Roots

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

That suggestion brought a burst of laughter from Choli. She couldn’t help it. The hilarity of it based on their current situation was just comical.

“Not like we have any other choice.” she added, gesturing to the front of the cave. “Unless you are seeking to make another journey through that.” the Rogue didn’t meant for it to be a poke at his earlier decision. She still didn’t get it. Yet it was comment to remind him that they were not going anywhere else or doing much of anything else until the storm had passed.

That was her cue to take a step back. At least, Choli assumed it was. The motion would withdraw Trextan’s light graze against her cheek, giving him more than enough room to step around her and find a place to sit down should he want to.

Turning back to their little organized camp, Choli couldn’t help but flush at the fact that everything had been neatly packed away and organized.

“Well... guess that means unpacking again too…”

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

“I guess the options are standing, sitting or walking in circles,” he said. Her laughter had been coarse and dry, but it had been the sweetest sound to him.

His gaze swept over the packed up camp. He wasn't sure why she had started packing so frenetically. Whilst he didn't have the sense to understand why, he did have enough not to ask.

“Or I could hover,” Vee added.

“Bideep, dua-hoo.”

“He says: Or you could roll around on the floor smooching,” Vee translated.

“Hoo-er!”

“Well if you don't want him to know then don't say anything,” Vee replied to whatever R4’s admonishment had been.

The little ball had clearly been going out of his way to privately embarrass Choli ever since they had met on Skor. It did beg the question what he had been told to start him winding up Choli before he had even met Trextan. Has she spoken about him to the other pilots or just R4? What had she said?

“I won't go out again until you say,” he said as he found a rock ledge to perch on. “We can unpack in a bit if it doesn't blow over soon.”

That question forced itself to the front of his mind. It wasn't the right time to be thinking about it. But his mouth started before his brain could stop it.

“Choli,” he started quietly. “Do you think of me as your boyfriend?”

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

“Shut up, Arr Four,” had been Choli’s prompt, embarrassed answer to the Pebbledrone. Good thing she had already been moving towards her satchel, because what Trextan inquired next was enough to flood her face red. Any other day, it might have taken a bit for Choli to understand what question Trextan was asking her. He was, after all, a boy, and yes, in retrospect, he could be considered a friend.

Maybe it was the fact that Janes along with the rest of the squadron had been poking fun at her back on the Subversion that it was still fresh in the mind. Although to be frank, there were little cases of such relationships on the ship. Most were happy to go floating from one berth to the next. Only a handful could be said to be consistently pairing off with each other, and even then, one might say it was more akin to the ‘bunk buddy’ flavor of the week.

“Ahh… like that you are a boy and a friend?” her voice had a small squeak to it, perhaps indicating that she was trying to determine just what he meant by it. Nevermind the sudden moisture of sweat under her arms and brief sensation of dread at the answer. Which was silly really, but even then, she couldn’t help the way her stomach seemed to suddenly decide to cramp up right then!

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

Oh crap, he hadn't expected it to be thrown back at him. Now he had to expand on what he had asked and in some manner he was going to end up conveying what he thought the relationship was.

“Not quite, I mean...let me think…” he stalled. Given the way she had described how her people were paired off the panic in her voice induced his own panic that she was expecting him to propose something more permanent.

He wouldn't have imagined the life she had come from. Certainly she had adapted to living with the military from the way she had spoken to him at the hospital.

Trextan grasped his artificial forearm with his other hand and was rubbing his thumb against the smooth limb through his robes. His gaze went towards the rocky formations above.

He could feel R4's gaze upon him and the humour encased in that little spheroid waiting to escape. If he overdid it would she be frightened? Likewise if he trivialised what she felt they had would she be upset? It was going to be a long time spent hiding from the storm if he wound her up again.

“I guess I mean that we are...romantically involved? Exclusively. Does that make sense?” He was dreading what came next.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

Romantically involved? Exclusively? Did he mean… mated? Alarm seem to kickstart her heart in overdrive again. This, was too soon. Wait was that even what he meant? This was starting to get a little bit out of her control.

Needing to do something, Choli took a seat beside her satchel. She promptly brought it over to settle between her legs, needing to keep her hands busy. She went for the front pockets to find another protein bar.

“Uhh... “ Choli wasn’t sure what to say. That knot rose in her throat again and it was hard to speak. “Not really.” in terms of it making sense.

Should I just ask?

“What else does exclusively mean?” a pause, and a half croak, “Romantically.”

Oh blast it, did he mean he wanted to be blood mates?

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

This wasn't really getting easier. That swell of embarrassment deep in his gut became a rising heat that reached his neck. Out of the corner of his eye he could see R4’s sensor swivel back. Why was communicating quite so difficult today. All they had needed was a few minutes of quiet to settle down an a comment from R4 had set him off to saying something stupid again. All he could do was press on.

