Trying to stay Myles ahead: Feedback on Myles Davorak

[Myles Davorak]

So I have been writing Myles Davorak for about two months now and I just wanted to get some opinions on the writing? This character is different than the ones I have made in the past with other RP channels.

Other characters I have made were based on myself and I found that boring. With Myles I based him off of my father and Liam Neeson (obviously) so now my question to you all is.

Am I doing okay so far? If not (that's cool) what can I do to improve?


Thanks guys!
-Drof'del

 

[Minerva Vessia]

I am not that good at giving feedback. However I do like to help out whenever I can. I will try to point some stuff out and give back some positive dialog.


Any who, my opinion is this! WE’re all human. We all have our own strengths and weakness. So I’m going to base this feedback based off what I know of you and no one else.


Story & development - I think [member="Myles Davorak"] is progressing nicely. WE all have to start somewhere. He is developing and growing. From what I can see so far he is an average former soldier trying to find his own path in this great big galaxy. From a story point objective right there you’re doing a great job.


What I would like to see – More of that common soldier Joe stuff. Myles has feelings. What is he thinking and feeling? How is everything affecting him? *has not read every post* Does Myles have family? Find your own way to breathe life into your character! Life is not easy and sometimes we don’t give this credit in our posts.


From what I’ve seen you have been or trying to implement this stuff. I am just trying to help giving some positive feedback stuff.

 

[Myles Davorak]

[member="Minerva Vessia"]

Thank you for the kind words! I am working on fleshing his feelings out a bit more, but all of this stuff I will expand on and make him a truly believable (and likable) guy. Thank you so much for taking the time to critique this!

 

[RC 212]

[member="Myles Davorak"]

Myles,

I only went through three of your threads. I like your character. He definitely has some Depth to him and you seem to have a good grasp on Guerilla warfare and other such things. I can only assume your father was a soldier or Green Beret. Anyhow.

I would stay way from anyhting with an ly at the end. Quickly, secretly etc. I am guilty of this as well, but try to avoid that. It's lazy writing. Also give me a bit more in each scene. You do well with portraying your characters thoughts and actions. I notice most of your posting is reactionary. I'd like to see you engage at least two or three senses per post.

Taste, Smell, Sight, Feel, Hearing.

Paint me a picture of your surroundings.

You post length is great, it can be beefed up a bit by really fleshing out what myles is seeing as he moves through a scene though. Also your separation of paragraphs is excellent. I like to read something short with a space after it, easier on the eyes. Most folks won't be able to read through a wall of text. Keep that up.

All in all 6/10. Keep improving, you are great. You can push yourself to be even better.

 

[Myles Davorak]

[member="Seraya Whisperwind"],

Thank you for the in depth feedback, I really do appreciate it. I will work on detailing his senses more and paint a bigger picture on things, I hadn't really thought about that so I am glad that you brought this up.

Again thank you for taking the time to critique my work!

 

[RC 212]

[member="Myles Davorak"]

NP. I enjoyed it.