Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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The Middling Path

When Corellia had suffered its recent and most irreversible tragedy, the effect on Miriya had been significant. Such an event provoked a range of emotions, some being grief, anger, or indifference. She grieved, in her way, and a prolonged bout of soul-searching was provoked into action. As always, she fell back on the oldest files in her memory, those associated with the teachings Rhuan had imparted to her - to help those in need, and do what must be done. To do what was necessary.

Not what was right, not what was good, but what was necessary. The three of these were, as always, a matter of opinion. Truth is either objective or subjective, and it was subjective for these things. What was good was not always wholly so - [member="Lucien Cordel"], for example, was good company, was good to her, but may not be an intrinsically good person by general consensus. Of course, what was good for the people was not the exclusive territory of those considered to be 'good'.

She had left him behind for the picking through of her soul when the Fringe Confederacy stood on its last legs. Now with that galactic government having faded into the mists of time, it wasn't necessarily the case that she would be returning to that sector of the galaxy, so it was fortunate that within her sparse communications with the Sith Lord that he had always left the invitation for her to rejoin him at his current holdings on Hypori, should she 'change her mind'. Not that her mind had changed in the first place, but it was made up now. Her 'self' was found, and she was assured more than ever of what her place was in this life. She wouldn't have the intended effect whilst mulling over 'do or do not' with the Jedi. Enough of that.

She came to his door, late into the evening - the Mitternacht nestled safely into the local spaceport - and eschewed the 'doorbell', instead turning her hand and rapping it with the back of her knuckles; a softer sound than if she had done it the other way around, and waited, quiet and patient.
 
Lucien had missed [member="Selinica Miriya Cailis"] quite terribly, he didn't mention or express this to anyone. `After All it would be rather daring to express emotion of that kind, people may well make accusations that he needed someone or more specifically Selinica. He didn't really know how to describe what he felt but it seemed to him that when she was around life seemed to fit together and when she was not there always seemed to be something missing. It was odd never before had anything had such an effect on him.

Things had changed a lot in the wake of the fringe collapse his son who had just entered high school when the fringe imploded had be restored to the age of seven , a process which took a lot of science Lucien didn't understand. In addition lucien had left politics for the most part to become an investor although he had been powerless to resist the chance to be director of finance in the techno union , old habits died hard he supposed , Perhaps lucien had been soul searching himself without even knowing ... that would be a daunting realisation if ever he thought about it in any great detail.

Although he had given Selinica an open invite her arrival had been a shock and he was disappointed to say that he was far more casually dressed than he would want, A far cry from the put together man she would be used to. He had just finished bathing his son and was as such splashed with water and his hair was a mess. It was all rather embarrassing for him. He still smiled none the less as he opened the door " Selinica hello, If I knew you were coming I'd have laid something on " he stood aside to let her in "It's the butlers night off but I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll make you some tea or there's wine in the dining room , I'm right in the middle of putting my son to bed so I'll need to go back to him but I'll be back in a moment" He closed the door behind her "... Sorry again" he blushed referring to everything. once he had pointed out the butlers room, the dining room and the lounge he rushed back upstairs to finish his son's story.
 
Seeing him not put together was endearing, to say the least. It was a side she hadn't yet seen, and she liked seeing it, but nothing was said on the matter. 'It's alright' would have been the minimum response, but she was content to let him explain, offering only a smile instead, and...

"Thank you, Lucien," she had said, "Family - Darien - comes first."

She laid a hand on his arm before he rushed back to his son - a thing she would have been confused about, if not for the mention of what had occurred within their correspondence. She had her questions at the time (unasked), but seeing the effect that turning the clock back on his son had on Lucien was more than enough of an answer for all of them. She watched him go, then went to the dining room to find the wine, and settle in with it in the lounge to wait for the man, picking through her thoughts while she waited and drawing comparisons between this home and the prior one in the former Fringe territory. Her memory of those rooms was quite clear, and she could see in the decor that Lucien was still, in fact, Lucien.

