Private The Shadow of Death

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Location: Silver Rest
Tag: Kyra Perl

The Padawans had been saved, but the damage had already been done. The price of their rescue had almost been so severe that JJ barely walked away from it. He had never intended on getting himself mixed up with the fight between the Silver jedi and the The Sith Empire. The Knight was only a part of the Silvers when it made sense for him to be. It should have made sense to JJ from the start, but it was not until Kyra had found herself in trouble that JJ found the battle worth his effort.​

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He was not going to have another bond ripped from him.​

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Despite his efforts, JJ had nearly caused the girl to experience the devastation of losing someone she was bonded to. Their bond had been accidental, and it was deep. He knew when she was in trouble, just like she knew how much pain he was in as a result of the beating he took from Darth Prazutis. The Zambrano Sith had left him alive, but only because he had been weakened himself. The force light had been the only saving grace. Whatever actions Kyra or the others may have taken were long gone from his mind. JJ only remembered the battlefield, then waking up in a bacta tank on Kashyyyk.​

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His body rest in a bed now. The room was sterile, what one expected of a hospital room. JJ stirred barely, his eyes starting to flutter open. Everything was blurry as his eyes took time to adjust. There was one splash of color in the room, a pink hue, that brought a smile to JJ's lips. His mind latched onto their bond before her face came into view, and even though he could barely make it out, he turned to face the padawan he was bonded to.​

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"So, you made it out okay then... good. All worth it then."​

 

[Kyra Perl]

He latched onto chaos.

Pain. Fear. Anger.

While the corrupting dark energy had been driven out of the padawan, its lingering echo remained. ...Still so fresh from the trauma, he would glance that fact in an instant.

He spoke and she did not hear it. Not even a flicker of recognition in her mind. Either she had retreated. Or it had taken over. The pink-hued padawan sat still as death on the bed across from him, her skin pale and gaze unseeing, locked onto a wall in the distance.

She radiated darkness. Boiling, unadulterated, turmoil.

Yeah. All worth it.

(These’ll be Phone posts all day. Sorry!)

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

There was no answer.

Judah let his head roll back onto the pillow and looked up at the ceiling as he took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. His eyes closed again as he drank in the state of her aura. She was brooding, hiding in the energy she had taken into herself. Gently he let his own light press against the dark shadow hanging over her head. Judah was not about to let her slip into an overwhelming darkness, not if he could keep her from it.

He knew it all too well himself.

"I've been where you are, and I can help if you will let me in."

JJ wasn't going to press, even though he could force himself where he needed to go. Their bond would not let her keep him out for long, but JJ also knew that was the wrong approach. There was only one way Kyra would find her way back and that was to make the choice herself. It didn't need to be said because Judah already knew, she would never be the same after this, but she could still find light, and she could still know peace.

Kyra had lost some of her innocence, and she would never gain it back.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

There was no resistance, her mind as open as it ever was. It was Praz’s energy he had to fight against, residual pieces of the Sith Lord absorbed into the padawan, intending to corrupt.

As dark energy did.

If he found the strength to overcome it, the space his light gained would be his his own. It should be nothing to a knight, to banish the residual darkness of a weakened and unwitting Sith Lord. It should be nothing to kyra either. He knew her strength. He knew her potential

She had done tutaminis. ... if just for a moment, she had saved them all.

And then she failed.

And he was shattered.

And their pain was shared.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

"Stop blaming yourself," his words echoed in the mostly empty room. "You did NOT fail."

Of course he knew what she was thinking. Her mind was open, there was no resisting him for once. It seemed as though she was content to sit there. Her own thoughts were choosing the conditions to allow the corruption of the darkness to seize her thoughts, and JJ needed to find a way to change that. Even though they had a deep bond, Kyra was still a mystery to him in many ways. She was unique in ways that defied her heritage, which was not a bad thing at all. It made her who she was, and JJ liked who she was. Even if she did latch onto the extremes.

He tried to sit up. Any pain he felt would be phantom pain anyway as the bacta should have healed him completely. The sheets fell to his waist revealing his chiseled torso which still contained wrappings around his rib cage. They were likely a precaution to protect the work the bacta had done.

