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Reminiscence Therapy

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
Life at the Jedi Temple was everything Tallia Farn had hoped for and more. It had been several months since she had arrived with her memory erased, brought there by Jedi Master Joshua Dragonsflame, and each month she could feel herself growing closer and closer to her goal. She was going to hone her Force abilities, and join the ranks of the Silver Jedi. It was unclear what her rank would be when she achieved that goal however. She was a bit old to be a Padawan, the healer Celeste Rigel had told her, but she didn't feel quite ready to be a Knight either.

Only time would tell where she would be placed, but in the meantime she had plenty to do. Each day she was up before the Kashyyyk sun, going through her morning exercise routine. Then it was breakfast in the caf and off to the Archives to lend the librarians a hand. When she'd been well enough and had begun to get stir-crazy in her recovery room all day, Celeste had happily found something for her to do. Tallia had been given a personal key card and everything, a rite normally reserved for Jedi only. There was always cataloging work to be done, considering the sheer volume of material housed within the Archives originating from previous temples all across the galaxy, Coruscant, Tython, Yavin 4, Voss, and others.

There had been plenty of medical screenings as well, along with a couple procedures. The crisscrossed scars on her abdomen had come from a torture session with the One Sith. The healers had been kind but straight with her about the results of the screenings. Some of her organs had resealed in irregular ways (the Sith hadn't been kind enough to put everything back where they'd found it), and she would need surgery to correct it. The most upsetting news however, was that her reproductive system was essentially gone. She would never be able to have children. Restoring something like that was beyond the skill of the biomedical staff at the temple.

It had been shocking news at the time, but she had moved past it. Her body was now in better shape than it probably had been in years. The surgeries, along with physical therapy and exercise to follow, had worked wonders.

It was around this time, as her body neared full recovery, that she began to wonder about where Josh had been. She still had the number he had gave her, but she was embarrassed to admit that she hadn't used it yet. Tallia remembered how he had reacted to her memory loss. It hadn't been good. She could tell he cared about her, but she just couldn't bring herself to contact him. She didn't want to upset him. When he was ready, she hoped he would come visit her.

Tallia was just sitting down in one of the exterior gardens, only a short walk from the temple grounds, when her mind wandered to him again. What memories had they shared together that she had since forgotten? Every day she came to the isolated garden to clear her mind, and practice meditating as Celeste had taught her. The tall reeds grew up all around the maze-like pathways that all spiraled inward to a small pool at the center. The fauna of Kashyyyk chirped and cricketed around her as she sat down with a groan at the edge of the water. She'd been on her feet all afternoon at the library re-uploading returned data to its proper location. It felt good to take a moment to rest. It was now time for her to once again try and probably fail to concentrate on clearing her mind.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]​
Silver Temple
Josh had needed... Time, to heal since that incident. He wouldn't admit it, but the encounter with Tallia had almost completely destroyed him mentally and emotionally. He needed time with his family to rest, and to heal, and to get himself back into gear before jumping back in. Unfortunately, he was instead met with being separated from the wife he was coming home to, so that was pretty fresh. Josh had started bringing Jason to the Silver Temple on Kashyyyk between missions and after every few missions or so, Josh would take Jason and they would go home for awhile. He found himself missioning less lately though, spending more time at the temple and training Padawans and other Jedi that asked. He had become the academy's head lightsaber instructor in a sense, and had been granted the title of Battlemaster Of The Order.

Of course he wondered all the time how Tallia had been. And being without a wife, the old feelings he had for Tallia in days long past, the ones that he had admitted to her once, and intended to be only once as a way of saying goodbye, had over time resurfaced. But the Tallia he'd loved was gone, and he would learn to accept that. Still, they contributed even more to his worries about this "new" Tallia, and while he hoped that she would contact him, she never did. He did ask for the results of her tests though, which Valae had obliged as he was worried. Finding out the extent of what the Sith had done was horrifying. And finding out that she'd lost her ability to reproduce, that too was... Well, he couldn't imagine what she was going through. Jason was the absolute light of his life, and having a child was one of the things that gave him strength, gave him purpose. The Sith had taken that possibility away from Tallia, and he mourned for her loss. But as she never contacted him, he'd over the near six months since found himself assuming the worst. Perhaps she blamed him for the memory loss, or for leaving her on Kashyyyk? Perhaps he had come off too strongly when explaining they were close, and had scared her off? There was naught he could do, he knew, unless he ran into her. But he just... Never did. And it hurt, but it was life. And Josh's life had been nothing but misfortune.

Josh had just returned from mission the night before, and was determined, after being gone longer than he would like but having to do training with Padawans for a few more days before he could return home, to spend as much of his free time with his son as he could. Josh wandered the grounds then, the exterior gardens just outside of the temple. Arisa Yune had loved botany, and her influence could be felt in these gardens, even in her passing. On his shoulders, holding onto his head was a toddler, who looked to be two or three years old. It was pretty obvious by the looks of the boy though, that he was Josh's son. The resemblance was uncanny. The fair face, the brown eyes, the blonde hair that never seemed to get curly whatsoever, being straight as an arrow without stop... It was definitely his kid. It was definitely his Jason.

"And that's what this flower is called~" Josh would coo toward the toddler hanging onto his head as he would kneel down to let Jason get a closer look at one of the flowers. Jason was afraid of it at first, but ever so slowly the child would poke his head out from the protective head of his father and stare at it, letting out an "Ahhh!" as he would reach toward it. Josh couldn't help but laugh in turn. "I don't think we should be touching that. Jyoti might not be happy" Josh would remark as he would gently take Jason's hand. "Oh! What's that?" He asked Jason as he pointed up toward the sky, and the ever-so-curious child's head would dart upward to see what it was.

