Private Sticks and Stones

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner​

Skadi circled around the muscular form of Aerik, golden eyes trained on his form as she remained on the defensive, her guard up before her as she gripped the hilt of the saber in her hand, waiting for him to make the next move and initiate the next round of katas they both had been instructed to practice and learn until it became second nature. Before coming to Dromund Kaas and becoming the apprentice to the one known as the Shadow Hand, she had never held a lightsaber. Her weapons had been traditional: bows, swords, axes known as a skeggox.

Lightsabers, it seemed, were the favored weapons of those known as the Sith, and their foes - the Jedi. Skadi liked how the metal felt in her hand, the heat that radiated off the glowing, angrily spitting blade. It was a marvel to her how such a thing even existed or worked; how was it able to clash against others and not phase through, since it appeared to be made of light? How was it able to make the sounds or noises it did? Was it light, or was it something else? And how the feth did a crystal power the whole thing?

These were questions she thought about often, but not in the moment as her sole focus was her comrade, and her opponent for this match. She had learned very quickly and early on that these weapons could kill her - they were dulled or made soft or weak. That was not how their Master operated. If they died by the sword in practice, then they were too weak. She rather liked it that way, though. It made her focus, kept her sharp, and kept her ready at all times.

Like now - she didn’t watch Aerik’s face, or his hands, or his saber…but his feet. His feet would tell her when he was moving next, how he shifted upon them. Subtle cues like that were things she had been taught by her Shieldmaiden Mother and her Father, when they both taught her how to fight with a blade. The concept was the same here - even if the sword was a humming, spitting rod of red light.

It was also a rather good distraction from her thoughts, which had plagued her since the fateful and rather embarrassing day when she’d been caught in his quarters by the girl Irina…and then Aerik. And then the Dark Councilor Quinn Varanin.

The initial raw embarrassment of that situation had since worn away, but it still lingered like a bad aftertaste. She didn’t know if Aerik hated her now or wanted nothing to do with her; truth be told, she’d been avoiding him when she could, but she couldn’t avoid him forever. Especially when they were to train together…like today.

Her focus faltered for a moment, and if Aerik noticed it, it would be enough for him to catch her off guard…

 

[Aerik Lechner]

WEARING: xxx | TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

“Combat is the purest form of communication.”

Quinn’s words echoed in his mind. They had been from a lesson she taught him while he was still young and at the Jutrand Academy. It was likely the moment he realized that he had had a crush on his teacher. He had not dared to tell her that Carnifex had already ensured he had been educated in Echani Martial Arts, but he supposed she would figure it out as the lesson went on. Until then, Aerik was certain to play dumb and get some of the stances wrong so the woman would have to get close enough to correct him.

His eyes flashed at the Valkyri across from him. Her red lightsaber was gripped tightly in her hand. He could tell by the way she moved and held her weapon that she had been trained from as young an age as he had. The difference, and perhaps the advantage for the young pup, was that his lightsaber was his own, and had been for five years.

He wanted to blame her for what happened when Irina had tried to surprise him, but as much as he tried, it had been his invitation which allowed her to feel comfortable. Irina had been the one to make assumptions and nearly burn his apartment to the ground because of it. Then there was the matter of the way Quinn left.

"Thank you for the inclusion, Aerik. But as your friend said, we're not peers. I'm not part of your pack."

Irina’s jealousy and emotional reactions had cost him someone close. The moment the wall of their professional relationship was put back in place, Aerik had felt it. There was a subtle change in her eyes, the way her posture adjusted every so lightly, and how she fought back the tears the others would have missed. She had not only instructed him in Echani Arts, she had taught him how to speak their language.

Quinn was distant… maybe even gone.

Skadi’s eyes fell to his feet. He smirked lightly as he recognized another advantage. She was relying on sight and not the force. This was going to be an interesting session, and one where the wolf inside of him was tempted to play with its prey before going in for the kill.

His ice cold blade snapped to life. The silvery blue hue of the blade reflected the color of a cold evening moon. The pup had taken off a Jedi that had tried to kill him when he was on a training exercise for the academy. He had chosen not to bleed it for the sake of remembering where it had come from. Perhaps there would be a time when he would, but for now the contrast of colors was as ironic as his fire and her ice. Perhaps they ought to trade hilts considering.

