Private Tunnel Vision

[Darth Daiara]

"So you don't trust me then." She countered, running through the list of reasons that had haunted her all day. Was it cruel to hold them up against him through a durasteel door while his eye hung out?

Yes.

But they weren't partners in this moment. He had made sure of that.

"Hiding something from me? Babying me cause I cried."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Come clean.

Don't let her talk to you like that.

There wasn't any doubt that the fault was his, but that didn't make her attitude any less vexing. "Why don't you just throw me off the fuckin' cargo ramp if you're gonna be this pissed!? Huh!?" Sudden snapping barked heavy contrast to his apology only moments prior. Aradia's attitude did little to hide the obvious non-malevolence in her intentions. She was burying a vulnerability, and he somehow it was like he could smell it.

Like weakness.

Don't let anyone talk to you like that.

All at once his emotions traded out for one another. If she wasn't going to level with him in return, he might as well forget he even tried. "Don't have such an attitude if you're taking me to get fixed anyway. Put up or shut up and open the force-damn door." Zaavik's presence within the force shifted in an odd direction. Down an avenue that was decidedly not him. When she blinked, he was just as close to the glass on his side as she was on her. Fingers clamped down on the top corner, making metal squeal beneath the pressure.

The eye that stared back at her might as well have been a stranger in that moment.

"I'll peel it off myself if I have to," he challenged.

 

[Darth Daiara]

So much for sorry.

She went to turn away, lips twisting in disgust, when she heard the first creek of metal. "Zaavik," she hissed, dark hair whiping as she faced him. His crazed look shot ice through her. She refused to stagger back, her chin raising in understanding.

"Have you fecking lost it?" She didn't recognize him in this moment. The lying, excluding-- no trust given and no partnership shown. A pinch of panic went unseen under her skin. Had he corrupted behind the scenes? Had she missed the signs. Everything had escalated so quickly.

Her whole posture shifted, bracing for the confrontation that suddenly seemed inevitable. It wasn't like they were partners or anything.

"Stop it," she ordered, the ship's shadows gathering around her like coiling wisps of smoke. It was strength, a thing her senses screamed she would need shortly.

"Zaavik..." she warned, unwilling. "Back your ass down. Don't make me do this."


Chit she felt like her mother.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Zaavik either forgot to blink, or lost the need for it altogether. "Stop? So you can do what? Take me right to the beartrap?" They'd catch him there. That medical center was the house where his doom resided. He'd rather take his chances with the ground, even from this high up.

She's turned against you.

"I bet you think they'll let you go for turning me in, huh!?" Zaavik shook his head with a wild disregard for the normal. There was a morbid conviction in his inquiry, like it couldn't possibly be untrue. An out-of-control part of him had convinced the rest of him, at least for the moment, that it was him or her.

"I won't be your scapegoat!" Metal screeched, transparisteel cracked, he began peeling the door down like a sticker off a package. One foot braced against the threshold for leverage. Allyson's blood still caked his boot, red overtaking black. Grit teeth inflected the effort it took. A supernatural second wind gave him strength that should have bled out of him.

His head peeked over what he'd peeled away, chin rising over the edge before settling downward.

"You know you can't make me."

 

[Darth Daiara]

His response pained her, chills rippling over her skin. This wasn't Zaavik anymore. Danger, the force warned. Yeah, well...

"I warned you," she croaked, her resolve solidifying as the metal rendered back behind his hands. The force sized around him, an invisible hand locking him into place. Something pulled at his core, the motion at first disjointing.... before it settled into his bones... his toes... his very essence started to rip from his soul and pull out of his mouth. It coiled, black and tarnished, through the air. Aradia rose a shakey hand, hunger snuffing out the fear.

She was ice, she was- the rush assaulted her, stealing her breath from her lungs. Nothing in the known galaxy could compare to the ecstasy of consuming another's life force. Not sex, nor spice... war, sky diving ... love. There had always been this part of her... a monster that Bastion had awaken and a identity that Darth Mori had fostered...

She had always kept it hidden far from Zaavik. It was a source of power with more potential than any they had yet touched.

And it cost exactly what it gave. Control.

The black veins reached her eyes, bleeding the hue red. She blew open the doors and stepped forward, no longer threatened by the figure twice her size. Nothing could touch her would she stood like this.

It was... intoxicating...

The drain would bring him to his knees, the very agony of it enough to make one forgot who they were. Aradia was unaffected, pulled closer to the source by instinct alone.

She ...was... i-

Her fingers wrapped around his throat.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

All the fight left him. So much for not making him. So much for- No. There was more to give. Every muscle clenched as he felt what must have been his soul leaving him. She's killing me. Anger became even more potent. Even as he began to crumble to a knee, he refused to let go of the encroaching nothingness that wanted to take over every inch of his being.

Something gripped his throat, he grasped at it, breaking the full-body paralysis with one limb. Command of the force coaxed lighting. Sparks began to materialize around the metal manus that gripped the assailing arm. They didn't intensify. That supernatural surge was drained for all its worth before he could make it count. Once he was left with only what had remained in the tank after dealing with Allyson, consciousness disappeared instantly as if someone had hit an off-switch.

