Private Sunshine on a Rei-ny Day

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival

"I'm-" Klar paused, giving her mind time to catch up to her mouth. She smiled apologetically and nodded her agreement. "I'm a pretty lonely person." She confessed. "Not all of the time. I love being around people, and I'm so thankful that I've been able to make a nice circle of friends and maybe-more since joining the Tython temple. I don't do well on my own.." The Codru-Ji reluctantly admitted. Put out in plain language like that, it felt like she was taking advantage of them in some way, manipulating others to serve her need to not be alone with her thoughts. That she was aware it was an unflattering, unfair take didn't stop it from feeling like it wasn't entirely incorrect.

As the two continued walking, the path spiraled downwards. Here and there were pressurized tanks containing sea creatures from the murky depths of the many seas in the Alliance. The main, massive tank that served as the spine of this section of the Royal Icqui Aquaria had significantly less light filtering down from the surface. The darker surroundings and muted sound gave the area hushed and mildly claustrophobic air - though Klar felt there was an intimacy in that. If only it weren't so chilly.

"Do you ever wonder if there's a plan behind everything?" Klar asked quietly. "That The Force has an intentional agency to it? Or are we just twists and bits in the wind?" She asked, one hand in her pocket with the other side still at Reina's disposal if she wanted them.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"There's nothing wrong with being lonely. I've spent all my life being lonely. So...does that mean there's something wrong with that? Something wrong with me? I am somewhat the opposite to you though. I've always done fine by myself. Because I never had any other choice. I was never...the kind of person who allied themselves with others."

Whilst some might have felt some form of claustrophobia as the pair descended deeper and deeper, Reina was feeling more and more comfortable. The deeper they went, the less light there was, the more Reina was breaking out into a smile as she reached her hand out to take Klar's, squeezing the Codru-Ji's hand in an attempt to be comforting since well...the question Klar had asked was a pretty deep one. Reina's eyes flickered off to look at the water, as she stayed in thought...

"I know there's people who want to think that. That there's some kind of Force. That everything has a reason to happen...but I'm not sure if I agree with that. It might make it easier for people to sleep at night. Knowing that what they've done in life was all "planned"...but that's not the way I want to live. If my future is already predetermined...what's the point of doing anything?"

​

 

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival

"I guess that's fair." Klar agreed with a faint smile. "I think... that if I were willing to accept that there was a plan laid out for me, I'd be pretty angry about all the awful things that happened to me and to other people in service to that plan." She explained. "Which I suppose isn't to say that I don't disbelieve that such a thing is real, but that I hope it isn't. I wouldn't want to think that something as big and universal as 'fate' or the Force itself could be so callous and cruel."

Klar paused to consider a deeper section of the tank, the darkness lit by soft purple lighting - specifically so it didn't penetrate the glass tanks and bother the darkness-dwelling fish. The two weren't down into the true abyssal depths yet, but they were getting closer. Periodical informative placards and signs gave a bit of information about the fish as they passed by them, explaining the ecology and habits of each abyssal lifeform.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with you." Klar added a moment later, watching a semi-transparent puffer fish gobbling up bits of sea meat. It itself was enrichment for a strange squid monster about the size of a toddler, lurking invisibly on the glass - practically transparent, save for the faint shadows of a circulatory system and brain. Glass squid. Horrifying. "I wish I could be more like you, in fact." The Cordru-Ji continued. "Comfortable in your own company. Sure of who you are. So, so strong."

Klar gave Reina's hand a squeeze, wrapping her other arm around. "Amazing in a puffy jacket." She added for good measure, smirking. "Sincerely on all counts. Especially the jacket bit. I just don't look good in 'em."

She stood up straighter and smirked, using her hand to draw a line just beneath her ribs. "I look great in half-jackets, though." Klar confessed. "Even if it's hard to find one that fits right."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"It's up to you what you want to believe in at the end of the day Klar. I won't try to put any ideas in your head. The Force could be callous and cruel. It might not be. What matters is what you think it is. You shouldn't...have to worry about what others think about it."

Of course, Reina was a hypocrite somewhat. She cared too much about what other people thought. But of course, she knew it wasn't a good belief to have. She didn't make an effort to read the information placards placed around, instead resting her head against Klar's shoulder. It wasn't as if Reina couldn't read. She had told Klar that. Reina just struggled with it. Plus in this precise moment? Reina didn't even want to read. She just wanted to enjoy this date. Enjoy the happiness since she didn't know how long it would stay.

"Exactly. If there's nothing wrong with me, then there's nothing wrong with you Klar. Nothing wrong with struggling to be alone. And I am not as strong as you think I am. I'm weak. Incredibly so. You haven't seen me when I've broken done. When I'm at that point where my self destructive tendencies take control. When I'll rush into a fight with reckless abandon, not caring what happens to me."

