The Inbetweens

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Hyperspace​

She didn't think that any of them really knew where they were going. Oh, the ship had a destination all right, but she meant in a more cosmic sense. To be fair, until recently, it wasn't the sort of thing Harper Kade would have been thinking about. Until only a few weeks ago, she wouldn't have looked farther for fulfillment and destiny than the end of the season and planning for the next- what the soil needed, how much seed to save, should they leave that field fallow or eke one more turn out of it first?

Instead of turning the soil over for the spring planting, she was here, on [member="Ember Farseer"]'s ship, somewhere between the stars and heading for a future that was far more uncertain than simply if they'd get enough rain or not.

Those thoughts, really, were what brought her padding to Alden's room that afternoon.

Afternoon? It felt like afternoon based on how long she'd been up, but she guessed it was pretty relative and didn't really matter anymore.

His door was open but she knocked anyway, knuckles rapping on the side. From Dellalt to Alderaan and then to the formation of this new Praxeum, the two had never really gotten a chance to just.... catch up. It was one thing after another.

And really?

She had an apology to make.

"Hey Al, can I come in?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

It felt weird if he was honest.

Even after all this time they hadn't been able to just... talk and figure things out. It was one thing after another, trying to put out fires (sometimes quite literally), while worrying about a thousand and one things. In truth Alden was tired, worn out. He hadn't had a proper night of rest since... well, since Dellalt, if he was being honest. Just the day before Alden had arrived on his ship and after that it had been a cacophony of responsibilities and stuff to take care of.

"Yep!" His voice called through the door, just a bit muffled, but there didn't seem any hesitation behind it. Once the door slid open by her touch she'd find Alden flopped down on the floor next to a lightsaber.

Opened up.

His fingers going through the parts with practiced ease as he cleaned them all out, before the attempt would come to put it all back together again. With his mind. "What's on your mind, Harp?" Alden asked, curiously, as he glanced on over his shoulder, indicating she could sit with him if she wanted. Or Harper could stand around, whatever worked best for her.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She paused in the doorway, watching him.

More accurately, watching what he was doing.

She didn't say anything right away, mostly because he looked like he was concentrating. To be honest, it was a lot of parts he literally had in the air and while she'd been invited in, she didn't want to distract him. Slowly she entered the rest of the way, coming up behind him and then around with plenty of clearance. She plopped down on the floor right next to the bunk as she watched.

On the one hand, Harper didn't want to distract him.

On the other hand, she also wasn't prone to beating around the bush or otherwise putting off difficult things once she'd come to a decision.

"I wanted to apologize," she said.

She leaned back against the bunk, drawing one knee up to her chest, the other leg stretched out all the way in front of her. She wrapped her arms around that knee, resting her chin there.

"For not telling you about the holocron sooner. I should have, I just, was still trying to figure out what I was going to do...."

Honestly, she'd hadn't known what that would be until she was already doing it. Of course, making the decision hadn't changed much, not yet.

She shrugged, not really knowing what else to say.

"You could probably use it a lot better than I can."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Alden blinked at that.

For a moment he kept his attention on the dismantled lightsaber, until he was ready to pause and let it drift to the ground with caution. In truth Belmont had been confused and even surprised at her reveal of the holocron back with the others. He had assumed she would share such a thing. That assumption had apparently been inaccurate, but it had not angered him or even made him upset.

Just curious really.

"You don't need to apologize?" Alden finally said, leaning back against the bunk and sighing as he massaged his temples. It hurt his head keeping so many parts afloat at the same time while focusing on the cleaning as well.

"A holocron is a rare and prized object, Harp, there is wisdom there and power." A shrug followed soon after. "I don't know where you got it, but it is yours and only yours, you get to decide what you do with it." That was about it as far as he was concerned really. Sure, maybe Alden could use it better, because of his training- but that didn't make it his?

Didn't give him any right or claim to it.

"Can I ask where you got it?"