One hundred sixty pounds of flesh and bone were rendered limp. Existence nearly became memory.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The sound of the heart monitor was a comforting lull in an otherwise miserable existence. The little ramshack hospital found in Silver Space wasn't top of the line... didn't have fancy cybernetic machines or tanks full of bacta. It was perfect for two run aways trying not to be caught, but Aradia wouldn't relax until they were back out, clean and clear.



What had happened? He fell down the stairs. Landed on her heel. This injury was old. Yeah, it took her the day to find him.

It was an easy story. They swallowed it like a honey covered pill. Her throat felt thick, the lump there growing into a cyst she was sure would never burst. Should she call Vesta here? Should she wait it out? She didn't know the person who would wake up to greet her, but whatever it was... she was ready for it.

She was ready this time.

She would keep it under control.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Abrupt white light deadened to the sight of a ceiling. For several seconds, Zaavik stared, brain yet to begin processing anything. I don't know this ceiling. Coherency returned. How did I get here? Memories hadn't yet. Never in his life had he felt a fatigue this overbearing. His body felt so heavy that he might as well have been on Draemidus Prime. My eye. A hand struggled to raise, gingerly felt the bandages over the right half of his face.

It all came flooding back to him.

All at once, memories hit him like stray bullets. Ebaq, Allyson, his eye, the ship, Aradia. Every single second of what he could remember was dagger all its own. Allyson was dead. As far as he knew, anyway. Aradia had nearly killed him, though he might as well have been dead to her anyway. The Dark Side wasn't with him now, not in the same way it had been before. Back to stable mind, its absence was sobering like shattered glass.

What have I done?

Tears welled up beneath his solitary eye, building until they ran down his cheek. He could sense her near him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Why had she even brought him here? Did he deserve it? Had she turned him in after all? There wasn't anything to do besides accept that fate now.

 

[Darth Daiara]

The quiet was the best sound she had ever heard. It was familiar. Calm... Reassuring.

She recognized the person on the other side of it. Her muscles uncoiled at the sight of his tears. Zaavik... Her chest clenched. She reached out, her fingers unreasonably clammy as she wrapped them around his own. He was freezing.

He had lost a lot of strength.

She said nothing, basking in that silence as it sang sweetly through her. She was a trained killer. She could handle anything-- The memory of his fingers prying through metal made her heart skip. She swallowed hard and squeezed his fingers, finally daring to speak.

"They say you can grow a new one. If you want. Or there's cybernetics. We wouldn't have to wait long-- we can have it by next week-"

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Contact on his fingers made him flinch. The squeeze drew Zaavik's pained gaze to the side. Solitary eye blinked, inflecting surprise. She comforted, spoke like bygones were already bygones. Even after that? Zaavik doubted it could be that easy, yet her willingness hadn't vanished. That just made it all sting even worse. Did that mean she hadn't taken him right into a trap?

"Where are we?" None of the branding on the equpment matched up with Alliance suppliers. No AvCorp, no Hayata, no Technoid. Maena? Slowly, his head crawled to look out the window. Though all he could see from his limited angle was the sky, it still told him where he wasn't. Not Balmorra, not Maena. Oddly reassuring.

Safer didn't mean safe, though.

 

[Darth Daiara]

"...Umbra," she admitted, after a pained paused. It wasn't exactly the original plan, but some things had, uh... come up since then. "Silver space, a few parsecs from the old empire. A tidally locked dark world. ...No one's looking for you here." She looked out the window, the city lights breaking up the darkness.

"Hell, I think we could have built a hut here."

She didn't look down at him, but she didn't let go either. So much felt unsure, their unwavering dynamic felt shattered now. And not because he had went off it.

She felt like she barely knew him. She was braced for him to pull away.

"If you're hungry, I can have food..."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Umbra. That explained all the strange looking equipment. Umbaran tech was something not even Zaavik could ever really manage to wrap his head around. "I'm not hungry," he declined. Any appetite left when the memories returned. His body craved energy after what she'd done, but he didn't think he could bring himself to eat. The thought of the last twenty-four hours almost made him want to vomit.

Or had it been longer? There was no telling how much time had passed between now and then. Not a clock in sight, and he couldn't recall what the time was last time he was conscious anyway. Zaavik looked down at the two fabric mountains his feet made under the infirmary sheets. For a solid minute and a half, he stared in what was total silence beyond the persistent chimes of the heart monitor.

"I'm-" There was a lump in his throat which caught the words like duneflies on a glue trap. His regard trailed back up to Aradia, still glistening and teary under the phosphorescent light. A forceful swallow put the lump in his chest, allowed him to speak.

"I'm sorry."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Her eyes flickered down to him, the blue now a strange hazel as silence stretched between his words. "...Yeah," she echoed back. She cleared away the cobwebs in her throat and released his hand, going for an easy to reach glass of water. It was something to do. She offered it out to him. It was hard to hide the unsure way she moved around him.

She didn't know what to say. She wasn't angry anymore, just... confused. On her backfoot. Concerned. The flight part of her told it was time to run, but the fight side told her this hadn't run its course just yet.

