Private To Find What's Missing

[Cailen Corso]

TO FIND WHAT'S MISSING
A Star Wars Story

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Meet a new friend
Soundtrack: Tranquility

In all his visits to the Jedi Temple, Cailen had never seen the Halls of Healing before. The simple natural accents and decor instilled a sense of peacefulness that was rare in an otherwise chaotic galaxy. As he walked the length of the hall, he took a few moments here and there to admire the beautiful murals that adorned the walls; He recognized several of them to be the works of his friend, Iris Arani. A soft smile spread across the boy's face as he studied the paintings, remembering the first time he'd met her.

It felt like so long ago. So much had changed since then, for both of them. She was a Jedi Knight now, and Cailen was training under Master Noble.

He closed his eyes, letting the comforting aura of the Halls soothe his mind. Even with his connection diminished, Cailen could sense the strength of the Force here. It was one of only a handful of places where he could feel like he used to. Some wounds can go away with time, like bruises and cuts.

But the ones on the inside? They need a little more help.

 

[Amani Serys]

Cailen Corso
​

The Halls were quiet today.

Just how Amani liked them. Not that it was a rarity, but they often fluctuated from tranquil and leisurely to hectic and busy, with no in-between. She much preferred the former. It meant things were peaceful. It meant her friends and allies had a clean bill of health. And it meant she could actually take some time to nurture the many plants she had decorated the facilities with. One of the droids could normally do it for her, but that sort of took the purpose out of gardening as a hobby. Besides, they had more important (if still menial) duties to attend to.

Amani was in the middle of making her rounds, and stepped out into the main lobby just in time to see the figure of a young man who she was aware of, but had never actually met until this moment. It was funny, considering he was a padawan of her good friend Valery, but sometimes those sorts of encounters just never lined up. Until now, in this case. She blinked, and smiled at the padawan as she dipped the watering can over a dainty bundle of leaves hanging from the wall. She spoke with a low, tranquil quality to her voice, “Hello there. Cailen, right? Nice to finally meet you."

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Meet a new friend
Soundtrack: Tranquility

Cailen nodded, smiling as he turned to her.

"It's nice to meet you, too," he said with a respectful bow.

He stepped beside her, watching curiously as she watered the hanging plant. Even in the simple motion of watering it, he could sense Amani's patience and dedication. She'd surely notice the glint of unspoken surprise in his hazel-green eyes, not because of what he was feeling, but because he was feeling something at all.

"Do you take care of them all by yourself, Master?"

Cailen glanced about the space, only now really noticing just how many plants adorned the Halls. They were subtle, though numerous, and the splash of color they added made the lobby feel alive.

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani's gaze slowly drifted back and forth between Cailen and the plant, a single bold brow ticking up in response to the look that crossed his face. "I try to," She continued, her placid smile having yet to leave her face, "But sometimes I have to outsource the work when my actual duties become a bit… overwhelming."

Often following a major battle or operation, these Halls were much busier. And in this field, busy was never a good thing. It was a sad thought, but a fleeting one which never revealed itself through her expression. All the more reason to enjoy these moments while they lasted, before that inevitable change reared its ugly head once more.

"Something on your mind?" Amani asked after a long bout of silence on her part, sparing another look at Cailen as she set the watering can down.

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Get the courage
Soundtrack: Tranquility

"Something on your mind?"

Cailen averted his eyes from Amani, offering a dodgy half-truth instead of sharing what was really going on.

"Oh, I..." he started, the proper words eluding him. "I've been having these headaches."

He looked to the Chief Healer, then cut his eyes back to the plant she was tending. Her calm demeanor, watching her care for the Halls, it made him feel safe.

"You take really good care of them," he said kindly. He let the words hang between them for a moment before venturing to the reason he'd come to the Halls of Healing. If he could sense the inner peace she felt here, then she could certainly feel that he was not being completely forthcoming.

"Can I ask you something, Master Serys?" he said timidly.

 

[Amani Serys]

"Headaches?" Amani repeated curiously, but did not pry beyond that. It was already clear to tell that there was more than Cailen was letting on, but the Chief Healer was patient, preferring to see if he would come back around to it himself. She studied the plant she had just finished watering, checking it for signs of healthfulness just like she would a patient.

"You take really good care of them."