He stopped moving completely. Aerik slowly shifted his stance into the opening position for his father’s favorite form, Shien. He wanted to see if he could overwhelm her, though he already knew the answer to that question. The Lupo and Nocna Mora hybrid was naturally strong in ways that would put Darth Carnifex himself to shame. It was still his secret, one he refused to let anyone outside of his immediate family know. Aerik would have to restrain himself as he attacked.

The form was aggressive, so after a long pause, and a mistake on her part, Aerik moved in. He swung across her midsection. Even if she was distracted, it was a maneuver easily blocked. Aerik did not want to kill her, even if would have likely drawn praise from their master.

 

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner
​

Aerik seemed to pick up on the fact that she was watching his feet - for he stopped moving completely. His own saber snapped to life, an icy blue blade that he clearly hadn’t bled yet - and she found it to be rather ironic that she held a blade of red and he a blade of ice blue.

In the moment before he moved, she noticed his stance change - into one who was prepared to wield the form known as Shien. She knew that this form was more aggressive, designed to try and overwhelm one’s opponent, and so she remained on the defensive, prepared - her focus sharpening a bit, though her mind still swirled with questions and thoughts that unsettled her.

Perhaps Aerik had chosen a more aggressive form as a means to unleash some of the possible anger he held towards her - a lash back against what had happened in his quarters. She would have preferred he went at her with fisticuffs over a blade that could easily kill her - but it was a good moment to see if she could successfully fend off such attacks and live through it to fight another day.

Her jaw set as her eyes settled on him, watching his face, how he moved his body - trying to get a better read on him. They hadn’t really spoken since that fateful day at his quarters - and she wished they would talk about it. That he would just come clean and tell her to kark off or whatever.

Anything was better than the current situation she found herself in - suspended, not knowing where she stood now with him. If what she felt about him would be acknowledged or disregarded completely. She was torn - she wanted to tell him again that she was sorry for what had happened and her part to play in it, but she was too nervous to do so in fear that it would open up that wound and either anger him into trying to kill her outright - or push him further away from her.

Aerik came in at her quick and fast, a swipe towards her midsection that she instinctively blocked before giving ground to him. It wasn’t done so in a frantic or fearful way, but in a manner of measured retreat, giving him the option to press his advantage and keep up his strikes if he so chose. She hoped that her movements would lure him into attacking again, draining some of his energy so that she could counter-act when she felt it was the right time to do so. If not, then it at least would give her time to consider her next move - or perhaps allow her or even Aerik to find the courage to break the ice that had settled between them.

 

[Aerik Lechner]

TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

Aerik felt her attention settle on him before either of them moved again. The room carried a quiet tension that had little to do with the hum of sabers and everything to do with the silence that had grown between them. His blue blade cast a steady light across the space as he held it angled at his side.

He noticed the shift in her stance and understood what she expected. She was preparing for pressure. She thought he would come at her hard and try to overwhelm her. He could have done that. There had been a time when he might have leaned into it without hesitation. Tonight felt different, and each step forward came measured rather than driven by impulse.

When he closed the distance, the strike toward her midsection came clean and direct. She met it without panic, red blade catching his as she gave ground with calm precision. The contact traveled up his arms and settled him. She was not retreating from him. She was choosing her ground.

Aerik followed without rushing. His blade rolled into a low motion angled toward her weapon side. The movement tested her guard without trying to break it. He watched her shoulders and the rhythm of her breathing instead of chasing the blade itself. Echani training had taught him that silence often carried the truth. The hesitation before each step told him what she had not said aloud.

The memory of that day in his quarters lingered at the edge of his thoughts. He did not push it away. He also refused to let it control the moment. The motion slowed as he recognized the weight she carried. The blue blade lowered slightly as he eased the pressure between them.

"You don't need to apologize again," he said quietly.

The words were simple. They were not meant to correct her or shut her down. He wanted her to hear that he was not holding the moment against her.

He held her gaze for a moment. There was no distance in it, only a steady presence that he rarely allowed others to see.

"We're alright, Skadi."

He shifted his footing and left space between them that felt intentional rather than cold. After a brief pause, he lifted the blade back into guard. The invitation to continue remained clear. The reassurance behind it mattered more than the form itself.