[member="Lucien Cordel"]
 
Much of the decor was the same really, he had just had his favourite pieces of furniture moved over. His technology had undergone some measurable upgrades, the union made the fringe look archaic by comparison. He supposed that's what came of a system built solely to make the rich richer , it let people play around and from their folly came inovation. He had not fully embraced all that innovation had to offer , he was after all an old fashioned man, for example he still kept an entirely human staff droids whilst cheap lacked the warmth found in an actual human.

Having changed into a new set of Pajamas and made some effort to straighten his hair out he returned downstairs. Although judging by Selinica's reaction the first time he doubted she would have minded if he hadn't changed. He thought he had forgotten what her touch felt like but the tingling in his arm reminded him, He had missed Selinica more than he had first realised. He clocked the wine as he stepped into the lounge. It was a good choice.

"I had forgotten how nosey seven year olds can be when bedtime rolls around" He laughed as he rounded to the bottle and pouring himself a glass.

He sat down next to her tucking his legs underneath him. Placing his hand between them and slowly inching it toward her

"So What has been going on in the world of [member="Selinica Miriya Cailis"]?" He asked with a smile edging toward her
 
Her musings went around to how life had so drastically changed over the past many months, and how some things remained the same. [member="Lucien Cordel"] was, if anything, an anchor in the whirlwind of her days. Her expression brightened when he came strolling in with commentary that made her mind stride back to when she was a child, herself, and her thoughts pulled away from those times, not wishing to dwell on the early years; her crossed legs were drawn up and tucked in, her body turning towards him as he sat. The inching hand was noticed, and her glass was passed from one hand to the other so that she could do the same.

"I grieved, I left, I grieved, I returned," she said in reply, "it's not every day that your homeworld, the planet of your birth, is destroyed."

The effect it had on her was difficult to describe. She would still grieve, though the sorrow lessened, and would become few and far between, given time. She gave a firm smile, and curled her fingers over the edge of his hand.

"I find myself saddled with some regrets, Lucien, that I have to live with," she said, giving that hand a soft squeeze, "that I must come to terms with, and it makes me wonder... what of your family? Your parents?"

Somehow, such things had never come up.
 
Lucien frowned as Selinica answered, He had forgotten about the business with Corellia. It had been a stupid question but he hadn't thought properly before asking. He looked away to avoid meeting her eyes, it would have been painful to see the suffering which was present. Then she smiled and he felt her hand on his.It was a welcome comfort, a distraction from how foolish he felt.

"I'm sorry, that was a dumb question" He responded softly lifting his head back up to meet her face, then he smiled too.

He was once again caught off guard by how captivating she was. [member="Selinica Miriya Cailis"] was perhaps the only person who could shake lucien's focus without doing or saying anything at all. She spoke of her regrets and how she had to live with them. He could empathise with that, his regrets often kept him awake at night. Dreams of Andra and Mikhail and how he should have been with them ... flashbacks of the broken boy his son was before the age reversal which regularly came around to punch him in the gut. Those feelings swelled then beginning at the pi of his stomach. But they were stopped by the squeeze of his hand, her touch made it easier as if his burden had been halved.

Then came a clincher of a request Selinica wanted to know of his family and more specifically his parents. That was a hard topic to talk about and prompted a pained laugh, not out of amusement but simply because he didn't know what else to do.

"That is complicated ... but I'll tell you about it " He responded with a sigh, his voice a trifle weaker than normal "It's not an easy topic though.

He put his wine on the coffee table and stretched his legs out a little, not so far that he encroached on her space but far enough that he could lie against the arm of the sofa. Talking about his family worried him, he had done vile things to them both intentionally and accidentally and he was worried he'd either break down or she would hear the tale and decide she couldn't stand him. He opted to get the vilest bit of his history out of the way first his parents and their death.

"I'll start with my parents , They are dead ... by my hand regrettably " He couldn't look into her eyes, he just gazed into the wall.

Lucien opted not to carry on yet and instead waiting on her reaction not wanting to go deeper if she was only going to decide he wasn't worthy of her affection.
 
His answer was not what she expected, but she hadn't been expecting a particular response in the first place. She had, however, hoped that it would be different for him. Not being quick to judge, her hand remained where it was. She had thought over the first life she had taken, a life offered to her for the taking, and had come to the conclusion that in the absence of Rhuan's offering of his life she might have considered taking the lives of her parents - or at least her mother's - herself as an option. She had only one thing to say, one thing to ask.

