Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Setting a Foundation

What she had started off as a slow progression through the katas, Yuroic picked up on them and sped things up. As he did this, he got more aggressive in his movements, but yet she very little actual anger in them. It was more a grim determination to see something through to completion.

Jairdain had stopped going through the motions when he started out pacing her. She watched his movements through the Force and could see the natural flow of him. While he was still new to everything, this was going to be his strongest aspect within the order. She on the other hand would never be a great blade master, dealing more with the politics and diplomacy part...at least she hoped to.

Yuroic wore himself out and stopped moving when he out of breath. While he did not look at her, she felt he needed something. Going back to her original position in the room, Jairdain took out a bottle of water from her small bag and held it out to him with her almost ever present smile.

"Have a seat and if you want to talk about it, we can."

She had her own stories to tell if he wanted to know about where she came from as well.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
He took the bottle gratuitously, pouring the water into his mouth at first then pouring it down over his head, attempting to cool his head. He removed the top half of his robes, leaving him wearing just the trousers and boots, his body was becoming in better shape due to the Jedi training but there still ways to go. He took a deep, cool breath. His body felt on fire and sweat was pouring from his skin, he moved out of the room briefly grabbing a towel and used it to wipe the sweat away. Promising himself a cold shower later.

He looked at her with a stern expression, to confess his past was going to be difficult at best. He sat back on the floor and thought were to begin. It could take forever to truly explain what happened in his life or if he found the right few words it might only take a second.

I... I was sold to a smuggler by a refugee family I was living with at the time. Yuroic started simple, lead into the hardship of his life with the biggest trust issue. The smuggler was abusive, uncaring and enjoyed making me suffer. He owned me from the age of five till I was eighteen. He starved me to keep me skinny and made me crawl through vents and tight spots to grab valuable goods. When I failed, punished me, harshly. I ended up messing up his biggest smuggle and he stabbed me in the gut and left me to die.

That's why I'm here. I never learnt to fight, never learnt to read blast it, I never learnt to love. I was a tool and that was all I was to him, when I began useless he got rid of me. So here I am, to learn who I am. To become a person, not a tool.

Yuroic looked at her as he spoke but then tilted his gave down at the ground, it had helped to talk to someone. His words concreted his being here, that it wasn't just about becoming stronger, it was to become someone. To have purpose.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
After Jairdain had given him the bottle of water, she gave him what time he needed to regain his breath and start to cool off. He had really given himself a good workout, but it had started him down a path of being able to open up. Her intuition had been accurate and she was glad she had followed it.

After he cooled down enough, he came back into the room. She could feel he needed to talk, but that it was something Yuroic wasn't comfortable with. Her calm and open aura and attitude as well her ability to allow open communication probably helped. He would get no condemnation from her no matter what had happened in his life. Only words of support and the absolute feeling that she was not going anywhere.

Before he sat down and started speaking, Jairdain felt his stern gaze and returned it with half a smile, but her eyes glittered with full intensity. There really was no half way with her, when she felt something, it was through her whole being. Not quite as severe as all or nothing, but she freely acknowledged her emotions and never tried to hide them.

He had been sold like property to a smuggler who had abused him until he failed one too many times. He then stabbed Yuroic in the stomach and left him to die. While she herself had grown up with loving parents and a supportive community.

She listened to him raptly and he would see he had her full attention. Not once did she try to interrupt him as he spoke, but if he had empathic abilities, he would feel the sympathy she felt. His last words gave her great hope. So many people went through life never figuring out who or what they are, he was here to figure that out.

There were questions she would ask that might be painful for him to answer, but if he could move beyond his past and the resentment he felt at that smuggler, discovering who he is now would be easier.

"What do you feel when you think about that smuggler and the life he lead you into?"

He was no longer looking at her, but her serene and quiet voice would be heard.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
He appreciated that Jairdain had remained quiet but gave her full attention, he could feel the sympathy come off her but right now it felt similar to pity. It stung but mostly at his ego, he knew that she only wanted to help him understand himself better. He looked up when he heard her voice, he studied her face closely before he gave his honest answer.

