Temperingmental

[Cynthia Solus]

Cynthia came to the forge when most others had already left. It was early hours and sleeping was an impossibility. She was struggling and everything was worse when things was quiet. It was times like this she would rely on the one person who'd always been there, not that she could face him right now. It didn't change she felt used and discarded but Gray was to world to her and she felt as if she was nothing to him now. It lefter feeling even more lost in an ocean so empty yet so full at the same time.

She carried a box over to an empty work area, the furthest away from the others. The new black and pink helmet slipped over her head. If she was to look in a mirror it would look funny that she didn't have the rest of her armor on. Instead she was in her normal clothes. "Ca play playlist." She said making a command to the voice recognition. The helmet would begin to play music that didn't help her situation with the emotions but it was helping her grieve. The girl rolled out the blueprint to the new weapon and then looked at the chunk of metal. It was her first time working from Ingots and really she hadn't a clue what to do.

Cynthia came to the forge when most others had already left. It was early hours and sleeping was an impossibility. She was struggling and everything was worse when things was quiet. It was times like this she would rely on the one person who'd always been there, not that she could face him right now. It didn't change she felt used and discarded but Gray was to world to her and she felt as if she was nothing to him now. It lefter feeling even more lost in an ocean so empty yet so full at the same time.

 

[Ginnie Dib]

Quiet was a state Ginnie lived in perpetually. Music resided in flimsy memories, or in the hums her brother and father would make when trying to ease the girl to sleep in her troubled past.

Rejected, beaten, thrown away… Ginnie’s life had never been one of security or assumed kindness, until her Daddy [member="Ordo"] adopted her, kissed her on the forehead and took her home to Okyaab IV. She’d failed him, and rebuilt. And upon his death, Ginnie did all she could to save the family from more hardship, more cruelty at the hands of a few.

Yet now, Ginnie was back in Mandalorian space… not for long, a few days after saving [member="Teagan Stoirm"] and [member="Cynthia Raxis"]. Time was fickle, when one lived in space so long, and Ginnie didn’t much mind that the hours were ‘off’ when she walked into the communal forge.

She spent her first few minutes stoking the fire, preparing tools, and setting down the plates of her beskar’gam which required repair. That was when she turned to notice Cynthia Raxis.

“Su cu’yar.” Ginnie said, in her deaf-tone voice. ‘So, you’re not dead’ the Mando’a greeting went. Ironic, perhaps? No. In this case, it was honest. The girl had pulled through.

Nodding at the blueprints, Ginnie cocked her head to the side. “What are you making?”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Leto Vos"]

The voice made her jump as she threw off her helmet. The Echolocation had fritzed out by the music making the outside sounds come through 20x louder. "Geez!" She spoke loudly before turning around. "you. Errm Right I'm thinking about making a new gun." She said now properly examining the woman wondering if the woman can hear her or even understand what she just said. "I don't mean to be rude but you cant hear right? as in lipreading? if it helps I could set my helmet up to do speech to text?" Really Cynthia didn't know how she should speak. She never knew sign and this was the first time she'd ever faced someone who was deaf.

The girl bent down picking up her helmet and placed it down. "Ca stop music. Ca turn off echolocation. Ca Speech to text." The girl said one after the other giving the program commands. Shed take out the data pad. It wasn't big but it was enough to read off as a small distance. "test." She said as the word appeared on the screen. "So yeah I was thinking about it but I guess with everything going off in my mind I forgot I cant forge. Also I wanted to say sorry again you could have left me to die and you didn't. Although this time you'd be able to read my words." Her eyes fell onto her arm where the large fresh scar was. It was covered up by the arm band but she knew it was there.

 

[Ginnie Dib]

Ginnie looked to the squirming woman, eyes focussed on where her lips would be if she weren’t wearing the helmet. The girl seemed to get it, understand more than like, that Ginnie was deaf. A data pad became Ginnie’s ears, and Ginnie looked from the data pad to the plans around [member="Cynthia Raxis"].

“You can’t forge, but you’re here. Learn or leave.” Ginnie went to turn around, go back to fixing her buy’ce, but something stopped her. Maybe it was the apology, or more likely, the fact that an uninitiated goran in the forge could be a danger to herself, as well as Ginnie.

“You’re sorry for what? Being alive? Or are you sorry for making whatever reason it was temporarily worth more than your life?”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]

Her eyes moved back up to the woman and quickly turned away. "I guess both yet neither. So far I've lived a life that is not longer worth living so maybe if I wasn't here id not feel so..." She paused for a second as she thought about swallowing the words but maybe it would be best to just talk about it. "So used, led on and alone. The one person I devoted so much of my life to found happiness in another. Even though he knew how much I felt about him, how much I would do for him. I depended on him but non of that matters now." A tear began to make its way over the soft skin of her pale cheek as she rushed her words. Her hands quickly reached for the helmet once more putting it back on and adjusted the volume. Although she wanted to cover up she was going to start crying.