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She nodded. She'd apologized because she'd needed to. What he did with it? That was up to him. Even if he said she didn't need to, she knew she had- in part for him, but also in part for herself. Harper wasn't the sort to let something eat away at her- not if it was something she could do something about.

She could put off a chore because it seemed too big to handle, but the longer something got put off, inevitably the worse it got.

It was easier to tackle something head on before it got out of hand. This had definitely had the potential to be one of those things. Mostly because she hadn't know if it was bothering him, but it sure as heck had been bothering her.

"Technically, I think it was supposed to be my dad's," she admitted.

Slowly, she pulled it out. The small, crystalline object was never far from her these days. There was something calming about it. Something grounding. And in the absence of actual ground, Harper would take what she could get.

"It got delivered right before the evacuation. No one had time to open it- no one had the attention it didn't seem that important. Somehow, it ended up in my bag. I honestly didn't even think about it until after Alderaan."

Carefully, she set it on the floor between them.

"I know you aren't upset, but I want to explain anyway. I didn't tell you right away because I didn't know what I wanted to do with it yet. If I should use it.... learn. If I should just give it to you."

He knew how she was, when it came to making decisions. She wanted to be left alone, to figure it out herself before inviting other people into the problem. It had honestly been a sticking point between them when they'd been younger.

Don't you trust me?

Of course I do, it's not about trust it's just about figuring things out in my own head before I invite other people in.

"It was addressed to the Kade family. No return address. I don't know why it was sent to us but," she shrugged.

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Back when they had been kids Alden might have been upset about this.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Might be the reason why she was afraid he would be now too, but that was then and then was now. In those days the most worry either of them had were sneaking into Tomas' apple orchard and not getting caught by him or his dogs. Simpler days when the Silver Jedi had seemed eternal- distant, but somehow protective in a Galaxy that was often shook by calamity. The Core burned, but the Silver Jedi protected, no? Then the tea cup shattered and with it the illusion.

To Alden it seemed that there were more important things to worry about now.

"You always were like that, Harp." Alden murmured with just the glance of a smile playing on his expression. His attention was on the 'cron though. It seemed to beat in the air, like a pulse similar to that of a heartbeat and it made him curious. "Just took a decade away from you to learn to appreciate it."

There didn't seem any regrets about it.

They had been different people back then- younger, stupid, they had made every mistake in the book and then some. Even so, Alden didn't regret what they had, just that back then? Leaving had been the right choice for everyone involved. It gave them space, room to grow, time to figure things out for themselves without the constant reminders and weight of time passing on them. It was good and it was exciting and some of it was bad, but Alden would have left again.

Had he been there now again on that crossroads.

"I did miss you, you know." Al finally said, looking up from the 'cron and meeting her eyes. "Had to learn to knock myself over the head when making a mistake without you." Now a smirk.

His hand gestured for the 'cron.

"Have you tried to activate it yet?" Every holocron was different in that capacity. It was lightside, of the Jedi, for sure because a peaceful feeling like this couldn't be faked by the Darkside. (Or so he thought). But some holocrons could be activated by non-forcers. Others needed fully-fledged Jedi, some could be opened by force sensitives. One couldn't really know until they tried, really. At the very least it wasn't a Sith Holocron. Those sounded awful with blood sacrifices and other nonsense.

He suppressed a shiver up his spine.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

A surprised blink.

"Yeah well, most people would appreciate a decade away from me," she joked immediately, covering up the reaction to that particular statement.

They'd been children together. Grown up together. Hell, they'd been each other's first kiss. For Harper, Dellalt had always been what she wanted. Her family's farm. A quiet life. Alden though.... he'd always looked toward the stars, if not literally than at least figuratively. They'd both realized, after some very uncomfortable times, that was just what it was. She'd thought about him, a lot at first and then, less and less as years had gone by. But never forgotten.

So why did it surprise her that he'd missed her too?