He was sorry.

"Me too."

Maybe she coulda been a little calmer about it. Or approachable? So didn't know.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Shifting, Zaavik managed to sit up enough to drink from the glass. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until he started, clearing the whole thing in seconds. A moment had to be spared so he could catch his breath before he slunk back down onto the infirmary bed.

"Thanks," he muttered. His gratefulness was hollow. The long shadow of his actions still loomed overhead, mocking and persistent. Behind the bandages, that hole in his head was an ever-present herald of that penumbra. As the pain slowly began to return in his skull, his hand found its way over the slight indentation in the bandage where there should have been a round protrusion.

"Do you still wanna know what happened?"

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia looked up, curiosity burning in the planes of her pained expression. Did she trust him to tell the truth? She wanted to. She wanted to believe that whatever had overcome him was not permanent. He was not gone.

She nodded her head, not daring to speak as the spiteful words said in the ship rattled through her skull.

She grabbed his water and refilled it. Another thing to do.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Hesitation. His eyes drifted, honing in on nothing in particular. Shame didn't allow him to look her in the eyes. It took him so long to work up to it, Aradia could have been forgiven if she thought for any length of time that he'd reconsidered. "It was Allyson," Zaavik suddenly croaked unceremoniously. Willpower lost the fight with the weepy-eyed inclinations. Yellow glimmered behind an aqueous sheen. "But it was my fault I- I- I struck first." The final revelation came in a whisper, too painful to hear aloud.

"I don't-" Zaavik sputtered. "I don't why I did it. I thought-" Words came so fast, so hushed, that he could hardly articulate. Stutters became hems and haws, hems and haws became silence. A forceful, nasal exhale showed more disappointment and frustration than remorse his words held. With himself? Most likely. "She's hurt, too. Bad. I don't know if-" she's still alive. Part of him hoped she was, so he wouldn't have to live with killing her. Another part hoped she wasn't, so he'd never have to face her again.

"You were right." Quick redirection without forsaking the topic altogether. "I can't do this, Aradia... I'm losing it. It was stupid of me to think I could handle it."

A timorous regard came up to meet twin eyes. Zaavik looked meek, millions of times removed from his usual inexorable air of determination and obstinateness. "Help me," he pleaded weakly, hardly even able to voice his request.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Her eyes widened at the reveal. She tried to piece it together-- had she led the woman back to him, was she still tracking him? No- oh no. He went to her. Stupid, she nearly cursed. It was hard to be angry when she witnessed the way his featured crumbled. She had crumbled last night, for reasons she still couldn't name she had fallen right out from under herself and dissolved.

That embarrassment meant nothing when she witnessed it from the other side.

Her chest squeezed for him and the self-revelations that came at too high a cost.

"Hey, hey," she soothed, doing what he couldn't last night and slinking closer to console him. The bed creaked under her weight as she squeezed in, her hands taking his and gripping them between their chests.

"I won't let that happen. I won't let this get you. It's a skill, remember? We will overcome this." Could they? Two kids fighting back against the grip of a power they didn't want to let go of.

Were they just stupid? ...Was Allyson dead?

She swallowed back the thought and pressed her forehead against his. "We'll get you help."


Guess it was too late for that cabin.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

"I'm sorry," he pleaded, eye squeezed shut. "I'm so sorry."

If he said it a million times, he still wouldn't feel like she'd forgive him. His hands squeezed, prosthetic tight, organic a feeble mockery of what his strength should have been. Proximity was comforting, but perhaps not as much as it could have been. At any moment it could be gone, and one more lapse in control could mean this time would be the last.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked, desperation hardly hidden.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Oh that part was easy.

"We'll go back to Maena. Well ask Vesta to train you. You'll learn control, we'll leave, and we'll be ok." She spoke almost robotically, reciting the altered plan like it was written down in front of her. The plan, while new, was a sense of direction that she clung to. It was hope, and something to attain to. For the first time in her life she knew where she was heading.

Whether or not she actually reached it...

Well, according to her nothing would get in her way. With Allyson dead, nothing else could... Her chest twinged. She wrapped around him in a hug, hiding the pain in her face as she swallowed what he had done. She could feel his energy melding with her heat.

A sudden hunger thrummed through her, vibrating deep in her core.

"We should leave soon."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Vesta? Should have saw that one coming. Reluctance fought with his desire to atone, to regain control. Arms slowly slid around to her back, returning what little strength he could manage with the embrace. For a while he was content just to be held together, not letting himself process the implications of that plan.

It didn't last long.

"I don't know," he backpedaled suddenly. What kind of apprenticeship would that be? One where lightning met mistakes and manipulation would keep him in check? Besides, Aradia was already her apprentice. Did Sith take more than one, or was that Jedi thing? "Can't you teach me?" For the first time, he admitted himself beneath Aradia in some aspect. "You have control, so why do I need her?"

"We should leave soon."

Zaavik felt the space where his eye used to be from behind a bandage. Enucleation made the cavern neat, absent of scrambled remnants, clean, permanent. "Can't we go now?" he urged. "I hate hospitals."