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STEPH SMASH!!!!

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
Jak wandered the streets of New Ithor, enjoying the view. Fully outfitted in his armor, his 6'7" frame definitely made an impact on the passerby - especially if they ran into him. But that was the point. He wanted to be seen.

That way, no one would pay attention to the hacking worm in their bank system.

It wasn't doing much, just scraping off a cred here, half a cred there. Yes, it was tantamount to grand theft, but the money wasn't for him. So he felt no moral issues about it. Unless, of course, someone chose to raise a moral fist against his face. Then he'd take issues into his own hands....

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
It wouldn't be a moral fist.

You could be a slaver, a child murderer or even a genocidal Emperor and it would never be a moral fist. Steph Zenima had no ground to stand on when it came down to morals. She was a woman in a complicated relationship with violence, who had no problem in deploying child shields to prevent her own demise. Any head could be crushed, any drug could be ingested. There was a reason that death was in death sticks.

She had overdone it. It was a surprise the short woman wasn't banned from visiting half the planets in the galaxy. Steph stumbled along the streets, the head of her sledgehammer dragging along the ground behind her. For being an absurd looking woman people fairly kept a wide girth. Perhaps it was the smell. Pitiful unwashed creature.

Funny that, mentioning being ran into by a passerby because Zenima hadn't tied her laces.

A trip, a stumble, for a split-second there was a look in the woman's eyes that you might see on a cat falling off a table. Oh, wait! Was she regaining her feet?! No. No she was not. False hope that she wasn't going to fall over left just as swiftly as it came and Steph came crashing towards a certain armoured figure, stands about say, 6'7”?

Sound familiar?

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
Jak was strolling along the street, attempting to look conspicuous, when someone bumped into him. He looked down to see a smaller woman on her rear on the ground. Helping her up, he said, "Shouldn't you try hitting on other people some way else?"

Yes, he joked. With a girl with a sledgehammer. Way ta go.

Reeeeal smart.

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Oh gosh! Don't help her up! Oh no! I can't save you now! You've made contact with Steph Zenima. I'm so, so sorry.

“FIT?!” she thundered, upon being helped back to her feet, at least she didn't immediately attack, you know? She attempted to communicate. Yes, yes. Well done, little Steph, use your words. I know, I know, it hurts your brain so but I'll give you some space crack if, for once in your sorry life, you try to speak instead of smashing.

Sadly, Zenima could not hear the narrator offering her fictional drugs. Not that it would have changed her mind.

“YE WANTAN' TAE SCRAP, PAL?!” She roared. I apologise, her Basic is...well...basic.

The woman was actually almost restrained as she (attempted) to push the man in the chest with her non sledgehammer wielding hand. She was such a perplexing creature.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
Jak drew back, almost scalded from her vehemence.

But when she started attempting to provoke a fight, he coughed, attempting to hold back a laugh. This girl? With a hammer she could hardly lift? Fight him? The thought was quite amusing, as his temporary 'coughing fit' proved.

"Ah, heh," he said, recovering, as he was nudged back by her shove, "Um, no? And aren't you a little.... wellll..... vertically challenged?"

He wasn't trying to insult her, he was only trying to point out that there was a significant height difference between the two of them.

But her momentary toughness had caught him off guard, and he was still inwardly laughing his socks off at her defiance.

Jak... you idiot....

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Thank goodness Stephanie didn't know what the word vertically meant.

She titled her head to the side and looked up at the man. It was very nearly like speaking to a dog, although if you stood the woman next to a particularly average breed of pooch I'm not entirely who would come out on top in the brains department. Perhaps the dog.

“DINNAE USE YER BIG WURDS ON ME, PAL!” she thundered, clearly disgruntled.

Then she turned around and walked away? No, surely not. Steph Zenima doesn't walk away from confrontation, she was the child spawned when confrontation incarnate had a drunken, drug fuelled night of passion with the god of violence. After she took a few steps away her grip on her sledgehammer became two-handed, her shoulders hunched.

There came the smile. Ah, I see.

Suddenly, and surprisingly swiftly for her size, Steph whirled around sledgehammer in tow, she was aiming to crash the brutal blunt object into the man's side. Armour or no. It's clobbering time.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
She hit him a good one, he reflected, a moment later, folded up in the side of a building.

FIVE SECONDS PRIOR
(looked something like:)
thor-and-hulk.gif


NOW
He crawled out from the little cavity in which he had been niched. Checking his side, he found his armor damaged, but not irrepairable. Still, he didn't want to risk damaging it further. He shucked the suit, and set it to the side.

