Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Species The Neijoto

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Neivon

Spirit of the Shadow Guard
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[SIZE=9pt]Name:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Neijoto (Nigh-Hoto)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Designation:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Sentient[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Homeworld: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Peheru[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Average height of adults:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] 2.24 meters[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Fur color:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] A variety of greens, grays, browns, whites, yellows, and blues.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Breathes:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Type 1 Atmosphere [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Language: Galadoren, slowly adapting Basic[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Strengths:[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Extremely Resistant to Cold Temperature (Their wings have adapted to act like coats to protect their bodies. Although the rest of their body has also evolved to withstand temperatures, but only up to -74 [/SIZE]Fahrenheit)[SIZE=9pt] [/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Able to fly at fast speeds (Up to 75 mph). [/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Adaptive (They can easily adapt to the use of new technology, however they cannot adapt to warmer environment, typically wearing suits out in space designed to keep their bodies cool.)[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Peaceful[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Able to replace broken body parts and such in their next shedding. (Sheddings occur every 4 months)[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Chitin Exoskeleton[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Weaknesses:[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Not designed for combat.[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]Bugged by hotter temperatures, needing to wear clothing to help cool themselves down.[/SIZE]
  • [SIZE=9pt]It’s difficult for them to learn Basic.[/SIZE]
  • Very few are force-sensitive
  • Can only fly up to 3 kilometers
  • Wings can easily be broken like any insect, as they are purely designed for protection from the cold and for flight. (Wings are only made up of only two layers of cuticle and supported by veins and hair-like structures that cover the wings)
  • Lacks an endoskeleton

[SIZE=9pt]Distinctions:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt] · [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Large Coat-like wings[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt] · [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Insect-like physiology and anatomy[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt] · [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Large feelers[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt] · [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Two of their legs evolved for grabbing things.[/SIZE]
· Humanoid Appearance
[SIZE=9pt]Average Lifespan:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] 53.42 standard years[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Races:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]· [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Those of blue, white, grey, and browns coats are usually the most efficient in exploration. They are dubbed with the surname –‘Taval[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]· [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Those of Yellow and Green coats are the most social of the species and are efficient in diplomacy, economy, and other governmental and economical activities. All of these coats have the surname –‘Gosen, with the exception of the Monarch who is dubbed –‘Wedejo (Wed-day-ho)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Estimated Population: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Very few of the species ever left the planet. With the population being 23 million strong and growing.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Diet:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] They have evolved jaws with a tube-like mouth designed for feeding on liquids. On their planet, they consume nectars and saps. Those out in the galaxy, typically drink fruits to help get the nutrition they need. Even so, they cannot consume too much unnatural sugars as it will negatively affect their bodies. Their already high metabolisms make it impossible to consume food that lack sugars and other nutrients, and anything spicy will cause the species to get sick.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Communication:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] The species communicates through written and oral communication as they never developed higher technologies yet.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Culture: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Neijotans build and deconstruct shrines every day with a jagged spike directing to the poles to the ones they call the Northern and South Great Coats. Those with the most luxurious of coats that are able to survive in the most weather and storms at the poles of the planet. Whenever a love one dies, they build a smaller shrine to fit the body, having a similar spike directing to whom that Neijotan believed in more. The Neijotans have a leader with the least luxurious coat, a yellow coat. They act as a leader and show that great power doesn’t have to come from a great coat. Light is also an important part of their culture, as the species seldom gets light on their frigid world. They have numerous organic lights in their cities made from a chemical reactions produced by a predator on their world.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Technology level: Feudal [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]General behavior:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] The yellow and green coats are quite friendly and respectful, always opened to learning what the galaxy has to offer and always accepting help from others with very few suspicions. While other colored coats tend to not socialize as much, as their main focus is the understanding of things. This line of the species also tends to be suspicious of the alien visitors and often refuse to speak to non-Neijotans or speak to them with very few words designed to get [/SIZE]straight[SIZE=9pt] to the point. Both parts of the species often question those around them, especially authority, causing their Monarch to be forced to figure things [/SIZE]and[SIZE=9pt] detail it at the save time. As trying to hide information is shunned upon in Neijotan society. Ironically, when there's a crisis or some kind of physical dispute, Neijotans rarely avoid it, [/SIZE]trying[SIZE=9pt] to figure the core of the problem and solving it in a non-threatening way.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]History:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Neijotans have been out of the eyes of the galaxy, an unknown, unexplored place. They were ignored, forgotten, since no one visited or found their planet, things like the 400 year darkness and Gulag Plague never existed. As Neijotans evolve, so does their desire to find a way to get to the great coats. They began to research their environments, habitats, behaviors, and classifying species in a more logical, structured way. During the Netherworld event, severe snowstorms and crynados (snow tornados comprised of snow and ice) tore the land near the poles. The Neijotans believed it was caused by the Great Coats, they built a large, grand temple to the great coats in the capital city, where the Monarch each day, wrote down the people's plea. Only recently, by a band of soldiers looking for a place to rest from their attackers, was the planet discovered. The people welcomed the guests and technologies that were brought their way. The Techno Union, in particular, traded with them in their attempts to win another ally. The Neijotans to this day are hesitant as suggested by the explorers, they were to wait, to see one’s true hospitality before they choose a side.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Notable Player-Characters:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Kaihpo’Taval[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Intent:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] Creating a species for the purpose of having the [/SIZE]opportunity[SIZE=9pt], and for others, to roleplay as.[/SIZE]
 
[member="Neivon"]

So a few things that need to be addressed that shall be listed below:
  • How are they resistant to the cold? Detail this
  • Exactly how well can they fly? We're usually very wary of species that can fly indefinitely as such, we need some clear weaknesses tied into their flight ability
  • Adaptive in what way?
  • Very few are Force Sensitive would be more of a weakness than a strength
  • Technology typically denotes the level of technology as a whole, so please show what the technology level of the majority of the species would be
  • General behavior needs to be increased to at least a paragraph
  • While they were isolated from the galaxy from some events, I would like to see something about the Netherworld event added in as that effected every planet and civilization in the galaxy. Details can be found in the Holonet tab.
 
[member="Neivon"]

Okay so a few more things:
  • While those are some good starting weaknesses for their flight, I think it needs to be more and they need to be listed in the weakness section. What happens if their wings are damaged? What are their bones like? Are they hollow and brittle because of their flight? Those sort of things.
  • For intent, you can simply change this to read 'creating this species to hopefully create a species that people, like myself, will want to roleplay' or something similar to that. Far less wordy and gets the point across easier
 
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