He wasn't a great communicator at the best of times. This was not the best of times.

“We don't get an arranged marriage,” he said tentatively before accelerating away from that word. “So people see each other before they make that commitment.” He could feel his throat tightening as if it just wanted to stop him talking. His embarrassment was all too obvious now.

“Spend time together, you know. I know we haven't been able to much yet but… Well, by exclusively I mean we don't kind of…” he drew circles with one hand in the air as he tried to out the words together. “Try seeing other people unless one of us breaks it off.”

Please, please let that have made sense

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]


This is how things get convoluted and complicated. Trextan was about to get a major dose of culture shock when it came to trying to decipher for Choli just what he meant about being boyfriend and girlfriend. For Choli, such things were pretty much black and white. Only recently had Choli been introduced to the differences that crew on the Subversion played. Yet even then, not everything was crystal clear.

Like Trextan’s use of vernacular to explain himself.

“How can you stop seeing other people? They are everywhere.” Came Choli’s flat response, if edged with a bit of incredulity.

“And what do you mean by breaking it off?” Before he could even answer, a comment made by Lucy and Omar came to mind. Choli immediately narrowed her eyes at him. Gripping her satchel she asked, “Wait…. are you asking to test out being bloodmates??”

Or more aptly, “Like….fuck buddies?” That’s what Omar called them.

Oh it was soo going to get worse.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

“No! Not like that. Sorry I’m really not explaining well…” he looked thoroughly embarrassed now, but realised this was going to take more explaining than he was comfortable with. A lot more.

“So a fuck buddy is….” there was a pause and he told himself he was just going to have to get through this. “...someone who is just a friend who you have sex with. Not someone you are...romantic with.”

He looked anywhere but Choli as he said that word. Who had taught her that term? he wondered. It would all become a lot more clear to the young Jedi in a few months when he saw her working environment first hand.

“I’m not saying anything about sex, right? A relationship! That’s what I’m saying.” He sounded pleased to have arrived at the word. “I know we’ve not seen each other much but that’s how I see it. You and I…” his hand waved back and forth between them. “...are in a relationship and wouldn’t go kissing anyone else. People don’t tend to get married, like a bloodmate, and decide to commit to be together for life until they’ve been in a relationship for a long time. Normally years.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

Now Trextan was really delving into areas that Choli had no context nor background on. Romantic? Relationship? Wouldn’t go kissing anyone else? That last part was oddly appealing; at least, it made her start wondering again just who else was Trextan kissing around.

No wait, back up a second, the Rogue told herself, staring up at Trextan with an expression of growing confusion and incredulity. Maybe even a token note of embarrassment. But if Choli didn’t understand what the Jedi meant, then they were never going to get anywhere.

“What does a relationship entail?” Was it just kissing? What did that mean? What was even romantic? Should I ask it? Well when had anything ever stopped her from speaking her mind?

“Is that just kissing? Is that what this… romantic with in a relationship mean?” All she had to reference were the various social outing and flirtations that the crew back on ship had. And they would drink, mingle, and go rutting with each other wherever they could find space to do so with.

“And wait, there is no commitment from the start?” How was this any different than what Omar did? Or Janes or Lucy. She was familiar with how Lucy felt because of how Janes went around.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

Trextan looked thoughtful. Even if there was an intensity in that expression it was still a step up from raw embarrassment. This was going to take more time to reach an understanding than he might have thought. He guessed they had time. Despite being half in a trance he had seen the ferocity of the storm up close.

“Okay, I'll try and answer those…” he trailed off as he nodded slowly. He hoped to convey that they were not simple questions but that he would give it a good shot. In truth he didn't have a lot of experience to draw on to form an answer. Nor was he a particularly good verbal communicator.

“They're all different. I guess you have...fuck buddies down one end of the scale. Just physical. And people married for life always in love with each other.”

But what else made up a relationship? That was a difficult one.

“People in relationships kiss but I suppose there's more to that? They support each other. Sometimes they have children but normally after they're married. Jacen and mum got married too quickly. Because she was already pregnant with me. Turns out they weren't really that well suited to each other. She was happier in her second marriage.”

Why did you even go there?

“What does it mean to be a bloodmate before the ceremony?” He asked. Maybe if he had a point of reference he could try harder.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

“You are not a bloodmate before the ceremony,” It was as if the thought was rather silly. “You are not of age. You only gain a bloodmate after.” There wasn’t anything in regards to courtship or what manner of relationship Trextan might define it as. Sometimes the individuals might know each other, perhaps grew up together. At other times, they could very well be from a different tribe. In the end, one had to trust that they had the best interests at heart for the pair. One that would treat one well and that would be able to provide shelter and food. Their Banthas would also join, becoming mates as well. They might not have ‘kissing’, but at the very least one went into knowing what to expect.