Now in simple clothing (a T-shirt and loose jeans), he shook his arms out, raring for a fight. Feeling a dull ache in his side, he lifted his shirt hem to check his 'ribs'. They were bruised, but already beginning to heal. They'd be fine in a day or so.

"Ya wanna go? Okay, try that again, see if it works."

He jumped at her, using a Force boost to propel his fist to her face, intending it to be a quick KO blow.

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Oh god. It was so good. She relished the art of the smash. It was better than a hit of glitterstim in the morning. Vastly superior to the call of giggledust when the come down approached. It ranked right up there with playing roulette with the hard to find carsunum. Violence was the natural high, to which there was no overdose.

He took off his armour, a beneficial factor to Zenima's gnarled fists. Armoured or no, she would blast punches at any and all opponents without discrimination.

Hot diggity damn, he was quick. If you watched his strike in slow motion you could actually see the fist cave the nose in with gruelling detail. Of course if you were watching in slow motion, you were probably extremely high. Perhaps you should lay down.

There was no knock out, but there was a beauty of a facial fracture. Nose, cheek and eye socket took the brunt and as per usual in the life of this woman the blood began to flow. Those abuse nostrils cried red for their well-being and it would only be a matter of minutes before the swelling began. No worries. Marvel at her durability, and stupidity.

She left the sledgehammer on the floor when she got back up to her feet. Oh yeah. Fist fights, baby. “AT EEN STUNG A BIT,” she declared loudly before running at the man. Rather unwisely she leaned forward, intending to use her head as a battering ram to hopefully wind him.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
His knuckles cracked satisfyingly upon impact, and he grinned as she went flying back.

Sidestepping her charge with ease, he fired his elbow into the small of her back with full intent to send her sprawling.

"Agn!" he said, clutching his side. Apparently he was more injured than he had thought. Ah well. It would be over soon.

Riiiiiiight.


@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
No surprises that the obvious downfall of charging in head-first was that you couldn't see where you were going. He dodged, and before the woman could even wonder why there had been no impact the elbow came slamming down, which naturally did send the woman cascading to the ground with an oof.

A minor setback. Back on your feet girl. Or maybe, maybe not. New plan!

Like some kind of garbage ferret Steph remained on the ground, going for the four-legged approach. What she did next was hilarious. In fact, the few people who had gathered to watch the scene tried to stifle their giggles as the short woman got in touch with her inner-animal. Still on the ground she leapt for his leg, trying to cling onto it like a koala. If that was successful then she would bite him. Right in the thigh, through the jeans, get the good meat.

What a well adjusted girl is our Steph Zenima.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
He was about to congratulate himself on his success against the smaller woman when a sudden stabbing pain in his leg got his attention. "Ow! What the hell?"

He looked down to see the woman gnawing on his leg like it was a stalk of celery. "Get off. Go on, get off me!" He shook the leg, but she held on fast. And what had been hilarious was now outright comical. A man attempting to get a woman off his leg.

Gimme a break.

He grabbed her by her leg, and unceremoniously ripped her off his leg, and she took a good hunk of leg matter as she did so. However, it wasn't meat. It was...well, more like vegetable.

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Oh god, he tasted awful!

The sickening texture of the jeans against her tongue and teeth were preferable to the taste of his flesh. Oh god. What was this? Steph had never experienced vegetables before, poverty doesn't know healthy eating, y'know? Although you've never lived until you had a bantha burger with cheese from McYodas out of a trash can!

She was ripped off of his leg like the worst band-aid in the world.

Spitting out the strange meat, Steph actually looked mildly disgruntled. She hadn't tasted flesh like this before and believe me, this wasn't the first time she had resorted to biting. I mean, her teeth looked as if they were ready to crumble out of her mouth at that moment but somehow, someway, she would cling on with such tenacity.

As he has just found out.

“FIT THE FECK ARE YE?!”

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
He half-grinned at her spitting his leg out. "Tasty?" he taunted.

"I'm a plant," he stated simply. "I control plants. I am a plant. I live to be a plant, and plants live to serve me."

He began to grow the plant life around them, the lush growth of Ithor making for a wide variety of plants to choose from.

One vine snaked its way around the woman's leg, yanking her up in the air, while another few grabbed her other limbs. Within only a few seconds, she was suspended, upside down, in front of him.

He grinned at her, wincing inwardly at his two hotspots of pain.

"Now are we done?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqUdI4AIDF0&feature=kp

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
What a nice song, and what a mischievous scamp of a monkey might I add.

