Sort of Like a Fateful Decision

[Jerek Zenduu]

A number of things had weighed on Jerek’s mind over the past several months, most of them coinciding with his participation at Ossus. He couldn’t deny that he had felt troubled before that, but between bringing back the Sith boy Micah and kindling a relationship with Allya, yet another Sith, the padawan had begun to feel uncertain about his place among the galaxy. His drive to obtain a master again was part of that, hoping that the familiar would help reorient his internal compass.

Yet Jerek did not seek out familiar masters. In truth, there were few for him to reach out to, most of those whose wisdom he had once trusted were scattered to the winds of the galaxy, either by choice or by circumstance. Instead, the youth tried to find a Jedi Master who had willingly admitted his own fall to the darkside, and had embraced it as part of his character. An infallible Jedi armed with platitudes was not someone that Jerek needed right now, but perhaps someone like [member="Veiere Arenais"] could help him.

Silver Rest was a massive complex, even larger than the Ossus Academy Jerek had grown up at, but it still had its common haunts for Jedi Masters to be found. When they weren’t meditating in seclusion or meeting behind closed doors, most generally tried to be accessible to other Jedi. So it didn’t take more than a handful of conversations with those around the Silver Rest for the padawan to pinpoint Master Arenais’ location and head to him.

The boy had many questions he wanted to ask, but there was one foremost on his mind. One thing that seemed to drive his existence at the moment, to the point that thinking about it made him ache. It felt like a void inside him, and he had tried to fill it. He tried to fill it by taking Micah under his inexperienced tutelage, to try to point the boy towards a guiding light in the Force. He tried to fill it after having stumbled into a relationship with a Sith girl, and offering Allya morals she never seemed to have learned. He tried to fill it by requesting a master to train him at last, to fulfill the knighthood he had yearned for ever since he was a child.

His uncertainty swallowed all of that and still hungered for more.

So the question that he came to ask of Master Arenais, once he was finally able to locate the man and gain his attention, was rather simple, yet held the utmost importance to him. ”Master, how do I know if I’m supposed to be a Jedi?”

 

[WolfMortum]

”Master, how do I know if I’m supposed to be a Jedi?”.​

​

[member="Jerek Zenduu"] posed a question that, though his level of uncertainty and discomfort might not recognize nor benefit from the fact, the truth was that there were few students that had ascended to the position of Jedi Knight, whom hadn't asked themselves whether or not they truly belonged on the path the Order had set before them. It wasn't unusual to have doubts, in fact, dedicating the entirety of your life to the Jedi Order and it's doctrine, then going further to educate and train others under the very same teachings you'd been taught, doubts were well and truly expected in their peers. The importance lay in what the Student did following these uncertainties.

Apparently, Jerek hoped to find the answer in confiding in Veiere. Given the recent accusation he'd received in his class 'Force Mastery & Theory', the lad couldn't really be blamed for being the least bit curious about his past and who Veiere was beneath the poker face that was the professional facade of the Jedi Master; his desire to appear professional and encouraging for the students, while hiding his flaws as best he knew how. After all, how many students would look up to an old man if they knew the details of the things he had done in his past, let alone sit in a class and listen to his lectures about why they should be good people.

"The answer to your question isn't something that I can give you, outright..." Veiere replied, the two of them being seated within the Master's private residence within the Silver Rest, more specifically, the living room where they each shared a cup of stim-caf (Veiere wasn't fond of tea). "Knowing your path in life is about knowing who you are and what agrees with you. Naturally you would not find a man such as Kaine Zambrano studying here in one of my lessons now would you" Veiere sought to lift the boys spirits a little with a bit of a light-hearted joke, such was his humor often shown at the worst of times. "That doesn't mean that we can't talk about it, and that I can't help you however..." Veiere offered an encouraging nod as he leaned forward, pressing his elbows upon his knees, intrigued by the lad's predicament.

"Let me pose you this; What does being a Jedi mean to you?".

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

Jerek sipped the stim-caf, seated on the edge of the seat cushion inside [member="Veiere Arenais"]' private residence in the Silver Rest. The warm beverage slipped gently down his throat, the taste was pungent at first, but began to smooth out, revealing a nutty taste underneath. Between the two drinks he had been served by masters recently, he much preferred this one over tea. The glum mood he had felt on his way to finding Master Arenais was fading now, or at least dulling a bit, replaced by an alertness that seemed to shrug off the dour thoughts.