His eyes settled on the girl as he could feel her remorse, pain, and the suffering, she allowed herself to feel. Judah's smile faded slightly.

"I'm going to tell you something you are not ready to hear yet, but you need to. Let it go before consumes you."

With that, JJ allowed the girl a glimpse into his past, the guilt he held onto over his first kill. He had saved a life, but had taken a life to do it. It went against everything he stood for, and the guilt threatened to overtake him in a wave of darkness that would have changed him in so many other ways.

"Will you let me help you for once... let me walk you through this?"

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

His pain echoed through reverberating across her inner mindscape as if it were an empty hall.

Her once colorful inner world was still. Quite. Dull. She sensed nothing. Heard nothing. All the static that had once filled her mind was gone.

It made the echo of his presence that much louder.

She flinched, and for the first time he’d feel a response. Even though it was nothing more then shying away from his memory, he would know it meant he was heard.

Understood.

Rejected. Because ouch.

But... she was there. His suspicions were right. This was a choice.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

JJ slowly retreated from her mind as she had rejected his current method of trying to help. Kyra seemed to understand him well enough, but she was lost, and empty shell of the girl he knew. All he could do was what he had done so many times before, and that was to allow the calm and peace of his aura simply envelope hers.

Yes, the Jedi was in pain, and he was hurt, but it had not changed the peace he had found, the peace which was central to his nature. Kyra should have sensed that in everything about him, and yet she chose to latch onto the pain. JJ could only hide it for so long, but maybe he could hide it long enough to get her to open up eventually. Kyra was still sitting there which was a good sign. She did not seem to be in a hurry to abandon him despite the fact he knew she was struggling to see him as he was.

"Thank you for being here," he said with a genuine tone. "I cannot think of anyone I would rather have here."

It was the truth. Of all those currently in his life, Kyra was the one person he was closest to, and the one face which could make him feel better. She had once gotten after him for thinking he needed other forms of companionship, and while JJ knew he had certain needs, Kyra seemed to be right about one thing. He needed Kyra. When it came to it, as JJ lay in the hospital bed, she was the only one he wanted in the room, and was happy to know it was that way.

Slowly JJ went back into Kyra's mind. He let that one thought seep into the core of who she was if she would let it.

"I really don't need anyone else..."

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

She stirred, a spark of hope Igniting in her chest. Not because she needed to be JJ’s number one, in truth that had been a wildly inappropriate expectation for a student to have on their teacher. It reached her because no one had ever thought of her that way before.

Not even her large, loving, smothering family.

There had always been one thing between her and them. Where were they right now?

Not here.

But James was. His warmth encased her body, his energy hitting the edge of her mind... her finger tips...

Said finger twitched, a small hunger for more growing inside the girls chest.

She always craved affection, a facet of her zeltron nature she couldn’t escape. He would feel it. The awakening need, deep in her core. She craved his light over the dark; she couldn’t remained pulled away from him if she tried.

Her gaze slowly fell to his, swimming.

And then her chest practically tore in two, the sight of his bandaged body reminded her what she had costed him. The reaction returned like a hammer, slamming him back just as the guilt formed.

No. Not her. She’d protect him. Never again.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

JJ could feel her need. He could feel how much she wanted to reach out to him. The affection she craved was overwhelming, and enough that it let him grab hold of something, a tether to any thought beyond the darkness she allowed to control her.

She pushed away, but this time JJ had hold of something.

"Stop trying to push me away," he said as he pushed his aura through as though the tether was like a foot jammed into a door.

He was careful not to overwhelm her. JJ did not need Kyra fighting back, but she needed to know that he wanted to help her. Beyond that he needed her to know that he needed her.

There was the truth. When it was all said and done, no matter who there was in his life, as long as they shared their bond, JJ would need Kyra. It was not in a way that a lover needed their partner. Judah knew it was something much deeper and more intimate than that. It was as though they were one, and Kyra was simply the piece of himself that had been missing.

JJ looked down at his chest, and started pulling at the bandages.

"I don't even need these, c'mon help me out of them," he asked hoping she would actually help.

His mind pressed further. He wanted to her to hear it at her core.

"I need you..."