"Jason, it's a birdy!" Josh called to Jason as he pointed up at the Kroyie flying overhead. "Those are called Kroyie, Jason. They're native to Kashyyyk. They like bright things."

Of course, Josh hadn't realized that Tallia was nearby, able to easily see him, and hear him. He was completely absorbed in showing Jason the different things on Kashyyyk, as the child would stare at the large bird and hold out his little hands as though he wanted to hold it. But instead what he ended up holding was Porgbert, the family Porg, who had flown out from a pouch on Josh's waist and landed in Jason's arms. Jason squealed in delight as he would hug the Porg. Josh couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, don't squeeze too hard. Porgbert's gotta breathe" Josh would joke. If Tallia watched his face, one thing was clear. It would be the absolute happiest, by far, that she likely would have ever seen him since her memory had been erased. His happiest moments were when he was with his son.

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
Breath in. Focus on the life around you. Feel its ebb and flow. Breath out. Reach farther, feel the death that, in turn, feeds the cycle of new life. They are all connected, from the smallest insect to the tallest tree.

Tallia had managed to get to this point in meditation plenty of times before. She had no trouble sensing the life around her, feeling the sway of the reeds in the cool breeze that blew down from the snow-capped mountains miles away to the east, and the movement of creatures large and small across the valley grazing, or foraging, or hunting. There was life everywhere, even where it was least expected. She could even feel the tiny pin-pricks of microbial life in the pool in front of her, taking in oxygen and growing to one day form colonies of algae.

But where did she fit into this circle of life and death? She had decided that she wanted to be a Jedi, but was that her true calling? Everything she sensed around her felt perfectly balanced, with a purpose that served the harmony of the whole. What part did she have to play in the cycle? When she looked to herself, all she felt was nothing.

Breath in. Focus on the bird soaring overhead, returning to its young ones in the nest. Breath out. Feel the decay beneath the earth, and the flower sprouting from its rich nutrients. Breath in. Listen to the people laughing, strolling up the path behind you....

That was it. Her concentration was broken. Normally it was something else, since people didn't come out here very often. Maybe Celeste had reserved the space for her in the afternoon hours. Regardless, that was enough for one day. She was never able to tap back in very well after an interruption. It had been what? Thirty, forty minutes? She lost track of time out here.

Tallia rotated around and looked back over her shoulder to see two blonde heads of hair, one on top of the other, peeking over the tall grass. Her heart immediately skipped a beat.

Her imagination had run a bit wild since she'd seen Josh last. She hadn't expected to see him again all of a sudden, and she didn't want to surprise him. She was afraid of hurting him again. Tallia could hear his laughter, clear and genuine. He was happy. The boy he was with had to be his son, he looked just like him.

He must be Josh's purpose.. She thought to herself, her mind returning back to her unsuccessful meditation.

I should probably go, I don't want to spoil this for him. Tallia stood to leave, but found it was already too late when she walked left down the path that circled out into the temple grounds. There he was, his son sitting on his shoulders, directly in front of her. She didn't know what to say.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
Josh had yet to actually see Tallia, at least until she had ended up directly in front of him. In that time, Josh had been showing Jason and Porgbert another type of bird that had been flying up above them, explaining that it was indeed a bird, what type of bird it was and what it's attributes were. While he didn't expect Jason to really understand much of what he was saying at this age, Jason was clearly fascinated with the big flying birdies, so he didn't mind talking about them. Then the two would turn around, and Josh would come face to face with Tallia.

He stopped cold a moment when he first saw her, taken by surprise. He had thought that she didn't want anything to do with him, had found herself hating him for being so pushy, so adamant and forward on the fact they'd been close. His own mind had ran wild, he could admit, but with how much misfortune had befallen him, it was no small wonder that the Jedi Master was expecting the worst. But here she was. Was it by accident? He wasn't sure. She hadn't said anything.

"Tallia?" He would inquire, and his lips would twitch into a light smile as he would greet her then. "It's been awhile. How have you been?" He spoke gently, his cheeks tinting pink lightly as he greeted her warmly, his expression betraying that he was happy to see her. Jason would see this new person and immediately hide behind the head of his father with a frightened squeak.

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
While Tallia stood shocked, Josh seemed genuinely happy to see her. The pain in his voice was gone, replaced by a gentle, mirthful tone. She let out a deep breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It wasn't the reaction she been expecting at all, but it was a relief none the less.

"I've been getting better." She looked up at him and smiled. "Recovery is a lot more work than I expected, but I'm coming along." Tallia stretched a bit, alleviating some meditation cramps. This time, she felt like she could relax in his presence. When he'd dropped her off at the temple she had been on edge, worried for him. Since that first day Tallia had grown so much. Little things, like her routine, had helped ground her in reality and learn discipline. She still had that spark though, a mixture of naivete and unfiltered excitement that simply gushed from her cheery demeanor.

"I'm going to a Jedi, I've decided." She said proudly. He had probably expected her to make that decision, but she was thrilled about it. "I was just practicing meditation before you walked by. It's good to see you." Maybe, in the past, that would have been followed by a hug, but Tallia still wasn't there yet. She hadn't regained a single memory since she had remembered how to tap into the Force aboard Josh's ship.