The padawan wasn't surprised when the master didn't have an immediate answer for him. In fact, the boy was pleased by it, he felt validated in his choice of confidant. From the first moment Jerek had heard of the master's redemption from the dark side, he felt a certain kinship. His own wayward journey had not strayed far from the light itself, but the padawan often felt a great sense of remorse at using that title for himself. Not only that he was only a mere padawan still, but that sometimes he felt unworthy of even that much.

He grinned a bit, despite the sober tone he had expected the conversation to take. The thought of Kaine Zambrano, more infamously known as Darth Carnifex, studying at the Silver Rest was ludicrous. Even if part of him wanted to laugh, another stayed silent —perhaps even hidden from himself— nurturing the thought that a Sith studying at the Silver Rest was precisely what he hoped for Micah and Allya both. Yet the teenager in him was a little too wrapped up in the amusement to think about the broader meanings for the moment.

He was a bit too focused on the broader meanings for himself as well.

And then Master Arenais asked the hard question, one that Jerek had struggled to answer every time he asked it of himself. He knew objectively how to characterize another Jedi, he could rattle off aphorisms or the Jedi Code with ease. Applying them to himself, however, that was where it all fell apart for him. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't the case, but it was why it made his answer so much of a struggle.

"I don't know, Master," the boy admitted. He thought for a moment, his tongue mulling over the best way to answer as his eyes wandered anywhere but upon the face of the man before him. His silence wasn't going to help here, Jerek realized, he would have to speak his thoughts aloud, no matter how awkward they were. To channel his inner Allya, the youth thought with a slight pull at his lips, before turning back to the master and beginning in earnest. "I mean, I know what a Jedi is supposed to be. They're supposed to be defenders of the galaxy; to be protectors of the small, the weak, the ignorant, and so on. They're supposed to be able to fight, and willing to fight if it comes to that, but search for a peaceful solution first. They're supposed to be objective, they're not supposed to let their emotions get in the way of problems, and try to let others step in when their judgement is clouded. They're supposed to use the Force, to commune with it and listen to it, and help others with it. Like with advice, or foresight, or negotiating with others. They're supposed to be good advisors and diplomats, to resolve problems without people having to go to war..."

Jerek's mouth twisted, and he looked away again, embarrassed at how his next statement would implicate himself. "But sometimes they can't avoid going to war. Like with the Sith or the Imperials, people who just want to destroy the lives of others, or destroy their free will so they can control them." The force behind his words grew as he spoke them, until he turned back to Master Arenais with a rekindled fire in his eyes. "I mean, isn't that what the Jedi are supposed to be about, too? Not just defending the galaxy from evil, but ridding it of evil, too? So they should seek it out and fight where it lives, too. Scour it from the face of the galaxy. Maybe they can't help everybody, but the Jedi should be trying to stop the kinds of evil that the Sith and the First Order and even some of the Mandalorians represent. I've been trying, too, for a while it's all I did. Just fight evil. And then I met—," —my girlfriend, is what Jerek had been trying to say. But was that really what had made him second-guess himself, or was that simply an easy excuse? "I realized that I don't always know how to recognize evil. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough to fight it everywhere it exists. Or maybe I don't have the wisdom to understand how to fight it."

The boy shook his head, frustration evident on his face as he turned it askance at a wall in the room. "I just don't know if I can be the kind of Jedi I should, you know? But I don't even know if I'm right about what a Jedi is, maybe I'm wrong about what I'm even supposed to do." He held his tongue for another moment, sorting through a torrent of thoughts that flooded through his mind, trying to make sense of them enough to give them words. "I—it's just, if a Jedi is supposed to be wise, I'm not wise. If a Jedi is supposed to be strong, I'm not that strong. And if a Jedi is supposed to be objective despite their own emotions, I..."

Jerek looked at his lap, his voice sullen and soft as he added, "I think I'm failing pretty hard at that right now."

 

[WolfMortum]

Veiere smiled with a sense of appreciation and gratitude for the lad's willingness to open up to him, that kind of trust and confidence wasn't something to be taken for granted, even among those of the Jedi. [member="Jerek Zenduu"] hadn't had a great deal of contact with Veiere, though he had attended the lesson on the Jedi Code which had been enlightening, if anything. To be in the state of mind that the lad found himself, it was common among those his age and Veiere wanted him to know that it didn't make him any less important to the Order, nor any less significant as an individual in the Jedi Master's eye's.