Their footwork carried them across the floor again, slower now and more deliberate. The silence felt different. It no longer pressed against the moment with the same uncertainty. He lifted his blade and allowed a feint toward her shoulder before letting it fall short. The motion gave her room to decide how she wanted to answer. He did not crowd her or force the exchange forward.

His attention remained on her face as much as her stance. For a moment the spar felt less like a contest and more like a conversation shaped through motion and restraint. The blue blade settled back into guard, steady and grounded as he waited for her next move.

 

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner ​

Skadi resisted the roll of his own blade against hers as he followed her with unhurried steps, understanding that he wasn’t trying to break through her guard but simply test it. The hues of their blades - blue and red - casted a faint purple hue on both of them, as well as on the ground between them. She had expected him to press her, but he didn’t. His body language was saying something else to her, as was the focus on his face and in his eyes.

He was reading her - studying her silence, the way she regarded him with a measure of wariness and caution. He knew something was weighing on her, and it showed in the way he slowed his steps and eased his blade away from her own.

Then he told her in a soft and quiet voice that she didn’t need to apologize again, and Skadi blinked, her nostrils flaring somewhat as she felt a rush of raw emotion try to claw its way up through her chest and into her throat. Her eyes lifted and met his own - and they held.

In that moment, Aerik would see the unguarded side of her, the side that she kept behind a stoic mask of confidence and self-assurity. A side that hurt for what she had done, the part of her that fought against the side that said she shouldn’t care, being a Sith.

She was still…mortal. Still had a heart that bled, and emotions and thoughts and feelings that reacted to situations around her.

"We're alright, Skadi."

Those were the words that very nearly broke her at that moment. All the pent up anxiety and stress and tension, exhaled from her in a sudden short breath and she fought back the prickle of hot tears that threatened to spill free. Her blade angled downward, her guard wide open for a moment. She was vulnerable, she was aware of it - but she didn’t want to taint the quiet moment happening between them with distrust. She was glad that, at that moment, it was just the two of them in the sparing dojo.

The moment didn’t linger too much longer - he allowed her to process his words, the truth of them and the reassurance they provided - and then his blade came back up in a guard, an invitation to continue was there but he didn’t press it.

“You could have told me sooner, Aerik. I have carried that guilt and thought for sure that I…ruined everything. Between us…that is. I do not want that to happen.” She said softly, still keeping her eyes on his for a moment longer, before she stepped in towards him and tested his guard with the familiarity of Form I; a swipe towards his leading leg. It wasn’t hurried, it wasn’t aggressive, just something to keep the flow moving forward - like a dance between two partners.

“You know…what you said has stuck with me. That you consider me a part of …your pack. Did...did you mean that? Truly?”

 

[Aerik Lechner]

TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

Aerik felt the shift in her long before she spoke. It was there in the way her blade dipped, in the breath she tried to steady, in the quiet space that settled between them when his words reached her. The dojo seemed to narrow around that moment, the hum of their sabers was soft against the stillness that followed.

The faint purple light cast by blue and red blades moved across her features, and he saw more than the fighter she chose to show the world. Echani discipline taught him to read what was not offered freely, and she was no longer hiding it behind motion. The tension in her eyes, the way her shoulders eased only to tighten again, told him she was standing on the edge of something fragile. He did not look away.

He kept his stance grounded as she recovered, blade angled in a guard that allowed space rather than pressure. Aerik had no interest in breaking the moment by forcing the spar forward. Control did not mean distance. It meant knowing when stillness mattered more than motion.

Her words came soft, almost cautious, and he listened without interrupting. The admission she carried reached him with more weight than any strike could have. He felt it settle somewhere deeper than he expected, and for a moment he simply watched her step back into the flow of movement, her Form I strike toward his leading leg coming with familiar ease.

Aerik shifted his weight to meet it, guiding his blade down in a smooth deflection that matched her pace instead of disrupting it. The motion carried them back into rhythm, but his attention stayed on her face rather than the exchange itself. The question she asked lingered between them, heavier than the clash of sabers.