Cynthia crouched down her hands covering the visor. The girls body would shake every few seconds like one would trying to hold it all back. "I really don't want to be alone anymore, and I don't have anyone else to turn to." Coming to the forge was about a desire to escape from it all, but maybe she was meant to come here. To finally accept how she felt instead of kicking it back to build or to make everything vanish at an instant. It was a good start to a long road of recovery.

 

[Ginnie Dib]

So it was about a man. Ginnie gritted her teeth and sat down beside [member="Cynthia Raxis"], pursing her lips. Did she understand that level of affection? Ginnie’s mind went to D’ral, wherever he’d gotten to with Dejan. It occurred to her it was useless to talk about her own pains with Cynthia. A woman that broken needed to hear other such things.

“No, it doesn’t matter. Who wants a relationship with someone one-sided? If he found happiness in someone else, that’s enough of a hint to take. You breathe. You function and walk. You muddle up your plasmic coils on that design.” Pointing at the place on Cynthia’s blueprint, where Ginnie saw a mistake, she clucked her tongue.

“Any life is better than death. He jilted you, it happens. Your value didn’t come from him, or what you did for him, whomever it is. Your value is in you. Sometimes all we’ve got is living and breathing, and sometimes that has to be enough. The only reason we Mandalorians have to die prematurely is protecting Mandalore, and protecting what we’ve got. You are Mando’ade. You have the entire vode. Not just one man.”

Ginnie pulled over the designs fully, and started tallying a supplies list. “You need these. They’re mostly over in stock. Go get them and I’ll help you build this thing… hey. There are millions of us. You have all of us to turn to. Sometimes that’s all people like us have.”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]

It remained quiet for a moment until she heard the woman speak once more. Her thoughts clung to the woman words as she said in her head, I do and questioned why he chose someone else not her. It was all so painful and felt like a fresh wound that was deep enough to hurt the heart in the worst way possible. She wanted to forget everything but it would be like forgetting who she was. Now, right now Cynthia was lost in a pool of emotion and she was sinking. Taking a deep shaky breath she'd lift the helmet enough to wipe her eyes and then stood back up pulling it back down. She'd see the mistake knowing that she'd have corrected it some point.

Cynthia looked at the back of the woman's head. "What if enough isn't enough and why is it so much to ask for?" She asked rhetorically. "Besides I've nothing left anymore. Sold my home two years ago to fund my search for Gray. My ship was stolen on Utapau after, you know, and the very little credits I have left gets me through day to day. I hate having to mooch off the clan but as I said, I have nothing left. No where to go, and no one to call my own." She said in a way that made her seem detached, although Ginnie would't hear that or even see the expression on her face.

"I guess and well I wouldn't say its helped any but it good to let this of my chest, and thanks. It would be nice to learn how to forge, i never got taught by my first clan and buir was well not absent for the most part of my life. Strider was like that for all his kids although I was the only one that he chose, so you can imagine some jealousy there." Cynthia said as her tone picked up a little, the girl moved off to get the parts heading to the stone made storage unit. It took her a couple of minuets browsing the boxes that sat upon the stone shelves. She knew most of the parts for the guns was sat in the box she carried. the coils was put together by herself. Something she knew how to do but it didn't last as a distraction. As she got back over to the forge station she'd place down the items next to the stuff she bought.

 

[Ginnie Dib]

“Gray? Gray Raxis? The Mand’alor’s daddy?” Ginnie screwed her face up, plunking down on the stool beside [member="Cynthia Raxis"] and tapping her fingers on the seat.

“Stuff, homes, credits, ships… all replaceable. What’s a clan to do if not help its’ members? That’s what the aliit is there for, Cynthia. Don’t remove their joy by refusing their help.” Ginnie pulled her buy’ce over and began to yank out the electronic components.

She pulled her tools from a shelf, and began to work on her ruined, battle-scarred armour. “If I gave up every time I lost what I had, I’d have offed myself at 11.”

Tinkering in her helmet’s electronic components, Ginnie kept glancing over at the crying young woman, who really was around her own age. Romantic attachment frightened Ginnie. She pushed past it, ran away from it.