"You want to know what a Jedi is, first and foremost?" Veiere asked, though it was rhetorical and he didn't leave much time for Jerek to answer, there was a point to be made here that was most important for the lad to understand; "Jedi are sentient beings, human in our case. We're not perfect despite the teachings and ideals that we strive to uphold, we still have a heart and through that comes all our feelings, all our doubts. We make mistakes no less than any other person in the Galaxy and sometimes it can feel like being in the Order, we can often put too much expectation on ourselves. Overly criticize ourselves when we do slip up or struggle..." He smiled as he spoke, his voice gentle and as reassuring as he could be.

"A common misinterpretation since the old republican days, the way the Jedi Order used to teach, gave the galaxy a view of us as though we were as passionate as droids" He chuckled quietly, "As though we don't have any emotions what-so-ever; there were Jedi that often tried to shut off the connection between their heart and mind entirely, but that's obviously not going to work, it's like denying who we are. Does that make sense?".

"The way you're feeling in yourself now, is something that I went through as a student, as well as many of your peers I would imagine. This is a time of self-discovery for you, and it's an important time as it's your opportunity to really shape your own world views with the Order behind you, supporting you. The question isn't 'what does it mean to be a Jedi'. The real question should be 'what does the Order gain from your company and presence. What real strengths and qualities do you bring along with your best intentions for others?".

"Does that help at all?" Veiere looked to Jerek kindly, nodding for him to speak up, and do so honestly as between them, this was a time and place of trust and Veiere would keep it that way. He, like any other students of the Order were welcome to confide in him if ever the need.

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

The picture of fallibility that Master Arenais painted was one that seemed to capture the essence of the boy's soul. So often, he looked at great masters like [member="Corvus Raaf"], [member="Kian Karr"], [member="Coren Starchaser"], [member="Tiland Kortun"], [member="Josh Dragonsflame"], and so many others, and saw their greatness alone. It was hard to imagine any of them struggling. Oh, sure, they had struggles, but their struggles were with political leaders or against the Sith, exactly the sort of thing that made them great Jedi, to imagine them struggling with the very essence that made them Jedi themselves, that was incomprehensible. As much as Jerek tried to emulate those great Jedi, he could never bring himself to paint his life with the same brush.

Jerek fit the broad strokes, sure. But so did many of the galaxy's denizens, they weren't all evil or incompetent, he believed that much at least. So in that definition, it could be that anyone with a little Force sensitivity and a moral compass could be a Jedi. The fact that so many diverse groups existed apart from the Jedi, still on the side of good or progress for the galaxy, but not in agreement with the Jedi themselves seemed to defeat that notion. There were yet still others who defied any such labels, the Jedi called them grey or rogue but Jerek had traveled enough of the galaxy to understand that those weren't exactly the epithet he had been led to believe.

So the ability to accept some vulnerability amid the finer details, some leeway in the great Jedi Code and its adherence among the Order's followers, that was something that had eluded Jerek. It was one thing to hear that message in a classroom, to hear some of those same concerns or feelings from others. But classrooms were a place for gaining knowledge and testing boundaries, for posing questions that were never given voice elsewhere, so it was hard to take anything there at face value. It was another thing to hear that message, unadulterated and uncensored from that classroom's selfsame teacher. And hearing that he was not alone, that [member="Veiere Arenais"] himself went through the same feelings, that was a message that the teenager had yearned to hear for a long time.

And just as Jerek felt he had gained a foothold on his sense of self, Master Arenais' questions knocked him off once more. What did the Order gain from Jerek's company and presence? What real strengths and qualities did he bring along with his best intentions for others? They were good questions, and ones he had few answers to, at least not ones he considered adequate.