Maybe because he'd been the one going on to something different- something exciting. Better? Not for Harper but for him, sure.

"I missed you too," she said, her voice soft. "Kinda hard to replace your best friend, ya know?"

She smiled when he did, chuckling and shaking her head.

"Good," she said, sticking out her tongue before the conversation turned to more immediate concerns again.

When he gestured, she leaned over, placing it lightly in his outstretched hand. She had no concerns about how he'd handle it, or that he'd return it, so there was no hesitation.

"It's sturdier than it looks," she commented. Honestly the whole thing looked incredibly delicate- like a soft breeze could take it apart. But it had survived inside her pack on Dellalt and Alderaan and she knew she'd stumbled a couple of times that ought to have broken the thing.

She nodded in response to his question.

"Yeah, met the.... she called herself the guardian. I didn't go into depth, apparently there's a lot there. Mostly healing, she said. Honestly I don't know what I did- I mean, I didn't *do* anything. She just kind of appeared." Tone a bit sheepish. "I, uh, might have dropped it when that happened. She was pretty understanding."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

"I very much doubt that." Alden murmured absentmindedly as he studied the holocron in his hands. In truth he had never worried all that much about... hmm, about how his feelings might sound. No secrets, no hiding things deep within. That was messy and Alden didn't understand it. The day that he had realized what he felt for Harper (as a small kid, yes, but those emotions were just as strong back then as they would be now) he had come out and said it. That part of him hadn't changed, if anything it had only increased over the years.

He looked up when she mentioned she had missed him too.

Soft smile playing at the edge of the mouth, eyes as kind as they always had been. The tragedies they had experienced hadn't yet beaten down the spirit within. "I know what you mean- my replacement best friend was the protocol droid you got me for my birthday."

Until the events of Dellalt ended with them broken into pieces from a stray laser barrage. Alden managed to salvage some of the internal components, its memory for one, he was still tinkering on it when time allowed it. The hope was to one day salvage and repair it completely. He wasn't sure if he would be able to do it, but it was one of the things that kept his mind off of other things.

"You a Jedi though-" He smiled again, looking up from the holocron and the memories. "I always hoped that we would join the Order together." She knew that, they had fought about that a number of times. "Didn't... quite imagine it to happen like this though."

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

He was smiling when he said that, but her face was serious.

"Am I?"

Pulling her other leg up, she hugged her knees.

"I mean, I am, you're right. That was what I agreed when I signed on. Just. You're going to have to forgive me.... or don't I guess.... that 'happy' isn't really the emotion I'm having right now. I'm doing this cause it's the right thing to do."

She paused, chewing on her lower lip.

"This was your dream, Alden," she said quietly. "Not mine."

Quiet, but not bitter. More a little resigned. She'd made the choice and was prepared to see it through. Harper didn't do things any other way. She wasn't trying to say that she had no other choice. Simply that with the choices laid out, this was the only one she could take and not feel like she had chosen wrong.

"I'm on board. Fully. But it's because it's the right thing to do. Not because it's what I wanted."

He knew what she wanted. She'd known it from the time she was four or five. Some people's dreams changed over a life time, but Harper's hadn't, not really. They'd shifted and matured (she no longer wanted twelve kids like she had when she was six for instance), but when she closed her eyes and pictured her future, it was always a simple, quiet life. Doing good by her community, her family. Hands in the soil.

She was committed to this path, but the other one would always be something lost.

While he hadn't thought it would happen like this, Alden had gotten what he'd wanted. Harper had not.

Saying it, thinking it, made her throat tight, and she swallowed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. Like hell if she was going to cry here about that. But it was what she wanted to do, more than anything. It was a loss, as surely as losing a person was. And she hadn't yet given herself time to grieve for that.

There simply wasn't the luxury for it.

She cleared her throat, looking back at him after a moment.

