Private Something Worth Fixing

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

The door to safe house opened, the sounds of mechanics opening resounding as she stepped into the dark, dreary room. She still had not painted the entryway. It was a bland, depressing, muddled lack of color.

Just like my heart...

She sighed, pulling her hood off. She felt so horrible. A great measure of loneliness and isolation, accompanied by betrayal and heartache. A desire to be near someone, a craving to stand by his side, but still hurt by the way he himself had wounded her. This was... hard. She had been hurt, but she did not want to hurt him back more than she already had in moments of heated anger. But she still was exasperated and confused. Fearful. She loathed this separation, but she still wanted some sort of... apology? Compensation? But how could she ask that of someone who had lost so much himself? Of himself? Was she selfish in these wants? She was too scarred from the past to completely give this up. Yet, the point stood that he might just need her more than ever.

She lifted her hand to her head. Did she always so easily get headaches? After standing back to the now sealed shut door for a long moment, she walked into the living room proper.

The living room was more done up, with three of the four walls painted a homey burgundy with a dark red line dividing the top of the walls from the bottom. The last wall still needed done. She sighed, stepping into the room. She was about to trudge miserably to her room and sulk when she noticed that someone was on the couch. Not Kranak, he was in town. No, it was the source of all her immediate emotional stresses - Jac'Eli'Zirem.

That mechanical arm still stuck out like a sore thumb to her.

He must have repaired it after their... fight, earlier. But wait. The engineer's eyes immediately noticed two screws and the connected parts drilled in way too tight. Shouldn't that hurt? He was asleep on the couch, sprawled out, but even then he was holding his upper arm, where the cybernetics connected to flesh.

She winced. No. No, this was unacceptable.

In the dimly lit room, she looked over to the workbench where her unfinished rifle, the Distant Chill DC-01, laid. She reached out, using the Force to call a screwdriver into her hand. Then, she bent down. The expert mechanic immediately loosened the nuts and bolts, also noticing something wrong with a connecting rod and calling forth another tool to fix that. After she was finished, she stood back up with a sigh. She placed a screwdriver into her her mouth and turned to leave. Eliz Krayt should be feeling better now, but the butterflies in her stomach prevented her from trying to speak.

 

[Eliz Krayt]

​

Anger. It drove him to.. Fix. Or at least that's what he called it. Tightening parts of his arm, loosening others. Replacing the splintered metal he'd ruined in his fit of anger. It wasn't something he should have done angry. All he did was ruin the mechanics, put himself in more pain than he'd of liked. It made it easy for him to remember that his arm wasn't real. It made it easy for his mind to comprehend the phantom limb he was constantly suffering through.

Pain wasn't something he wanted to keep, though.

By the time he'd come out, Gwyneira Vizsla and Kranak Vizsla were already gone. Hunting trip?

He wasn't angry at Gwyn. Not like he said he was. She was angry, rightfully so. But he didn't want to have to explain it. All while not actually explaining a thing. It was messed up that he couldn't tell her after all she'd been through, but no matter who it was he'd never tell them about Kestri unless they were Vod themselves. That was the rule. That's what kept the last of the Mandalorians safe.

But how could he explain that?

In his process of thinking he'd ended up sitting with Gwyn's gun. Distant Chill. Wasn't a bad name. But the gun. He knew the gun. Hours passed as he set about finishing her rifle for her. Something, at least, to apologize for.

Then he slept on the couch. In his mind it was where he should be. Gwyn would come back at some point and she could sleep in the bed. Away from him. And yet, fate had a different plan. He was awake as Gwyn started to fix his arm. Too sensitive to noise he knew she was there. Knew she was fixing him. He didn't know what to say or what to do, so he pretended to be asleep. And yet, when she turned to leave, he reached out. His metallic hand touched hers, only briefly.

"Stay. .. Please."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

She froze.

Oh kark. What was she supposed to do? Was he going to yell at her again? Or perhaps torture her with that agonizing silence? Just like last time. She stood there for a moment, tearing up once again. She closed her eyes and swallowed, forcing her tears back. She opened her eyes again, starting to shake. This karabasting shaking. She was still looking away as she reached and took his mechanical hand.