Nothing was worth the pain she saw in Cynthia Raxis’ body and mind. “Not all Mando’ade know the Forge… I can teach you. You’re not allowed to shirk on the training, I will walk my backside into the afterlife to bring you back kicking if you do… Strider and Gray, you can pick male role models as well as I pick family. Thing’s’re dark now. Given. Things’ll improve. Put your shoulder into it, and keep working. Things will swing up…”

“… after all… who wants to give themselves to a man, who finds someone else so quick? Men. Frakking mess.”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]

Cynthia looked at the woman who was shocked by grays name. "Yeah that Gray." She said sitting down. "Besides the clan is to scattered to do anything, chances non of them even know what happened which is good. Besides I'm not exactly happy with the clan after many of them gave up looking for Gray. I think in the end it was just me actively searching and trying to find leads. Not even Star, his wife continued the search till a message was sent out. Still, I guess I gotta move on and look forward. I need to stop holding onto what I don't have anymore, as much as it pains me to admit."

Cynthia didn't really know how to respond to the kindness the woman was giving her. Although she didn't really understand what the girl meant by her comment, but the rest tied it together making her understand. "Thank you Ginnie, and yeah men are the worst but something about them make you want to love them..." Her hand banged against the table, not in anger but admittance. "No more!" Cynthia said loudly not that the girl could hear it. "I'll never love anyone again unless I'm sure they feel the same." there was a small chuckle that followed those words. In some ways talking about it had helped her feel better. Not entirely but a little, and that, that was okay. She had began the road to heal but that road would be long and filled with challenges. "So, what do I need to do then. I'm ready to do this and I am willing to learn so I'll try not to let you down."

 

[Ginnie Dib]

Ginnie whistled, or thought that she moved her mouth in the appropriate motion, while letting air flow past her pursed lips. “Tough. That’s tough… wait, the Clan didn’t go find their Alor, when he was wounded? Heck, even Mantis’ wife Aditya called on the vode to find Preliat, and she was some Aruetii noblewoman. True story, when she was pregnant with… well, the Mand’alor… time is weird.”

Ginnie shook her head. Did she just admit to knowing Yasha Mantis before she was born? And now they were the same age? The Universe was a strange, wild place. Here was a young woman, not much older than Ginnie by the look of [member="Cynthia Raxis"], who had a thing for Yasha’s adopted dad? And worse, Clan Raxis didn’t go after their own?

“Vode are supposed to scour the heavens and the earth for each other, Cynthia. It’s the only thing that’s truly sacred. The Alit comes first. Family over all else, and if Raxis forgot that? Then they need to wake up… guess there’s a reason he divorced her, if she didn’t even try and find him. I mean, Preliat’s wife, [member="Aditya Mantis"], she was pregnant and on the front lines of our Sith prison break. Lame. You’ll do better without him. Trust me, we’re not one and done. We’re strong shebla-kicking Mandalorian females, Cynthia! We are mighty. Isn’t that what your vode Yasha believes? You need to believe it too.”

There was value, even in a broken thing. Ginnie sat and began to take charge on fixing her buy’ce, smirking at Cynthia’s comments about loving men. “Love needs to go both ways, otherwise it’s never going to work… trust me… I’m kind of going through that myself.”

Ginnie sniffled, rubbed her nose on a hankie, then got back to work. “Grab the supplies, then we’ll get your ingots to the furnace. I’ll help you melt them down and make them into component alloys you can use.”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]
Cynthia partially left her seat, her thigh still hovering over the seat as she reached for the crate to drag it closer. "Clan Raxis are supposed to do a lot of things they don't. When Gray disappeared a portion of the clan was griping to fill that power void. Unlike them I didn't crave to fill that spot, I wanted my alor back." She said now realising the irony. "Its funny, because now I want to be as far away from him as I can." She'd pull out the tools and parts setting them out onto a cloth that was set out onto the work bench, Cynthia had been careful to keep all the screws and small parts organised into containers.

"And Yeah love sucks, love is just so tricky, and its almost vexing, but something we can't help feel... No matter how hard you try to ignore it." She said with a giggle before it turned serious and Cynthia looked towards the woman with a more serious expression. "Anyway I take it love isn't been kind to you either?" Cynthia asked curious to know more, not that it was any of her business. As the pink haired mandalorian sat there she began to think about how she wished that she'd have met this woman in a different way that they did. At least one thing the woman didn't look uncomfortable or giving off that this was awkward.

 

[Ginnie Dib]

“Sounds like a clan going through a metamorphosis. When Mando’ade have no firm leadership, we’re little more than fighting jackals… it is why Mand’alor is so important. So too is the Alor of the Clan important. Without that direction, we fall apart.” Ginnie pulled metal ingots to her as [member="Cynthia Raxis"] needed, and placed them in a pot to melt, sticking the heavy pot on the forge coals as if it were paper.

“If I were you, I’d steer clear too, at least until the dust and feelings settle. Sucks, but… what do you expect? Guy married the Mand'alor's family servant. The Atrisian. Last I saw, they’re already expecting twins. Yash was excited enough about it to holo about it, when I was coming home.” Laying out her own supplies, Ginnie began to reconstruct the systems in her buy’ce, tinkering with burned out nubs and fickle solders.