The mirialan blinked, and revealed a tinge of bashful humility in her smile, "Thank you. I've had good teachers," Be it her mother back on the farm, or her mentor back in the her padawan years. She became acquainted with the natural world from her youth. Amani began to meander towards the front desk, bringing her closer to Cailen. When he mustered up the courage to ask his question, she answered as if she was ready for it all along, "Of course. And please, Amani is fine." She turned back around to face him, brushing a lock of jet black hair behind her ear.

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Get the courage
Soundtrack: Tranquility

"Of course. And please, Amani is fine."

He blinked, then offered her a gentle smile. He'd never had a ranking Jedi insist on a first-name basis, but Cailen had already gathering that Amani wasn't like the other Knights and Masters of the Order. Her gentle demeanor made her approachable. Safe. Like someone he could talk to.

Kind of like Master Noble.

"Amani," he repeated, almost in confirmation.

"If there were something wrong with me... you'd be able to tell, right?"

 

[Amani Serys]

"If there were something wrong with me... you'd be able to tell, right?"

Amani had already pieced together that there was more to Cailen's current situation than he had revealed, but that in particular made the mirialan straighten up. Her gentle features twisted with puzzlement, "I… suppose that depends on what you mean by 'wrong with you'."

She slowly closed the distance between them, bending over to be more on his level, "What is it, Cailen? You can talk to me," Amani tried to project a sense of warmth and stability. She wanted to coax the answer out of him, rather than pry it. She knew the padawan would voice his concerns when he was ready.

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Get the courage
Soundtrack: Tranquility

Warmth. Cailen could feel... warmth? Not in the air but emanating from Amani. Somehow, the Halls must have relieved some of the strange pressure he'd been suffering, heightening his sensitivity to the Force. The Jedi Knight knelt to eye level, looking at him with soft, kind features. Cailen could sense her presence, her stability.

She felt... strong. Aware.

"I can't..." he started, but the words got caught in his throat. She could only help him if he told her the truth, but something deep inside him was reluctant to let go. What if she couldn't help him? What if he was stuck like this?

Would he still be a Jedi if he couldn't feel the Force?

"I... I can't feel..." he whimpered, eyes glistening, "I can't feel the Force, Amani."

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani waited, and listened, patient with his struggles. When the words finally came, she simply nodded in understanding, and stood up, "Hm." The healer touched the Force, confirming the muted nature of his own presence in the Force. A damaged connection, but perhaps salvageable.

"I understand your worry more than you realize," She smiled reassuringly, as if nothing was wrong, "I once dealt with it myself. Until your master, and one of your once-fellow padawans helped me through it," Valery and Iris had both aided her significantly, in getting to the point she was at now. A Jedi Knight, the Chief Healer. She had moved past her setbacks, and grown into something greater, "You can get through it, too."

Immediately, she began to ponder on their options, "I have a few ideas. But at the core of each of them lies the most universal of your Jedi trainings. Meditation. Self-control. Focus," Amani meandered around the padawan, rubbing her chin, "Of course, if it were that simple, we wouldn't need to have this conversation, hm?" A more playful smile curled at her lip, a part of her efforts to keep the tone positive.

"Have you ever been to a Force nexus, Cailen?"

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Get the courage
Soundtrack: Tranquility

"I understand your worry more than you realize."

He couldn't keep it in anymore. Tears silently streamed down the boy's face as he listened carefully to Amani's assurances; The fact that he wasn't alone in his struggle was so relieving that he couldn't contain himself. Cailen knew in his heart this path was not one he'd walk by himself, but even with Master Noble by his side every step of the way, she wouldn't know what it felt like.

For Cailen, listening to the Force had been like trying to hear a friend whisper while your head is underwater. Every step, every movement, every echo, was difficult. And the more he tried to push through it, the worse it seemed to become.

"You can get through it, too."

Cailen's eyes sparkled as he watched Amani pace around him. He'd spent so long feeling painfully certain that he was beyond help, a casualty of the Dark Side. Maybe that didn't have to be true.

"R-really?" he asked the Chief Healer.

She continued to wander around the Padawan, talking through the task before them. He watched her intently, hanging on every word. Meditation was one of his least favorite practices - the more he intertwined his thoughts with the Force, the worse his headaches got. They even progressed to nosebleeds if he strained hard enough.

He elected to keep that information to himself for now, though.

His captivation piqued at the mentioning of a Force Nexus.

"I don't think so," he answered, though he was unsure. "I've read about them in my studies, but I don't know much about them."