He did not answer right away. Silence had never frightened him, and he understood that sometimes it carried more honesty than quick words. The blue blade turned once in his hand as he reset his footing, breath steady, eyes never leaving hers as he considered how to respond without breaking the quiet trust she had offered him.

When she stepped in with the familiarity of Form I and tested his leading leg, Aerik shifted his weight and guided his blade down in a smooth deflection that matched her pace instead of disrupting it. The motion carried them back into rhythm, the exchange feeling more like a conversation than a contest.

“Yes,” he said quietly, answering her question without hesitation. “I meant it.”

The blue blade turned once in his hand as he reset his footing, eyes never leaving hers.

“And… I know I could have said something sooner,” he admitted, voice steady. “I just needed a little time to think through everything that came to light. It wasn’t about pushing you away, everything was just really loud in my head.”

He let that settle between them as their blades met again, calm and measured.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he added, softer now. “Not between us.”

Aerik stepped forward again allowing the dance of the spar to continue while the weight of her question faded into something steadier between them. The blue blade settled back into guard, steady and grounded as he waited for her next move.

 

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner ​

Aerik skillfully blocked her swing at his leg, deflecting it without hurry as the two blades crackled against one another - red and blue, fire and ice. In the process, he answered her question quickly and with open honesty. He had meant what he said, that she was a part of his pack.

That word alone carried weight to it - and she had a distinct feeling that he chose that word on purpose, for a reason. Skadi knew the significance of what it meant for someone, or something, to be a part of a pack. She had been taught, through sagas told around the roaring hearthfires with mead and beer flowing, that the ancient symbol of their house - the wolf - had lived in packs consisting of the dominant pair and their older offspring and new pups. They hunted, played, fought, and sometimes died together. They were used as symbols of loyalty, of dedication to one’s family - no matter what came against them. For a moment, Skadi felt a sting of shame - that she had abandoned her family.

But then the truth of her decision returned to her. Sometimes, one had to leave their own family to start a new life, a new…pack.

And Skadi had been brought into another one, a place where she was accepted and where she felt she belonged.

It was why she felt so…comfortable…around Aerik. She hadn’t truly grasped the reason behind why that was…until now.

He admitted that he could have said something sooner to her, but he needed time to think and come to terms with all that had come to the surface that day. He hadn’t been trying to push her away, but to find some clarity in the noise in his head. She nodded in understanding, accepting his statement for what it was, and their blades crackled against one another again as a strike was answered with another block.

After a moment, Aerik reassured her, once more, that she had not ruined anything between them - and she released a heavy breath that contained the rest of her tension. She met his gaze once more, searched the fiery depths she saw there, and knew he was being honest with her.

There was a certain gleam of fierceness that came into Skadi’s eyes. The kind that arrived when one found their place and truly accepted it.

“I am relieved to hear it. And I…I trust you. What you say.”

Skadi brought her blade around from one of his blocks to swing upwards towards his center mass, adding a little bit more energy and speed into it, but not enough to pull them from the moment. Her movements were graceful, and carried the practiced ease of someone who had done this many many times over the years. She would need to learn the other forms more suited to lightsabers, but that could wait for another time.

“What you said…carries weight for me. About being part of a pack. You know my House sigil is a wulf…but do you know why?”

 

[Aerik Lechner]

TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

Aerik met her upward swing with a smooth turn of his wrist, blue blade catching red as the strike rose toward his center. The contact flared between them, light washing across the floor in shifting hues. He did not hurry the deflection. He guided it aside and let the motion carry them into another measured step.

He felt the change in her before she spoke again. The tension that had weighed on her earlier had eased, replaced by something steadier. There was a fierceness in her eyes now that had not been there a moment ago, and it drew a faint, almost thoughtful focus across his own expression.

"I am relieved to hear it. And I…I trust you. What you say."

The words settled deeper than he expected. Trust was not something he took lightly, and hearing it from her shifted the space between them in a way the spar alone never could. He answered her next movement with another clean block, letting the rhythm remain calm even as she added a touch more energy behind the strike.

When she spoke of the pack again, and of the wulf that marked her House, Aerik listened. He had chosen that word carefully when he first spoke it, but he had not known how deeply it would reach.

“You know my House sigil is a wulf… but do you know why?”

