Snabbranare

[Elaine Thul]

http://www.dandwiki.com/w/images/a/ad/Velociraptor.jpg
Name: Snabbranre
Designation: semi-sentient
Homeworld: Elysian
Language: Can communicate, through roars click with there tong on top palate, but basic
Average height of adults: 2 meters
Skin color: Colour is similar to it's surrounding for each pack, though does not change if you drop one from a forest into a desert
Hair color: None
Breathes: Type 1
Strengths: Force Speed is normal ability to this creature
Young are just naturally fast level
Normal Adult Apprentice level
Dominate male/female Knight level
Can bite through medium armour of up to class 7
Skin colour matches local environment, unless taken away from it
Weaknesses: Can not penetrate level 9 armour at all
Can not be easily tamed (Anyone trying to do needs, 10 post dev thread)
Has hyper fast metabolism, so spend a lot time a sleep.
If it's linked to force is severed, it becomes highly disoriented
If injured, due to be wild animals they tend to die quickly
Hollow bones, so not as strong as mammals.
Distinctions: Force using dinosaur
Average Lifespan: 10 years
Races: no real subspecies just skin colour for the terrain
Estimated Population: Only found on a single world
Diet: Any meat
Communication: infra sound clicks
Culture: Pack base with females and one dominate male, each pack has roughly between 6-12 females with a dominant female. The female is who decides, which females are allowed to mate, and in the lean times is known to kill the weaker pack members. She also leads the hunt, and as well as where the pack goes. As well as defends their territory, or run if they do feel they can not.
The dominate males being stronger than the females, have first call over any kills. They only fight each other, if another male trys to userp his place. unless desperate for food then they will join in the hunt.
The young males tend to be forced out the pack while still young, where they forced to look after themselves. They have to hunt for themselves, fight off or run away from other dominate males. This way only the strongest males, become the dominant male of a pack, and the weaker maes perish.

Due to being at top of the food chain it approximated there are thirty to forty million of them.
Technology level: none
General behavior: Hunting, Sleeping, fighting for dominance, and reproducing
History: The Snabbranare evolved from other dinosaurs on the planet, however this one due evolution did not just an apex predator it has innate ability to use the force. This manifested itself, in the it's pure speed. So much so it is one fast creature ever seen, and had evolved purely to run down it's prey in short order. It gained strength in the force via natural selection, as the ones who are stronger in the force, where more likely to breed, as the weaker ones would not be as good hunters. They developed elongated arms, with vicious claws on them. This helps them as a pack, climb bigger prey, and kill them by attacking there undefended back.

Spoiler

Similar to way lions take down elephants

Notable Player-Characters: None
Intent: To added character to a world I am making, and may use them as mounts if some one can train them

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/82702-the-fast-hunt-pm-to-join/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/91811-hunting-time-solo/3 more posts

 

[Taeli Raaf]

Under review

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

So several things in this sub need addressed, and they will be listed below:

• First foremost, please change the name. While the velociraptor is not copyrighted or anything, it is a species from Earth and thus is not a part of Star Wars.
• The link on homeworld leads to that planet's dev thread, not the actual submission. Please fix this to link to the planet itself
• You mention their skin color being adapted to whatever region they inhabit, which is a form of natural camouflage, but you fail to mention this in the strengths. If you intend to keep that ability, list it in the strengths section as well
• Why does it breathe Type 2 atmosphere when the planet is a Type 1? The species would very well die out if that were the case
• Now we get to strengths and weaknesses, and here we run into the biggest issue. I will not allow these creatures, at any point, have the ability of Force Speed at the level of a Master Force User. I will accept, at most, them being fast enough for a Knight level. However, to counter this ability, you need to change your weaknesses to something more significant. Not having the ability to bite through Class 9 armor or not being easy to tame are not true weaknesses, and are not acceptable if you want these creatures to have a Force power.
• For distinctions, please switch dinosaur for reptile as dinosaurs are from Earth, technically
• For population, while they can only be found on one planet, please provide a rough number of how many of the species exist
• General behavior needs to be expanded upon
• History needs to be greatly expanded upon, what is currently there is not enough to constitute a history of the species

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] as per pm

Q1: First foremost, please change the name. While the velociraptor is not copyrighted or anything, it is a species from Earth and thus is not a part of Star Wars.
A1: Starwars use a lot earth terms, such as rat, human, cat, and dinosaur