She held his hand in silence, unsure of what in the galaxy to do. She should had guessed he would wake up. He was so sensitive to noise. She was still looking away as her lips trembled. She wish she could physically shoot this blasted silence with a blaster pistol.

So... she spoke. Tried to.

"I should've known you'd hear me. You could probably hear a pin drop in my ship's cargo hold from the cockpit."

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"I can, yeah. I can hear snow crunching from a good distance off. It's how I could sleep when I was in Chiss space." He latched right onto the topic Gwyneira Vizsla so readily offered. He wasn't sure how to talk about anything else, anything that they needed to talk about. So he cracked a grin. Made a joke. He just wanted to see her smile again. That's what really mattered to him.

He tugged at her wrist, gentle as he could with the metal limb. Towards the couch. Towards him. ".. I'm sorry. I'm terrible at talking about things. And when there's something I'm not supposed to talk about.." He was making excuses at this point. He let go of her wrist, instead sitting up on the couch to hold the metal limb to his chest. "I should've told you what happened, even if you weren't allowed to see me."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

He... apologized? Someone apologized to her? Nobody ever apologized to her. They were always right, she was always wrong. Eliz had been the first person to truly consider her thoughts and emotions. That had been why it had hurt so much when he ghosted her.

Her face was worn and colorless. Lifeless and devoid of warmth. Her eyes narrowed in silence as he pulled her closer. She frowned, that bitterness gagging itself up her tight throat again. He apologized. That actually meant a lot. Already, a bit of light was seeping back into her night ridden heart. Yet, even more bitterness was pushing and shoving, demanding answers. It took no genius to figure out a lot was being hidden from her. And well, Gwyneira was a genius.

"-I-..."

She looked over to the empty seat on the couch. She crumpled into the weathered sofa, head bowed and body bent over.

"Thank you..."

Tears once again flooded her eyes. They dripped onto her pants, tangled hair fallen in front of her face and trailing down.

"... I can tell you're hiding too much from me. And you're not going to be honest with me."

She winced. Was that too harsh? Did she think he deserved it? He just lost his arm, how much pain had he been in! But she was in pain herself. Multiple nights pacing around with no sleep. Message after message sent in desperation. Memory after memory, reliving the times her mother had ignored her as a child. And learning now that Eliz had been inflicted with such a terrible injury. The pain he was in, that she should have been there to ease. She had not been notified, but she still felt guilty as kark.

She closed her eyes, shaking even more. "I should have been there. Should have protected you, or been helping you. Before, it had already been being sick with worry and being unable to sleep and finding it hard to eat. It was being upset because it reminded me of how my mom ignored me. But this? You being devastated with losing a kriffing arm but me not even knowing? When I should have been the first one there? I can't even sense you through the Force, kark it! I can't sense a kriffing thing!"

She reached up with a pitiful hand and wiped her eyes.

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"You're too smart." It wasn't a complaint. Far from it. It was one of those things Eliz absolutely loved about Gwyneira Vizsla . He didn't look away from her, didn't pretend he wasn't there listening. Was that what it was? Eliz understood a lot about how she was feeling, knowing how her family was. How her people were and what they did. But the connection, or lack there of in his case. Could she feel Kranak if he was hurt?

"You couldn't be there because you're not done with your training. With what Kranak is showing you. This.. Is what it means to be Vod. I-" He paused. How could he explain it without explaining it? He avoided telling her anything because he knew she could figure it out. So.. What if.. He pulled out a holodevice, clicking it on. It was something he'd always had. Every morning he pulled it out and repeated the same chant. But he never clicked it on.

On it, a black wall with numerous, numerous names.

"My clan was Cadera. Before the purge there were.. A lot of us. Now.. I'm the last. Many clans were wiped out during the purge. I'd do anything to make sure it never happened again, even if it meant leaving you in the dark. Vod are family. We protect family." It was probably a dumb way to say it, but he clicked off the device and tucked it away in his pocket again.