"If you want to take a look at that holocron, I mean, what's in it, you can," she said, her voice a little lower, a little gruffer than she meant it to be. "She said she'd open to someone's curiosity, or pain, like if they were sad or confused. Or else you can say her name. Apparently it's pretty easy to access some of the stuff, but she's cautious about who can see all of it."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

The smile faded and was replaced with something more akin to a serious expression.

It didn't take an empath to realize how Harper was feeling. In truth it made him feel a bit stupid and just a bit selfish that it didn't really pop up naturally in his brain, before making the comment. "Hey," His hand reached out, slowly, softly to wrap into hers if she would let it. A squeeze. "I am sorry." There was nothing more to say- it encompassed a lot of things at once.

Her hope, her parents, their situation, the way she was losing out on the life she wanted.

Sure, Alden had always wanted to travel the stars with her and help people together, but not if it meant all this had to happen for it. "None of this is fair to you, you never asked for it-" She actively argued against it, in fact. "I will do my best to help however I can?"

A soft shrug.

"Even if it is just to talk and listen when you need it most." In that moment the holocron wasn't even in the top ten of things on his mind, so it was simply put to the side.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Her hand reached out, meeting his half way and squeezing back.

"I know," she said, a smile flickering over her face, though it never reached her eyes.

That was the thing about Alden. He always saw the best in a situation. Whether actual or potential. He hadn't been trying to trample her experience, in the slightest- she had no doubt of that because that simply wasn't him. Sometimes he could be insensitive because he was so focused on the parts that were good that he missed the other things. But it was never with bad intention.

She shrugged, as if she could physically remove it from her mind with a twitch of her shoulders.

"The galaxy isn't fair," she said quietly, not letting go of his hand right away. She offered him a wry smile. "I know if you were in charge of it? It would be."

Her hand slipped away, moving back around her knees.

"Thanks. I don't.... know what I need yet, Al. But, when I do, you'll be the first to know."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Her hand slipped out of his easily.

A chuckle next at that thought.

"I am barely in charge of this lightsaber's maintenance, don't even wanna think about the whole Galaxy yet." He said with a shake of the head and a wry smile. In truth Alden had walked into one failure after the other. Dallalt, Alderaan, his failures, his weight to bear. Too many people dead on both words and it was because he hadn't been good enough.

Strong enough, fast enough, his mind not quick enough to figure out a solution.

Something told him that even more responsibilities wouldn't have a better effect. Then he nodded, no sense in pushing her on it- Harper would have to poke at it alone for now, figure out just what she needed. But once she knew? He'd be there. That was the least Alden could do after Dallalt. Part of him knew that it hadn't been all his fault, but that didn't do much against the guilt.

Burying it deep for now.

"You got it, Harp." He slowly let the holocron levitate between them. The needles were digging into the space behind his eyes, it was a lot, but that was what training was about, no? Pushing your boundaries one inch at a time.

Until they gave way for progress.

"Let's see what wisdom this has to offer."

Above the tip of the crown a woman materialized slowly into the air. Eyes kind, hands folded into her lap as she watched them, head slightly tilted while waiting on something.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Harper nodded, watching as he activated the holocron.

She knew, logically, that the small figure was not a real person. That it was an impression, a coded simulacrum of the person. But it was really hard to treat it like that.

"Alden, meet Bethany. Bethany, this is Alden, the Jedi I told you about."

She glanced at Alden, but didn't elaborate to him at the moment just what she'd been telling an ancient Jedi master's technological copy about him. The small figure just smiled. It was strange how a smile could be both comforting and sad at the same time.

"It's very nice to meet you Alden," the dark haired woman said. "Harper spoke highly of you."

Harper's hand covered her face.

The small figure looked up curiously, but the quality of the smile tugging at her features shifted slightly.

"Did you decide yet, if you wanted to learn? Or are you giving him the holocron?"

Harper shook her head, glancing over at Alden.

"I'm going to learn," she said. "But I thought there might be things he could also learn. There are.... other Jedi too. I'd like to share this with, if that's okay."

The small figure chuckled.

