Private Second Thoughts

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe him so much. She held tight to him, burying her head in his chest in shame. She wanted to believe him, yet...

She could feel the blood oozing down her hands, dripping off her fingertips.

"But I pushed the trigger!" She cried as loudly as her tight, on fire throat allowed, "I did this! I followed orders!"

Her back heaved, "When I knew what it's like! I was that civilian fleeing, wondering why they wanted to hurt me! And I... They..."

She shook her head, burying her head deeper into his chest as she wept angrily.

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"That's what it means to be a good soldier. To be loyal. It's not your fault the Empire abuses such loyalty." The disdain in his voice was obvious. Not for what had been done, not for what Gwyneira Vizsla herself had done. But the fact the Empire promoted an atmosphere where she felt she had to follow such orders. They both were still so young. They'd seen and done horrible things in their short life, but to add to it was something he couldn't forgive.

But forgiving herself, that wasn't something she could do. He knew it. The sleepless nights she had, waking up in a cold sweat. He closed his eyes as he squeezed her more firmly. This was all he could do.

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira kept hugging him, shivering at the disdain for the Empire.

"Don't say that in Empire space. If you even suggest disagreement you're swiftly dealt with..."

She sighed, leaning against his chest. What kind of life was this? Blind loyalty, a cold cultureless kingdom with brutal military, abuse of unlimited power... Had she made a mistake, joining the Empire?

"I joined the Eternal Empire, the Wardens of the Shroud, because of their anti Jedi and anti Sith philosophies, and the desire to control the Force. I had no idea what I was getting into. The cold, stiff air; the military presence; the wars..." She shook her head, "I can't lie anymore. This place scares me just as much as my mom's tenet. And I feel just as alien as in the Arkanian Academy. And after Lwekk..."

She pulled away, looked away, ashamed, "I regret coming here. Before I wouldn't have seen it, but now that I met you and got a taste of warmth... I..." She brought her hands to her face.

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"Then we leave." Eliz was doing his best not to look disgusted. He hated this most of all. Those who would abuse loyalty. But, Gwyneira Vizsla was someone he cared about. Seeing her like this, miserable. Scarred. He gently ran his hand through her hair, trying to give her all the comfort he could. "I have places we can go. Lay low, hide. Be free of the Empire. You don't need to stay here, cyare."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn lowered her hands, looking over to Eliz. Leave? Just leave? After everything? The Eternal Empire gave her a purpose, a home, a duty. The opportunity to break the cycle of Jedi and Sith wars and atrocities.
Yet, Lwekk flashed before her eyes. Was the Eternal Empire any better?

She rubbed her eyes, a silent growl forming on her lips in frustration and confusion. She had wanted to approval, the praise, of her overseers and commanders. Yet, what they offered was vein mist compared to the guilt she felt now. For the first time in her life, she was thinking about defying authority.

"I... I can't... I... I never defied my superiors before. I always did everything I could to make them happy. But... I can't do this... anymore..."

She closed her eyes as more tears fell. She grimaced at the internal conflict inside. "But I wanted to make them happy. I wanted people happy with me. But now... there's blood... on my..."

She burst into tears again, once again hiding her face in her hands in shame. She a wretch. Did she even deserve to leave?

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"Yes, you can." No, Eliz had no intention of letting Gwyneira Vizsla talk herself out of what she needed. She knew it. They both did. But she refused to give it up? On something like a want for approval? The comforting embraced changed as Eliz instead gripped her arms, making sure the hybrid was looking at him. "I know you don't want to be selfish. I know if feels like you are if you leave. And guess what? It is selfish. It is solely for your benefit." He shook his head before offering another kind smile, easing his grip.

"You deserve to be selfish. I won't make you stay, I won't pull you away in the middle of the night or come rescue you. Stand up for yourself, cyare. I believe in you."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira was unable to bring her hands up again, with how Eliz gripped her arms. She was limp as she looked at Eliz and listened to him. She gulped. He knew her too well. With everything swirling in her mind, she knew he was right. She tried standing up for herself, yet always wound up bowing to the whims of speciest professors and apathetic officers. She blinked, looking away as she thought. Eliz... believed in her. He believed she could defend herself, for once. She was a slave to her desire for approval, and fell to the ruthless and sick plans of others. She sighed, remembering her and Eliz's encounter with the drug dealer on a mission a while back. How she had been ready to give into something she did not want to do for a promise. Eliz had stepped in between, and he forced her not to. He even protected her when the dealer came for her. Now, he was expecting her to recognize her worth and save herself.

She knew what she needed to do, and she had the strength to do it.

Now she knew she wanted nothing more with the Eternal Empire. No need for closure, the time was now. She had told a Jedi Knight before when he asked her to join that Order, she would make her own path. That path was still her's to make not an Empire that was uncaring for her. She sighed deeply, closing her eyes and releasing the tension inside. She made her choice, and one of the biggest choices in her life.

She looked up to Eliz, opening her eyes and gazing into his eyes. Her heart pounded so heavily, it felt like it would erupt from her chest. She was actually doing this! "If I were not to go back, where would I go? I trust wherever you would take me. You're the only person I can trust. So, if I were to cut ties to them now, and make sure they would be unable to track us, what would be your plan?"