"Why?"

She had sought freedom from a gilded cage. Motivations differed, and she knew the make of the man at the end of her arm. She awaited his answer, a thumb stroking over his knuckles, wondering what he would say.

[member="Lucien Cordel"]
 
He couldn't answer right away. He took a sharp breath in musing over the answer to her question, He tipped his head back, Had he done it to make himself rich? Had he hated his parents? Why had he done it? He didn't really get anything for it not that he didn't already have. He was confused and in all honesty [member="Selinica Miriya Cailis"] was distracting him ... it was a good distraction mind. Her touch was soothing but he couldn't think.

"I'm going to be honest I don't know why? " He frowned "It seemed right at the time, I was young, vile and stupid and killing my parents is one of my " His voice caught and he coughed "My deepest regrets"

He turned to look at her now. He hoped she wasn't about to get up and leave, she still had hold of his hand which was a good sign. He made a great many errors in his life most regrettable but there were only four deaths lucien blamed himself for. His parents and his best friends. He wouldn't cry that just wasn't him but it was painful, his stomach was knotted.

shuffling to sit up he reached over to the coffee table. He needed a drink, he feared that he would be asked to go into greater detail. He didn't like talking about emotions it caused him great pain and he hated emotional pain, he couldn't easily fix that sort of pain. The knotting promised only to get worse the more they talked but then again perhaps talking would help in the long run.
 
She wouldn't let go; after his words of regret, she wouldn't and couldn't. No matter the way the deaths of either of their parents had come about, there was no way to get them back. Regret could fester, become ugly... or the owner of that regret could come to terms with it, accept that what was done is done, and the inability - nay, the moral and ethical unwillingness to change the past. With the Force, one was capable of a great many things, and the potential to change the universe with it could be beyond the scope of any imagination. To fear it, in that respect, could be wise.

"I think..." she said, giving his hand a squeeze, "...that what we do with our regrets takes precedence over what caused them. That you have regret at all over what you did as a younger man? That matters so much, it's so important."

A feeble smile pulled at her lips.

"Despite the path you walk, a heart still beats in your chest, and your humanity hasn't left you."

Her smile gained warmth, and moisture gathered in her eyes.

"That makes you so strong in my eyes, [member="Lucien Cordel"]."
 
It felt like a month had passed between his words and her reply.Minutes always felt like an eternity when so much was on the line. He was glad when she didn't leave, he would hate to lose her again so quickly. He needed her more than he cared to admit as his actions in the month could attest. He had left the fringe with one distant son, he now had two young boys and a godson floating about. Amazing really what can happen in a month of five minutes :p

"Thank you" Lucien replied , It was all he could muster, he hated his emotions. squeezing her hand back as he drank more wine. He owed a debt of gratitude to whoever had made it in first instance for wine was often what got him through the day. He tried so hard to be a good man but alas he knew in his heart that in his world, in the circles he moved in that good men got trod on and he was not willing to suffer in that way better to be a victim of his own loathing than to be a nobody.

He sat for a moment in silence, contemplating everything and nothing then sat back "I'm sure you didn't come here to listen to me talk about my past" He certainly didn't want to do it anymore "Should we do something a touch less morbid, I can see what I have by way of holovids if you like ? or we can do something else" He smiled desperate to do anything other than reflect.
 
Her head tipped, a short nod. She didn't want to press his discomfort, what regret or pain he carried. There was a time and place to face such things, if they ever were to be faced, and that time, that place, wasn't here or now. He took the chance to change the topic and ran with it, a wane smile pulling at her lips.

"Something else," she said to him, "anything else. It's you I came to see."

She drew from the glass in her other hand, and swallowed. Gazing at the holoscreen wasn't a pastime she indulged beyond the odd, rare case. She had always held a preference for books, and activity.

"Anything, Lucien," she insisted, "Anything you like."

She changed the way her hand was in his, lacing her fingers between his own, and squeezing gently.

[member="Lucien Cordel"]
 

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