Depression, mourning, guilt, devastation, a sense of loneliness... A realization that now, he was truly alone in this cruel galaxy, doomed to serve without his beloved by his side. The Jedi Master stared out at the water, his hood up on his Doshi Robes, hiding the tortured soul underneath...
His bright brown eyes shined as he watched the waves run by. This was his favorite place to be, on the seaside, on the beach, with the sand between his toes, able to stare out at the waves in the warm weather and be at peace... But peace avoided him. It avoided him like a town full of healthy men, women and children, running desperately from the plague, doing all in their power to never let it near their homes. How had this happened? For so many years, Josh had so easily been able to just.... Push his stresses aside. He remained vigilant in the light, never losing his temper, never giving in to depression or anger when he could help it. But... What had happened?
Things seemed to have been going so well finally... He had reached his dream of becoming a Jedi Master. Something he had worked so hard for, for so many years... He had shed blood, sweat and tears for it... And he had gotten it. He was the first Knight on the Jedi Council in many millenia, and was eventually rewarded for his dedicated service with full Masterhood, serving on the Council. And to boot, with the new regime, he was given the position of Grand Admiral of the Republic, a highly lofty position in the military, incredibly rare for a Jedi. Things were going so, so, oh so well...
And then Jak had died. Yeah, he ended up re-appearing later with amnesia, but his best friend wasn't there to help him live through the hell that was to come. Aleidis Ijet, an incredibly close friend of his, disappeared without a trace, pronounced dead, leaving Josh with a hole in the soft spot he had once held for his closest friend.
And then, when it couldn't get any worse, the Sith had finally caught up to his beloved Saoirse. He knew they would hunt her eventually... But why now? He'd just gotten results from the doctor about the likelihood of Saoirse's pregnancy... Things were finally starting to look up again, and then they'd killed her. The blasted Sith had killed her when Josh wasn't around to save her... His girlfriend, possibly his child... Losing that was too much for Josh to bear. He couldn't push it aside anymore, he hadn't slept a wink since the day she had died and overwhelming sorrow filled every inch of his being.
His fists clenched, he tried to relax himself, distract himself, by digging his toes into the sand, and watching it fall from his feet like tiny little particles.