Q2: Now we get to strengths and weaknesses, and here we run into the biggest issue. I will not allow these creatures, at any point, have the ability of Force Speed at the level of a Master Force User. I will accept, at most, them being fast enough for a Knight level. However, to counter this ability, you need to change your weaknesses to something more significant. Not having the ability to bite through Class 9 armor or not being easy to tame are not true weaknesses, and are not acceptable if you want these creatures to have a Force power.
A2: Any recommendations for weakness

Q3: For distinctions, please switch dinosaur for reptile as dinosaurs are from Earth, technically
A3: As mentioned dinosaur are in star wars

Q4:For population, while they can only be found on one planet, please provide a rough number of how many of the species exist
General behavior needs to be expanded upon
A4: Would a 300 million spread across the planet be okay

Q5: History needs to be greatly expanded upon, what is currently there is not enough to constitute a history of the species
A5: Can you give any advice on this

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

While that may be the case for the names, I must insist on the species name being changed. Something a bit more original and Star Wars-y. As for weaknesses, I leave you to figure out what they might be but I would suggest a few actual physical weaknesses for the species. For population, I was thinking more along the lines of 30 million and as for history... explain to me how the species evolved into how they are, the spread across the world, their interactions with other lifeforms and such.

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] still editing, but is the name okay it is velociraptor but in swedish rather than latin Swift robber

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] okay done initial editing of all I think

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

So still not sure about the strengths and weaknesses. What would you classify as medium armor? For the new weaknesses, I still don't think the Force Speed is balanced out yet. The disorientation is fine, but the injured one isn't all that detrimental. Change this to something like thin bones or hide is able to be easily cut. Something along those lines. The metabolism weakness doesn't exactly work as they would be spending more time hunting for food rather than sleeping if they have a super fast need for calories.

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

Actually the animals with fast metabolisms spend more time asleep than hunting, this is so they don't starve when there prey is not around. As it great way to conserve energy, by not using it. Though the reverse is also true of those with slow metabolic rate, as they eat food with very little energy consumption. So they need to sleep to conserve there energy as well but for different reasons, as they got none and digestion takes up a lot of energy.

https://sleep.org/articles/animals-that-sleep-the-most/

I know bats have to eat a lot of food every night, when they are awake.

Made medium of upto 7, as that has enough weak points to get teeth through joint areas.
Also made the bones holo this makes them lighter, which would help with the movement, but make them weaker than mammals on size comparison.

As for disoration I do plan to make a dinosaur with the bubble effect, though no mandalorian will be carrying over the shoulders in nutrient pack. Unless they are some sort massively strong giant.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

The article you linked me doesn't exactly support your position. The very last line of the article even says that larger species with high metabolisms need less REM-sleep than normal animals, and then the list they give gives out animals that aren't very active creatures besides the bats. I'm going to have to insist the sleep weakness be changed.

If you want to be able to bite through class 7 armor, I'm going to need some more development. As it stands, and I didn't address this earlier, but your current dev thread seems to be incomplete in regards to having the story of the thread end. So, if you add another ten posts of decent length and quality to the thread, I will be okay with accepting that.

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] it was more the brown bat, and some of the animals there like cats.

also set a fresh bounty, to try a start a new dev thread.

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] will being doing a dev thread on tuesday, I am quite busy till that point.

quick question, these three post okay, if so does that take down to severn?

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

As that thread is not at ten posts, and your character doesn't appear at all in it, I will not be accepting it to lower the needed dev down. All I wanted you to do for dev was make your existing thread longer and finish the story in it. You were not required to make another dev thread.

 

[Elaine Thul]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] It would be easier if I did, I got story in mind. But I am off out in bit, and not as busy tomorrow.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Elaine Thul"]

Been a few days, have you started the dev?

 

[sabrina]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] sorry wrong account, no I have been waylaid, I will second chance it when done.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="sabrina"] [member="Elaine Thul"]

I'm going to have this archived until the dev is done. When you are all done, let [member="Lorelei Darke"] or [member="Reverance"] know

 

[Quietus]

You only need to use a second chance if the sub has been denied. Archiving is not a denial. Simply PM me or [member="Reverance"] when you are ready to continue working on this.

[member="Elaine Thul"]

Archived.