"When you become Vod, you'll have the same responsibilities."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira's pupiless eyes looked up, red and puffy, as she looked down the list of names. She shivered. She had read bits and pieces about a brutal purge of Mandalore so far, but actually hearing about the devastation first hand from someone hit far harder. Gwyn remembered her own home planet, her mother's death at the hands of the Sith. The entire world bombarded from space shortly after she managed to escape the atmosphere. She also remembered sensing great loss of life on Lwekk, one of the things that drove her to leave the Eternal Empire.

Yet, there was a lot she was unable to connect with. Her mother had been cold and neglectful. Her home was a cruel, taunting place where she was shunned for her half breed heritage. Yet, it had still been the one home she knew her entire life. She never truly felt family. Eliz was her first taste of such a thing. How connected had Eliz actually been to his clan, the Cadera? Only to lose them? She could not imagine losing Kranak or Eliz.

Still, a part of the explanation made her visibly wince. The part about family.

"I'm... sorry you had to go through that. I hated my world and still hated watching the Jedi and Sith destroy it. It must have been far worse for you."

She winced again. Did she have to remind Eliz how bad it was? She was terrible at offering sympathy. Still, the dreaded familiarity of outcast mocked her this very second.

"I-I'm sorry, either way. But that's it? I'm not Vod enough? Still aruetii? Outcast? Am I not family to you myself? I thought we..."

She lowered her head, feeling stung yet again. "I mean, I get protecting them, just..."

Well, no one had ever protected her. She never had the "family" Eliz had. Why should she care about people when nobody gave a single kriffing kark about her?

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"You're smarter than that." Eliz could only chuckle at this point. He reached out, touching her cheek. Lifting Gwyneira Vizsla 's chin so she was looking at him again. She was too tainted by her family. By her past. Was that why she couldn't understand? None the less the half Chiss smiled. "It's because you're becoming Vod I couldn't tell you. To tell you would ruin any chance for you to become Mandalorian. This is the Way, cyare."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira struggled at first to look at him. She was thankful for pupiless eyes and how they wouldn't give away her eyes darting. She finally looked to Eliz Krayt as he chuckled and explained. She found the logic hard to follow, but she had to trust him. He was one of the only people she ever could trust. Still, she was struggling to comprehend. Should she even try? Sometimes, things simply had no logical explanation, they were just unfair. She sighed, heaving deep trouble and sorrow. She did badly want to become Vod, but she could not just be a blind follower like in the Empire.

She grimaced, making a face. One day, it would be clear to her. Until then, she had something far more small scale, yet huge to her, to sort through.

She looked directly at Eliz, now cursing her lack of pupils. Perhaps, maybe her more focused and forward face would give it away.

"I can't sense you. It's like if someone plugged your ears or blindfolded your eyes. I just can't sense you. I need to know if you're okay. And I need to see you through the holoprojector. And hear your voice. Even if I can't be be there, please. Please. I couldn't handle something like this again. Being ignored. The silence."

A shudder rippled through her body. Did Eliz feel it through her chin? "I just can't do it. Please, don't just abandon me to silence like that ever again!"

 

[Eliz Krayt]

It was the core of the issue. Eliz lowered his hand from Gwyneira Vizsla 's chin to touch her arm. She couldn't tell. He nodded once. "I won't. .. I promise." He shouldn't of in the first place, but that's just what he had chosen. Kranak told him it was a bad idea. He really should have listened to the giant, and yet.. He chose not to. He turned his gaze away from the girl, leaning back in his seat. Eyes closed. He was still tired.

"I'm sorry for not calling you. Or answering you when I came back. It wasn't that I was ignoring you- I just.. Didn't know what to say. Especially with how angry I was." He lifted up his arm, staring where his forearm was once flesh. Now metal. "I know I'm keeping secrets. But I'd never hurt you."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira sighed. Didn't Eliz Krayt realize that his cold shoulder had already hurt her? But... it was time to move on from that. He had just promised to never do it again. Gwyneira had made mistakes, and he had forgiven her. How could she not give him the same courtesy? He deserved it, with his current state. They were bound to make mistakes. They were both eighteen, but in many ways were still kids. And neither had anything close to a romantic relationship before. Trial and error. This was the best they could do.