 

[Amani Serys]

"Mhm," Amani nodded, appearing uncensored by the potential trials ahead. She would remain a steady and optimist presence for his sake. It was not that she believed it to be easy per se, but that she believed it to be achievable nonetheless. A matter of when, not if.

"They're powerful concentrations of raw Force energy, as I'm sure your studies had already defined. Some of them are potent enough to boost a Force-sensitive's connection, making them stronger or even restarting a lost connection." Amani looked pointedly at him when she mentioned the last part.

"Not all are easy to reach, or to tap into. But they are perhaps the most direct route to rebuilding your connection. I'd suggest bringing along a guiding hand. Whether that be myself, your master, or whoever else. I believe this is your best bet."

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Find a way
Soundtrack: Tranquility

"Not all are easy to reach, or to tap into. But they are perhaps the most direct route to rebuilding your connection. I'd suggest bringing along a guiding hand. Whether that be myself, your master, or whoever else. I believe this is your best bet."

"You really think-" Cailen began, his elation more than noticeable. He toned it back before continuing.

"... if we can find a Force nexus, there's a chance I can be fixed? Or... healed, I mean."

Cailen had spent so long thinking of himself as 'broken' . . . the idea of healing his Force connection like any other wound felt strange. His hopeful eyes remained dutifully locked on Amani, hoping with all his heart he wasn't a lost cause.

 

[Amani Serys]

"I know so," Amani said firmly. She was ever an optimist, but here she had the experience to back up that optimism as well, "It worked for me. It can work for you. So long as you're ready and willing to make the effort."

"It's about your state of mind as much as anything else. A fight against yourself, in a way. When my connection was severed, it was also entirely subconscious. It took some soul searching, and no small amount of help, to reform that connection."

The healer nodded, and walked around to the nurses station, leaning down to type on the console, "The Order has locations for many of the known nexuses, but it's definitely not all of them. I can send you the coordinates for a few, if you like."

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Find a way
Soundtrack: Tranquility

Cailen nodded his head earnestly. He was hopeful, but he couldn't help but cling to the worst-case scenario. The thought of going to such great lengths, only to find that his connection can never be restored, was the deepest fear he'd ever faced. Amani's assurances were helpful, but they couldn't outshine his doubts. That would have to come from within.

Still, he was determined to do whatever it takes to be himself again. To feel connected. To be whole.

He took a breath, trying again to open himself up to the pleasant energies that inhabited the Halls. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or a trick of the mind, but he actually felt like things made sense. He could feel a soft pull in the Force, a muffled but followable calling. It warranted more meditation and focus than he could manage in the moment, but he'd hold onto it dearly.

"Th-thank you, Amani," he said with sincerity.

He watched with gratitude and interest as she compiled a list of possible locations.

 

[Amani Serys]

"Of course," Amani said warmly. She wanted to help him however she could. It was a struggle she was intimately familiar with, and knowing how difficult it would be fueled that desire to aid. And knowing that the light waited at the end of the tunnel, she wanted to push him in the right direction, so as to not linger on those shortcomings for as long as she did.

Accessing the database from her console, Amani managed to upload a number of possible nexuses onto a drive, which she then handed to him, "Here you are. Take a look at those when you get the chance. Find one that sounds right to you, and start there."

"And of course, I'm always around to help if you need it."

Cailen Corso​

 

[Cailen Corso]

Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tags: Amani Serys
Objective: Find a way
Soundtrack: Tranquility

He took the drive into his hands, holding it guardedly in his palms as if it were a treasure. A list of Force nexuses, each of them uniquely powerful - and any one of them could hold the key to repairing his Force connection.

"Thank you," Cailen said warmly.

"For everything."

His hazel eyes blinked slowly as he looked to Amani. He could tell she knew exactly what it was like to feel like a puzzle with the most important piece missing, living like a picture that is frustratingly incomplete. For the first time since the Battle of Tython, Cailen felt so close to being whole again.

He bid the Chief Healer a good evening before leaving for his quarters. His leather boots thudded against the marble tile as he stepped out of the Halls and into the Temple proper, echoing into the quiet chamber as he made his way.

When he finally made it back to his room, he eased the door shut and pressed his back against it. He unfurled his fingers, eyeing the holodisk that rested in his palms.

"This is it," the Padawan whispered.

"It's all right here."

FINAL POST​