Aerik stepped to the side as he redirected her blade, the motion smooth and grounded. The blue saber settled back into guard, angled across his body. He held her gaze for a brief moment, thoughtful rather than certain.

“No,” he admitted, voice even and honest. “I know that the symbol is important to your people… but I don’t know why, or the story behind it.”

There was no pretense in the answer. He did not try to fill the silence with guesses or borrowed knowledge. Instead, he allowed the question to remain open between them, an invitation for her to speak as their blades circled once more in quiet, controlled motion.

 

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner ​

Aerik stepped to one side and redirected her blade, the motion smooth as Skadi settled into a more easy and free rhythm, now that she was no longer bound in tension and wariness. His blade returned to a guard across his body, and Skadi allowed herself to back off a pace or two to reset the pattern of what she now felt was more of a casual spar to accentuate the heartfelt conversation that was now being had.

He held her gaze for a moment, thoughtful, before he answered her honestly. He didn’t embellish, didn’t try to guess, but left room for her to share the reason why.

Once more, Skadi stepped in with a swing towards his off shoulder, one easily blocked - and moved with the flow of action and counteraction, as she found her rhythm enough to share more with Aerik.

“According to our Clan’s sagas…we hail from the world known as Midvinter. Many generations ago, my ancestors embraced the Sith Way, and were banished…cast out of our homeland. Wulfs were common on Midvinter, a symbol - even revered as creatures of the gods.”

She paused briefly as their blades locked, then she separated and stepped back, holding a somewhat neutral guard, before she continued.

“Like the wulf, our Clan had to stick together to survive the trials and storms that came our way. Loyalty to one’s family, one’s clan, one’s people - became centermost. We took the symbol of the wulf, to remind us to remain loyal to one another and our pack, our Clan - be it our birth, or one we make for ourselves. The wulf is strongest when it is with its own kind…and we are strongest when we are amongst kindred spirits."

The Valkyri tilted her head in thought, her eyes gazing past Aerik for a moment as she spoke aloud the thought that slipped through her mind, a realization that had dawned on her.

"I guess you could say that I…left my family 'pack'…to join another. And you accepted me, so now I am part of a new pack. I carry on the wulf spirit and honor my family’s sagas and legacy in doing so. In this, I am blessed by my gods, and they have shown me their favor…through you. It is why I say I trust you…because a wulf must trust its packmates, ja?”

 

[Aerik Lechner]

TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

Aerik listened as her words settled into the space between them, carried by the steady rhythm of their blades. He did not interrupt. The blue saber moved with hers in controlled motions, guiding rather than forcing, as she spoke of Midvinter, exile, and the sagas that shaped her clan. There was weight in the way she said wolf. It was more than a symbol to her. It was history, survival, and something she still carried with her every time she stepped into a fight.

He noticed how her movements had changed. The tension that once held her shoulders tight had eased. Her steps came freer now, less guarded. The shift did not make him relax. If anything, it made him more aware of how much she was offering him in that moment. She was not just sparring with him. She was letting him see something real beneath the armor she usually wore.

When she spoke of leaving one pack to join another, Aerik’s jaw tightened slightly. He remembered choosing that word. At the time it had felt instinctive, almost easy. Hearing what it meant to her made it heavier. He felt the responsibility of it settle into his chest in a way he had not prepared for.

They have shown me their favor… through you.

Her trust landed harder than any strike she had thrown at him. It did not push him away. It did not make him recoil. It pressed inward instead, finding the quiet place where he kept the parts of himself he had not revealed yet. He wanted to meet that trust fully. He wanted to answer it without hesitation. The truth was more complicated. There were pieces of his nature he still held close, not because she had not earned the right to know, but because he was not ready to say them aloud.

That gap between what she believed and what he carried sat with him as their blades moved again.

Aerik met her next motion with a clean deflection, stepping inside the line of her strike before easing back into guard. He did not break eye contact. The look he gave her held warmth, but also restraint. He was careful with it, careful with her.

“Yes,” he said softly. “A wolf has to trust the ones it runs beside.”

The words carried more weight than he allowed into his tone. He meant them. He also felt the edge of what he was not saying press against the back of his throat. He let the silence stretch instead of filling it with more.