Hatred. I hate the man, I wish him death. But something slow, painful. He robbed me of a childhood. He left me to die because he didn't realise who he was smuggling from. The Twi'lek was arrogant, self obsessed, dangerous and the worse kind of person I ever met. He spat on the floor in disgust. He didn't like speaking ill of people but this was one person who deserved nothing less than it.

I suppose you wish me to move pass those emotions? See that the pain he caused lead me to here... But let me ask you this, how do you know that I wouldn't be here anyway? He knew where any conversation with a Jedi involving his feelings towards his former master was heading.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
Again with her full attention, Jairdain listened to his answer. It was as much as she thought. He described what he felt would be a adequate death of the smuggler and more on what he had done to Yuroic.

He then spit on the floor as if just speaking about it cause him a sour taste in his mouth. In his turn, he then asked her a couple of questions, probably assuming how she would answer them.

"No, you should simply acknowledge that this hatred and all other emotions are a part of your being. When they rise within you, put them into like a little mental box and bring them out after the situation has been resolved.
"The anger you feel for your old master something you and I can work through and resolve so it doesn't burn quite so fierce."

Jairdain almost reached out a hand to touch him on his chest where his heart would be, but wasn't positive he would be receptive of the contact. His second question though was something she could more easily address.

"The past is set in stone and can't be changed. What happened to you did lead you here. However, even if your life had been different, who am I to say you wouldn't be here?
"I know for a fact with me, if my life had been any different I would not be here."

If he chose to ask about her past, she would answer freely.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
He sighed, he seemed to learn conflicting things from these Jedi. To store emotions away but to also keep on an open display. He licked his lips nervously as he thought about how it was likely something that could take time to achieve. Yuroic moved slightly on the spot when he saw her extend her arm and touch his chest. He didn't recoil but found it curious. His heartbeat was a steady pace, having slowed down from his exercise where it was racing furiously.

He looked at her, wincing as his heart gave a quick skip a beat moment. Something he had been unwilling to confess to but he remained silent about it, not wishing to discuss it further. Not yet, he wasn't ready. He heard her talk of the past, something impossible to change, to think of any further than what had happened.

He was curious when he heard that her life would be different if something hadn't had happened. What do you mean? What would have stopped you coming here?

[member="Jairdain"]
 
When he moved into her touch, it surprised her a little and while it was brief, she felt the life within on a far deeper connection than she had just sitting near him. She knew deeply his desire to know who he was, but at a loss of what to do. She felt his maybe unknown to him need to forgive that old smuggler and put his past away. His heart was now beating at a normal pace and strong in his chest. Something though made it seem to skip a beat, but she couldn't tell what. It had happened moments after she first touched him.

Curiosity filled him at her words. Her hands again in her lap, she would look in his direction as she answered.

"The world I grew up on was destroyed."

She sat back a little to get more comfortable before continuing.

"It was about three years outside of the galaxy actually and nobody here ever heard of it. Eraton was a lower technology planet and had just discovered hyperspace travel. In the countryside, there was little to no advanced technology at all. We manned our farms and raised livestock with our hands, not relying too much on droids to do the work needed.
I was born blind, but was able to see with the Force. I learned that before I could walk and it's so natural to me that I don't think I could train somebody to do it."

Giving a slight shrug before speaking again.

"When I was just getting out of primary school, I was tested like all children to see if I could use the Force. We didn't call it that though. It was found I could I was sent to a special school to learn how to use the ability we have. I went to that school for about five years.
"Suddenly though a plague broke out and the families of the people in my class got sick. A few people even died. It was blamed on us students, some sort of Force plague and we were all banished and sent away."

Her eyes grew sad she spoke and he would feel the deep sorrow within her about the whole thing.