What did he bring at all, except being a decent pilot and another wielder of the blade and the Force? Maybe he could say that he brought Allya to the Jedi, to see her abandoning the dark teachings of her Sith masters, but he had quickly learned that she had made an association with them already. He had helped free some Jedi captives from the Sith, but so had others, too. He—

He should really be voicing these thoughts, the boy reminded himself. Jerek nodded sharply to himself, and took another sip of the stim-caf, letting its effects fuel his response. "I don't know if I really bring anything, Master. I mean, I'm a good pilot, I guess, but there's thousands of good pilots in the galaxy, and then there's hundreds of better ones, too. And then I helped bring Allya Vi'Dreya, she's a Sith from the Confederacy, to leave the Sith behind and start working with the Jedi now. But I guess she already started working with them before we—" the boy paused, uncertain still how much he should publicize that he was dating a Sith girl, "—before I really started getting to know her better. And there were some Jedi captives on Jablim, and I helped rescue them from captivity with the Sith. They were on a train, and I went with a bunch of Jedi though, so really anyone could have helped free them. Same with when I helped on Ossus, or with the Republic in their fight to keep the Core free of Imperials and Sith."

"I don't think the Jedi need just another warm body, you know? I'm decent with a blade, and I feel like I'm pretty good with the Force, but I'm still not as good as some people. There are those who are way better, and some are even younger than me!" Jerek swallowed, trying to push past the knot that had formed in his throat. He wasn't even a fully trained Jedi, and already he wondered if someone younger was about to replace him. It didn't help matters to hear from full masters in classrooms trying to discuss the nuances of concepts he had yet to even master. "I guess I don't really know. I have pretty schway hair, but otherwise...what? Is it enough to just bring me?"

 

[WolfMortum]

Veiere listened to everything [member="Jerek Zenduu"] was saying, seemingly listing off idea's and yet finding ways to sell himself short each and every time he came up with a decent answer hinting towards his strengths. Veiere simply couldn't help but laugh softly in some sense of amusement, the irony of the boy's 'one step forward, two steps back' demeanor. "First of all, you need to stop comparing yourself to others and start acknowledging your worth" Veiere wasn't suggesting this, but rather outright telling Jerek as he needed to be kinder to himself at the very least; "No Jedi that's been noted in the history of our Order, was great from the very start of their days. Each and every name you will read in the archives here, will have worked hard to better themselves, but also thinking themselves to be just like any other. The similar state of mind you and your friends would have today...".

"Hell, I never expected in all my days that I'd be captured by the Emperor of the Sith and somehow manage to evade his executioner..." Veiere snorted an abrupt laugh in his own expense. Honestly, his own experiences were rather...-significant, but he had never known himself to be anything of the sort, nor above anyone else. If anything, he'd always been too hard on himself. "Each and everyone of us start from humble beginnings, we learn and grow with the help and support of our peers and fellow Jedi" he smiled.

"As for these attributes of yours, you're being silly, really" Veiere grinned, shaking his head in mock-disapproval; "To be a pilot takes great eye-hand co-ordination and a good deal of knowledge around the technology within Starfighters or whatever you pilot. To go out there and rescue Jedi, you're not only saving their lives which is a huge feat in itself and literally have their lives in your hands, but also shows immense courage and a willingness to stand against the tyranny of oppression...-So you can stop with this need to put yourself down or convince yourself you're not of any worth, right now" Veiere again giving instruction, though not doing so with any anger or sense of authority but more so as a friend advising another friend to be kinder to themselves.

"Now...-Trying again, without listing any negative things about yourself or second guessing, no doubts...-What are your strengths that you bring to the Jedi. Characteristics, knowledge, personal values...-Oh and let's not forget that few Jedi, including myself have actually been successful in redeeming a Sith and bringing them across to the light, so already you're ahead of me on that side of things, Jerek...".

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

As much as Jerek appreciated the chiding encouragement, it wasn't what he had expected to hear from the master. On second thought, it was exactly what he had hoped to hear from the master. He had built up a wall around his own assets for so long, always looking over them, not at them. That had been his twin brother's job, to provide Jerek his self-awareness and to be a source of restraint. That had been gone for a long time now, and Elias' voice had faded some in his head. There were so many new things he had encountered since his brother disappeared, it was hard to know exactly how he would have reacted.

It left a void he had struggled to fill.

Or perhaps, the boy considered, he had filled it and simply wouldn't let himself accept it. Without that grounding his brother had offered, Jerek had sound his boundaries elsewhere, first in Master Beck and a Republic that had crumbled beneath his feet. Then in the Silver Jedi once, before they had demonstrated that fallibility he refused to even accept in himself. Seeing even Jedi bring such wanton destruction to the world of Korriban had turned him away, and had stripped from him the boundaries he had come to rely on without his brother's presence.