Besides, it was not like Gwyn had not made her mistakes since he came back either.

"I know. I know you'd never mean to hurt me. You were the first person who ever truly spared me a glance. You and Kranak. And..."

She gulped, looking away, "And I'm sorry I got... snappy... when you came back. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, but that's no excuse. I shouldn't have been so nasty."

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"Kinda was one. Or, at least, I'm on my way to it." This time he cracked a full on grin, lifting his metallic arm to try and make a kind of joke. One he admittedly regretted once he looked at his arm, but he was still grinning none the less. Eliz didn't want to linger on the bad. Not after what happened, both with his arm, Gwyneira Vizsla . Hell, the other shit that was going on too. All he wanted was to be with her.

".. I missed you."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn just made this face. Joking about his arm? Really? Still, seeing him smile was a sort of relief. Except she wanted a real smile. She shook her head with a small grin, looking at him.

Oh kriff. Those words made her want to cry again.

"I missed you too."

She scooted closer to Eliz Krayt , her heart pounding violently as her deep desire was met. They needed each other, without a doubt. With what they could clear of the brambles cut out and shoved off, there was ease and comfort again. She could be close to him again. Despite everything still nagging at her mind.

She cuddled against him, already sighing in relief and joy as she embraced him. She laid one arm over his chest and placed the hand on his shoulder. The other arm was wrapped around his waistline. One leg curled over his as she leaned in, eyes half closed.

Oh... She had really missed these moments.

 

[Eliz Krayt]

Gwyneira Vizsla leaning against him was something he truly didn't realize he missed as much as he had. He pulled her close, hugging her to his chest. There was a desperation in it. A longing to be close to her again. He missed her. Pure and simple. And she missed him. That's what mattered right now. Whatever issues were still there, they'd figure it out together. That's what it meant to be in a relationship, right?

Before he knew it though, he was out. Already tired he just fell asleep, holding the hybrid to his chest all the time. For the first time since he lost his arm, he slept easy.

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira felt so... happy. She felt genuinely happy, for the first time in quite a while. She rested, leaning completely against his chest. What was it with them and couches? She had no clue, but she was all for this. Smiling, she snuggled up to him, lying over him as she buried her head in his neck and dozed off. Being as tired as she was from those sleepless nights, she was swift to sleep. She had Jac'Eli'Zirem again. He held her in his arms. She promised to better care for him this time as she fell asleep.

Eventually, she woke up. She shifted. Feeling Eliz Krayt on top or beneath her was nothing new, but waking up to him for the first time in around a week was just splendid.

She rested against him for a little while more, then she pushed herself up and climbed off him. She yawned as she threw her feet over to the side of the couch. What time was it? How long had it been? It was hard to tell, in this closed off metal building. She stood up and tried to be as quiet as possible. Eliz was still sleeping. Despite his incredible hearing, she could try to make sure he got his rest as she tip toed over to the workbench and checked her tablet. It was... 2:26 a.m.

Kranak was likely sleeping in his own bedroom by now. Yet, Gwyn's stomach growled. Oh yeah. She had not eaten since breakfast this morning. She looked over to Eliz's sleeping form and smiled.

She picked up the datapad and walked into the sleek kitchen. She opened the freezer, pulling out frozen blueberry space waffles. She popped some into the toaster and searched for the stuff for hashbrowns in the fridge. Hashbrowns and blueberry waffles were a stable for the couple by now, and she could prepare the meal without Kranak waking up. As Gwyn worked silently in the kitchen, she removed her boots and pulled her sweatshirt off. Her brown pants and light orange shirt were like a glowing light in the dark blue kitchen.

She tried her best to follow the holopad instructions as she worked on the hashbrowns.

