Private Secret Tunnel!

[Klar]

"The speeder?" Klar asked quietly. "I read up on it, then took a couple of training courses. They make you get a cert before you can rent a speeder." She explained softly. The energy was fading out of Klar's voice as the night wore on and the hours grew wee. "'s fairly easy, all things considered. Though I'm still learning." A brief pause, as Klar glanced up towards the lake with a faint smile. "It's nice, when you can let the throttle out and see the world zipping past you. And..."

She hesitated a breath. "I've never been excellent at using the Force." Klar confessed - though anyone who'd attended classes with her knew this. Klar was a fairly capable duelist with the devastating trump card of being able to bring four sabers to bear at once, but when it came to using the Force outside of the most basic utility of Control, Sense, and Alter she was nearly hopeless and incredibly self-conscious about it. "When people talk about the Force guiding them, or moving through them, I don't... get that?" She explained. "It's not my experience. Using the Force feels like trying to pick up a ball with my feet. A heavy one. That doesn't wanna be picked up. Clumsy and it takes awhile. And the result is usually a little embarrassing compared to everyone else."

"But when I'm speeding along on a swoop - I think I get it." Klar added with a wistful smile, her fingers idly scratching Xuko's chest. "I know where to go and be safe, I think. I open the throttle up and a part of me gets to feel confident for the first time. Part of the reason that I've been enjoying it so much is that I just haven't felt like I was really being guided by the Force before, but I think this is as close as I've ever been."

 

[Xuko Pagoi]

Xuko could sense the energy slowly ebb from Klar as the evening became night. Or maybe it was his own energy level that he was feeling growing low. Either way, he felt the pull of his bed- or in this case, the sleeping roll. But although the two of them were winding down, there was still meaningful conversation happening.

"Yes!" Xuko sat halfway up in Klar's arms, froze before he accidentally poked her with his horns, then slowly relaxed again; a bit sheepishly. "I know what you mean- feeling like it is hard to use the Force." He had admitted as much to Reina during their first meeting, but time had passed since then... and he felt no closer to achieving success with the Force than when he'd started. The only time that wasn't true for him was when he was in combat, but the ability to easily call upon the Force in more mundane settings eluded Xuko. Like Klar, he was certain that others had noticed.

Then, his fear. "I worry that it is because I am not suited to be a Jedi" he said, feeling both a weight lift and a weight settle on his chest. Out there, spoken, to another humanoid, it was no longer merely his burden to bear... but with that came a strong feeling of vulnerability. What if he hadn't been meant to join the Order? What if the Force was rejecting him?

What was wrong with him?

Nothing... and everything.

Xuko sighed to himself, then looked back up at Klar. If anyone deserved to be a Jedi, it was her. "And then I remember that using the Force is not what makes someone a Jedi. There are those who use the Force to do evil things. Instead, I remember that being a Jedi is about who we are as much as what we are capable of doing." He paused for a moment. "I look at you, Klar, and I see everything that I think a Jedi should be: kind, patient, good with children, a friend to many and a helper to all. You look to fix inequalities and right wrongs. You seek to understand and to communicate. You persist in the face of adversary, even when it is difficult." Klar had her blind spots and her flaws- as anyone did- but Xuko sensed that she needed some encouragement in the moment.

"I wish that you could see yourself as I do. Maybe then you would not doubt yourself so." To punctuate his words, he took two of her hands in his and gently squeezed.

Klar

 

[Klar]

Well, if that didn't beat all. Klar had seen that excited outburst before - a student learning that they weren't alone in their difficulties, most often. Her, the first time she'd heard about Velyra Vonn . The sudden awareness that you weren't alone, that your experiences were not unique and, most importantly, that your struggles were not isolating.

Also, it was just great to hear him excited about something. The way Xuko lit up was wonderful. She could use more of that every day, please.

"Okay, okay." Klar chuckled quietly, her ears turning bright pink with embarrassment. "That's - you're very sweet, Xuko." The Codru-Ji murmured sheepishly. "Thank you. But you're so incredible as a Jedi. Strong, kind, accommodating, stoic...." She complimented readily. "You never hesitate to do what you think is right, you're always step up when there's something that needs to be done, and you never complain - you just seek clarity and understanding, and make up your own mind about things. And I think that's pretty incredible. I think you're incredible. I wish I could be like you, instead of just filling the air with chatter sometimes."

"I get you like listening to me talk. I picked up on that." Klar clarified. "And when it's just us, that's one thing. But sometimes I think I talk too much when I shouldn't. I'm trying to work on it." She explained quietly.

Carefully moving Xuko's head to one side to avoid horns, Klar dipped down so she could rest her chin on his shoulder, fairly close to cheek-on-cheek. She squeezed his hands, she squeezed his core, she squeezed. "...thank you for seeing the best in me, Xuko." Klar whispered, her eyes closed. "I think... I think I'm about ready to go to bed. May I thank you with a kiss? Cheek is fine if you're okay with it."

 

[Xuko Pagoi]

Now it was Xuko's turn to feel the tips of his earls burn as Klar turned the tables and started complimenting him. She was probably the first person to describe him as 'kind'; most didn't get past 'capable' or 'intense'. Kindness wasn't high up on Iridonia's list of virtues, but hearing it come from a trusted companion in Klar painted the quality in a more positive light.

He wasn't sure what to feel about Klar wanting to talk less, however. She was right in that he liked hearing the sound of her voice; apparently he wasn't as inscrutable as he liked to believe. And unlike many who were blessed with the gift of gab, Klar knew how to not talk. She'd managed, on multiple occasions to draw him out into extended and equal conversation. "I think you are simply making up for lost time" he said. "And you are correct; I will not complain of hearing your voice."

Xuko felt Klar shift again, felt her chin on his shoulder and the light tickle of her breath on his cheek. For some reason, her eyes were closed, although judging by her steady rate of breathing she was not asleep. Then she said that she wanted to kiss him.

Oh.

Xuko considered his options. He had never been asked to be kissed before, and the desire to ask someone else had never manifested strongly within him for any of his past crushes. This was, then, a new and novel experience. He trusted Klar- she had been nothing but respectful of him and his boundaries, and she wasn't pressuring him to do anything that he wouldn't agree to. What's more, he sensed that although she might be disappointed if he said 'no', she would respect his decision. No bartering, or pleading, or blackmail...

Xuko also considered if it was fair for him to accept a kiss while not being ready to reciprocate. Was it an unfair exchange to receive but not give? He didn't think Klar would see it that way, but he wasn't certain. That said, Klar herself was offering the kiss freely- without expecting anything in return. As a 'thank you'. Xuko tried reframing his thinking. Klar appreciated physical touch, and she wanted to show him her appreciation in a way that was authentic to her... which meant that she probably wouldn't be disappointed if he did not return her kiss.

Xuko chose instead to hug Klar, doing his best to communicate with her in the language she understood best; lest his words not sound properly enthusiastic. Some misinterpreted his steady way of speaking as lacking emotion, after all. That said, his verbal "yes" was a sincere one, even if the quietly-spoken consent lacked the exuberance of his earlier outburst.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling of Klar's lips on his cheek lingered long after they were pulled away. Hours later still awake, the Zabrak agonized over why, despite part of him wanting to, he had not asked to respond her kiss with one of his own.

Zhaquxik.

/END THREAD