Perhaps that was why he had joined in with crusading Jedi on Ossus or Jablim. Perhaps that was why he fought so hard in his starfighter, despite regretting the deaths that came from it. Perhaps that was why he was so enamored with a Sith girl, or found the opportunity to rescue a Sith child, and try to be the grounding voice for both of them. Perhaps that was why he now sought out the advice of this master, one who had already ventured where Jerek feared he would go, and still come back.

The boy took in a deep breath, nodding at [member="Veiere Arenais"], and began, "Well, I've been part of the Jedi since I was 7 or 8, so I have all those years of learning and training. So I've got the basic skills down pretty well, with the Force and a lightsaber. I'm pretty good with Force Stun or Mind Trick, and have been trying to learn Healing and Valor and Moving Meditation lately." Jerek nodded, this time to himself as his confidence grew in the moment. He didn't often talk this much, or confide in someone like a master, but somehow he found it easy to do with Master Arenais. "I can handle myself with a lightsaber, I tend to use Soresu first, and I do a lot of training to keep up the stamina it requires so I can outlast someone, then I go with just the basic Shii-Cho to finish the duel. I've never had any real lightsaber combat, just training and duels, though I've faced off a couple opponents. It just didn't come to actual fighting, they backed down."

"Which is good, too, I don't want to just kill someone unless they force me to, or hurt them more than I need to, you know? Like, I do when I'm flying, but there's really no way to avoid that sometimes, one little hit can blow up a whole starfighter if you're not careful. But I figure, you know, if you climb into a starfighter with the intent to shoot at someone, you've already agreed to get shot at in return. I know it could happen to me, and that's why I work really hard to avoid getting hit."

Jerek chuckled at himself, realizing that his modesty was rising again. "I suppose I'm trying to say that I'm a good pilot. I fly a ship that's hard to handle, it goes super fast and turns easily, so it would be really easy to lose control, but it's not so difficult for me most times. I kind of just let myself slide into the Force, like keeping a foot in there, and let it guide me if I need to react to something really fast."

"Umm, I guess I already mentioned Allya, and helping out with Jablim. And my hair," the boy cracked a grin, becoming a little more comfortable now, both with the man and the exercise. "I try to be someone who thinks before they act. It doesn't always happen, like when I'm flying combat, but when I have the time I try to think through a problem first. Consider all the reasons why it's happening or what will happen if I do certain things. I guess I overanalyze sometimes and I just don't do things. That's why it took me so long to come back to the Jedi, I think, and seek out more training."

His face paled a little. "Oh, sorry. I suppose that was a doubt. I'm not trying to second guess myself, really Master. It's just a personal fault." Jerek admitted, uncomfortable once more. He shifted in his chair, and tried to cover the discomfort by taking another sip of the stim-caf, staring into the vessel in his hands. It was almost empty now, just a small puddle remaining in the bottom of the cup, and the boy wondered greedily if there was more.

 

[WolfMortum]

"Believe me when I say that it's natural to doubt yourself...-If Jedi were always so confident, they'd risk becoming arrogant...Cocky, for lack of a better term" Veiere offered [member="Jerek Zenduu"] a passive wave dismissing the apology, it certainly wasn't needed; "I simply wanted to hear you list off your good qualities without arguing with yourself over them" He chuckled softly. The Galaxy out there was never so black and white, and these varying factors that had led to the lad's uncertainty regarding his path, would arguably have given him some interesting and controversial experience's that some within the Jedi might be more likely to caution him on, however Veiere himself had worked alongside members that were now in the Sith Empire, for reasons of political compromise, however civil all the same. That wasn't something that the Jedi often talked about so openly...-If at all.

"I'd like you to, if you don't already, take everyone at face value. When you meet someone, don't categorize them by their affiliations nor any reputation they might have behind them, but see them as individuals who have equal rights to life as you or any other do...", Veiere suggested an approach that he had himself had always striven to maintain, even in dealing with the supposed 'enemy'. Though the Jedi were never encouraged to deal in absolutes, to take action without questioning the necessity. "A Jedi, is still first and foremost, a person like you and I. Just the same as a criminal, despite their viewed decisions to be arguably wrong...", something the Jedi ought to always keep in mind, the matter of right and wrong so often came down to a difference of opinion and human or sentient development shaped by their background or experiences they had grown up within. "Learn to give yourself that same lenience, allow yourself to accept your faults but don't hinder yourself from learning from your mistakes, or trying to grow from these difficulties you might come across. Take this discussion for example, as difficult as it might seem to know where you belong, I'd hope you're gaining something positive from the path leading to whatever answers might await you at the end of the journey".