“Sometimes you knew who was to be your bloodmate, at other times you did not until the day of the ceremony. Even then, you do not see their face until… “ she paused a bit, suddenly embarrassed again.

Deciding to switch it around, she tossed back Trextan an inquiry, “Married for life and always in love with each other?” Love had been tossed around so very easily by crew members. At least as such as saying, I love this star fighter, or I love this drink, or I really love what she did to my. —- as Omar was prone to brag about.

Then there was the whole additional bit of information about how Trextan had been conceived. That bothered him. Choli could tell that at least.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

Oh kark, had he really let that word slip out? He had been deliberately avoiding it the whole conversation so far. If he hasn't been certain about what the ceremony pertained to, he did now.

“The bond between bloodmates must go more than making more sand people?” he said. That was as tactfully as he could word it.

“By that I mean two people who grow really close for life. They're said to be in love if they have really strong feelings for each other.”

Was that what he felt for Choli? He wasn't sure. It was why he had been trying to avoid the subject because he hadn't worked that out for himself yet.

“But every relationship is different. I didn't mean to try and...label it… I guess. I'm sure ours will change over time. And grow stronger, I hope.”

I was just trying to find out how you felt about me because the droid had me wondering what he'd been told.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

“I see.” Choli became quiet for a moment, visibly mulling over this. To an extent she was a bit embarrassed because Trextan had to break it down for her. On the other hand, it did provide a measure of context. At least, for what the Jedi might be looking for, or at least expecting of Choli.

Although, as her brow drew forward, the dark slashes puzzling in thought. A slight upward cant of her chin and Choli brought those chromatic eyes back to rest upon Trextan’s face.

“It does. That is,” she elaborated, “the bond between Bloodmates is said to be unique. Although as I had not passed my coming of age ceremony, I do not know much about it.” Everyone had their place. Choli knew hers back in her tribe. But that of a Bloodmate? Those strong emotions? What it entailed? It wasn’t an area of her expertise.

Her face went scrunching up in a pensive thought, and she followed that with,” So when you say you want ours to grow stronger,”. Then by his definition, as almond shaped eyes stared at him curiously, “Is that because you want us to become closer and and have strong feelings for each other? To be….in love?”

R4 just about almost let out a droid version of a cackle. This conversation was going to places that the Pebbledrone knew would make the Jedi very uncomfortable.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

His expression shifted so quickly twice. The embarrassment was now a heat that encompassed his entire face. As he turned his gaze to R4 his expression became stoney. The droid found an interesting patch of wall to look at. When it returned to Choli it changed again. It softened somewhat and he tried a tentative smile.

As difficult as this was to muddle through he guessed she was always going to push on towards the heart of the matter. He owed her honesty and to meet that searching gaze.

His breathing felt very conscious all of a sudden. He was aware of each slow rise and fall of his chest. Since she had left Tatooine he wondered who else had suffered the full brunt of her persistent inquiries as she tried to find her place in an entirely alien world. He reminded himself that it could not have been easy for her. That was remarkably clear now he was seeing first hand where she had come from. Going back to her roots.

“Yes.” There was a brief pause. “I think that kind of sums it up. Is that...okay?”

That swagger and focus he had returned with had been entirely broken down. Now he just looked vulnerable. A teenager who had suffered who was still trying to find his own place in the world.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

There was still much that Choli wasn’t sure of and odds were, she will continue asking more questions for clarification. For the most part, the Rogue figured that she managed to get an idea of what Trextan was asking. Or was he making a statement?

Wait, where were they at again?

In her mind she went over what he had told her a relationship would mean. Can’t go kissing others, support, and growing feelings? Was that all that was to be be expected? He said that it was nothing like a fuck buddy.

Kissing others wasn’t going to be an issue. To be frank, she kept that to herself up until recently when Trextan had made the decision to bridge that gap between the pair. It would be a lie to say that she hadn’t enjoyed it; or wondered rather jealousy in the back of her mind if he went on to do the same. Would the expectations of exclusivity go both ways?

“Okay.” Choli said, seemingly still considering. One could almost visualize the cogs turning in her mind.

“So what would being my boyfriend mean? Besides what you said? Is that it?’

Oh if Janes or Lucy were here… they likely would have been groaning into their palms or laughing at the silliness. While one might believe that her questions were self explanatory, for the girl whose only reference were either Bloodmates or the hedonistic games the crew on the ship played, it was a legitimate inquiry.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

There was no turning back now. R4 had decided to, at the least, try and be more quiet. Choli had done nothing to go out of the way to make him uncomfortable. She was being open and honest, if exploring the topic tentatively in a slightly naïve way with him. He could appreciate that, especially after being lied to and manipulated for so much of his life. Was that what love felt like? That little warmth sat on the top of his gut. Was it just affection? What was the difference?

