, I am on a tablet so I dont see the options for that. Sorry

[member="Maria Natalja"]
 
[member="Razz Michaels"]

Alright. I took the liberty to bold some parts of it. If you have anything against it, please PM me. The appearance section is looking better now and biography is awesome, even though it's not actually what I asked for.

Approved by me, pending secondary. :)
 
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