For a while Ginnie stood by the heat of the forge, watching ingots slowly begin to temper and melt. She wrapped her arms around her chest and sighed.

“Love did me wrong, too. He… ah… we were raised together. We adopted an infant son, and… he broke up with me and took the baby. I know in my heart of hearts I’ll never see my son again. I kept trying to make it work, but… I don’t even know what happened. Woke up and he was gone. Gone in that way when you know they’ve left you and aren’t coming back.” Steam peppered along her face, and Ginnie refused to believe she was raw all over from the betrayal.

No, D’ral needed his own life. Besides, she wasn’t much of a mother.

No. Not much of a mother.

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]

"You know, I've kept thinking that maybe i should find a new clan to call home. Not as a way to distance my self, but it is a part of the reason. I want to belong somewhere I can be me and not seen as the alore's old side queen. I've even though about been clan-less. I'd be free and the only word i'd have to follow is mand'alor's. In a way i would be my own alor." She said softly watching Ginnie do her thing. "For the most part i stayed out of it. One person tried to claim alor though. Told him where to stick it. Not seen him since. Not a fan of the power hungry types. Anyway Gray has his life now and I have my kinda lack of one. Besides been in clan Raxis I probably mean nothing to him anymore."

"maybe leaving the clan would be for the best." She said really thinking about it. The metal slowly turned into liquid as she watched it. Ginnie was busy with her helmet too. She found the wiring for helmets to be tedious but was fun too. It was mostly the tight space to work with that did it for her. She was glad that her arms wasn't chubby or like a mandalorian mans who lived to work out and show off the musculus.

As Ginnie began to speak Cynthia looked at the woman. The words made her heart sink, she may have never had a child but having one ripped away, one that you loved and cared for. It would be something that would shred hear heart into pieces. Cynthia left the seat leaning closer to Ginnie as her arms wrapped around the woman's shoulders. "This man sounds like a jackass. You are a wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to have someone like you. You strike me as the person to go out their way and put someone first. Reason I'm still alive is proof of that. Just don't loose hope, Your kid may someday come seek you out or your ex may try to run away from the responsibility...

I have contacts, brokers who are good at finding out things and a wide reach. Say the word and i can make calls." Her hand would rub up and down the woman's back for a second before letting go and sitting back down. "I owe you my life after all. so its the least I can do."

 

[Ginnie Dib]

“Being without a clan don’t make a dang thing easier, Cynthia. Not a dang thing.” Ginnie grumbled, her jaw clenching tight as a gordian knot. She watched the metal, swept away in the tyranny of it all.

Losing hope, losing love, losing children.

“I was clanless, Cynthia. Before Daddy adopted me. As many issues and problems as a clan might have? Being in one is infinitely better than being alone. You just have to figure out if you can rectify the past with where the future is going. Clan Ordo is all but dead now. I’m the only one left on Mandalore or in the realm… Maybe with Daddy dead, it’s time to strike out on my own. Build something for myself you know? Or beg Yash to let me be a Mantis… Preliat would hate that. Might be worth it.” Continuing to tinker on her buy’ce, Ginnie felt [member="Cynthia Raxis"]’ arms wrap around her. She shut her eyes and hugged Cynthia’s arms.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.” Stuttering, Ginnie took a deep breath and held it. “Thanks, Cynthia… maybe this is for the best. I’m a lousy mother.”

 

[Cynthia Solus]

[member="Ginnie Verd"]

Cynthia found it hard to believe Ginnie would have been a bad mother. Sure the woman had a mandalorian heart but it was of solid gold. "That's osik and you know it. You are a kind person. You may have your faults, we all do but I imagine you was the best mother you could be in your position. Your ex is an arsehole. Don't give up, I certainly wasn't aloud to so you can't either." She said with a soft comforting voice and a look that matched. It wasn't one of sympathy but worry.

"And if you are starting Clan ordo back up as its alor, then would you have a spot for me maybe? We can build it back up together, start fresh and make the clan into what you believe is right. I mean I need a new place to be where I can flourish and move on with a clean slate, and it sounds like to me you could also use the company. I promise its not an excuse to stay close to you... kinda." Cynthia grinned that soon let her lips as she realised if that was it to much to ask? A clan was a big responsibility, and everyone who followed the alor was the alor's responsibility too, but it couldn't be done alone. "Honestly I'd follow you as my alor. Not because I owe you, but because I want to. You are the type of person i'd willingly walk into manda with even if there was no coming back from it."

Cynthia looked into the pot that was over the coals, it had completely turned into a red glowing liquid that filled every gap of the rough surface. "Should that be ready?"