"And who is this little one?" She'd stepped closer to Josh and tilted her head to the side to look over his shoulder. She grinned pleasantly at the boy, his face hiding behind his father's golden hair.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
He was surprised to see her, but happy all the same. Not a day had gone by that he hadn't worried about her, thought about her, and hoped that perhaps they would meet again but with each passing day he'd been here, the hope diminished as his mind wandered and he thought that perhaps she had simply grown away from him.

"I'm glad" He spoke warmly as Tallia would explain her recovery, and that she intended to be a Jedi. "You always seemed to love the position as a Jedi. It suits you" He added with a gentle smile. When she would ask about Jason though, the child would peer at her a moment before squeaking and cowering behind Josh again. Josh would sit down then, lowering Jason off him, and pulling him into his lap.

"Jason, say hi to Tallia" Josh spoke softly to the child, who stared at Tallia with big brown eyes. "H-h-h... H-Hi..." Jason would manage to get out toward her as he raised his hand up to give some sort of indication of a wave. It was clear that the child was quite timid, a far cry from his father. But he was still getting used to being around so many people...

"He's just shy" Josh would admit with a chuckle in turn. "I'm sure he'll grow to like you just fine. Then he'll never leave you alone" He joked. "This is my son, Jason."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
"He looks so much like you!" She realized as he poked his head out a bit from behind Josh to greet her with a timid hello.

"What a handsome little guy." Tallia smiled at him as he half retreated behind his father's head again. "What's he doing here at the temple? I thought you lived off-world."

"How have you been though? It certainly has been a while." She brushed past her first question with a second. Tallia wondered how long he had been back on Kashyyyk. It wasn't like she'd been actively avoiding him, but she guessed that her daily routines made the possibility of running into him unlikely. Well, then again, she didn't actually know what his tasks at the temple entailed, she just knew that she didn't walk past the dormitories very often.

She was attentive, interested to here how Josh had been, but all the while craning her neck watching Jason peek back over to her then duck away when she eyed him again.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"] (Sorry if posts get a little slow, I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow!)
"So I've been told. I was like that with my own father, apparently" Josh would admit back with a casual shrug. It was for the best, honestly, better that Jason wasn't a walking reminder of this and that, and it was kept to the forefront that he was his son.Though Tallia's question would change his tune in moments. The smile faded, replaced by a frown once again. Josh took a deep breath, honestly unsure of how to explain it. He avoided her eyes at that, trying to decide what to say. It was clearly a rough subject for him.

"His mother's not around the house to take care of him anymore" He spoke quietly, before quickly moving on with another deep breath to compose himself, managing a smile as he would move onto the next question. "I've been alright. Been focusing a lot on my duties as the Silver's new Battlemaster Of The Order" Josh would explain. "I'm more or less the head lightsaber instructor at this point, and train a large class of Padawans as well."

"But what about you?" He asked. "I haven't seen you in awhile. How has your training been going? Have you recovered any memories?" He asked, quickly starting to pile on questions as it became very much evident that he'd missed her, thought about her, and probably had a million questions in tow to ask her from time spent thinking on what to ask her. "Has the Assembly been treating you well? Have you spoken to Valae much? Have you made any friends here?" He continued on, before stopping to take a deep breath again and laughing a bit. "Sorry. It's just... Heh. It's been awhile. I've missed you, though."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
"One at a time!" Tallia laughed. "I can't keep up." He'd missed her huh? Perhaps they'd both been too nervous to approach each other. Josh didn't seem the nervous type, but what did she know?

"My training hasn't really started." Tallia admitted. "I'm not official yet, but I've been getting ready. That's why I was out here in the gardens. Celeste has been helping me reconnect with the Force. I've been exercising too, getting in shape."

Tallia certainly did look different since she had seen Josh, perhaps similar to the way he remembered her. In every way, she looked healthier. Her cheeks were fuller, her hair was freshly cut and preened, her body was toned when it had previously looked sickly, and her skin, normally pale, had tanned under the Kaskyyyk sun.

"Valae is great! I haven't seen her much though, she's so busy. We're supposed to meet sometime this week to talk about my progress. But with the Galactic Alliance situation, she may not have time to spare..."

"As for friends, well, I bumped into Cale pretty recently." Tallia didn't know if he would recognize the name. She would elaborate if she needed to, but she continued for now.

"That's when I recovered a fragment of memory." It hadn't been a pleasant one either. It had made Tallia understand why she had wanted to erase her memories in the first place. There was so much pain in the past. She'd seen it in Cale, and she had certainly seen it in Josh when he had brought her to the Jedi.

"Something about what he said, or his presence, it induced a vision. The Jedi Temple burning. That's what I remembered. Relived really. For an instant it was all so real, the strain of battle, the anger in my heart, but then, I was back. It was so jarring, I can't say I'm looking forward to recovering more memories that way in the future."

She knew there was more Josh knew about her time between the fall of the Republic and now. Tallia was still hoping she would be able to avoid reliving whatever had happened though. But there was also so many things that she so desperately wanted to remember. It seemed recovering the past was a double-edged sword.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
Josh couldn't help but laugh a little, and apologize again. "Sorry" He repeated as he'd been a bit anxious to ask what questions he could. He'd clearly worried about Tallia, that was clear, and he was clearly quite happy to see her again. Though to him, she at least seemed amenable to seeing him, but he still couldn't tell what her true feelings were. Was she just tolerating him until she could get away? He wasn't sure. Maybe he shouldn't be so pessimistic, but... Considering what he'd been through, including Tallia herself becoming something quite different from the Tallia he'd trusted... It really wasn't hard to blame him for being a bit wary, cautious and perhaps a bit pessimistic, aye.