 

[Eliz Krayt]

For once, he didn't actually wake up. Eliz was in desperate need of sleep. Even before coming back and having this fight with Gwyneira Vizsla he hadn't been sleeping well. Nightmares, mostly. Waking up in a cold sweat and gripping his mechanical arm as if it was about to fall off. So while she cooked, he snored. Blissfully unaware, until the smell of food filled his nose. His eyes slowly opened and he was immediately aware there was no other weight beside him.

Gwyn was gone. He frowned as he pushed himself up. Then the smell. Oh. Right. A smile took over the frown as he got up and wandered into the kitchen. Stepping behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder to watch her cook. So she was actually cooking? Mostly. He eyed the frozen waffles with a slight disdain. Fake food, as he'd call it. Still..

"Hey, cyare.."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn eeped a bit as Eliz Krayt managed to sneak behind her. In many ways, she was the opposite of Eliz in this regard. He could sense anything and everything around him, Gwyn had a tendency to get so involved in her work that she detached from her surroundings entirely. She was observant and cunning outside her tunnel vision, but she was already learning how troublesome her obsessive nature could be in settings where situational awareness was needed.

She smiled a bit, still trying to focus on the hashbrowns. "Hey," she smirked, "Edgy McHandsome."

She could not help it. She still got a kick out of that nickname. She smiled more purely as she worked, "I'm cooking-"

The loud sizzling and a struggle to crust charred potato from the skillet edge caused her to gasp and pull the skillet off. She anxiously slammed her utensil into the smoldering disaster before giving up and plopping the hot skillet onto a cold burner.

"I spent almost eight years learning to expertly build ships, droids, computers, weapons... But I can't make a wet potato a cooked potato."

The waffles popped out of the toaster, causing her to yelp.

 

[Eliz Krayt]

He snorted softly. That nickname again, huh? Eliz smiled pretty warmly, leaning over to gently kiss Gwyneira Vizsla 's cheek before stifling another laugh. She really wasn't the best of cooks, huh? His arms wrapped around her waist. No- One arm did. The other, metallic one went to before it fell limply at his side. Right, that was still.. .. Right. He pushed the thought back as he glanced towards the toaster.

That scared her?

"We'll help you learn to cook. Or, I will really. But this'll work for now, mm?"

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn had noticed that only one arm curled around her. She frowned. The lack of a real arm must be hard on Eliz Krayt . How was he adjusting? The fact that he would usually hug her from behind on hold her hips, but now only held her with one hand, had her worried. Things were not going to be normal for him, wouldn't they?

Then again, was anything ever normal for them? They seemed to jump from one tragedy to another, peril to peril, heartache to heartache. The closest she felt to normalcy were the days they spent here, in this safe house. What if...

An idea sparked in Gwyn's mind, making her smile again. She looked down to her ruined hashbrowns as Eliz spoke. She sighed.

"I guess I need to learn. Kranak has gotten upset with my energy drink consumption, for some reason. What's wrong with energy drinks? They got me through college, along with space ramen."

She shrugged, still remaining in her love's embrace. "I was trying to make hashbrowns and blueberry space waffles, cause that seems to be our thing, but yeah..." She motioned to the hashbrowns.

Then she decided to go with her idea, her plan to establish some kind of normalcy and strengthen their bond. They needed it more than ever, and she had an idea as how to help it. Something one on one, personal, away from the troubles of this upside down galaxy. She heard of nice evenings with meals, watched lucky couples in the academy dress up and do this. She gulped. She had one night stands, but nothing like this simple thing she was about to suggest.

"You know something we've never done?"

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"We really need to get you on a better diet. If you put crap in, you get crap out." Or something along those lines. Eliz could never remember the exact quote, but he could get enough to tell Gwyneira Vizsla the basics of it. Not that he was going to go out of his half asleep way to make something now. Especially with.. He let out his own sigh as he hid his face in her shoulder, taking comfort in her warmth. Though, her question immediately had him raising a brow. And grinning.

"I'm not sure how deep a sleeper Kranak is. Do you really want to test that?"