“This is all quite new to me too and sorry I don't explain things all that well,” he said. Perhaps this was why they kept trying to push him to give lessons to the younger students.

Now what had he said it meant to be in a relationship? His mind drew a blank so he started again. “It means I'm not going to start a relationship with anyone else. Or kiss anyone you know.” Let alone find a fuck buddy. How were they even going to start discussing the physical side?

“It means I care about you, we'll see each other when we can and see how things go between us.”

Would she want to be bought gifts he wondered. What would he even buy her? Surely everyone wanted to be surprised every now and again. Now he was starting to genuinely think about what he was supposed to do to fulfil his end of the relationship. Who was there other than Jacen he could ask about such things?

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

Hmm. That was quite a bit to consider. Maybe the Rogue was doing a little too much contemplating about it, but when the only other reference of a relationship was either a Bloodmate or passing fancies that the crew of the Subversion enjoyed, it took a bit of musing on her part.

Choli bit her lower lip, chewing on it thoughtfully. One would have thought that they had asked her to undergo an important mission with the amount of pensive consideration she was giving this.

Sitting cross legged, the girl finally brought her hands up to rest along her knees. There, her fingers gave a little rap against her robes.

“Is there a ceremony for it?’ It was such an odd question for anyone else, but for her, considering the details on coming of age rites or marriage ceremonies, it made sense.

Question would be just how Trextan would answer that.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

“Oh. No.” That wasn't the question he had expected. This had all been far more complicated than he had expected. She was taking it seriously and asking questions politely. In one way that made it easier to respond honestly. On the other hand it felt like he was being put under a lot of scrutiny.

She was just trying to work out what he was trying to ask of her. He guessed from the question she needed to work out what she was being asked to sign up for. That made sense, he just hadn't expected someone's examples to be on the arranged marriage end of the scale and...the other thing she had said.

“Young men's fathers used to have to pay a girl's father just to be given an introduction to start courtship. There are still groups that do arranged marriages I think. But most humans on Coruscant just get left to sort it out for themselves.” That was something of an oversimplification.

“I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to push you for an answer. You can think about it.” He offered her a smile. So much for sitting quietly. It was his fault they were now discussing the nature of their relationship in detail.

 

[Choli Vyn]

[member="Trextan Voidstalker"]

That seemed to relax her a bit, although the more she thought about it, the more curious it all seemed. Like the fact that there wasn’t any sort of commitment. Trextan had mentioned that if things do not work out then they are broken off. Then what?

“So anyone can decide to be in such a relationship at any time, but also break it at any time?” Still flighty. There were two highly different points of reference she was pulling her context from.

“As you said, even your marriages do not work out?” Another random oddity. In her experience, there was no one else. You couldn’t just decide to not have a Bloodmate.

“We always have our Bloodmate. There is no breaking of that bond save death.”

Way to get into the very serious bits about relationships, and the part that Trextan likely didn’t enjoy talking about; his parents and their marriage.

“Not when every step has been taken to ensure that the match is well suited.” Growing up you can easily determine what could be complementary skill sets and what can be beneficial to the tribe as a whole. It was a very serious consideration, one that wasn’t considered through the length of one night, but perhaps several.

 

[Trextan Voidstalker]

[member="Choli Vyn"]

“That's a good question.” He placed his hands behind his head and let out a slow hum. Another time and situation and this would have just been an interesting conversation. It still was, it was just wrapped up in the awkward context of them trying to work out what they meant to each other.

“Marriages can go wrong. Jacen says mostly because people are free to make stupid decisions as well as good ones. I guess no one gets forced to stay together if they aren't happy.”

He stood up. He wasn't even sure why he did so. Perhaps to be closer so he could speak more softly instead of across the cavern and in the direction of the droids. But each step closer made him question this course of action even more. Butterflies became little prickles in his belly.

Trextan plonked himself down on the ground next to her. “We can talk more about how things are different here and there but I guess what I'm saying...to you…” There was a slight pause as he met her eyes and tried to force himself to keep talking. His voice was much softer now, yet somehow more direct.

“Is you and I are together. That means I won't go off with another girl. We can spend more time together - as much as we can I guess - and if one of us isn't happy we don't just break it off, we talk about it. And if we want to make a bigger commitment we talk about that too. I always like that you're honest.”

He didn't always like it at the time. Especially when she pointed out his shortcomings. But he did in the long term. In full on doe-eyed teenager mode he imagined he could even promise to be her bloodmate one day. If that's what she wanted.