Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Steve

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Name: Steve

Region: Unknown
System: Steve System
Suns: 1, Hekatonkheires, Type-1
Orbital Position: 3rd Planet
Moons: 1 natural, Phobos' Laboratory (artificial satellite)
Coordinates: B 9
Rotational Period: 24 Hours
Orbital Period: 738 Days

Class: Giant Terrestrial
Atmosphere: Type I
Climate: Arid
Gravity: Standard
Primary Terrain: Desert and Mountain

Native Species: Firrirrean, Human
Immigrant Species: Echanti, Thyrsian
Primary Languages: Galactic Standard Basic
Government: Military Dictatorship (formerly)
Population: 10K Living (since the apocalypse), 500M deathtrooper-infected personnel (in H.E.L.L.)
Demonym: The Fallen or Victors
Major Cities: New Nexus
Major Imports: Weapons, food
Major Exports: Weapons
Affiliation: N/A

Culture: True to their history with Echanti and Thyrsians, the Steveites loved combat and thought it honorable. The ways of combat were taught as part of basic education and fighting tournaments were staged regularly. Children would even be taught to read and fluently perceive body language before learning to speak spoken language. They thought the world and their bodies were sacred and thus took care of the environment and their bodies. They believed fighting was vital to the body and the best exercise. They fought with no armor and preferred melee weapons if any. As they felt nature provided everything they needed,advanced technology was rarely used. Steveites were friendly towards eachother and had no hierarchy as everyone was treated with equal respect. Aside from fighting, the people pretty mild lives occupied with their jobs and whatever hobbies they chose to partake in. They lived in seperate homes made of wood and were shut off from the rest of the galaxy and did not so readily accept outsiders. They're mostly dead now so...

The Victors were combat lovers just like their Steveite counterparts though they had much more bloodlust. Technology was widely used and was mostly used to make advanced weaponry. Victors enjoyed large-scaled wars against eachother and used tanks and blasters and explosives. As most of their money went to fueling war: cities were not that well developed. Those who were not part of the military had to live in small houses. They had a military dictatorship government as the military had all the power. As part of their love for battle, their cities were made as huge-scaled obstacle courses/battlefields with enough twists, turns,vantage points, nooks and crannies to make a hardened parkour veteran squeal. Most of the funding, when not used on weapons, were used on making ways of transportation or demickey buildings. After they had taken over the population of their planet, they quit warring with themselves and started invading and destroying their surrounding planets.
Both sides, however, had some Firrirrian culture deep in their roots and this would show as they believed they could "own" ones name. Saying a persons name would be expressing superiority and ownership over that person. Because of this, people of high enough rank were given the right to a codename of sorts. As the name was decided upon by superiors, this name could be anything from "Karkface" to "Achiever". Good names usually had some ring to it so as to sound good to the ear and they always had meaning.

Technology: Average Level

History: The planet of Orion was once a beautiful Paradise full of beautiful vegetation of various colors and types. There were sparkling waterfalls and rainbows and all the sort everywhere. The denizens of the planet got along pretty well until the races of Echanti and Thyrsian immigrated. With them, they brought the gift of speech through combat along with knowledge of science and otherworldly travel. But they also brought their segregation. The Echanti and Thyrsians were not done with their cultural disputes and they drug the people of Orion into it. Those who favored the side of the Echanti went against those who favored that of the other and soon the planet was divided against itself and massive war broke out. The two sides raged on in battle for decades until those who were in favor of the Echanti finally lost. These people took the title "The Fallen" in memory of their great failure while those who had won and were on the other side took the name of "Victor" for they had won a great war. The fallen were kept in concentration camps after their surrender. Victors continued to venture out into their world and conquer more of it.

Millennia later, the Victors had taken control over the entire population of the planet and a massive underground system of prisons coincidentally yet accurately abbreviated H.E.L.L. was created to hold criminals. Times had changed and there was a new leader of all. There were no more Victors and Fallen, simply Steveites. These Steveites were under one rule: military dictatorship. A team of escapees would bring about the destruction of most of the inhabitants of the planet.
Notable PC's: Andreas Wintergreen was born and raised there

Intent: To create a home planet to play out Andreas' origin story in and advance his character plot for a possible reboot. This could also be a fun place to RP for SWRP's community.
 
@[member="Andreas Wintergreen"]

Your previous planet was denied. It was second chanced and then denied again. And like I can see, this planet is almost identical to the previous one you tried to create. We don't allow third chances, so I must deny the planet unless you change the planet's concept so it wouldn't be like your previous submission.

If you want to change the concept, there are a few things you should change and avoid when rewriting:

The name of this planet may confuse people. In Star Wars Universe, there are many things called "Orion". I would like you to either rename the planet completely or add something to Orion (for example: Orion Alpha, Orion II, etc.)

Andreas Wintergreen said:
mushy crap
Could you please rephrase it? All submissions should be written in Wiki style. So everything you write has to be in neutral style.
 
You have changed only history and technology (and well, the name), which is not enough. The current history section doesn't tell me much about the planet either.

Like I have already stated, we don't allow third chances. I gave you the chance to rewrite the planet's concept and thus, making it into something different, but this submission doesn't look different enough. Concept doesn't mean only history and technology, but nearly everything.

I wouldn't recommend asking for a second chance, but if you want to make a custom planet for your character, you can write a different submission with a different concept.

Denied.
 
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