Slow fading scars

[Jacen Voidstalker]

“What time is it where they are?” Jacen asked. He was so reclined in the chair that he was at risk of breaking the mechanism and tumbling back down into the hold.

“Please refine the question.” The ship had a computer that could handle vocal commands. Jacen wasn’t sure if he was happy about that yet.

“At the landing one what time is it?”

“Please define which system of…”

“Morning, afternoon, evening night will do.”

“Currently late evening.”

That wasn’t ideal. By Jacen’s biological clock it was mid-morning. Wasn’t time to meditate and reset that now. He should have thought of that earlier but his mind had been elsewhere. The world wasn’t far from Coruscant, but for something this important he would have cross the galactic disk. When he had dropped Aela off he had the sense that she had started to rally, but she was still bowed and broken. Even thinking about it now make his stomach sink. It was just such a change from the Aela he knew.

“The stronger they are…”

“Is that a question?”

“No. How long until we leave hyperspace.”

“Zero seconds.”

The cerulean swirls became white streaks, then they collapsed into pinpricks and Borleias loomed before him. Jacen leaned forwards quickly, flicking a switch overhead to activate the gravitational repulsors. She knew he was coming to see how she had been, what he didn’t know what if she even wanted to see him.

“Get me a landing vector and guide please?” Jacen asked. He wasn’t the best pilot and every bit of assistance was welcome.


[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela sat quietly on the cliffsides of her families home.

The island had been purchased by her father over thirty years ago as a present for her mother. It had been the only place that Aela had ever really considered to be her 'true' home, and the only place she had ever really felt safe. She was sure that it was the same way for her siblings, something that she had never talked to them about but was just one of those things.

The young Jedi Master sat with her arms propped up on her knees, chin settling on them as she looked at the waves below.

She had not told her parents what had happened on Kraysis, nor had she told her siblings or anyone else. Micah was still recovering from his injuries, and though Aela still felt...shocked about the situation she did not want to add to the weight already on her parents shoulders. Instead she had done what she deemed to be the most sensible thing. She'd placed her lightsaber and sword in a storage locker, meditated daily, and attempted to find a certain sort of peace within herself.

The task was proving a difficult one, and each passing day made her wonder if she shouldn't just spill the beans already.

Her head swiveled as she glanced towards the house, her lips thinning. No. Not yet.

Not until Micah was up and walking. Aela couldn't do that to her parents, she couldn't pile on with her own difficulties. Her little brother was what mattered right now, she had to be strong for him, strong enough to carry this burden on her own.

At least for a little while longer.

Jacen was on his way now, she'd given him the coordinates to the island. She had no idea what he'd tell her, but...well she hoped she would think of something.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

The U-Wing came in nice and straight with wings swept back. Reverse thrusters arrested its forward momentum whilst the repuslors balanced its weight. If Jacen had been a natural pilot he might have spotted Aela watched the waves lap against the shores of her family's island. Instead he was far too preoccupied with the task at hand.

The stick seemed to be fighting him. That was actually feedback from the computer attempting to guide him in carefully. The nose tilted back and the wing swung forward as he lowered it down.

"Struts?" Suggested the computer. Jacen swore. The craft landed on its legs but a little too quickly. It was quite a loud and bumpy landing given the near-perfect flying conditions.

"I hope no one saw that," he murmured. With her flying anxieties she would probably never let him fly her anywhere. And with good reason; he didn't like to let him fly himself anywhere. There had been no pilot droids available. He was left looking down the nose of the ship as it started to 'tick' cool. Jacen wasn't really sure what he was going to say to Aela.

Perhaps just making clear that he wasn't coming to take her anywhere would be a good start. Maybe he had subconsciously thought to dress in plain clothes rather than his robes to make it more clear he wasn't coming as much on official business as to check in on her. In truth it was a little of both. He had to understand where Aela was at for the sake of the students she taught. But mostly he just wanted to try and understand how she was, if she even knew herself.

He stepped down into the hold and slid back one of the heavy doors. No robes caught on the deck as he stepped down. Simple dark cargo trouser a shirt and heavy, worn jacket with plenty of pockets. Wouldn't look out of place in a freighter right now.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

The landing pad that Jacen had found wasn't too far away from where the House was located.

Once upon a time there had only been a single place for a ship to fit on the island, but as the kids had grown up and moved out of the house Soliael had come to a rather stark realization. If there was only one landing pad it meant only one ship could come at a time, meaning that only one child could visit. Before his wife reached the same realization Aela's father had cleared a good portion of the jungle, making room for three or four landing pads on the island itself.

Aela had laughed when she'd first heard the reasoning, but of course it did make sense. It wasn't like many ships could land safely in the water and Micah, Maleah, Kaili, and herself did all venture home all at once every now and again. Though that was rather rare.

