First Reply The Looming Threat of Dosh Piko (character introduction)

[Dosh Piko]

Oh, hello there. Thanks for joining me. To be clear I am aware that I am probably talking to multiple people. And by multiple people, I mean probably only half a dozen actual readers, and about a dozen and a half bot accounts. But since you're here anyways, maybe you could help me out.

You see, my writer gave me this ship, which has seen questionable quality control procedures before being sold to me. I was on my way to Dathomir when my hyperdrive borked out and left me stranded. Naturally, I do have a distress beacon pinging out there, so that someone has an excuse to send their character to help me, but it's always a crap shoot, especially with all of these invasions going on. That, and I know that since you writers like to keep things interesting: I'm liable to be rescued by a force-witch, bisexual vampire dog-girl. Clearly, there are risks to my health here. But when you're heading to Dathomir in the most questionable ship that my writer could find in the factory, I guess I'll take what I can get.

My writer does like to keep things interesting.

However… so do I. My secret weapon is my ability to write reviews on peoples factory submissions. If you send your character to save me, and get me the rest of the way to Dathomir, I'll write an accurate review of one of your factory submissions on my blog for free. You writers are all artists, so a spotlight should be appealing to you. I write reviews for a living, so this is something that I understand.

So, for your reference, here is the message that my SOS beacon is playing on repeat:

"Please help! I'm stranded near Dathomir on a ship that Eocin Chiyat built! Please check out my blog for a scathing review on this ship and leave a like and comment after you rescue me…"

---

Spoiler: Equipment Loadout

Equipment: The Refresher broke, so I am armed with a very full makeshift chamber pot. You have been warned.

 

[Maple Harte]

The transmission would be picked up by an Oyokai Class Cruiser that had been patrolling the region. And it just so happened that Maple Harte, AKA Darth Strelok happened to be aboard, in command.

Sensing yet another person insane enough to break the fourth wall like they had a sledgehammer, Strelok immediately ordered the ship to change course in her best William Shatner impersonation and the deadly vessel soon arrived.

"Attention, unknown vessel, this is the House Io naval ship Blood of Amy, please state the nature of your ships distress and prepared to be brought into our hangar bay..." Strelok said, slouched in her command seat, playing with a yo-yo.

"Also, you are challenged to a game of movie references."

Dosh Piko

 

[Dosh Piko]

I look up from my magazine as the comm pings an incoming hail. Before I can try to get up from my makeshift chamber pot, and pull up my trousers, a fair-skinned woman appears on my holodisplay.

"Attention, unknown vessel, this is the House Io naval ship Blood of Amy, please state the nature of your ships distress and prepared to be brought into our hangar bay..." Strelok said, slouched in her command seat, playing with a yo-yo.

"Also, you are challenged to a game of movie references."

I toss the magazine aside, but I don’t stand up to preserve my dwindling dignity, “Sure! I’ll play whatever ‘movie’ games you want me to play, if you get me to Dathomir. This gunboat broke down and the hyperdrive is pooched.

“Also, what do you mean by… ‘movie’?” For your information, my writer forces me to ask this question since my listed weakness is that I’m not allowed to act on “out of character information”. I can perceive of what’s going on, but I can’t act on it. If you reveal to me “in character” that your character can also perceive the 4th…

Ack!

So, I guess according to Burtch, I’m not allowed to tell you that eith…

Ack!!

Oh, Kark off, Burtch!

Ok just respond with whatever you want. I can’t wait to get to dathomir already…

Maple Harte

 

[Maple Harte]

"By Movie I mean LIIIINNNNNES!" Strelok shouted unexpectedly, waving her hands about like a moron whilst making silly faces. Why she did this, she wasn't certain. But it made her feel awesome.

Support shuttles would come out of the vessel to tow his into the hangar.

"Now...first Movie Line...oh dear I can't think of any. Trouble with this format...oh hell, just come aboard like. Oh wait! I got one!" Strelok said excitedly.

She did a horrible James Earl Jones impersonation.

"I am your Father."


Dosh Piko

 

[Dosh Piko]

“Well you definitely don’t look like my father,” is all that my writer permits me to say. I feel my ship lurch from the shuttles towing my Gunship. I almost fall off my chamber pot as I… feel the contents splashing around under me.

Then, I find an angle, to try and open the 4th wall within the confines of my writer’s rules, “wait, are you quoting historical lines from the galactic civil war?”

I hope this works…

Maple Harte

 

[Maple Harte]

"YES! YES I AM! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!" Strelok shouted, speaking only in ham.

She must meet this man, this glorious man! And give him guns! Glorious guns! (Handsome Jack here: 90 XP). And starfighters!

Maple raced out of the room to meet Dosh Piko , still in her black biker leathers, carrying a rifle of her own design.

Dosh, in the meantime, had been greeted by a single Model 1, who, for some reason, had chosen to wear a cowboy hat.

"Welcome aboard, sir! I'm Kenny!" Kenny the Nuetralizer replied enthusiastically. "Come and meet Darth Strelok! She's super insane!"

The Model 1 gestured to follow, leading him to a Darth Strelok grinning next to a makeshift practice range. Other Model 1's were preparing and serving tea by a nearby desk.

"Oh it's been ages since I've run into someone as insane as you! Please stay for tea. In the meantime, I wanted to tempt you to try out a product we use!"

 

[Dosh Piko]

Poodoo.

I realize that your character’s responses won’t be revealing the fact that she can see through the 4th wall any time soon. If she even can. She might just be crazy too. Which apparently becomes evident…

Eventually, I come on board and I am greeted by Kenny the neutralizer. Nice guy, by the way. Love the hat. Kenny clunkily leads me to your main character, whom is firing a slugthrower, which I’m assuming my writer is going to force me to test for review later.

Your character then greets me warmly while simultaneously calling me insane. Not sure how to take that.

“Well,” I rub the back of my neck meekly, “Some might actually say I’m more sane than anyone else in… this galaxy.

“So… how do you feel about maaaaaybe giving me a ride to Dathomir?”

Maple Harte [/abbr]