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra was never one to deny a request for help. The fact that it came from James only appealed to her nature more, the girl slowly stirring and looking back over at him. She did not move forward, but he would feel her gaze, keen and alert, following the planes of his body as one by one those bandages were removed.

Images flashed through her mind, memories of the blood and bones that had been drawn from him. Her stomached churned, thrusting to upend stomach acid. But in the end nothing came up. He was just left with staring. Present staring, but staring none the less.

Her mind churned in the darkness he pleaded for her to release, but in truth she doesn’t know. She only knew her fear. His pain. And the fact that it was her fault. She didn’t see the self conflicted cage she locked herself into. She didn’t see that it was her that kept herself dark. The corruption had been purged from her.

her own fear did this.
She was to blame.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Kyra crossed the gap which had been between them, but she did not help with the bandages. Even though he was healed, certain muscles were tight, the tug making him wince, not out of pain, but simply because he was not comfortable. Judah did not know how to get through to Kyra, to help her past this darkness she held onto. He knew she was blaming herself for what had happened to him, but it was not her fault. It had been his choice to find her, his choice to intercept the energy of the dark lord, and his choice to hold him off until the padawans could escape.

It was his choice.

"It was my choice," he said to the Zeltron as a hand reached to draw her eyes to meet with his.

The same technique he had used on the Sith to slow him could also be used to help Kyra. To a Jedi, Force Light was meant to be invigorating. He hoped it would work as intended. Along with images of some of their happier moments together. They could be both be stubborn, and the did butt heads at times, but they also had moments of tenderness, peace, and friendship. JJ knew he was more than a mentor.

He was a friend.

The light was cast, pressed on the padawan like a soft blanket. He did not force it, nor did the memories flood her mind as if he he gave her no choice. Where she focused on what her actions had caused, JJ wanted her to see where she had also brought happiness.

"No regrets, Kyra. NONE."

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

The warmth washed over her. There had been a lot of that the past 24 hours. Force light. Force healing.

Force force force.

A small part of her regretted ever getting entangled in it-- this thing called the force. The padawan was aware of the life she could of had if she had not chosen this path. For the first time she wondered why she didn't appreciate her other alternatives.

But that was neither here nor there now.

Force light washed over her, its presence shining against the back of her eyes as his memories moved through. She was still, her breath erratic as a weight lifted off her. Did she trust his words? Not entirely. But did they give her something to hold onto? Yes. He would feel her reaching for his olive branch, the chains she had placed down on herself being released as she chose... try to... and believe...

In the love of light side.

In the end, love was all she craved. To a fault, it was all she ever sought out. And it would be what dragged her back. Animation returned to her expression, the girl's grief making it to the surface. Tears spilled over. Honestly, had he expected anything else? She let out a soft cry and crumbled into him, her hold tight as she initiated a hug.

He had almost died. Was he okay? Her concern and pain found its way back to them, stealing away any words the once chatty padawan might find the presence to say.

Instead she just cried. Holding him. Processing. Feeling the life the still resided in his limbs. And for now, that would be enough. Some healing just took time.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Love.

JJ knew the feeling, but it was something he did not expect from Kyra, not like this anyway. He had tried to reach her before, only to be met with her attitude, or some kind defiance, a reason to not believe him. JJ had promised he would be there for her, and he was. He had promised that he would not leave her behind, and he fought off death to keep that promise. Perhaps his tribulation proved to her that Judah meant what he said, that his promises were not empty words.

The one thing the both of them craved was the one thing Judah so easily gave too freely. Their bond made this different however. He did not know how to process it. Was this simply a by product of their bond or was this something genuine? She meant something to him, and they were close, but what did it all mean. As she held him and cried into his shoulder, JJ slowly wrapped his arms around her.

This was different. For the first time JJ was holding with an affection that he did not understand. Who was she, and why did he care in this way?

"I am okay," he answered the question her words did not ask but her thoughts kept returning to. Judah did not usually poke around in her mind, but for now he could not seem to stay out. He was searching for something too. Was she truly okay? How could she be after what happened? Judah could help if she would let her. It would take time, and this would be a process, but she would be okay.

"You will be okay," he whispered. "Trust me. Not my words." It was not a question. It was not a request. She did not need to trust his words, she simply needed to him.

Kyra Perl