"As my ship left the system, there was a large flash through the Force behind me and my planet destroyed."

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
He listened to her story and felt a connection, they were both alone, or at least one could think that of them. He took Jairdain's hands in his on and took a slow breath out, he wanted to offer reassurance just like she had offered him not too long ago. Yuroic closed his eyes and thought about his past, perhaps it was good to lay it to rest for now, to move past it all. He allowed the calm to wash over him and send it to her as he continued to hold her hand unless she had recoiled from his touch.

I am sorry to hear that. Must have been difficult to lose so many that you loved and knew. Yuroic spoke, his eyes still closed as he thought on what he should do next, he remained sat and in front of her.

Tell me more about Eraban, what were your family like? What was the area you came from like? Yuroic inquired, hoping that those memories would lighten Jairdain's sadness. Best to think of the good times one had with their loved ones.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
As she spoke, Yurioc took her hands and held onto them. She felt him calm himself, a state which he previously lacked. If their conversation wasn't do deep and heartfelt, she might have suggested he try to reach for the Force again. This wasn't that moment though and she knew it.

Though speaking of her past, did not bother her like it did him, Jairdain appreciated and accepted both his touch and emotional support he provided.

"Yes, it was difficult at the time. If I had remained and that plague not happened one of two things would have occurred. I would either be dead from whatever killed my planet or possibly being a tutor there for the new incoming students. Maybe even some sort of consular."

She would laugh a little after she finished speaking because that was exactly what she wanted to be within the Jedi. He asked about her home, but there wasn't much to tell. She would do her best though.

"My family was very loving and close. I had no siblings and was an only child. Being blind lead me to be a bit of an outcast with the other children in town. I had everything I needed though and grew up happily enough.
"My parents were what could be called terrestrial shippers and more or less exported items across Eraton. They sometimes also imported, but most often sold products and items."

After having asked about his past a little and his reaction to it, Jairdain was a little reluctant to ask more. So for the moment, she just enjoyed the comfort he provided and in her turn sent back the assurance she was here for him. In just holding his hands and sharing a quiet moment of almost intimacy something stirred within the young woman.

This connection was new to her. Nothing in her life prepared her for this. This man fully accepted her and her handicap, he had turned away when she admitted it and now sat with her holding hands. Giving her something she had never had and never knew it was missing. A light fluttering filled her stomach and while they had just met, she knew their future together was set.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic felt her enjoy his touch and company, he couldn't tell how much but that she enjoyed it. He assumed it was friendly, not as intimate as someone might think if they walked in. He listened to the way she described her family, her parents. He could feel the love for them she had, it was an emotion alien to himself but it was also very beautiful. He need that he wanted to feel that way about someone some day. He blinked tears away before she would notice them, not out of shame, but not wanting to think he was upset or jealous of her life with her parents.

I am sure you must miss them dearly at times. But they would be proud of you now, strong, beautiful and helping others. Be silly not to be. He said with a warm smile as he spoke.

He could feel some curiosity fall from her, it must be about his past if she was reluctant to ask. He looked deep within himself, he could feel the Force stirring once more inside him but he did not seek it out, now was not the time. He wanted to talk, to learn to control himself. He took a deep breath, allowing a moment of silence to pass through before he spoke once more.

I can tell you wish to ask more on my past. Go ahead, I shall answer best I can. He hadn't talked to anyone about it before so perhaps a lack of talking was what made it difficult, not the past itself.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
For a few moments they sat in companionable silence, both just getting a feeling for the other.

She found inner strength and determination to not fail in Yurioc. An innocence too, like a child just learning about the world around him. The curiosity of a young person just learning to gain freedom. As a young man, the need to gain control and take over, with him though that control was directed at himself, not externally.

His next words caused that little butterfly to flip again. While she had no doubt that she was strong and she did her best to help others, she had no idea he considered her beautiful or if anybody else did.

"My family lives on within me."

She took one of her hands back and hovered it over her heart for just a moment and returned it into his when she was done unless he had taken it back.

