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Shore

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_elder_scrolls_system__nirn_planet_by_unrealpixel-d6ybsj2.png

Image by UnreaLPiXel http://unrealpixel.deviantart.com/

Name: Shore

Region: Unknown Regions
System: Mirlak Star System
Suns: Yellow Dwarf Star, 700k miles away
Orbital Position: Far, habitable
Moons: Two. Surrounding the planet, each roughly 300k miles away
System Features: Adjacent planet is Mundas
Coordinates: 4,15
Rotational Period: Sixty-One Galactic Standard Hours
Orbital Period: Three-hundred Sixty-Three Galactic Standard Days

Class: Terrestrial
Diameter: 12,371 km
Atmosphere: Type II
Climate: Forest
Gravity: Standard
Primary Terrain: Forests and jungles

Native species: N/A
Immigrated species: Humans
Primary languages: Galactic Standard Basic
Government: Revanchist Reformation
Population: 23.4 Million
Demonym: Shorian
Major cities: Praxis City
Major imports: Weapons and armors (primarily standard military grade gear for marines)
Major exports: Mercenary and Bounty Hunters for hire
Affiliation: The Revanchist Reformation

Major Locations:
  • Praxis City- The capital of Nirn is a large city that is broken into nine districts; Port District, Industrial Zone, The Gardens (South and North, separated by West Bazaar), Bazaar (West and East, separated by The Palace), Slums District, Water Slums District, and Stadium District. The Palace is in the center of the city. A large wall surround the entire perimeter.
    ​The Port District is the smallest district. Located in the south end of the city, it is a large body of water with several warehouses built on the land.
  • The Industrial Zone is where the majority of the population lives. It consists of large buildings that are apartments, work places, and construction zones.
  • The South and North Gardens are farmland where small farmers work.
    It is separated by the West Bazaar.

[*]The West and East Bazaar are marketplaces where the farmers of the Gardens live and sell their goods.
  • The Palace separates the two districts.

[*]The Slums District is a run down part of the city- most of the houses and structures are makeshift or crudely built. This is where the poor and those struct with poverty are often found.
  • Located here is a small fort that acts as a prison and munitions factory.

[*]The Water Slums District is connected to the Slums and consists of houses that are built on stilts above a small lake.
[*]The Stadium District is where the richest of citizens live; the buildings are cleaner and have more design to them unlike the other districts. Located here is Praxis Stadium, where various events such as pod-races and tournaments take place.

Here is a Map of the city for reference. Art done by Naughty Dog.
jak_ii__haven_city_map__by_dave_mastor.jpg

Culture: Born warriors who are trained from birth to fight for survival in the harsh environments of the planet. While the planet looks safe from atmosphere, the climate is extreme in nature; severe storms hitting the coasts constantly as well as hard rain fall and even, sometimes, harsh droughts. Most of the culture follows that of the Mandalorians; born to serve ones family and culture.
Technology: Standard tech for the current time era.
History: Shore's past is clouded by war and chaos. The planet was discovered shortly after the Jedi Civil War and was a sanctuary for many of the non-force sensitives who were effected by the war. While beautiful, the planet's extreme climates turned many of the settlers away. Those who stayed quickly formed tribes and attempted to establish a government. This however didn't turn out well, as the environments made it difficult for the tribes to work together. They instead turned to war and hoped to wipe each other out and clear a way to build without any other help. For thousands of years constant waring separated them from the larger galaxy, leaving the planet to be relatively unknown. It wasn't until 835 ABY that the planet finally was rediscovered. While the "Clockwork Rebellion" didn't cause as much damage on Shore as it did so many other worlds, the tech that was salvage afterwards did leave a lasting impact. The technology allowed the tribes to band together and begin building a functioning government. The Empire of Shore was established with Praxis City being founded near the one of the coasts. The city first established a small trade hub with the various other villages and quickly started gaining more citizens. After years of building the city was truly a city with functioning sewer systems, districts, and a wall to protect from the elements around them. The planet established a trade with other planets, trading mercenary and bounty hunter work for weapons and armor. The Empire of Shore did this to ensure they would be protected from the Galaxy, fearing that the chaos it was in would send the planet to its past years of war. Darren Onyx, while spending some time in the Unknown Regions trying to find a suitable planet to establish his own rule, discovered the planet. While the Empire of Shore disliked him, referring to him as "The Outsider", his ability to manipulate minds allowed him to get in with the people. Eventually he was able to manipulate his way through the government until he proclaimed himself Emperor of Shore. It was then that he dissolved it and created the Revanchist Reformation and ensured his own dominance over the planet. Using Praxis City as his capital, he quickly eliminated the few who remained, and opposed him, and fully established his rule.
Notable PC's: The Onyx

Intent: To have a home/capital world for The Revanchist Reformation Minor-Faction

Note: I was not present during Netherworld and am unsure of the events that transpired during it. Hence why there is no mention of it in the History section. Also I'm unsure how to format Galactic Standard (Days and Hours). So if what I have is still isn't acceptable, I'd appreciate a reference on how to format it correctly.
 
[member="The Onyx"]

Apologies for the slight delay, on vacation currently. However, after looking this over there are several issues I see with it that will be listed below:
  • I will not, under any circumstances, accept Nirn as a name for this planet submission. That is borderline plagiarism and must be changed immediately as that is the name of the realm that the Elder Scrolls series takes place in.
  • You have gas giant as a sun? Please change this to an actual star type please
  • Also, in general, all measurements must be in metric. Convert all mentions of miles in this submission to kilometers
  • Hours and days should be galactic standard hours/days
  • For population, 2 million is rather low for a planetary population. This can be increased to a reasonable size if you so desire
  • For imports, please detail exactly what they import from the galaxy at large. For exports, there needs to be something here. A planet or business is not going to import materials or weapons and such without something leaving it too. You can list the mercenaries here as one such export.
  • For your major location, I'm very wary as it currently stands. To me, it reads very much like the Imperial City in Oblivion. Please either flesh out the details for each section or change it to something else. As it currently stands, I say you are once again butting up against possible crossover or plagiarism
  • Please expand culture to a paragraph at least
  • Please expand the history section. As it stands, I'm not sure how humans found the planet, how the tribes were established, why they reached out to the galaxy in the first place, what happened to them during the Netherworld event, how did your character take control over the entire planet? Also, as mentioned first, remove any mention of the word Nirn in this submission and replace it with a suitable replacement.
 
[member="The Onyx"]

Okay, so a few things more still:

  • The Onyx said:
    700k miles away
    convert this into kilometers

  • The Onyx said:
    300k miles away
    convert this into kilometers
  • The events that occurred in Netherworld can be found in the Holonet tab, under Timeline, for ease of adding in what happened to the planet during them.
  • So the big thing I need to address is the major location. As an avid fan of Jak & Daxter myself, I'm quite familiar with Haven City and it's layout and districts. You are far far far too close to that for me with Praxis City (makes me think it was named for Baron Praxis) to be comfortable stamping the planet as is. My suggestion would be to modify it severely to something further away from it and more towards Star Wars, because as of right now, you are basically describing Haven City now even down to placement of each district.
 
[member="Darren Onyx"]

Very well, if you wish to pursue it sometime in the future, you may contact a RPJ or Admin to have it pulled back out. Archived upon request

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
 
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