Feedback Would You Kindly Critique Me

[AMCO]

I've been here for three years and never done one of these, so I figured I'd throw one out as my 700th post on this character.

Feel free to give me your opinions about practically anything - my characters (though other than Erkhin Trivohld, Adrian is the only one with more than a hundred posts), my writing style, my submissions, hell, even my fething personality. Trust me, I can take it.

Anyway, you know how this goes and I know how this goes, so 'nuff said.

 

[Irveric Tavlar]

Even though we've barely been able to write in depth together I will say THE Adrian Vandiir is easily one of the more entertaining Sith characters on the site to read and its gonna be a hell of a transition to see him now filling the IMMENSE shoes left by Kascalion Giedfield on the Dark Council but I can't wait to see it all play out. Very cool to see a character fully progress from Acolyte to the Dark Council itself. And a Sith who does absolutely everything in his power to avoid personal combat in favor of sicking Sithspawn and powerful alchemy on his opponents is a hell of an entertaining change on the formula.

Aside from Adrian what you've told me about Erakhis ; the homeworld of Eocin Chiyat is also a super fascinating piece of world building and some of the best that I've seen uniquely sculpted on Chaos from no pre-existing canon world or culture so huge praise for that. (We'll get over there don't you worry)

Characters aside, you have one of the best attitudes OOCly when it comes to approaching collaborative writing. If more people approached it the same way Chaos would be far more entertaining than it already is.

All in all, keep up the good work.

 

[The Fool]

You are a fantastic writer, man. I won't delve much more than that into that. No need to.

Adrian is the only character (from your characters) I have interacted with, written stories with, seen his stories more often and I can say he's definitely an incredibly third-dimension character. Something that is incredibly challenging to pull when it comes to Force Users as most end up being very 2D. You have managed to create, first and foremost, a human (sentient) with his earthly emotions, earthly ambitions, earthly quirks and suddenly blessed him with the supernatural powers. You progressed your character super naturally and super patiently; never rushed for MOAR POWERS MASTER RANK BLING and that shows.

Congratulations on that, man, it's a hard thing to pull and even harder to maintain for three years.

My only advice is that whenever you reach the goal/aim you have set for Adrian then seek a new character rather than become stale. A story is created with a goal, when the goal is complete - the story is over. On to the next book.

AMCO

 

[Dorian Sicarrio]

I haven't read a ton of your writing, but I did have a ton of fun writing with you during the tournament -- lots of fun kicking your butt

As Irveric said, you are OOCly amazing to collaborate with and just fun to interact with. IC, I really love the personality, quirks, and flaws that Adrian has; again as has been already said, a Sith that avoids direct combat and focuses on chucking minions at his enemies until they die is a really fun take on the Sith and has a nice contrast with his showy and confident personality. Getting into his head during our fight was really great as it showed how he's always thinking, and that while he might be on the back foot in personal combat he doesn't just give up and tries to work around his flaws. The minimal edginess lets Adrian be a fun character compared to most spooky scary dark lords, but his power and cunning keep him from being too comical. The ambition he has makes him a very good Sith and helps paint his motivations in every thread.

Your writing style is very simple, and I'd never call it pretty, but I think the personality of the character is shown very well when you write. I particularly like that you tend to focus on the surprise of your writing partner doing something unexpected -- I'm very bad at this. When Adrian is sure of himself and is subsequently proven wrong, it shows both personality and how far the character still needs to and still can go.

Something you might want to think about (linked to what Roman said above) -- how do you want Adrian's story to end? Usually character arcs move off of the want/need dichotomy; e.g. Dorian wants to be famous, have absolute freedom, and never have to look back, but he needs to face the past and learn that there's more to life than dueling and doing whatever. What does Adrian want, and what does he need? Will he become worse as a person as time goes on, or will he become better? What state will he be in at the end of his story?

AMCO

 

[Jacen Nimdok]

AMCO

Everyone else has pretty well summed up how great your writing is and how much fun Adrian is to write with, so I'm not going to blow more smoke up your ass. I will say this, though.

What the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you writing novels or screenplays and making money off of this mad talent and skill you've got? I mean, we all love RPing with you, but c'mon - you can go further than this. You could be a contender - you could be somebody!

And if you already are, awesome!

 

[Farah]

Medical science is best science.

It's been ages since we've written together, which is my fault for not writing. I always enjoyed interacting with Adrian IC, and you're a good dude OOC. I wish I had more to say about the character since I only wrote with you when he was just starting out, but I am very glad to see that he persisted! Good job, nerd.

 

[Zara Tate]

Did one thread with Adrian. He was classy. +1 rep.

You good.