Whoa whoa whoa. What was with the vegetation? Steph looked like an animal seeing snow for the first time, confused, excited, spinning around in a circle. Maybe that was the spice more than the confusion. Or perhaps it was a bit of both. Although why she would be confused I do not know, he tasted like broccoli and had literally just stated that he was a plant and that he controlled plants.

Narrator's logic will never penetrate and shine upon this woman.

The woman was unceremoniously hoisted into the air by the creeper, thank goodness Zenima doesn't wear skirts. “EH!?” was her well thought out articulate response. There was a moment of struggle, pulling at the vines that now had her in a most peculiar situation.

“H'MIN, LEMME DOON!” she screeched, Steph wasn't done with this little encounter, but she was hardly in a position to argue about it.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
Oh, he wasn't going to do anything to her. Pfuh. What do you take him for? Naw, he was just gonna let the blood run to her head for a little while, then maybe let her down once she blacks out.

Maaaaaaaaybeeee.....

For now?

He watched her struggling futilely against the vines that held her next-to-motionless. "How about no?" he said. It was a statement, not a question. "Howzabouts you hang around for a while; I'm thirsty, Imma get a drink. Don't go anywhere while I'm gone, 'kay?"

With that, he did an about face to the nearest establishment.

15 minutes later, he walked out, a bandage on his calf, another on his side, two beers in hand, to continue the now - one-sided 'duel'.

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Wait, no! Where are you going?!

Steph actively gnashed her teeth as the strange tasting man abandoned her in this peculiar situation. You know, when she woke up that morning this wasn't what she thought her day would go like, although when Zenima woke up that morning she probably just gargled and then fell off of whatever she was sleeping on, no thought required for those actions.

Those who passed her by were greatly amused, some even took the opportunity to record the very loudly swearing girl as her face increasingly reddened. Was it anger? Embarrassment? No, no it was blood rushing to her head, although I can imagine there was a great amount of rage in there too.

Nonetheless, she probably was going to go viral that night.

When he returned, Stephanie's current state of mind was tingly, she had given up struggling now and just hung there, scowling and occasionally spitting at anybody who got too close.

“Mate,” she said slowly through gritted teeth, “can'yeh let meh doon?”

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
"So long as you promise not to bite me or conk me on the head while you have a beer - sure." He let her down, setting her on her rear in the shade of the awning.

Cracking open his beer, he gave her hers. "So. Mind if I ask you a few questions? Such as why are you walking around swinging hammers into everyone who walks in your path?"

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Beer?

Beer good. No smash. For now.

The small woman could feel the blood drain from her head as the shades of red slowly disappeared from her face, in that very same moment her feet began to tingle, that very same blood rushing back to those poor neglected legs. The dizziness shall subside. No wait, you're on space crack, it probably won't.

Taking the least elegant swig of her beer, Steph remained seated upon the ground. Standing is just so mainstream, you know?

“Dunno, ken,” she drawled in between a gluttonous swig, “it's fun, eh? Hauv ye iver split a heid open?”

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 

Jak Sandrow

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
Writer
He sat down beside her, taking a somewhat (slightly) more refined sip. Sip being, of course, a mouthful.

"I suppose. And no, I've never split anyone's head open. Though I have stabbed someone on multiple occasions. He gave me reason to, though, so it wasn't through any fault of mine."

He saw her take a good swig from the beer, and inwardly remarked on her... well, poverty. I mean, look at her. Teeth on the verge of rotting out, a stench good and strong enough to turn even the hardest stomach green (no 'fence), and what seemed a hunger to rival a Hutt.

"If you don't mind me saying, you seem... ah... hungry," he commented. "When was the last time you ate?"

@[member="Steph Zenima"]
 

Steph Zenima

Guest
S
Never split a head open? You've never lived.

“Stabbin's arite," the small woman shrugged, there was a moment where she seized up, a brutal case of pins and needles taking a hold, the slightest movement or touch would cause that unholy wave of static to wash over the lower half of her legs. “Disnae feel as gud, tho'.”

It was a peculiar sight, to see Steph Zenima sitting there passively, just spewing out half-chewed words and not trying to hit anybody.

She really was the poster child for poverty. It seemed physically impossible that this little scoundrel could even lift her hammer, the bag of bones that she was. Underneath those putrid clothes that hung off of her body were bones, bones and scars. I bet you could play a decent xylophone solo on them ribs.

Another greedy few gulps, some of liquid escaped and trickled down her chin. Classy lady.

“Dunno.” Hunger only occurred when sobriety did, and that was soon vanquished by another hit. Gosh, she's like a sad commercial to feed the homeless. All you needed was for Steph to be in black and white.

@[member="Jak Sandrow"]
 
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