Feedback Silas Westgard

[Silas Westgard]

Hello folks, it has been a while since I've done one of these. Longer than expected I've been playing as Silas, a paddy who has seen much horrors in his short life. However, now that he will be taking the next step soon I want to try and get an idea of what I could improve on and what I have done well leading up to this point. I'm cool with brutal feedback, as long as it isn't to do with his character profile. Yes, that will be done very soon.

By all means, fire away

 

[Valery Noble]

Pretty sure this guy loves beans on toast.

Smh

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Not enough trauma. You should have survive a near fatal injury and then get a nasty scar, bonus points if inflicted by darkside shenanigans. For good measure, you should also have him be stabbed in the back by a close friend, just to ensure that the trauma is effective.


In all seriousness tho, I like Silas. He's good. I look forward to when he becomes a knight.

 

[Teresa Pelles | Darth Pellax]

I've still not stabby stabbed him yet.

 

[Kelinna Tryn]

Can always try and actually landing that killing blow

In all seriousness, it has been quite a fun ride and I know we both have had RL issues. But all in all, Silas is a well written and determined character. Maybe just lose some weight. Eat less soup and more burgers, yeah?

 

[Kahlil Noble]

I get u real feedback later tho.

 

[Thelma Goth]

First, the good:

Silas stands out among Jedi Padawans and has his own unique voice. His characterization is very strong. I like how disciplined he is and his devotion to his training and desire to better himself (almost to the point of being a perfectionist?). A lot of writers tend to have a casual approach to Jedi training and treat Padawan characters like they're at a boarding school or summer camp, but Silas is written like he's at boot camp.

He tends to be very serious and even stern at times, which is why seeing him lighten up and show a more playful side has more impact. His relationship with Valery is one of the more interesting and fun to read master-apprentice dynamics I've seen. I love how they're constantly ribbing each other, it's clear they have a lot of respect for one another. I've definitely watched Silas mature since you started writing him, and that it was handled in a believable way with a natural progression from childhood into adulthood. (Although he's still in a teenage rebellion phase.)

As someone who has written both his rival and his love interest, Silas is just plain fun to interact with regardless of your character's relationship to him.

Now, the... well, not bad, just needs improvement:

Your writing is a tad bit stilted. In particular I noticed you have the tendency to repeat words, and some of your sentences are awkwardly worded. You also sometimes forget to use punctuation. It's especially bad when you phone post, so I assume it's just due to you not being able to spend as much time perfecting your posts. Unless my American English is simply inferior to your British English.

That's about it. Silas is cool. Keep it up.

 

[Jand Talo]

Why do you look like Jand?

Damn bro.

 

[Silas Westgard]

Pretty sure this guy loves beans on toast.

Can't beat it, what can I say?

Not enough trauma. You should have survive a near fatal injury and then get a nasty scar, bonus points if inflicted by darkside shenanigans. For good measure, you should also have him be stabbed in the back by a close friend, just to ensure that the trauma is effective.


In all seriousness tho, I like Silas. He's good. I look forward to when he becomes a knight.

Aye, he does need another near death experience to kick him up the ass. Especially one done by a friend xD

And bless, I'm excited for what Silas and Jasper have coming too

I've still not stabby stabbed him yet.

You still have time to try

Can always try and actually landing that killing blow

In all seriousness, it has been quite a fun ride and I know we both have had RL issues. But all in all, Silas is a well written and determined character. Maybe just lose some weight. Eat less soup and more burgers, yeah?

Of course, they'll always be a time to get that done and dusted

And eat more burgers? you don't have have to tell him twice.

First, the good:

Silas stands out among Jedi Padawans and has his own unique voice. His characterization is very strong. I like how disciplined he is and his devotion to his training and desire to better himself (almost to the point of being a perfectionist?). A lot of writers tend to have a casual approach to Jedi training and treat Padawan characters like they're at a boarding school or summer camp, but Silas is written like he's at boot camp.

He tends to be very serious and even stern at times, which is why seeing him lighten up and show a more playful side has more impact. His relationship with Valery is one of the more interesting and fun to read master-apprentice dynamics I've seen. I love how they're constantly ribbing each other, it's clear they have a lot of respect for one another. I've definitely watched Silas mature since you started writing him, and that it was handled in a believable way with a natural progression from childhood into adulthood. (Although he's still in a teenage rebellion phase.)

