https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB3-hzI4Uhk
‘When we were growing up you always looked like you were having such fun
You always were and you always will be the taller and the prettier one
People seem to love you
They gravitate towards you
That's why I started to hate you so much
And I just completely ignored you’
Maja wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. It was a good things she never wore make-up. Except she knew her eyes would be red and bleary, so she moped her way to the shower. She’d come too far to turn around now. So she looked into the mirror in the bathroom of the ship. And both physically and metaphorically she didn’t like what she saw. Scraggy hair, black leather and red puffy eyes. She’d always been pretty whereas Silara was beautiful. Did she mind? In truth, yes.
They say an addict needs to understand their dependency before they can even begin to address the problem. Maja blamed Silara for everything that was wrong in her life. Being abandoned as a baby – Silara’s fault. Being shunted around the galaxy looking for training – Silara’s fault. Being a loner and an outcast – Silara’s fault. Except of course none of these things were down to her sibling. So her sister was prettier. So she seemed to have a social life when Maja hadn’t spent more than 48 hours in any single person’s company since she’d discovered she had a sister. So she was successful when Maja was sitting in a rented ship.
Why did that deserve Maja ignoring Silara? Blaming her? The road to sobriety was a long one, but it started with a single step. Then another, then another. So she undressed and took a slow shower.
‘I don't know why I felt the need to keep it up for oh so long
It's all my fault I'm sorry you did absolutely nothing wrong
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years
All the pain I've caused you
The constant flow of all the tears
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologise enough
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love
And if it's not too late
Could you please find it deep within your heart
To try and go back go back to the start
Go back to the start’
As she washed the tears away, so she cried new ones. Except these were different. These were born of hope, not self-pity. For Maja realised all she wanted was attention. When all she had to do was call, or visit, or send a message. No…she’d spent these past six or so years keeping her distance, to make Silara do all the running. She blamed Silara for not making contact when that mirror clearly reflected she’d made no effort herself. Her sister had made contact, through their bond, and Maja? She’d ignored it. In truth, it was Maja that needed to seek forgiveness, not the other way around. Silara hadn’t gone hiding, hadn’t travelled the galaxy or ignored their special bond. Maja had.
The tears could have flowed and flowed. Admittedly some would taste of self-pity in with the salt – but more and more she was…growing up?
Maybe the challenge of living so long without emotions is that when she finally accessed them, she’d overdosed on them. Love was always the strongest and thankfully had endured – but the bitterness of jealousy had run it close at times. Maja sighed loudly and washed her hair.
It’s a funny thing – being an attention-seeker. She’d sent a begrudging acceptance at the last minute. She’d composed so many rejection messages. Yet she had a dress in the locker she’d bought especially for the occasion. She’d sent as strong a message through their Life Bond that she was at best ambivalent about the marriage, but she’d spent hours and hours learning to apply make-up and styling her hair.
Did her eyes tell the story of her tears? She stared into the mirror as she applied her simple but effective make-up. The tattoo created through some Sith magic was never going to be covered up – in truth she didn’t even want to. It was a part of her. Some men even found it attractive. As she toiled to get her hair just the way she wanted it, she smiled. It had been a long time coming. It wasn’t an expression of humour or cheekiness – the one she usually wore. No, this was about being happy. Genuinely happy. She hadn’t felt this way since…the day she found out she had a sister.
This close, she was sure her sibling would be able to feel the emotion. It was – perhaps for the first time – a feeling of shared happiness. Even that first time, the delight had all been about Maja. This time it was more complete – it was elation that
both sisters were happy. That Maja was delighted to be a part of Silara’s world – and it didn’t have to be the other way around all of the time.
That cheeky, wicked grin borrowed her face for a moment. That wasn’t to say Maja couldn’t have things her way on
some occasions. She still enjoyed being spoiled from time to time. But if sharing Silara meant she would also get to spend time with her nieces and her brother-in-law, what was so bad about that? The smile became a laugh – she
was growing up.
She put on the dress and the high-heels she’d been practising wearing and popped her saber into her bag – she couldn’t bear to be without it – even Zannah deserved to attend the wedding. And then she stared into the mirror. Both physically and metaphorically she liked what she saw. Silara may be prettier, but Maja felt she had scrubbed up well. And the petulant child was now gone. She’d like to say for good, but like any addict, she could only promise herself to not abuse one day at a time.
The ship had landed and she stepped off to hear the sounds of a party in full swing. She knew where Silara was. It was inevitable – it seemed the most advanced Force Ability to cloak paled into insignificance when a Life Bond was in evidence. So she headed straight for her. Yet…and for the first time it seemed to Maja, she had ever had these thoughts…she was aware that others might wish to spend time with her sister. And definitely for the first time she didn’t begrudge them. Was she a
little jealous? Maybe, but in a good way. But Silara would be her sister tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. She had a lifetime to make up for her misdemeanours.
Yet…something was wrong. Despite the challenge of the stilettos she speeded up, the emotion she was sensing from her sister was not one she’d associate with a bride-to-be. There was anger and sadness. And…tears. How Maja wanted to be the one to comfort her sister and despite her pace quickening even more, she made a conscious effort to return to her normal pace – albeit a brisk one. If she was first to arrive, she would be the sister Silara needed, wanted and deserved. If one of her nieces or Alric reached her first? As long as Silara was happy, that was all that mattered.
Of course, she’d still like to be the first to reach her!
As she got closer, a man brushed past her – and how he reeked of death-sticks. She could never shake her distaste for people that used them – and her hand went to her cheek involuntarily, remembering that beast-rider licking her face, the stench of his filthy habit filling her nostrils. Pushing the thought aside, she finally reached the door. Beyond was no doubt a dressing-room. Maja listened. Not out of a desire to eavesdrop, but if there was someone else in there, she would defer. She would not leave, but she would wait – patiently. As she paused, unsure if she should enter or wait, she had a terrible thought. What if Silara wouldn’t forgive? She had to accept it was a possibility but shook her head. No, she refused to accept the thought. Regardless of her sister’s judgement of her, she would convince her to start again. To go back to the Silara and Maja that both promised that they’d take the time to get to know each other.
‘And if it's not too late
Could you please find it deep within your heart
To try and go back go back to the start
Go back to the start.’
So she stood, and checked her dress. She’d only get one chance to make a good first impression. It had been a few years and she wanted her sister to be proud of her. No more and no less.
[member="Enigma"] | [member="Alric Kuhn"] | [member="Silara Kuhn"]