The Jedi Master spotted Jacen's craft as it approached the island, something that was rather easy given the clear skies all around her home. She frowned for a moment as she watched the ship duck beneath the trees, her chest rising as she took a deep breath. Part of her wondered if she was even ready for this. She already knew that she'd have to lie to him, knew that she couldn't tell him the truth. Jacen would wonder why she'd kept everything from her parents, why she'd even wanted to come here if she wasn't going to seek their support, but the fact was...

She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

Without much hesitation the Jedi Master pulled herself up from her position on the cliffs and began to wander towards the the jungles, circling around the house just in time to see the wobbly nose of the u-wing dip slightly. She perked an eyebrow, frowning as she headed closer. A loud hiss echoed as the vessel depressurized and the ramp began to lower.

"I see you found us alright." Aela called up to Jacen, knowing that the island wasn't the easiest to spot.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"And you also saw that shambled of a landing, but let's not speak of that again," he said as he stepped down from the ship. "Gave on on board computer with voice to try and help. Not sure it did."

It was an attempt to put matters on a lighter note to start. At this juncture he didn't know how much she was willing to open up to him. Likely he'd have to start to take the conversation down that path himself, but he was in no rush to do so. He was a guest here. There was time for all the normal formalities first.

"I'm sorry I got the timing off. I always forget to check that before I leave."

The sky had shifted to a smooth gradient of colours. What clouds there were picking up the light from the sun that was plunging into the watery horizon.

"You grew up here?" he asked.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

"Yep." Aela said, deciding not to mock Jacen for his abysmal landing. Anything that he did regarding ships was still better than she could do. Sometimes the young Jedi Master wished that she could try, but so far it hadn't exactly been within the cards for her. Adder had promised her they'd find some voidstone or something else of the sort so she could attempt to pilot without the use of the force...but so far that was just a pipe dream.

"Me." She began. "My parents, my two sisters and my brother."

Micah.

The thought crashed on her again and she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. Her brother was still recovering, still laying in bed. His wounds were all but healed now, though an injury like that gave one more than just a few broken bones. They had been assured he would wake up eventually, but they just weren't sure when. It was a stress for every single person in the family, and even Maleah had come back from Wild Space in order to be with her brother.

Things at the Talith household were tense. "Come on, I'll show you around."

The island first, then the house.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"Of course," Jacen replied. "Are they all here now?" he asked. "Actually I've met Kaili briefly but who is your other sister?"

That was another subject that would come up: Micah. He didn't know if he was on the island or in a medical facility elsewhere. Those were also not questions when being offered a brief tour after a short journey. Thinking back to when he had been at his lowest he tried to imagine the added burden of a sibling whose life hung in the balance. It didn't sit easily. For all Aela's strength she was still young. He'd seen through some of the cracks to the vulnerability below. No one was invincible and those who rarely faltered took could be hit the hardest when they did make a mistake.

"They said it rains here a lot," he murmured as they walked away from the ship. There hadn't been much cloud cover on the way down. In reality he was asking whether he should go and get a coat from the ship before they went walking around.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

"Maleah." She answered quietly, almost mutely. "She's Micah's twin."

His injury had been especially hard on her. It was hard enough to see your brother in the hospital bed, but your twin? There was a bond there that was just slightly...more. She frowned for a moment, squashing the thought so she didn't have to suffer through it again.

"You'll be fine." Aela assured him.

Borleias wasn't a very cold planet, especially not where the island was. Her father had chosen the location rather carefully, wanting to make sure that they could use the beach almost at all times. It had been a gift to Aela's mother, and most of the gifts that her father had given her were always meant to be 'perfect'. It was no wonder that Aela's standards in males was so high, her primary example was a hard standard to live up to for anyone.

"It's only bad during monsoon season." She explained softly. "That's not for a few months."

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"Oh, I didn't know he had one," Jacen replied. The evening was reasonably warm. The light breeze brought some cool air in off the sea and lightly rustled the leaves in the trees. Living on a island probably brought wind and rain during some seasons but at least it would keep them from extremes in temperature. Not that he knew anything much about the climate here.

He let Aela lead the way. He could sense just that simmering tension below the surface. Both knew there would have to be some difficult conversation at some point during his stay. Hopefully she hadn’t intended to get it all out in the air already. He hadn’t seen any such sign from her.

“Lot of space to wander around I guess, where is the house?”

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

"She's...distant." Aela said as she referred quietly to Maleah. Their sister had always been something of a wild-child, running off and doing things on her own rather than sticking with anyone else. She had a connection with nature far stronger than any of the other Talith kids.