As someone who has written both his rival and his love interest, Silas is just plain fun to interact with regardless of your character's relationship to him.

Now, the... well, not bad, just needs improvement:

Your writing is a tad bit stilted. In particular I noticed you have the tendency to repeat words, and some of your sentences are awkwardly worded. You also sometimes forget to use punctuation. It's especially bad when you phone post, so I assume it's just due to you not being able to spend as much time perfecting your posts. Unless my American English is simply inferior to your British English.

That's about it. Silas is cool. Keep it up.

Aye! I've very much enjoyed what Silas and Thelma have been doing so far. We haven't rushed, and it seems to be building up nicely. I'm excited to see what happens in the future with them.

I also strongly agree with the improvements you've mentioned. Phone posts are a pain in the ass, especially with a small phone like mine. And yea, I don't normally have time to perfect my posts as I used to. I will however try and make sure everything is correct before posting.

My British can sometimes be mixed in too, don't expect any changes there xD

I get u real feedback later tho.

Bless ya

Why do you look like Jand?

Damn bro.

Long lost brothers? :O

 

[Teresa Pelles | Darth Pellax]

You still have time to try

still waiting on the reply though much has changed for you no doubt since then

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Your writing is a tad bit stilted. In particular I noticed you have the tendency to repeat words, and some of your sentences are awkwardly worded. You also sometimes forget to use punctuation. It's especially bad when you phone post, so I assume it's just due to you not being able to spend as much time perfecting your posts. Unless my American English is simply inferior to your British English.

I echo a lot of this sentiment. There are times where your posts are harder to read because of how you word your sentences, and other times where you seem to change the other persons post (though, that could just be a lack of clarity on their part). It can pull me at least out of a thread when you write something in such a different way from what I'd written, more or less.

And yet I love each and every post you write. Silas is a fantastic and believable character in a galaxy of crazy fantasy. He struggles, he puts way too much on his shoulders, and he falters. But he always picks himself up and keeps trying. It's a beautiful story.

 

[Silas Westgard]

still waiting on the reply though much has changed for you no doubt since then

Oh, we can continue that if you wish. I'll get something in soon

 

[Silas Westgard]

I echo a lot of this sentiment. There are times where your posts are harder to read because of how you word your sentences, and other times where you seem to change the other persons post (though, that could just be a lack of clarity on their part). It can pull me at least out of a thread when you write something in such a different way from what I'd written, more or less.

And yet I love each and every post you write. Silas is a fantastic and believable character in a galaxy of crazy fantasy. He struggles, he puts way too much on his shoulders, and he falters. But he always picks himself up and keeps trying. It's a beautiful story.

I agree with everything you say here. My sentence wording has never been great, but do aim on improving that. In regards to writing something different I haven't seen that as much but I really do not mean to do that on purpose by any means. And thanks for the positive comments, it's reassuring that I'm doing him justice with his character build up

 

[Srina Talon]

Silas Westgard

I have an admission that I feel...Must be made. I don't read everything that everyone posts, however, I do creep threads on my day off like a MOFO.

I've read Silas in the Annihilation of Tython and I've wandered through a number of private threads out of sheer curiosity. Snoopers gotta snoop. I tend to follow stories that interest me for random reasons and Silas is no exception. Firstly, you write vastly different than I do. Which...I deeply enjoy. It's a new perspective. Any small error that you might have is easily made up for by the charm of the character and the movement in your posts. They tend to be smaller, so, you get chit done. Bam.

I'm not on this site to read perfect editorials.

I'm here for Star Wars.

Silas gives me that, fluidly, so he gets a thumbs up and a wookie cookie. He's overall quite enjoyable. And if you read a lot of the "fight scenes" from the Star Wars Novels you'll notice that they are a lot shorter and less detailed than a lot of what occurs on the site. It reminds me of that. I'm a nostalgic reader. I like the things that make me remember that this is Star Wars and not a site full of random, barely disguised, fantasy ports from other genres. And for phone posts? Well, well. You're killin' it, fam.

I got no complaints. Keep calm, Padawan on.