It was a somewhat grim topic, but Reina wasn't...concerned about it. Life wasn't filled with happiness and joy. But Klar did at least help give some of that happiness to Reina's life as she closed her eyes, listening to what Klar was saying, before raising an eyebrow and opening her eyes when she felt Klar moving.

"You should have seen me on my birthday. Or when I go diving. I think...I look pretty good during those moments. Not sure. No-one's ever told me so."​

 

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival

"Pretty sure there's a pool here SOMEWHERE." Klar pointed slyly. "Fancy a swim?"

The blonde smiled and continued walking. "I don't think you're weak for breaking down." She added with a quiet smile. "Everybody does. I do. We can't be our best selves all day every day. I think it's important to be with somebody who helps you when you're low and joins you for the highs."

Klar paused at a tank with a collection of gently pulsing shrimp inside. Their bioluminescence filled the area with a shimmering, pearlescent glow. "Lighter subject?" She proposed hopefully. "When did you know? That you were into girls, I mean." The blonde asked curiously, pulling the tie out of her hair that kept the tail raised. Her hair fell to about her shoulderblades, a cascade of slighlty-dusty blonde hair in crooked waves. "Bit relevant, I suppose. As we're on a date and all."

"Human puberty is kind of endlessly fascinating to me." Klar explained sheepishly. "Codru-Ji are very clearly children, and then very clearly adults. But most species ease into and grow into adults. Which is, frankly, a little wild to me?" She elaborated. "Not knowing at which point you stopped being one and started being another, feeling all these strange new desires and changes creeping in - sounds nerve-wracking." The blonde laughed awkwardly.

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"Considering I don't have any of my gear, no. I don't fancy going for a swim."

Reina didn't respond to the part about her not being weak. In her eyes, she was. She was meant to help defend people against pain. Against darkness. She couldn't do that if she broke. If she crumbled. She had to be an unbreakable shield but she couldn't do that. It wasn't an opinion that she'd voice in case it went into a massive debate with Klar...yet she then blinked at Klar's question. That was another one she didn't know how to reply to...

"I...I...just knew I guess? Well...I didn't know. It was a whole...funny feeling I had...I had to have some...random woman explain it all to me over drinks. What...crushes and love was. I don't know...how to explain it really. It was...never something...I've quite thought about. Love isn't...something I thought I'd ever deserve."

It was a lighter topic than they had been talking about, but for Reina it was still...something that was pretty hard for her to talk about. She also hadn't really quite thought about things like puberty or any of that stuff.

"I barely understand myself still Klar. I don't...think about this stuff. I've never been able to."​

 

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival

Klar internally reeled, her guts twisting up. She liked Reina - a lot. Conversation didn't flow as easily with her as it did with other people, though. Rei was a fairly intense person, and to an extent Klar felt like she kept tripping over landmines. Landmines in a field worth crossing, landmines nonetheless. If only she could somehow manage to be less thoughtless and clumsy.

Klar let the quiet unspool for a moment. Twice was bad form. A third strike could be fatal. Which meant she'd need to tread carefully and wisely, rather than scrambling to try and change the subject to something else yet again.

"Anything I can help with?" She asked gently. "With the figuring yourself out, I mean." Klar explained. "I'm not intending that in a crass way or anything - it's a sincere offer. Dragging you along to new things, encouraging you to sample experiences you haven't had." The blonde laced her hands together behind herself, smiling faintly. "I worry that I push people about too much. Herding them towards the things I think are good for them or what they'll enjoy. And I can get a little pushy doing that, without really wanting to."

"There's so many things I want to try with you." Klar confessed. "Silly things. Serious things. Desserts. Holofilms I don't care for but might enjoy watching with you."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"Not sure if it's anything you can help with. It's...silly things. Am I Reina? Or Raini? Am I a Jedi? Or a lost daughter? Am I a big fish in a small pond? Or a small fish, unseen in an ocean that is so vast they'll never reach the edge?"

Reina had no clue that Klar was internally reeling. Had no clue that Klar felt as if she was triggering various landmines. For her, she was enjoying this. It was things she hadn't approached before. Yes, it was difficult to focus on...but so were most good things in life. That's what she was learning quite quickly. The good things weren't always easy things.

"I don't mind you getting pushy Klar. Trust me. If I did, I'd have left by now. I'd have slapped you. We wouldn't be talking. I'm not bubbly like you. I'm not polite like Xuko is. But I make it clear when I'm not enjoying something. We can try whatever you want. I'm...new to this. I'm afraid. I'm not...good at opening myself up to people."

This was it though. She was going out of her comfort zone. Doing her best to be there for Klar, but also to try and be there for others. Reina wasn't sure if it would mean anything in the end...but she was always going to try and be there for the people she cared for.​

 

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival

That was... somewhat reassuring, honestly. Klar nodded quietly, squeezing the hand she'd laid claim to. "Whatever you want to be, whatever you want to call yourself - I'm fine with it." She promised quietly. "I do think Rei is a cute nickname, and I'm glad it works for Reina or Raini, though." The Codru-Ji snickered quietly.

