The Rising Blood, Falling Flesh, and Enduring Soul (Critique version)

[Zambrano the Starweird]

Zambrano the Hutt is Fatty's latest character, and he is enjoying him very much so far. I hope to utilize the advice I have been given in my last critique thread on myself as a writer, and although it appears I have pretty good reception so far, I want to make it even better!

So I direct you to this ongoing thread: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/49297-the-rising-blood-falling-flesh-and-enduring-soul-open/

I have only posted three times in it so far, but I am requesting feedback on the overall feel of the thread so far, and the characterization of Zambrano the Hutt. What you enjoy from the opening, parts that seem unnecessary, and any minor flaws you would like to be point out are welcomed and appreciated!

Also, how do you like the format? I kinda borrowed it from [member="Krest"] because I thought it would look imposing due to its distinction mixed with Zambrano's malice

 

[Darth Ferus]

My thread styles imposing?

(Expect actual feedback in the morning)

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

[member="Krest"] Nah it's distinct, I feel like it's imposing when it is combined with narrative malice

 

[Izzed Gigrig]

Yo bro... you're stealing my thunder for just straight up awful characters. (As in horrible human beings by society standards not like he's not well written, cause he is.) Good job, keep up the good work. Characters with very little redeeming qualities gives the board more flavor.

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

[member="Izzed Gigrig"] I'll take that as a compliment, coming from the Face of Chaos and the "Officially the Worst"

 

[Izzed Gigrig]

It very much was a compliment.

 

[Sage Bane]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

As one of the participants of the thread, I'm finding the character superbly enjoyable to RP with. I think your opening posts set the stage very well and none of it was unnecessary. All of your posts built up the drama in a way that I don't always see on the boards with "evil" characters. My other character has been tortured six ways to Sunday by a couple other baddies on the boards (both writers excellent at writing horror) so you'd think I'd be immune to fear by now, but you still managed to make me feel scared of you.

I wouldn't change a thing. *obsessively refreshes thread*

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

*obsessively refreshes thread*

Funny you should say that lol, I've been doing that too I was considering postponing my latest reply to wait for one of our other writers, but I figured that the plot developments involving you took precedence

Anyway, thank you for the review as a thread contributor! I'm glad you are sufficiently horrified

 

[Sage Bane]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

You're welcome!

I might post in there faster than I normally would myself just because we have that side story going on in there. I hope that's alright.

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

[member="Sage Bane"] Yeah that's fine, we're kinda in the middle of duel now anyway, so it's justified

 

[Piraiba]

I'm fond of your Resu work. Not sure what to think of your reincarnation hutt yet though.

I finally joined up since its been a few days and the thread didn't get flooded by crazy people.

 

[Mrrew]

I'm Gorg in your thread (Gamoreans ftw ) and I love the character. Among the first thoughts that came to mind when reading each of your posts is; Well poodoo, he's a psychopath. And he mixes the phycopathness (That's now a word.) with being just... disgusting... (I don't have much of a weak stomach, but Zambrano's managed to make me a bit nauseous (That's a good thing- means he's believable)) And hilarious, of course. You vomited on a Jedi. Both disgusting and hilarious.

All in all 10/10. I freaking love this character.

 

[Sage Bane]

You vomited on a Jedi. Both disgusting and hilarious.

It was hugely entertaining to write my response to that scene.

I didn't know you wrote Gorg. <3 that character. He's hilarious. I'm a big fan of Hutt culture, so it's nice to see this side of the SW universe get some love.

(I also write Cryax Bane btw)

 

[Armand Temi]

I agree with all of the comments and have no criticisms. The thread is highly entertaining and revolting in the best way. The pacing is great.
It's my favorite RP right now. [member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

 

[Mrrew]

I didn't know you wrote Gorg. <3 that character.

Thanks.

And yeah I've always liked Hutts, I always like seeing some slithering around.

(And I didn't know you wrote Cryax, should've guessed. )

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

I'm Gorg in your thread (Gamoreans ftw ) and I love the character. Among the first thoughts that came to mind when reading each of your posts is; Well poodoo, he's a psychopath. And he mixes the phycopathness (That's now a word.) with being just... disgusting... (I don't have much of a weak stomach, but Zambrano's managed to make me a bit nauseous (That's a good thing- means he's believable)) And hilarious, of course. You vomited on a Jedi. Both disgusting and hilarious.

All in all 10/10. I freaking love this character.

Funny that you should say that he makes you nauseous, because honestly, its the replies I get back from all his disgust that make me nauseous! I don't know what it is, but reading from the perspective of someone getting puked on with a bunch of gore is positively the most deliciously revolting thing I have ever read [member="Sage Bane"] Did a great job with that Aren't you glad you were my inspiration @Mrrew :lol:

This thread is also ranked very very highly in the RP's that I've been apart of, [member="Armand Temi"]. I enjoy the character I'm writing, and I love the reactions you guys put into it! It probably wouldn't be fun for me if not for all of you guys' stellar contributions

 

[Sage Bane]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"] You don't know how long I've waited for this character to meet a PC Hutt on the boards. He hates them SO much. And then to meet one like your Zambrano, hahahah! It's great.

 

[Armand Temi]

Yeah the grimdark writing is right up my alley [member="Zambrano the Hutt"]. Keep up the good work!

 

[Catalys Maijora]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

You managed to make a dark-themed thread without being edgy?

My cup of coffee.

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

[member="Armand Temi"] Do you mind posting one more time to indicate what your reaction is to [member="Catalys Maijora"] before I proceed? :3