Still, he was happy to see she was looking a lot better, and clearly feeling a lot better too. He was a bit worried about the fact he'd just kind of dragged her to the Jedi and they'd probably instilled the desire to be a Jedi into her, but he honestly didn't think he was capable of repairing what had happened to her by himself. It just wasn't something he could do alone, and the Silver Jedi specialized in healing. If he had a choice, he'd have patched her up himself, tried to help her piece her memory himself, she'd have probably lived with him at home with him and Jason while he tried to nurse her back to health and mental stability, and when she was ready to face the world he would have let her kind of pick without any sort of biases, like she would have being restored back to health by the Jedi. Unfortunately, it was what it was. Josh was not able to do that, Valae and the Silver Jedi Order were. And he had to look at what would be the best thing for Tallia, instead of what he would prefer. He just hoped this choice was what she truly wanted to do.

Though he frowned when she would reveal she'd recovered a bit of her memory. He didn't really know much about the Cale she mentioned but he did know the name. Regardless, he took a deep breath once she had finished.

"I see" He spoke quietly, stopping to think it over a moment. "Yeah, nobody sees Valae much. She's been going through some... Things, herself" He added, hesitating before correcting what he was about to say so as not to swear in front of Jason. Daddy duties. "I'm glad you're doing well though. As for your memory... If you have any questions about the events of your past, I'll try to answer best I can. You're recovering them quicker than I thought you were, so maybe it's time to give you a bit more detail" He would admit, taking a deep breath. "But that's up to you."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
"I-" Tallia clearly hesitated to respond to his admission. Was she ready for the truth? From all the glimpses she had gotten in the past couple months, she wasn't necessarily eager to dig deeper into her past.

"I'm not sure if I would have wanted that. I erased my memory for a reason right? If I couldn't handle what happened to me with years of Jedi training..." She didn't really have an answer for him. Everything seemed to point to her keeping away from her memories for the time being, but there was still a voice deep inside her that wanted to know more.

"I'm fine mentally, I passed every psyche evaluation they put me through. I'm just afraid..." Afraid of slipping back into that dark void she'd dreamt of, before she'd woken on Josh's ship.

She took a deep breath, taking a moment to reach out with the force, then exhaled. She'd been trying to use it to calm herself down, tune herself to the flow of the Force around her. Tallia was loath to admit it, but it didn't really work all that well. Still, she kept at it in times of stress, hoping that with practice it would yield some results.

"The vision I had sucked me in. For a moment I was the old Tallia, experiencing old emotions." For Josh, that might have sounded like a good thing. She knew that if there was a chance that she would regain her memories, he would probably prefer that she did. Normally she would agree.

"But it felt so wrong. It wasn't me." She sighed. That would probably hurt him, he probably wanted her to regain her old self more than anyone. Parts of it had felt nice. She had felt more powerful, more established in the Force. But emotionally, the experience had rocked her. So much hate, anger, and anguish, more than she had ever known, had flooded her mind.

"Perhaps, we could start with something happy?" Tallia wondered, a small smirk appearing on her lips as her voice took on a more optimistic tone.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
It was true that Tallia had erased her memory for a reason, but it was clear she was curious too. Start with something happy? Hmm... Where did he even start with that? This was going to take some consideration... Taking a moment to sit down on a bench nearby and inviting Tallia to join him as he would sit Jason on his lap, he would consider a bit longer before speaking.

"Well... Your name is Tallia Farn, as you know" He joked lightly, chuckling a bit. "You were a Hapan Princess, though I'm not sure if that still applies seeing as you were gone a long time. Perhaps you should visit sometime" He would remark, though shrugged his shoulders. "Actually... You indicated they were forcing you to come back to fulfill your duties and you may have to leave the Jedi. Funny thing is... With your being going so long and your memory loss ensuring you probably won't be there awhile, odds are you've pretty much been liberated from that burden. If being a Jedi for life is what you're set on, I mean" He would admit. "Suppose if you wanted to go back bad enough, you could. But if there's a silver lining to all this... You now have a choice, for real this time. And by what you told me, this may be one of the first times you've ever had a choice for your path."

Well, that counted as happier, right? She now knew about a problem that old Tallia faced... But now had the knowledge that unlike old Tallia... New Tallia had a choice in the matter. She had a way out if she wanted it.

"As far as happy memories go... You were a Jedi Knight, and after we met the first time, we were partners quite often. We went on many missions, and after every mission, I would take you out to a restaurant on Coruscant, and we'd recount what we'd been doing, and how things were, how we were progressing" Josh would recount. "And of course, I told you every single time that you were the most beautiful woman I've ever met. To be honest, that might still be true" He teased, shooting her a cheeky grin.

"One mission I recall fondly, it was the first time either of us had been... Well, look at that. Right here, on Kashyyyk!" He cracked, starting to laugh again. "We were tasked with liberating a Wookiee village that had been beset on by slavers doing mass kidnappings. We fought against a storm of slavers together, and I may or may not have freaked you out completely when I got shot in the chest" He remarked. "Luckily my armor saved me, so we drove them off. Along the way, I freed a Wookiee slave trapped under one of the slaver trucks that had been knocked over. He tried to swear a life debt, but I told him no, and told him to live his live to the fullest instead. I met him about a year back... He's an older fuzzball now, but he's the chief of his village now" Josh would admit, his eyes brightening as he recounted it.