The blue blade angled low as he studied her, breath steady, thoughts turning back to the hunt and everything that had changed since. The question had lingered with him longer than he cared to admit. It rose now, quiet but firm.

“You saw my father shift on the hunt, didn’t you?”

 

[Skadi Lightbane]

Dromund Kaas

Tag:
Aerik Lechner ​

Aerik was quiet, respectful, as she shared her family’s lore with him - the reason why the wolf was their chosen symbol. His eyes never left hers, and she could see the subtle way that her words settled over him, impacted him. They continued to dance through their spar, though it had long turned into something else. A form of communication, of ease; their motions, even as they struck blade against blade or deflected or redirected each other’s moves, was harmonious and fluid.

As if they had done this dozens of times before in the past.

Aerik’s expression held a certain warmth to it now, directed at her, when her words that she trusted him settled between them. He agreed with her statement - that a wolf must trust the one it runs beside, but there was still a thread of caution in him. Restraint. Like he was holding something back from her. She was curious about it, but she didn’t want to press him on it.

Silence filled the dojo as they continued, blade crackling against blade, feet moving forward or stepping back. For a moment, Skadi simply existed in the moment with him, watching the way he moved with a blade in his hand. Once more, she felt a draw towards him, but it left her in a state of uncertainty. Irina’s existence in the picture changed things, at least for the moment as far as Skadi was concerned. She still didn’t know where she stood in the greater picture. She couldn’t deny her feelings, her attraction, to Aerik. But why pursue that if there was the likelihood that it would never be reciprocated?

Skadi blinked those thoughts away as soon as they came up; now was not the time to let the emotional side of her brain take control. It was poison - and she didn’t want to poison this moment with Aerik by shutting down.

“You saw my father shift on the hunt, didn’t you?”

Aerik’s question, or statement, snapped Skadi out of her thoughts and she looked at him more directly, her blade dropping to a low guard in front of her.

“...I did.” She confirmed after several moments of silence. She did not engage him in their spar, but simply searched his face. The burning questions that had rolled around in her mind since the Hunt were suddenly back, and right on the tip of her tongue. She felt as if Aerik was opening up the moment for her to ask those questions - a chance she may not get again. So she seized the moment, and took the leap.

“He is your Father, Aerik. If he can…shift from human to wulf…does that mean you can too?” ​

 

[Aerik Lechner]

TAG: Skadi Lightbane​

Aerik did not answer right away.

Her question settled between them with more weight than the clash of their sabers ever had. The blue blade lowered slightly as the rhythm of the spar slowed without either of them choosing to stop. He felt the shift in her before he fully understood it. Something in her had opened when she spoke of trust and belonging, only to pull back again the moment vulnerability threatened to linger.

Echani training made those changes hard to hide. He saw it in the way her guard lowered but never fully relaxed, in the breath she held just a fraction too long before letting it go. There had been warmth there a moment ago, something unguarded, and then it vanished behind discipline. She pushed it aside as if it had never surfaced.

It pulled at him more than he expected.

Aerik stepped once, slow and deliberate, blade angled low and away from her centerline. The movement gave them space without breaking the moment. His expression held the same quiet warmth as before, though tension rested behind it now. Not directed at her, but at himself, at the answer waiting just beyond the line he was not ready to cross.

He held her gaze for a long moment before he spoke.

“It’s… complicated,” he said quietly.

The words were honest without being complete. He did not rush to explain them. The blue blade remained low between them, steady in his grip as if the weight of it helped keep his thoughts in place. He felt the pull of her question pressing against the parts of himself he kept carefully guarded, and for a moment he simply breathed through it.

He stepped to the side, guiding their movement back into a slow rhythm. The motion gave him space to speak without turning the moment into something heavier than it already was.

“What you saw on the hunt…” he continued, choosing his words with care, “is part of my father. It’s part of our House. But it isn’t something I can just explain in a sentence.”

He met her eyes again, steady and open, even as restraint lingered beneath the surface.

“As for me…” He paused, the hesitation quiet but real. “I’m still figuring out who I am. What I am. Some days I think I understand it. Other days I don’t.”

The answer offered the truth without opening the door fully. Aerik lifted his blade back into guard, the motion calm and deliberate as he allowed the spar to continue, waiting to see how she would take what he had chosen to share.