"My friends live on in my memories. Who knows some of my classmates may still be out there. It would be sat to think they all died."

His tears went unnoticed, but she felt the spike of emotion they drew. Jairdain was unable to figure out why they came, but chose not to ask and wouldn't push that topic on him. He then said she was free to ask about his past and he would answer as best he could. She didn't want to upset him again, so would leave the topic of his boss alone...for now.

"What happiness do you remember?"

Her sightless gaze looked at him and would feel through the force the sense of comfort. Her own interest in his answer clear on her face.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic smiled slightly as she talked of how her parents lived on through her, it was a nice sentiment as he thought on what parts of his parents possibly lived on through him. He couldn't be sure but he knew he had to share what they looked like and how they acted a little. It didn't give him the same comfort that it gave Jairdain but then they had very different relationships to their parents.

Have you ever tried looking for them? It might bring comfort knowing you aren't the last of your kind... Yuroic mentioned briefly on her friends and classmates.

He could tell that she was still being cautious in asking about his past, which is understandable due to his previous reaction to it, so he gave a deep thought to the question. Happiness was not something he was use to remembering of his past. It was difficult to find something from his time outside being a slave, which was not filled with happiness at all.

Well... Most of my much younger years are difficult to recall. I believe there was one time, or a few times, I was with one family at the age of three or four. They shared their meal with me and gave me a bit extra so I wasn't as hungry as normal. Also they would tell tales of people becoming great heroes from lives of no ones, fighting dangerous enemies and massive monsters, like rancors.

Another moment of happiness was when after I was freed, I joined a ship with another human and Quarren. The Quarren wasn't the friendliest of people, quite the serious type and thought I was too young and inexperienced to join them but they needed a third. The human told me tales of Jedi and Sith, how Force Users were magical beings that helped those in need. He made them sound mystical and mythological, wasn't until I started showing signs of being Force Sensitive that he told me that they were real and to seek out the Jedi.

Yuroic fell silent as he thought upon the memories, he couldn't find many others where he was truly happy, not just grateful that the situation wasn't worse than it could have been. It hadn't bothered him before and he decided that it didn't matter, as Jairdain told him, the past was unchangeable. He wanted to make better memories, happier ones then the time to do that was now.

So, ask me the real question you want to ask, I can feel curiosity still burning inside you. Yuroic smiled as he watched her, being from every different lives he was sure there was plenty that she wanted to know.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
Jairdain shook her head in reply to his question. The thought had crossed her mind back then of trying to keep in touch with them, but they all scattered in different directions.

Silence filled the room again, but it wasn't oppressive as it might have been. Instead it was filled with the thoughts of them both. Her about her past life, her friends and family she would never see again. His was for a quest in what happiness he had while growing up.

She couldn't imagine there was much based on what he told before, but surely somewhere in his memories he could find something. He did and as he spoke about gaining a little extra food and then the tales of the Jedi and Sith. How he had thought them a myth until he showed signs of being able to wield the Force. It had been suggested then he go search out the Jedi and here he sat next to her holding hands, talking about it freely.

Her glance in the Force shifted off Yuroic for a moment as Jairdain carefully considered her next question. While he was calm at the moment, she felt that he might skitter away like a wild animal if she moved too quickly.

He had said the twi'lek was the worst sort of person he could imagine. She would look at him before speaking.

"What you described in that twi'lek is something dark and evil. I sense none of that within you. Your trials are your own and you came out of them stronger.
"You say you hate him for what he did and I'm not going to sit here and preach that that is wrong or bad. It is a part of you. Instead focus on what came out. The you that you are."

She would give his hands a slight squeeze as she spoke, trying to enhance some of the words. While what she said wasn't a question, it would lead hopefully to a better understanding of what she was trying to do.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
He felt the squeeze of her hands and appreciated the gentle touch, he listened to her words as he thought of what he had become. Yes, it had defined the person he was, how could it not but then again was it entirely bad? He was determined to not be that type of person, he had a deep distaste for slavery so yes there were positives though they were few and far between.

