“You've already crossed the line of no return, Ishani Sibwarra. And the Sith are merciless to those who show uncertainty."
“
I know that!” she hissed, her eyes narrowing. “
I know what they did to… to a friend of mine when he showed uncertainty.” She neither spoke Arcturus’ name nor said specifically what he had done, even though rumors had likely spread through the school about his disappearance after the failed invasion of Ossus.
As far as why she was here and what she was willing to fight for, it all came down to Arcturus. If she had never met him during that fateful survival trip, she probably would have left the Sith. Gone home defeated and resigned to her fate, or become a lonely wanderer. Or perhaps she would be lying dead at the hands of her fellow acolytes in the forest of that alien world, her body devoured and rotting.
It didn’t matter. She had made the decision upon his return from self-imposed exile that she would stay with him, no matter what. Yet so much of the reason why she considered him worthy of love was because he had betrayed the Sith in order to do the right thing, to save the innocent, even though it had cost him dearly.
So... was she here because she was trying to protect Arcturus from the Sith? He was no longer in immediate danger—in fact, he was working towards regaining his master’s favor. Was she hoping that she could somehow
save him from corruption, from losing all the things she loved about him, by being with him in the darkness? That was a foolish notion, and she knew it. They would both be dragged down together. The only other conclusion she could think of was that she wanted him to be happy… but that wasn’t love. If you loved an addict, you didn’t keep giving them drugs that ravaged their body and ruined their life just because it made them happy. You took them to rehab and held their hand every step of the way, and kept trying even as they stumbled again and again.
Arcturus had even tried to warn her, when she confessed her own traitorous actions to him aboard his ship. But she hadn’t listened. Was she that selfish, that pathetic, that she would remain a Sith just for the sake of not being alone?
Firrerreo was still talking. She stared at him, a strange look in her eyes.
"Going forward, ask yourself that same question; What are you striving towards? If you don't have an answer, find it. Short term, long term. It doesn't matter. Fight towards something, or you'll be swallowed by the teachings and lose yourself. Do you at least know the code?"
“
I… yes,” she murmured. Then she recited the Sith Code, and by the final line, she seemed to have come to some conclusion, for the line disappeared from between her eyebrows, replaced by a look of determination and resolve.
“
... The Force shall free me.”