"Of course it is."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

"I am sure she exaggerated a bit here and there. I cannot fly, no, neither do I fulfill wishes." Alden met the sad smile with an offered grin, even though he knew that it was incredibly hard to try and shift a holocron's gatekeeper from their established personality. They weren't simply programming or coding. The crystal lattice within was shaped and formed by the force of being of a Jedi.

Part of Bethany was within those crystals and that part was what made the gatekeeper self-aware to some degree. It knew what it was, that was why they were so effective at protecting their charge.

But the name kept scratching at him. He knew the name, had heard of it at the very least. Bethany.

Hm.

Bethany Kismet, that was it, yes! "Bethany Kismet?" Alden suddenly asked after her chuckle. "Jedi Master Kismet?" Harper send him a curious glance, which he was ignoring for the moment. Instead all his attention was on the gatekeeper. Something shone in those blue eyes. Then a nod, calm and serene even in the moment. "That was my last name, Alden."

A smile. Bright and true followed at the confirmation. A bit triumphant because the lesson had been remembered.

"Bethany Kismet was a great healer before the Gulag Plague. Her vision ensured many of the Sith turned away from the Darkside, leading them back to the Light and showing the Jedi Order that violence was not always the best option." Now it was Kismet's turn to seem amused. "The stories are.... exaggerated somewhat, Alden. But yes, that was me."

"I learned about her in the Academy." Alden said with a smirk to Harper. "Half a decade back she resurfaced... leading the Order of the Lotus? I think? My instructor was less clear on how she resurfaced though."

Questioning glance to the gatekeeper now.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Harper watched their discussion ping pong, a completely bemused and lost expression on her face. A helpless shrug at one point when Alden looked over at her. She had no idea who they were talking about- well obviously the figure in the holocron, but beyond that, the young woman just leaned back against the bunk and listened. This was why she had considered originally simply giving it to him.

He had what he needed to actually utilize all of the knowledge offered.

What she wasn't expecting was the slightly startled look on the image's face at Alden's last question.

"That...... I would say it should be impossible, but then, from what I know of her death." The tiny figure looked thoughtful.

"My previous holder was either unaware of that information or else died before he could pass it on to me. The knowledge in this holocron was always meant as a repository of learning, so even if she is alive, somehow, there is no need to return it to her. Her intention was never to keep it for herself. She made it, and gave it over to one of her pupils, who brought it home beneath the safe keeping of himself and his partner.... and then later, their children."

She cocked her head and looked at Harper.

"One of your ancestors, Harper, or else I never would have been sent to your family. Later, if you are inclined, I would appreciate if you would offer me the names and birth years of your family members, as far back as you know. I will update the genealogy to include your branch of the family."

Harper blinked.

"Um, sure. Okay. Wait. Okay I guess it's not that weird that I have Jedi ancestors but-"

But it clearly was.

She reached up and scratched her head. "Not something my parents ever talked about. So, uh, who was the last keeper then? I didn't know I had any family that didn't live on Dellalt. Used to. Anyway."

The small figure smiled. "Ayden Cater."

Harper BLINKED.

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Alden whistled and leaned back himself.

"Family of the one and only former Lord Protector of the Omega Protectorate." A bemused glance towards Harper at that. "Had I known I was dating practically royalty I might have never left, you know." They both knew that wasn't true. Alden always had hyperlanes for veins, exploring, dragging her out in the middle of the night to go and discover something new in the old cavernous systems nearby their village. Always pushing forward, almost never looking back. It was that last thing that had been his flaw back then, not being able to enjoy what he had.

But that was youth for ya.

He liked to think he had improved on that account at least a little. Then reality settled in though, tearing him away from those ancient memories. "I did hear he disappeared during the Omega Crisis."

A bit more sober now, shaking his head.