All the kids had their own talents of course, and all of them had spent years honing those skills, but again Aela didn't really want to think about it.

She didn't want to think about her own talents, all of that time she'd spent at war, all that time she'd spent becoming the best fighter. In the end it had been the very thing that brought her to where she was now. It was a stoic thought, and one that shook her more than a little bit. "It's over the ridge."

Aela said quietly.

"Overlooking the beach." The way her father had built it. "My father built the house for my mother before I was born. The whole thing was kind of a surprise to her."

She'd never owned a home before that apparently, always living with the Jedi.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"Kark me," he mumbled under his breath. "A surprise island with a house and beach. No wonder you have so many siblings." Jacen looked over sharply at the realisation he'd actually said that out loud. It wasn't even as if this was a backwater world in the Outer Rim. Just this much land could be sold for more money than he had ever seen.

"Sorry. I think being an only child was partly to blame for how lazy I was when I first joined the Jedi Order. Back when I got kicked out the first time around. Not to blame, that's all me. A reason and not an excuse. Might have trained under your mother if I hadn't messed up quite as badly."

He could still vividly recall the shock when he realised what he had done. They had gone too far and practised with live sabers when they shouldn't have. Even now it was hard to deal with that shame. Much of it came the fact that he could remember the mounting horror at realising how serious it was and that he might get ejected, rather than concern for a friend he had gravely injured. He had been a selfish and foolhardy youth.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela let out a small laugh, though her cheeks colored. The thought of just why or...how her parents had so many children wasnt exactly something that she wanted to ever consider. Though Jacen probably did have a point. The house was an impressive piece of architecture, though she supposed that compared to some of the other things her father had built in his life it was actually rather modest.

Still, she didn't want to think about the after effects of this particular gift and she was glad when Jacen began to speak of something else.

That feeling immediately went away when she realized that the conversation was going down a darker pathm she frowned for a few seconds. Aela had been vaguely aware that Jacen had been kicked out of the Jedi Order before, but the two of them had never spoken of it. ”Why…”

It was probably rude to ask, but she was already half way through the question.

”Why did they...let you go.” Putting it that way probably didn't help at all. ”If you dont mind me asking.”

Aela quickly added.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

A warm smile crossed his face as she laughed. She hadn't even smiled at his commentary at his own landing. She looked away and he could sense the touch of embarrassment after, which was to be expected given the subject matter. Honestly that had been a little crass for a Jedi Master, he thought to himself.

"It actually wasn't for my innapopriate sense of humour," he replied as he tried to keep the conversation light. Jacen had come more to terms with what had happened back than, though it had been difficult at first. He almost saw the version of himself that had turned up on Ossus for a second chance at becoming a Jedi as a young and naive person, just as that version had the one who had been removed from the Order. So much had happened since the first time he had gone into battle as a Jedi for the Republic.

"It was and wasn't for a specific instance. I was already on the rocks for my attitude. Only child you see. Wasn't a diligent student. Ended up showing off and seriously hurting another student with a lightsaber. So when you see me dress down one of the younglings for being silly with one..."

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Ah.

Lightsaber training.

She frowned for a moment, remembering when her father had first given her one of the weapons. Each of the children had received their first lightsaber at twelve years old, and to say they weren't a bit...overzealous with them would have been a lie. The Jedi Master frowned slightly, wondering for a brief moment how things would have differed and she and her siblings had been sent to the Jedi Order instead of taught by her various family members.

For some reason the thought scared her. "Was it hard for you?"

She questioned quietly.

"Going out on your own so young?" Of course she knew some of Jacen's history, but again they'd never really spoken of it. Compared to her Jacen had actually lived a life. Sure it had been because of the consequences of his early actions, but he seemed to have learned from them, perhaps even become a better man. She couldn't help but be curious about it all, especially now when her own mistakes had brought her so low.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

Jacen made a quiet murmur just so she knew he was considering the question. It was an interesting way to phrase the question. On his own. There had been people there for him despite leaving the Order. At the time though he had felt very much alone. Was that how Aela felt now? The island was quite isolated he thought.

As he started taking shorter strides to take himself up the winding path he tried to reply as honestly as he could. He was glad of a walk after being in a small starship for the trip, even if the hip he'd wounded protested at the sudden exertion.

“I wouldn't say on my own, but I did feel alone for a while. I'd always thought the world revolved around me, that I was destined for greatness. Eventually my uncle signed me up for the Republic Army and I trained to be an officer. I didn't use the Force properly for a long time. I didn't want to; it made me think of my failure. I made some pretty big mistakes in my younger days still.”