"I'm sure he'd be happy to meet you again."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
She supposed she did have a choice. Tallia had thought the whole "princess" thing off and on for a while now. She'd done some light reading on the Hapes Consortium in the past several months. It had explained some things to her, like the Hapan evolutionary trait that caused her eyes to adjust poorly to the dark, but there were some questions that would require a visit, as Josh suggested. The data at the temple was rather old, Hapes didn't let a lot of information out of their boarders if they could help it, and the most recent of the articles had been when they had relations with the Galactic Republic. They'd been independent since then, as far a Tallia had been able to uncover. Her mother had been the Queen Mother of Hapes, Katriel Larenia. Tallia didn't think she'd ever known her, even before the mind-wipe. Apparently she had a weakness for scandalous affairs, considering here Tallia was, the result of one such affair.

Tallia's father had been a Republic diplomat, years before Hapes was ever part of the government formally. She hadn't found much on Kendral Farn, though she hoped that maybe he was still out there. She'd like to meet the man who raised her before she was brought into the Jedi Order.

Hapes wasn't too far from Kashyyyk actually, only several sectors away. She didn't know if either her parents were alive, but that would be the place to start if she wanted to find out. But being a princess, or a queen for that matter, wasn't really what she wanted for her life. She would prefer to be a Jedi. Both were a great responsibility, but it seemed to fit her better. However, if she was absolutely needed, by the Hapans or the Jedi for the purpose of bridging the gap between them, she would probably be willing to go.

After the talk of her homeworld, Josh turned to the happy memories she'd asked about. They did sound quite nice, even knowing that there was a war going on at that time. She blushed a bit at his compliment. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Still, she didn't exactly take the comment in stride either.

These scars I've got aren't exactly beautiful. At least they can be hidden under robes though.

She smiled when he told her about their mission with the Wookies. She'd seen one from a distance since her arrival on Kashyyyk, but she'd still yet to visit one of their villages. Tallia was happy that she'd had a part in keeping them and their gorgeous planet protected in the past, when there hadn't been a Silver Jedi Order to watch over them. She didn't like the concept of life debts, the point of the Jedi was to protect without expecting anything in return, and she wasn't surprised that Josh had turned the Wookie down. He had a kind heart, he'd watched over Tallia, after all, and she hadn't given him anything back either.

Someday she would. Perhaps, in part, the reason she wanted to be a Jedi was to pay him and the Order back for the kindness they'd shown. Not her only reason, but perhaps it had been the motivator.

"I'd love to go. I've heard it's dark in the jungle though, and my night-vision isn't great. When I start training, I know "seeing" with the force isn't too difficult to learn. I want to make that first priority if I'm able, seems a lot more practical than floating rocks."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
[SIZE=10.5pt]Josh had never learned the circumstances of Tallia's birth, her status nor how she had managed to be a Princess that had ended up in the Jedi. He had just known she was a Hapan Princess, and Jedi. And that the role would likely take her away from the Jedi soon at the point that he had last met her prior to her incident. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]He smiled as she would indicate she wanted to visit the Wookiee village and meet the ones she had helped so long ago, even if she couldn't remember them. Though she noted her weakness to night vision, a trait he didn't know about Hapans. It was funny, he'd spent so much time with [member="Relina Zhan"] and other Hapans, and had never found out about this weakness. "Well, I guess I'll have to be your eyes until you develop your own" He would tease, shooting Tallia a cheeky grin in turn. Meanwhile, Jason had fallen asleep in the lap of his father, the ease and relaxing nature of the garden seeming to have had an effect on the child. That or he wore himself out from the wide eyed excitement of all the things that his father was showing him.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]Taking a breath, he would decide to tell her a truth.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]"Tallia, if there comes a time you want any of my memories of you that I have, from the day we met, to the time you lost your memory, I can give you it. I can share them with you" He would reveal. "But you will see everything from my perspective. And feel everything. You will feel everything I have ever thought, seen or felt during those times with you, and you will see the full extent of what caused your memory loss."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]His expression grew serious, grave even. His offer came with a hell of a warning.[/SIZE]

"I can guarantee that you will never think of me the same again."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
She'd known he'd been holding back information about her past ever since she'd woken up on his ship all those months ago. It wasn't like he'd lied, at least she highly doubted he had, but hadn't been particularly hard to figure out that he hadn't given her the full story back then. Something in his eyes had told her that there was more to what had happened than he was letting on.

But at the same time, she hadn't really wanted to push him for those details either. She'd been afraid, and, honestly, she still was. Something big had happened to her after the One Sith sacked Coruscant. It was clear from her scars that she'd been tortured, but what had happened after that? Josh had mentioned the Dark-Side taking hold of her, though she'd tried to ignore it. She didn't want it to be true. She wished it had just been a dream, nothing more. All the pieces of the puzzle were right in front of her, she just didn't want to assemble them.

What if what he showed her induced more visions? Forced her to relive the nightmares of her past? Her heart started to beat faster. She do not want that to happen, but she tried to keep herself calm. Josh wouldn't push her to do anything she didn't want to.

"Wow, that's a Force power?" Even if she was hesitant, knowing that he had the ability to share his memories was impressive. "I guess they don't call you Master for nothing." She joked.