Was she projecting a little bit? Maybe a little. But it felt like the good sort of projection. The kind that led to more understanding and kindness, or at least hoped for it. At the very least, a kindness that asked nothing in return.

"I'm new to this, too." She added quietly. "Dating, I mean. I've... had hookups." Klar elaborated quietly. "Ships passing in the night. Nothing meaningful or lasting." She explained. "Mostly fun with friends. So I'm... I'm a little terrified?" The Codru-Ji confessed as she paused, leaning her backside against a luminescent tank containing dozens upon dozes of glittering jellyfish. Or, more accurately, a single bacterial colony disguised as a mass of jellyfish. "Of messing things up, I mean. You're... great. I really do admire you. I want to spend time with you, I want to be by your side when you make those big decisions. I want to cheer you on when you stand tall."

Klar smiled sheepishly. "I still think about how cool you looked standing by the river that first day we hung out. I wish I'd gotten a picture." She snickered. "I wish you could see how beautiful you are in those moments."

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"That's just it Klar. I don't know what I want to be called. Who I want to be. This has...been all I've really known. Reina the fisherwoman. Reina the Jedi. And...it's mostly always been suffering. I've never really had a chance to be happy. So maybe I could have that chance at Raini...but what if I don't? What if it's something even worse?"

It was more of an issue than Reina had expected. She had plenty of thoughts about leaving the Order already. But she had always been worried about the fact she'd be alone. She'd have been a prime target for someone to grab, for someone to kidnap. With what she knew about the Force, she could have been a danger. But now she had a family to go to. A chance that she wouldn't be alone. That she could feel protected and felt like she belonged somewhere...

"I've never done dating before. Kissing. But...I've done loads of hooks up though. That's what I do with the fish."

Of course, Reina, in her naïve innocence, Reina had no clue what Klar had meant by hooking up. She was new to all of this stuff. Yet she shook her head at the compliments Klar had given her. She might have blushed earlier, but right now? She couldn't believe them as she just stared at her reflection in the glass.

"I'm not cool. I'm a mess Klar. I'm not someone people should admire. I've made too many mistakes. Hurt too many people. Hurt myself too much..."​

 

[Klar]

​

Reina Daival


"I'm people. I admire you." Klar responded idly, folding her lower two arms as she leaned against the tank. "We all make mistakes. We all hurt people. I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself, though - be kinder to my friend, if you can?"

The blonde received a sharp look from an aquarium worker and pushed herself up and off of the jellyfish tank without hesitation. She offered an apologetic wave and smile before continuing walking. Deeper they went, down towards the seconds where the displays looked less and less like fish and more like esoteric plants and fungus that'd cracked the secrets of ambulation. A few of them lived up to the Monsters description the exhibit had promised, but most of them - to Klar's disappointment - were weird worms, or fish with transparent bits.

Klar motioned to one bobble-eyed flatfish stuck to the edge of a larger tank, managing a small snicker. "That one doesn't look like she'd be very tasty." She speculated cheerfully. "I read that flat fish like that are usually scavengers - and that you shouldn't eat scavengers, since they tend to be full of parasites and the like." She explained. "But I also wouldn't want to eat her because she's cute. I think it's kind of adorable when animals are a little ugly like that, you know?"

Klar smiled sheepishly. "It feels like there should be some sort of word for that kind of things. Like 'so ugly it's cute'. For the weird little mutant dogs and such." She explained. "Do you think the opposite can be true? 'So cute it's ugly'?"

 

[Reina Daival]

Location: Coruscant
Tags: Klar
Outfit

"And so you shouldn't admire me. I'm nothing special. I'm not like you, or Xuko, or anyone who's actually good at this stuff. You might think you're not good at being a Jedi Klar, but you're wrong. A Jedi is meant to be some kind of beacon in the dark...and you radiate more than most people I see."

As the aquarium worker had Klar move, Reina gave a glare in the poor worker's direction. What? She was...somewhat protective of Klar. It wasn't like Reina was going to do anything. However if looks could kill...well, Reina would probably have became a murder in that moment as the red head turned her gaze over towards the glass cage. Who was it a cage for was Reina's question. Was it for the creatures inside?...Or was it for her on the outside as she grimmaced at her reflection.

"I can't be kind to myself Klar. Because...I see Her. Everytime I look in a mirror, or see my reflection...I see the version of me I don't want to be. Cruel. Heartless. I've accepted myself at least. But...it's why I can't understand why people can admire me. Because I don't see the Reina they do...Spirit, that got deep way too fast."

She ran a hand through her hair for a moment, before heading off with Klar, watching the Codru-Ji get excited over the idea of parasites and "so cute it's ugly" kind of things which caused Reina to roll her eyes...Though there was a small smile on the woman's face as she shook her head, folding her arms along her front.

"...You know who you're talking to, right? The woman who hates most cute things, so thinks most cute things are disgusting and ugly, right?"​