The room was spotless, even with the fact that she had bathed and changed, after she had been checked over by the doctor, and had applied salves to her burns, it looked just as clean as it had before she entered. Her old clothes had been carefully bundled away within the laundry basket, her lightsaber hilt lay upon the center of the bed, beside it the commlink, but otherwise... Nothing looked to have been touched.
Almost immediately her formal greeting was rebutted; she had met many Jedi in her time that felt a similar way, it was something she could respect so she simply inclined her head toward him in understanding.
"Of course; Kei it is, then." She did not wish to cause discomfort, this was not her home after all, and she was lucky to have been granted access to it at all, whether her exhausted state or her position as a Jedi had ultimately been the cause for it she did not know. Likely a mixture of both.
Aside from the bed, there was a chair by the desk and it was to this that she next gestured - encouraging him to sit if he wished it - while he spoke. She listened intently, keeping her eyes upon him in a respectful manner. "The room is more than I expected," she assured him, with the smallest of smiles, as she moved into the center of the room and watched as the door closed behind him.
Next came mention of the Silvers, and she let out the smallest of sighs. How did she explain it? How could she explain it?
"I haven't really known any life away from the Silver Jedi, in truth," she began, forcing all memories of the science facility on Aurum to the back of her mind, that did not count, that was not a life. "I was adopted by the former Grandmaster and Master of the Order, they raised me alongside their children, in the Light, and when I was old enough to understand they trained me toward becoming a Jedi. I have seen many things since then, Ma-- Kei."
She frowned, her brows knitting together to deepen the expression. The dead had risen along every path she walked, from the Vinterbound of Midvinter to the Younglings who were puppeteered by the Alchemical Fiend, and just the thought of it forced a shudder along her spine. She remained in one piece though, didn't she?
"The more I saw, the more I read, and learned, the more I realized that something wasn't right. How could I call myself a Jedi if my focus, and the focus of those around me, remained on familial ties? If I was more bothered about the people of my homeworld, who were more than capable of protecting themselves, than the countless others out there in the Galaxy?"
For a moment she paused, looking away from him to a spot on the wall.
"I have held titles... Titles. 'Jedi serve others, rather than ruling over them...' That is at the core of our philosophy, and yet... Everything we did opposed that. Princess. That's a title of governance." She might have laughed, but all it did was make her heart sink further. "I lost my way, before I could so much as comprehend the path I was placed upon. I have not been doing the work of Ashla, no... I have been serving Gods from a foreign land, I killed for these Gods." Could you kill the dead? That gave her momentary pause. She supposed it did not matter, the semantics, the specifics, it had affected her and bothered her at her core.
"I know that I have made the wrong call on numerous occasions, because I was more concerned with the ties I had formed, the attachments, than my duty. It has made me weak-willed, doubtful, afraid. I cannot live like this any longer, Master Jedi, I refuse to."
At some point throughout she had sunk once again to her knees, though this time it was not in meditation but penance. Her head remained aloft, staring at the self-same spot on the wall, her body keeping to its strengthened stance despite the fact she was now knelt. This wasn't some spur of the moment thought, it didn't come from the aforementioned fear or weakness, it was a certainty she felt in her core.
Things had to change.
[member="Kei Raxis"]