"The Jedi Order's goal is to keep and promote peace and the natural order of life around us. We don't always get it right every time, but we do understand that people make mistakes and we do try to support our young people in coming to terms with their struggles along the way. Your ideals, your good intentions and compassion for others are what make you a Jedi. It's not what the Jedi Order makes you...-Do you understand what I'm trying to say?".

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

"I think I understand, Master." Jerek nodded to [member="Veiere Arenais"] as much as to himself. At the very least, he understood the concept that the master was trying to impress upon him, understanding how to apply it was another thing. The boy had already tried to start doing so, since meeting Micah and Allya and getting to know them, he surely understood more of the nuance of their Sithiness. It surely wasn't all-encompassing, and particularly in the case of Allya, there were numerous other attributes that Jerek had discovered about her that he enjoyed.

With [member="Micah"], well Micah was cute, but Jerek could see the obvious makings of a demanding Sith overlord in the kitten already, his fingers itched just thinking about it.

There were others, too, but Jerek was well aware that he tended to just assume the worst in someone called Sith or criminal or politician. It was difficult to shake the notion, the Jedi could be an insular group, and growing up among them had instilled their values as his baseline standard on which to judge everyone. Even himself. That he could be a Jedi on his own merits, not simply those impressed upon him by the Jedi Order. He understood, objectively, that calling himself a Jedi and yet being able to find his own self wanting was surely true for others as well. Master Arenais was right that he needed to evaluate them, along with himself, as an individual first.

It wasn't easy. Jerek wasn't so young as to assume it had to be or complain that the galaxy wasn't fair. That was a youngling's perspective, and Jerek was no youngling. Still, it didn't stop him from wishing that it was at times, that the ease at which he saw adults navigating the galaxy and its problems could simply be bestowed upon him. What the master had said about others struggling, even himself, even those Jedi that Jerek found himself looking up to, it was something the boy knew innately. He had just pushed it from his conscious mind until now. If he could accept that his idols could struggle, though, then he could accept it for himself.

But what of Master Arenais? To Jerek, he was a peculiar soul, someone who displayed all the normal traits of a Jedi Master, and yet the boy could not have named him among those he considered Jedi heroes. It did not mean that the man wasn't a role model. There was a reason he had deemed his heroes unapproachable, and come instead to the former Commenori King. The man seemed to wear his scars openly, or at least he wasn't afraid of them when others pointed them out. Somehow, that trait was more redeeming to Jerek than those he considered idols and heroes, and he couldn't really understand why in the moment.

That didn't mean he wasn't still curious, however. "Master, you said you were captured by the Sith Emperor? How did that happen?"

 

[WolfMortum]

"I suppose you could say that it happened during my...-Less impressive days" Veiere bobbed his head to the right in a sideways nod of indifference, as if trying to figure out how to word his response to the lad in a way that would be deemed appropriate for one so young and influential; naturally he wasn't going to impart knowledge that might shake the boys confidence in the discussion they had been sharing. "I had been struggling during this time, myself. The Rebel Alliance called for aid in defending a world against the Sith Empire and so I volunteered as a way to try to give back to the Galaxy...", it sounded much better than Veiere had felt at the time.

"A Mandalorian by the name of [member="Alkor Centaris"]...-Someone who I wouldn't quite call my opposition any more in today's light, however back then he was working under the Sith as part of the Mandalorian's livelihood...-Mercenary work. Simply put, he bested me in combat and knowing who I was, handed me over to the Emperor" Veiere frowned a little, the memories able to convey so much more to him, than his words would offer [member="Jerek Zenduu"]. "Something to point out here...-Never hold a grudge, because with time and the way of politics, one day your enemies that you fought, may be the allies you fight alongside, the next" Veiere nodded confidently, having experienced this a number of times now.