One more galactic crisis the Silver Jedi Order had ignored in favor of hoarding their own little kingdoms in the Tingel Arm. "Thank you, Master Kismet." Back to the gatekeeper for now. "Unless Harper has any more questions, I think I have had enough history for one night." A questioning glance towards Harper. This was her history after all.

It wouldn't surprise him if she wanted to hear more.

But all it did for Alden was remind him of his own family that was gone now.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

The look Harper gave him could have curdled blue milk.

Partly because she was actually a little shaken by that information.... and partly because... yeah, he would have.

Harper had always been content with what she had. Her home, her family. When they were younger? With him. The here and now had always been Harper's focus. No farther out than planning for the next season because beyond that? There was no telling what there was. For a while, she'd thought, maybe he'd change his mind. She understood later how childish that had been, but it hadn't lessened the hurt when he hadn't. They had parted as friends, yes, no hard feelings.

But that hadn't made it easier to bear at the time.

He'd gone and she had stayed. He'd moved on and eventually, so had she.

Harper shook her head. "Um, no, I'll.... I'll go over it with you later," she said awkwardly to the small figure from the holocron.

She had enough to think over without adding the details to it. And there was still the not insignificant matter of not knowing where her family was right now... if they were still alive. Reciting their names and births to record now would be too hard.

The small figure nodded, inclined her head- and the light faded, the holocron going dim once more.

"Should have just given it to you like I initially thought," she muttered, letting out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.

She made no move yet to pick the small device back up.

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

He did notice that glance and was properly chastised by it.

It couldn't have been easy for her.

While Alden had gone away, wrapped himself into experiences and new experiences, she had stayed behind. That was what she had wanted to do, yes. But in that moment Alden had picked himself and his hunger for adventure over her. Over them. They had been young, but that didn't ease a hurt. He let the 'cron levitate up in the air to make room for himself to scoot up next to her.

Not touching.

They weren't... Alden couldn't put it into words, but with a pop the holocron plopped down into his stretched out hand and then he gently placed it on her lap. "It's part of your history, Harp." Al softly said, his arm resting easily on the bed behind her. Almost as if it was wrapped around her shoulders like those old times. But that reflex had been just avoided.

"I will gladly learn from it together with you." Head tilted. "And Ember and Anais, but I wouldn't want to take it from you."

Hand reached out, offering to hold hers for a moment, if she wanted.

"How are you holding up with all this?"

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

"Is it though? Is it really?"

She looked at him, her expression serious.

"I didn't know about any of this until right now. How is that part of my history, Al?"

Reaching out, she took his hand, but not to hold it the way he was offering.

"Dellalt. The soil." Her hands were calloused and strong- they always had been. There wasn't dirt under the fingernails now, or creased into the lines, but it was easy to remember what that looked like. "My family. Not Ayden Cater, but my folks. My mom and dad. My sisters."

That's when her fingers laced into his, squeezing his hand for a minute.

"You. That's my history, Alden. This is.... something else. I dunno what yet."

She let go of his hand, picking the holocron back up.

"But if it's anything, it's the future I guess. But my history? Nah." A wry smile was offered. "I'm not.... any different cause apparently there's important people hiding in the closet. Though," she made a face. "Okay it's pretty weird, yeah, but it doesn't change anything, you know?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

"History is history with or without your knowledge, Harp." Alden pointed out calmly. "It happened, somewhere it affected people and somehow it has led to you." A shrug followed soon after.

"That's what I think anyway."

Years ago they might have gotten into an argument about it. They had often done that, about the smallest, about the little things, it had been... tense at certain points, but it had also been good. That's simply what happened when both souls were stubborn and full of energy. They had grown since then, let the opinions be opinions and not worry too much about who was right or who might be wrong.

In this situation he could have an opinion, yes.

But- "This is your life, Harp, you get to decide what it means to you." That was the reality of the situation. He squeezed back and then let her pick-up the holocron instead, letting his hand slip down to the ground, fingertips brushing the carpet just a bit.

"Mhm, you are still you and you are great on your own merits." A wink there.