"But do you think its wise? The last memory I recalled wasn't pleasant... What if what I see causes a chain reaction that I can't stop?" It was clear that the more she thought about it the more she worried herself. What kind of evil acts had she committed? Had she turned on her friends and allies like Cale? She didn't want to know, but not knowing also made her more anxious.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
"It'd be like watching a Holo-TV" Josh would explain. "I can help you view them, but I can't imprint them into your memory. It'll be up to you to process and remember these things yourself. I'm just giving you a window."

This wasn't the first time he'd explained this recently, funnily enough. Ironically, said person also wanted him to erase his own memories of something embarrassing... And of course he had done so, only to pull a prank on them after claiming he had wiped all of his memories by accident.

"I can only show you my memories" Josh would correct her. "I only saw you once after what happened to you. And I won't lie... You won't like what you see" Josh would admit. "But you'll see our happy memories first, our times spent together. You'll see them from my point of view, my thoughts, my feelings, everything will be from my perspective. If there was a way to re-create yours, I would, but I don't know how, or if it's even possible. I also don't know how much of your memories this would bring back... It's possible you might see it and not recall a thing, just a picture, a video basically, of what I've shown you.

He took a deep breath. "And yeah... It's risky. It could awaken a bunch of memories at once. I don't know what it'll do to you" Josh would admit. "Just in case, perhaps it's best I bring Jason to the nursery. This could be a bit strenuous for both of us anyway, and I don't want to disturb him while he's sleeping.

But... " He trailed off. "It's up to you. The decision is completely yours. You've clearly pieced a good deal of it together yourself as it is. I won't lie to you... I know it's not guaranteed, but if the surge of memories does trigger a chain reaction that restores most of the rest of your memories... It's possible you may regain your memory to the point that the Tallia I see before me will be no more" Josh would admit, biting his lip in turn. That was a hard pill for him to swallow. He was finally getting to know her again... It was possible she'd be the Tallia he knew once again, and the Tallia now was very close to that... But what if she wasn't? What if she changed completely?

He almost regretted offering. But no... No more. No more secrets. She'd had time to process, time to figure things out and she clearly wanted the truth. It wasn't fair to her to not offer whatever he could. That went against what the SJO was about.

The Jedi took a deep breath. He'd withheld what he did to protect her. But perhaps... Now it was time.

"Either way... No more secrets" He spoke softly. "I promise."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac
"I trust you. As long as you're careful." Despite her fear of what could go wrong, she was telling the truth. "I don't blame you for holding things back. It's what I asked for after all. If you think I can handle it though, I'm willing to trust your judgement." They would have to leave the garden, as Josh had said. She didn't want little Jacen wrapped up in her problems, and she didn't want to startle him. Tallia had no idea how she would react after all. Who knew what would happen.

"I'm surprised though. From the way you talked I thought you knew everything about my past, all those years I was missing. You said you'd just found me like I was, but.. I thought you were concealing something more." She said a bit sheepishly. It seemed that a period of her past might still remain a mystery even if Josh showed her everything that he knew. Still, Josh seemed to think that the process could change her permanently. It again brought up her fear that Josh was willing to do anything to get her old self back, even risk doing her harm in the process.

You need to trust him though! She told herself. He hadn't done anything bad to her yet, and he was a Jedi. He had only been kind to her the whole way through. There had been that bit he'd said about "never thinking of him the same again" though. With that in mind, she couldn't entirely lie her worries to rest.

"I'll walk with you to the nursery. Then we can find a quiet place, and give it a go." Tallia was apprehensive, but ready.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
"I only know what you've told me. And I've told you everything I can remember that you've told me" Josh would admit, with a bittersweet smile. "Sorry I couldn't help more. To be honest, I haven't withheld much. I kept it small at first, but everytime we've spoken, I've tried my best to give you a little more. Didn't want to overwhelm you like I did on the first day" He would add, scratching his head a bit. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do this. What if he did more harm than good?

"All I've withheld now, is the full details of what happened on that night" He would reveal, as he and Tallia would walk toward the nursery, the Jedi biting his lip as they went. "I figured that would be a bit too much to go over in full, intricate detail, until you were ready. You seem to be, but whether you think you are is up to you. I can show you what I saw... But it might not be pretty."

He also didn't want her to see him the way he was on that night. The fact it had completely destroyed him, reduced him to tears of pain and agony. He didn't want her to know the effects that night had on him. He didn't want her to worry, he didn't want her to feel guilty. He also knew that there was a chance she would despise him for wiping her memories himself. Sure, the old Tallia had begged him to, but... This was new Tallia. New Tallia might not like that he'd erased her memories. It was very possible she would hate him for it.

He wasn't sure, honestly, if he was ready to say goodbye yet.

He considered being selfish. He considered only showing her part. He considered even trying to forge memories, to make it not seem so bad... But... No. Even if he wanted to, the strain would be noticeable. One couldn't forge this kind of thing without it being easy to notice. Tallia would know immediately, even with her limited access to the Force as she was. Not even a Master could do this effortlessly.

"I do know the how, too" He would admit as they reached the nursery. "The how you turned. But... That'll be covered when we get to that night. You told me then, after all. And... Either way, I get the feeling you already found out."

The marks on her neck were easy to spot. No doubt Tallia had already pieced together that.

He gently left Jason with the nurses there, albeit with another five minute long reminder on how to take care of him, how to handle if he has night terrors, to call him if Jason suffers separation anxiety if he wakes up before they get back. He was very protective of Jason, and very adamant that all the child's bases were covered. Once he'd given them enough of an earful, he and Tallia would depart to a secluded part of the garden.

