When 820 years old you reach...

[Ben Corscifine]

Quinn moved closer. Every time Ben looked at her he was reminded of Ilum, and how she had helped him to calm his mind when they were physically injured and faced psychological trials within the Crystal Caverns. They made a good team, Ben and Quinn. Quinn was strong with the Force, Ben was strong with a lightsaber. They could do some damage together. Ben felt stronger when he was with Quinn.

And she was so lovely, even this close. Especially, Ben dared to say.

"It can't be right, can it? We feel the same way, I think. That's alright, it's natural, but we have to be responsible about what we do next."

[member="Quinncolson"]

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

"I think we should let the force guide our decision from here." She said as she stared into his beautiful brown eyes she knew what she wanted was against the code but she didn't care.

[member="Ben Corscifine"]

 

[Ben Corscifine]

That was the problem, Ben had not yet decided what the best course of action was, based on their commitments to the Force. He wanted to be able to make a quick decision, to know what was right. Often there was a disparity between what a man wanted and what he needed.

Ben certainly knew what he wanted.

"Quinn, I'm concerned that our personal feelings will cloud our judgment of the Force, both in this decision and in decisions down the line." Ben was trying his best to sound like a more responsible, level-headed Padawan. He was searching for the right thing to say. The problem was that he wasn't sure how much he truly meant what he said. Maybe that was his true failing.

[member="Quinncolson"]

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

Quinn looked at the ground and then said "I think the force will do what it wants no matter our commitment."

[member="Ben Corscifine"]

 

[Ben Corscifine]

Quinn's eyes fell to the ground, and that was it. He had hurt her. The pretenses all fell away immediately, Ben was not strong enough to keep playing the responsible padawan. That was the strength and role of someone else within the Order, not Ben. Ben was passionate and reckless, and Quinn was not making it easy for him.

"Hey, hey, hey," Ben began in a soft, soothing voice, just like on Ilum when he coached Quinn through her injury and helped calm her as they limped to safety, "don't you cry on me now. I'm not going anywhere. I just think we should spend some time apart, maybe. Figure this out. Maybe we should consult our masters. Maybe they could help guide us."

Ben had known since he first met this girl on Ilum that she was going to be the best kind of trouble, but it wasn't just that Quinn was beautiful. In a lot of ways she represented the things Ben wanted to improve in himself: Quinn wasn't afraid of vulnerability or of trusting the Force, she wasn't bothered by the fact that she was small, she lived with her past traumas like a badge of courage instead of a mark of shame. Maybe his desire for her was just further self-aggrandizement.

But, boy, did he have desire for her.

[member="Quinncolson"]

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

Quinn moves in quickly and hugs Ben.

[member="Ben Corscifine"]

 

[Ben Corscifine]

Ben held Quinn close and gently ran his hand up and down her back. He could feel her hear beating against his chest and her weight giving over to him ever so slightly. For all of his racing thoughts, this moment was simple enough. He let it wash over him, and there was peace. Maybe this issue would never be resolved. Maybe it was one of those things that one had to accept as a reality of his or her life experience. In this moment, that was the most satisfying answer to the great conundrum. Ben was happy with it.

Then, the moment ended.

Ben looked up to see if anyone had seen the display of affection. Luckily, it was growing dark and there was no one around. Ben released Quinn slowly, and looked at her with an air of complete seriousness. There was gravity in his voice. He wasn't sure he liked it.

"That has to be it, Quinn. As long as we're here, we have responsibilities and oaths. We have to be strong for each other."

[member="Quinncolson"]

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

"I understand but how are we going to do that?" She didn't want the hug to end with him running his hand up and down her back and her breathing into his chest she could feel his heart beating and him breathing. But it did and she would have to accept it for now.

[member="Ben Corscifine"]

 

[Ben Corscifine]

Ben smiled, having no idea how to respond. The reality was that he didn't know what the two ought to do about the situation. Ben was young, he hadn't had this sort of temptation so present in his day-to-day affairs before. Certainly, he was a young man quick to rationalize vices when it suited his own desires, but he was desperately trying to fight his nature here. The sun was gone, and Lothal was still and quiet. There wasn't another Jedi to be seen. Before long, someone would take notice of their absence--maybe they would assume the pair had fallen off another cliff!

"Well, for now we could go down and finish your tour of the inside of the Temple," Ben suggested, warm and innocent. He had to diffuse this situation somehow.

Still, there was a lot of guilt in him--an emotion which surely had no place in the heart of a Jedi. He did not want to hurt Quinn, but it was clear that she would rather test the odds and pursue something between the pair of them than adhere to their pledge of celibacy and personal isolation. Ben could feel the color rising in his face, despite the fact that he was trying to keep it together for the both of them.

Anyway, this did not have to be the last conversation the two had on the subject. There was always time to meditate on the situation--although Ben worried where his capricious mind would wander if he thought too long on his desire for Quinn.

"The only right decision for now is not to be hasty."

Although haste was all Ben wanted. Haste into the night and away from the Order. Haste in forgetting responsibilities and obligations.

But this was a new Ben Corscifine. This Ben Corscifine wanted to be a Jedi Knight, like his masters in the Council, more than anything. He needed to keep his focus on his larger goals. He could always have love for Quinn as a peer and as a fellow adherent to the Code. Ben hated to admit it, but he was prone to being young and brash. This whole situation smelled strongly of both in the still Lothal night.

[member="Quinncolson"]

 

[Eli-Mae Forrest]

Quinn sighed and wondered what a life with Ben would be like where they could settle down and have a family without having to worry about breaking the vows of the order she knew it couldn't happen without them abandoning the order. Neither one of them wanted to do that but she couldn't help thinking about her desire to kiss him and let the world disappear around them and let herself melt into his kiss and stay there for a while. But none the less she could not do this right now.

"Let's do it." She says and waits for him to move.

[member="Ben Corscifine"]

 

[Ben Corscifine]

[member="Quinncolson"]

Ben was not altogether satisfied with this as a conclusion to the conversation. Certainly this wouldn't go away if the pair just ignored it, but Ben was not sure enough how to proceed. He needed time to think, which he had purchased with this little stop-gap. Ben just hoped with everything that he had that Quinn wouldn't be too hurt, and that this wouldn't ruin the relationship that the two had with one another. Clearly, she would be an important person in his life, both in his training and beyond, but it was not clear what role she ought to play. For now, Ben would do his duty and show her around inside, where the presence of fellow padawans, knights, and masters would hopefully keep this disturbance at bay.

Ben sighed as he watched the last lights of the Lothal sun fade from the sky, and listened to the hum of the Force all around them. Human relationships were truly an enigma, much like the Force. They were constantly in flux, too. Ben took comfort in this, and hoped Quinn could too. They were both still young, and there was a lot more life to live before anything could be known with certainty.

Ben listened to the sounds of their feet--and crutches--on the ground, and their almost-in-unison breathing. He sighed heavily for all of the things he could neither control nor let go of.

Then, he launched into a speech about the renovations that had been made to the Temple in the last year, taking comfort in objective facts. Concrete details, he was good at. Measures, and dates, and names. For the rest of the night, he would be safe in the world of things that had already come to pass, knowing that that information, at the very least, was in his control.

And he tried hard not to look into Quinn's eyes, where undoubtedly a million uncertain futures stood on-guard, waiting to accost his young, foolish mind.

--The End--​

​

At least for now, Ben. At least for now.