"In any case...-Kaine Zambrano used my capture to try and persuade my Wife to give up Commenor when the Empire blockaded the system and staged their war against my Home-world...", [member="Kay Arenais"] had known Veiere better than any, thankfully. She had not given up Commenor for him, as she knew that Veiere would sooner give his life than offer a planet of innocence to the likes of the Empire. "The Emperor ordered for my execution upon live holo-vision...-I'm a little surprised you never heard of this, actually...-Mind you, I doubt the Order allowed students to watch such things. Obviously, the execution didn't pan out like they had hoped...-As I still have my head" Veiere chuckled softly, looking to Jerek with a hint of amusement, rather pleased to be able to make like of the circumstance these days.

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

”I wasn’t exactly with the Order when the whole Commenor thing went down. I heard about it after, but not your planned execution. There was so much going on, with the wars in the core and everything else, I was...busy. I was with this fighter squadron for hire, we just went where we could and tried to deal with problems that militaries weren’t able to defend against anymore.” At the time, Jerek had thought the Raging Nexu squadron was the right choice, a way to stay involved without being part of some nation’s misadventures. Yet so much had happened, so much he wished he had been there for. Maybe he was naive about it, maybe he could have done nothing, maybe he would have been killed instead. Or maybe one more starfighter could have changed the tide somewhere.

He knew it was foolish to replay the past, he could do nothing to change it now, but that knowledge didn’t stem the padawan’s regret. He had seen the aftermath of those wars with his own eyes, on Ossus, on Sarapin, on Chandrila. The senseless devastation continued in places like Jablim and Eshan, too. Those had shown the boy that he could make a difference in the galaxy, but he couldn’t do it as he was. If he were stronger, if he were a full Jedi, maybe then he could make a real impact. After all, if a Jedi Master like [member="Veiere Arenais"] could escape the clutches of the Sith Emperor, a Jedi Knight could surely face down the moderate villains that wrought evil in the gritty corners of the galaxy.

”I am glad you still have your head. I think it’s a wiser one than mine, and I’m really grateful you let me talk to you. I hope someday that I’m the kind of Jedi you are, you don’t seem afraid of your mistakes, or mine.” Jerek set down the empty stim-caf cup, wondering if he’d have a chance to seek out the euphoric beverage again in the future. The padawan stared right at the master, setting his open mouth into a line as he breathed out. Even if he future ahead still weighed heavily on his mind, the choices somehow seemed easier. Less intimidating. The boy stood, and bowed respectfully to the man, an earnest effort to thank him for the help he had given Jerek. Even if they were just words. ”It helped, really.”

 

[WolfMortum]

Veiere listened to [member="Jerek Zenduu"] as he spoke about being part of a fighter squadron prior to joining the Silver Jedi Order, if anyone could understand the lads perspective, it was Veiere who had been involved in more than a few organizations with the objective of a brighter future.The Jedi of Deneba, The Vanguard, Commenor and the Force Order he had established there.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've not been around here on Kashyyyk all that long, myself" Veiere spoke softly, being able to relate in some form; "I first came into contact with the Silver Jedi through [member="Coci Heavenshield"], back when they were first calling Voss their home. Honestly, until recently, I didn't have much of anything to do with them other than through political channels with Commenor" he smiled warily, rather pleased to be able to say otherwise nowadays.

"Don't mistake my having a head for wisdom or skill, it was blind luck, the way things played out" Veiere cautioned Jerek, not wanting the lad to be going out there and taking too many chances. Frankly, [member="Darth Carnifex"] was the fiercest practitioner of the Force that Veiere had ever come across, Dark or Light; The Emperor could have chosen any moment to execute Veiere, and he would have succeeded had his attention not been on the conquest of Commenor and dismantling [member="Kay Arenais"] confidence. "Wisdom, supposedly comes with age and experience. I however have made too many mistakes in my time..." Veiere glanced off for a moment, his brows furrowing slightly. It was true that he acknowledged his mistakes, recognized his flaws, but that didn't make them any less difficult to live with. "The Jedi Path isn't the easy one, Jerek. Sooner or later your decisions in life will catch up with you, and you need to ensure that when they do, you can justify everything you've done for the betterment of the Galaxy. To support the light and protect the innocent".

This was his last piece of advice for the evening, Veiere moving to stand with Jerek and begin to move for the entrance to his quarters. It had been a good conversation, nothing alike the sort he had been expecting but if Veiere could do anything with the failures of his past, helping another to avoid making those same mistakes and learning from them, was something he was more than willing to try to be doing. "I'll see you around the Temple" Veiere smiled as he opened the door for Jerek, stepping aside, "Goodnight, Padawan".