"Sorry for the wait" He apologized. After a pause, and a bit of hesitation on his part, he would take a deep breath. "... Alright. Are you ready?"

He almost asked if she wanted him to take any precautions in case something happened, but... He felt as though it would make it seem like he didn't trust her if he did.

[member="Tallia Farn"]

Tallia Farn

Flustered Amnesiac

He said he knew what had pushed her to the Dark-Side. It had been the war, the torture, the toll it had all taken on her. She been forced into it right? Forced to serve the Sith by threat of death? It was bound to be something like that. Shame took her just at the thought. Her shoulders sunk a bit as he talked. He thought she knew already. Were her hunches correct? Had she been a thrall to the Sith before she escaped, seeking Josh's help in the aftermath of her mind wipe? She supposed she was about to find out just how it had happened.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Tallia replied, though she didn't know if that was really true. All she knew was that she was terrified. He said he didn't want to overwhelm her, but she had a sinking feeling she was about to be overwhelmed whether she liked it or not. Something had happened the night she'd met Josh, right before she'd wiped her own mind. Something she wasn't going to like at all.

Josh didn't sound particularly pleased either. He'd been happier before while Jason was on his shoulders, but the old pain he'd displayed when she'd awoken was starting to sink back into his voice. Sounded like this wouldn't be a pleasant experience for either of them. Still, he seemed to insist that it was something that was necessary for her growth. Would it provide more insight to her regarding her path to becoming a Jedi? It was something to hope for. There had to be a lesson for her somewhere in all this.

"I'm not very good at focusing when I meditate. I've been practicing as best I can though... I hope that's not going to be a problem." She sat on the grassy patch they'd walked to in the garden. The sun was still shining brightly, and the bird's sang in the air around the garden. It was.. cheery.

Hardly an appropriate mood for what was about to go down.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]
He was clearly hesitant. It was written all over his face. He knew the risks of playing with memories. And he knew that this could do Force knows what to her. But he offered this for one reason, and one reason only... Not for her growth, not for her Jedi training... But because it was the right thing to do now that she was ready. To withhold this, when he had the power to potentially help set things right... It wouldn't be fair to Tallia. He would have failed her as a friend. Failed her as her one-time partner, as far as the Jedi were concerned. She trusted him. She trusted him to help her. As much as he was hesitant to do this, he knew that if he went back on it now... Tallia would be suspicious, Tallia would know eventually that he had lied, that he was holding back. She'd already told him as much.

Besides, he was always a horrible liar anyway. He couldn't lie. He didn't know how.

And it just wasn't fair to her. No... He had to do this. If she could potentially handle it, he had to do this. He had to do right by her. Even if it hurt him.

Then again, he'd been making sacrifices to his own well being for Tallia ever since they'd met again, hadn't he? What did one more hurt?

He could help her, potentially. He had the power to do it. And even if it didn't awaken memories... Tallia at least deserved to know the truth. She deserved access to any memories he had of her that he could show her... Good or bad.

"You're fine" He spoke softly as he would sit down beside her. The moment their shoulders touched, she would be able to feel that he was shaking. He didn't realize he was until he felt it reverberating off Tallia. He was shaking. He was afraid.

He was afraid.

He stared into her eyes then, brown eyes wide and doey. He was terrified. Terrified of what he was about to re-experience... And what might come of it.

Finally, he took a deep breath.

"This isn't some part of training or anything" He spoke softly as he would hold out a hand to her. "You deserve to know. You're strong. You can handle whatever comes. I thought I was protecting you, but... I'm not sure anymore.


I want to do this because it's the right thing to do."

His hand hovered over hers. He hesitated.

"If you change forever... If this is it, here and now... I want you to know that our short time together since you woke up has been wonderful. It has been the most amazing thing, getting to know you all over again. You have always been strong, full of life... I hope that wherever this path takes you, it never takes that away ever again.

I want you to know that you are my sunshine. I come to this temple hoping to see you, hoping to be able to help if I can... And that while this might sound weird... You complete me, and always have. And always will, no matter what form you take. Whether you have your memories or not... You're still Tallia to me. And if something does happen... I'll be there to help you again. As many times as it takes.

Because I promised you on that night that you wouldn't have to walk alone. I promised I would walk with you.

If this is goodbye, it is not goodbye forever... Only for now."

With that, he would take her hand in his, and close his eyes. A vision would enter her consciousness as she would find herself completely immersed. She would be able to see what he had seen... Hear what he said, what others said... Hear his thoughts, feel what he felt, experience the emotions he felt.

Over the course of the time spent, she would watch their missions together. Including the mission on Kashyyyk. He'd intentionally taken a blaster shot and fallen down into a cart, to test out his armor. He'd forgotten to tell Tallia, and the result was as it was. He felt horrible, and had decided to take her out to dinner to make it up to her. The two had become fast friends, and he learned much about her and her ties to Hapes. They joked, they teased, they laughed... He flirted a lot, obviously, but they laughed. The missions continued. And after every mission, he always took her out, and they would do it all again. And every time they did, his thoughts in regards to her only seemed to continue to intensify. The care he had for her grew bigger and bigger. Until he couldn't think of being without her.

But the second to final memory was where it all went wrong.