The conversation brought to mind the apparition he had faced under that temple. He felt the drag at the back of his mind as if he was thinking upstream. It had pulled the words from his mind to use against him, but it had also been combined with some kind of influence over his emotions to break him down. If it hadn't broken him so quickly he would have been there for Aela sooner, when it would have mattered.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

She frowned for a moment, considering what Jacen was saying.

Aela could relate, at least little bit anyway. She didn’t feel alone, not really. She was surrounded by her family and she knew that if she just said the word they’d swarm to help her...but she was isolating herself. The young Jedi Master knew that it was a choice, knew that it was her own fault, but the idea of telling her parents, of taking attention upon herself and away from Micah who really needed it...that didn’t sit well with her at all.

She and Micah had a strained relationship as children, they hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but when it counted she loved her little brother. Aela wanted him to get better, wanted him to be up and walking. She felt like if she drew attention to her own troubles it would somehow take away from his recovery. It was a vastly paranoid thought, and coupled with her concern about the weight that her parents were already carrying...well it was enough to make her stay quiet.

At least for now. ”I…”

She began quietly, unsure of how to continue.

”Put away my weapons.” Her lightsabers, her sword. ”The ones I could anyway.”

Her eyes glanced down towards the tattoo upon her hand, giving it a double take before she looked up at the path once more. They were getting closer to the house now, the thick jungles beginning to thin out and rocks beginning to show more clearly within the path itself. The house sat on a cliffs edge that lowered itself into the beach beyond, a nice place for a house, if a bit dangerous for younger children.

Not that his father had ever thought so.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

The box had been opened now. She had opened it and he couldn't just snap the lid down and move the conversation onto a different subject. Back then he supposed he hadn't put his weapons away for long. He had just slowly learned some discipline and how to use different ones.

"If you feel that's for the best," he replied. He slowed his pace slightly. Instead of focussing his attention on their surroundings it turned to Aela. She seemed quiet, contemplative. There were worse states he could have found her in, but it was always difficult to read her. Besides, he thought to himself, despite the situation with Micah she was back with her family. A long way from danger and conflict.

"How have you been Aela?" He asked earnestly, turning his head to face her as they walked.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela paused for a second, not quite sure how to actually answer the question.

In all honest she didn't know how she was feeling. There were days when she smiled and laughed, there were days when she just stayed in her room, and then there were days where she just wandered the island and did nothing at all. She had tried to think over the problem, tried to go at it from a hundred different directions, but every time she did so Aela couldn't help but come up short.

She had no idea what to do or say, no idea how to regain the balance that she had once felt.

It had always been a point of pride to her that she maintained a equilibrium within herself. The force had been perfect, balanced, free flowing, coming to her without even a true thought. Now? Now it strained her to even lift the smallest pebble. She felt weak, disjointed, as though her mental muscles had atrophied. Worse yet she knew the cause of it all, it had been that moment within the caves, her panic, her lashing out. It had done something, something that had disturbed the balance shed kept with her. ”Better.”

She lied through her teeth, but she didn't want Jacen to know she felt the same way she had then.

”My family is here.” Whom she had not told. ”But…”

She trailed off. ”Its still not thr same.”

Aela could admit that much at least.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"I shouldn't have asked that," Jacen said softly. "I've been there. People always ask how you are, hopeful the answer is good. But it's never quite that simple."

Aela held herself to higher standards than he ever had. Whilst he'd been a cocksure youth he had never had the dedication and raw ability that Aela displayed. How would it be to hold yourself and everyone around you to exacting standards and then suddenly come short of them yourself? Jacen had been left in free fall. The days of waiting for the decision had been the worst. Once the decision had come there had been days where he had felt like drifting through the hours, reality yet to sink in. Hopefully she would tell him more of what it was like for her. No two people were the same and he wasn't deluded enough to think he would certainly be able to help. He could try, if she would let him. When he was at his lowest points just knowing someone cared, would listen and let him know he wasn't going crazy, had been a relief.

"Is there anything you think I can do to help?" He asked. Jacen slowed his pace, thinking he saw the silhouette of the roof through the flora.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

The question was just as hard to answer as the last one, at least for her.

Aela had never really been the kind of person to ask for...anything. She was independent, wanting to do things for herself in a way that made her feel accomplished. Right now however that seemed entirely impossible. She frowned for a second, glancing at Jacen and then back towards the path.

They were nearly at the house now.

”I...don't know.” She said quietly. ”I don't feel there's much anyone but me can do.”

It was something she knew to be true, but also something that she found hard to actually accomplish. ”But...I need time.”

Finally they passed out of the Jungle and stepped into the house's front yard, something that consisted mostly of a large dirt yard with dozens of obstacles.

”Maybe...maybe away from here, everyone.” The galaxy was a busy place, and right now...Aela didn't want to be busy.