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"The Mandalorians. Vod protect Vod without question, and if I ask them to they will help you. At least, it can be a starting point. A place to regroup and find your path forward. Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do, I support you." Really, he just didn't want to be making choices for Gwyneira Vizsla . She was far too smart to let him be the one to guide her forward. Ultimately, he'd follow her. No matter what, no matter where. That was the choice he made when the drug dealer came by for her.

"Just tell me what you'd like to do."

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira nodded, reaching with one hand and wiping her tears away as she sniffled, "I'll go to your vod, if you trust them. I trust you, after all."

This was a massive trust she was giving Eliz, letting him guide her, vulnerable, tired, and devastated, into the territory of a larger group she had not met before. She was willing to trust him, and she was sure she would not pay for it with further exploitation. Eliz truly cared about her, he loved her, and if he was willing to support her, she was willing to trust him with her very life.

She lowered her hands, wearily slow blinking, "I will need to cut all com channels with the Eternal Empire, and block them. I will also run multiple times through hyperspace, multiple times, to scramble my ship's codes and hopefully make it untrackable. That should throw them off enough for an initial awol, but I'm sure it won't be a long term fix. The Eternal Empire will not take kindly to a Warden, even an initiate, defecting. We will need to go from there."

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

"Then we should get started." Eliz did his best to hide the relieved sigh as he let go of Gwyneira Vizsla completely to stand up. This was her choice. That's what mattered. That's the only way this would work. That's what the half chiss needed to keep reminding himself of. Back to her, he closed his eyes to think. It'd be easy enough for him to send out a message, but.. "We won't be able to go home, you know. So, do we go back to grab some things? Or do we leave now?"

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyneira remembered Schonhiemat. It had been her first taste of high class living, and she had loved it. It felt like a compensation for her living conditions as a child
Yet, she had to let it go. A building, as fantastic as it was, was nothing compared to everything else. The lives lost, the war, the culture surrounding that building... She firmly shook her head. No, she was not going back.

Her Shroudsabers were the only Warden or Empire equipment she had on this ship, and it was the only equipment she would have with her. Her Aegis of the Watch would be left behind, growing dust in her old home.

"No. We leave now. Everything important has always remained on my ship. This is my home, not a mansion on a militant world. I lived in the public market sections, after all. It was never my home, and everything there can rot for all I care."

She stood up, stretching. "I'll get started on mixing my com signals up then. Let's do this."

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

This time he didn't hide his relief as Gwyneira Vizsla stood on her own. He gave a simple nod, smiling at her determination. Her choice. "I'll send out the message." They had a plan. While she jumped through hyperspace it'd give Eliz enough time to contact Kranak Vizsla and put a plan on his side in motion. A place for her to hide, be safe while she found her new path. Her path. That's what he needed to remind himself on most. No matter what, he wasn't going to pick her path for her. Even if it was something he wanted, it was her choice.

That was their relationship.

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn was an engineer. Sure, she had no degree to show off, but she had still spent seven years in a prestigious Arkanian academy studying engineering. As such, she knew a bit about what she was doing, though it veered more into the lines of computers and splicing. She sent her the ship into hyperspace, multiple times, to scramble codes. Additionally, she went through every com she had, both on the ship and personally, and wiped her contacts with the Eternal Empire. Every one. She worked as fast as she could in the cockpit, wanting out and wanting out now.

Additionally, she contemplated her Force Signature. She had made no significant bonds in the regime, yet she wondered if her Force Signature could still be tracked by another skilled Warden. With no way to turn her beacon through the Force off, she shivered.

She would have to trust that no one had known her well enough to try that.

Her ship was running lower in fuel as she finally finished up with her last comlink. She sighed. Leaning back against her pilot's seat, she stared deep into the blues of hyperspace. She felt a sense of freedom, but she also was terrified of the unknown.

What awaited her now?

Eliz Krayt

 

[Eliz Krayt]

//DIRECT MESSAGE//
//RECIPIANT:// Kranak Vizsla
//RECORDING...//

: : I gotta keep this short, just in case. Someone I care about needs to hide out for a while. She's defecting from the Eternal Empire after the events on Lwekk where she felt the actions of a demagolka who was her superior. I only know one place to bring her, but she's not vod. If you can help, please do so. I'll be keeping this channel open for an hour, then cycling through. Oh, uh. Gwyn's pretty sassy more often than not, so don't judge her too harshly. : :

//ENCRYPTING...//
//SENDING...//
//DELIVERED//​

Eliz let out a sigh as he sent the message before turning his gaze towards the growing lines of hyperspace. Gwyneira Vizsla had them jumping then? Should be plenty of time for Kranak to send a reply, if he can help then. He got up from his seat after a bit, moving to the cockpit. He just stopped in the doorway though, watching her. She wasn't okay, that much was obvious. But how could he help?

Unsure, but unwilling to do nothing the half chiss stepped over to set a hand on her shoulder. They'd figure it out. She'd figure it out. She always did.