Standing over a pair of singed robes on Coruscant, ones he knew he recognized. The despair that filled him when he'd found out she was missing. The rising panic, as he knew that he needed to get off Coruscant to fulfill his mission, begging Grandmaster Dista to be able to look into it. He'd have gladly thrown the mission away, as important as it was, for Tallia. The prior memories had made it clear just how important duty had been to him... It was everything. At the time, it had been all that he was, all that he knew, all he thought about. But for the first time in his life, he was willing to throw it away for her. She could feel the desperation mounting as his request was declined. He would have no help in finding her, he would have no assistance... And she could feel the moment he decided to leave the Order behind. Not when he was ousted as Grandmaster... Not as the council was engulfed by corruption... But because of her. Because in some way, some fashion... They had taken her away.

She broke him free. Everything he was now tied all the way back to her. She started it all.

And then came the final memory.

Touching down on a planet familiar to him to investigate a disturbance. And finding the last person he expected to meet... A shadow of her former self. A nearly mindless, sadistic brute that pretended to be Tallia. Over and over, he had called out to her. He had tried every method, every tactic. His strategic mind was unveiled to her in full as he calculated and devised plan after plan in moments, that desperation crawling back again to bring her back. He could save her, he kept telling himself. It wasn't too late, she was strong. She could do this. He knew she could.

The more it seemed hopeless, the more anguished he became. In the background, Tallia would be able to feel something faint that felt similar, but not the same. It was not the same feelings she was feeling from the visions, it was someone else's. It was Josh's present feelings in the background, and the pain he felt in having to relive all of this again. To see Tallia turned into a monster, into a slave, a puppet... The absolute opposite of the lively free spirit he had known. Thoughts of their last conversation about her going back to Hapes had filled his mind at the time. Of her desire to be free, free to choose... And anguish had filled him to see the Sith had taken it away from her.

He had gotten through to her, eventually. Tallia had come out, with great pains, but she knew she had no time. He begged and pleaded with her to fight, to come back. But she claimed it too late.

Then came the truth of the matter.

Tallia came across the knowledge of his ability to erase memories.

She had begged, she had pleaded... And he had begged and pleaded for her to reconsider. She begged and pleaded for mercy... For salvation. Clinging to the idea that a fresh start could free her. He knew that if he wiped her memory... He was more or less killing the Tallia he knew. He fought it, he fought it with every inch of his being and the desperate feelings mounted up again. But Tallia eventually won out. She felt it was the only way. If he did not do this now, she would lose her senses again, and she would be dead either way. At least if he did this... She'd have a chance.

Fast forward to the moment he knelled over her unconscious form, after he had put her to sleep. The tears that began to run down his face as he hesitated to act.

Josh tried in the background to stop it here. That was enough, he thought. He didn't want to see anymore, he doubted she wanted to see anymore. She didn't need to see what it had done to him. She didn't need to know, she didn't need to feel guilty. But he couldn't stop. He was too weak emotionally in that moment to muster up the will to stop. So it continued to play, until the end. And with it came those little words. Exchanged from him to her, and in her last act, from her to him.

"... I loved you."

"... I loved you too."

Surprise had come when he'd felt it. When she'd reached out and touched his mind one last time, to answer him one more a question he had wondered for so long. After he had just admitted one thing he could never find the courage to admit for all those years. And then he began to act. Tallia would be able to feel the mounting emotions and feelings as he did it, trying over and over to power through it. Every inch of him screamed to stop, to stop before it was too late. But Tallia had asked him to do it. She had trusted him to do it. She had placed her life in his hands, and he needed to make good on it.

When it was done, he had found himself staring at her limp form, the tears drawing forth more and more as the realization slowly dawned on him of what he had done. He had killed her, in his eyes. He had killed the woman he had loved for years. She was gone. There was no going back.

And in that moment, Tallia would have to witness it's consequences. The following depression, the anguish, the screams of agony. Openly weeping and sobbing, screaming at the top of his lungs in despair. The experience had completely broken him. It had mentally and emotionally destroyed him. And when he had finally carried her back to the ship, when she had woken up and found him... She would not feel anything in him. In a way, the old Tallia had died and taken him with her. There was nothing left inside except for a desire to die.

He had wanted to die.

The memories stopped flowing, and the moment the connection was severed, she would be able to feel his hand shaking uncontrollably against hers, squeezing her hand as hard as he could until he finally let go. The last moments of their connection revealed the reality of how he was feeling in this moment, seeing all of that back. To relive it had damaged him. His eyes remained wide, his hands shook even when he let her go. He remained quiet, unable to form words for what felt like hours, even if it were only a matter of minutes. He couldn't meet her eyes anymore. But the last thought that crossed him in their link before it cut was one thing:

He was blaming himself.

Finally, he spoke. Quietly, weakly.

"... I'm so sorry."

It came out again, this time far more differently.

"... I'M SORRY!" He cried out, hands gripping the grass as though he felt threatened to be pulled away if he did not hold on. "I did it!" He yelled out as tears started raining down his cheeks. "I did it! It was my fault... I should have said no, I should have done something..." He lamented between uncontrollable sobs.

From a certain point of view, he'd never lied. He'd told her that she had wiped her own mind. In a way, she had. Josh had just been the proxy. She couldn't do it, and he could. He did it in her place. But he didn't seem to be operating with that mindset right now.

"I... I just..." He trembled, still not able to meet her eyes anymore. "... I just wanted you to be happy again! I wanted to see you smile again!"

He had never been able to forgive himself for wiping her memory. He had pushed it away, but here it was now, staring him in the face again.

[member="Tallia Farn"]