Yuroic removed one hand and stroked her soft hair gently as he looked into her eyes, he thought on what life as a slave was like. He tried not to look at it all with despair and viewed his past with a calm and reserved mind. It was difficult at first however, he would look deep into the violet eyes and felt a wave of calm wash over him once more.

Perhaps, but in some ways it made me weaker. Hopefully though I will be able to move past that. He moved his hand back down from her hair and held her hand once more. Giving a sigh of relief as he was able to think on the past and not be haunted by the immense emotions he felt because of and during it.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
Yuroic listened to her words and they evidently helped him to see his past in a different light. Sometimes all it took was an outside viewpoint to open the eyes of somebody looking from within. This had happened and her ever present calm assisted him. Each of their pasts made them who they were today and that foundation was where he was weak. That needed to be reinforced and it had started today.

When he raised a hand to run over her hair, that little butterfly showed up again and a small hopefully unnoticed gasp escaped her mouth. Jairdain leaned into his touch ever so slightly and reveled in the new sensation. She had never given a thought that she had been alone and left on her own, yet that now went through her mind. Something had been missing in her life, but she had not known it until now. An empty spot the one of companionship, to have one person fill that need that she didn't even know about.

He took his hand and placed it again into her own as he spoke. She felt his eyes on her and tilted her head slightly at him.

"How did it make you weaker?"

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic strokes her cheek gently as he noticed her move into his touch, he thought deeply on her question. He wanted to answer honestly and fairly, he had things that made him weak from before his life as a slave but he could list a decide amount before of what happened to him.

Well as you saw, I have a lack of control in my emotions at time. I feel at times shy, panicky, I get over cautious and reluctant to share my emotions. My past has made things difficult for me. But I think it is time that I confront that, perhaps in time I will be able to feel love, feel things that I have long missed out on.

He closed his eyes, moved his hands to his lap. It was time to seek out the Force once more, he needed to see if he could touch it, use it. He felt the Force stirring inside him, a swirling mass of unknown energy. He called to it, willed it to him instead of reaching for it, at first there was nothing. No change it how it moved. Frustration was welling in his gut but he washed away the feeling, the Force wasn't something that would instantly do as he wished.

So he remained calm, continuing to call to it, attempting to draw it to him. Finally he felt it move to him, listen to his call. That was when he pushed it outwards, to a nearby chair, slivering the Force underneath it and then pushing the chair upwards. He kept his eyes closed, not seeing what was happening but could feel the chair floating, the weight of it, the gentle sway it performed as he held it in the air. A burst of excitement entered his calm mind and he felt relief. He was controlling the Force. He was using his powers.

He was on his way to being a Jedi.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
That little persistent butterfly remained in her stomach until Yuroic took his hands back and placed them in his own lap. Her cheek was warm from his touch and there even may have been a small blush.

He appeared to be thinking on her question and was silent for a short time. When he did speak it was with honesty. The weaknesses he thought he needed to get better at. His past had been a difficult one for him and that kept him from being able to freely share his emotions.

While Jairdain always was able to feel and show her emotions, there were times when she also felt shy and panicky. It was then she was cautious, but that happened rarely. When it did, she more or less just kept silent, observed and waited for the correct time to say or do something.

He fell silent again and a sense of peace that wasn't within him before was present. It felt like he had accepted that his past made him who he was and while he was far from perfect (so was she), he had a starting place to work from.

Sensing he needed only for her to be present, when he reached out to find the Force. At first it eluded him yet again, but he let go of his inner frustration and let to go into the river that was Force. Once he did that, the Force came to him easily and she felt him reach out with it and lift one of the nearby chairs.

A wide, pleased and happy grin would show on her face as he accomplished this easily for the first time. The foundation rebuilding was well on its way to being complete.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 

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