Regrets Like the Night Stars

[James Justice]

Music for the post​

"You don't seem very surprised," the doctor closed the file carefully studying James over with a cautious eye.

The spacer cocked his head to the side with a sad grin. His eyes were tired, or maybe he was just getting too old. Either way they could barely focus in on the man in front of him without squinting. Surgery could fix that of course. And James had more than enough money to make it happen. But... what was the point anymore?

He could have told the doctor, but he wouldn't understand. He was just a boy, in his late 20's or early 30s. Either way, he was too young to know who James was, or what James meant. He was fresh out of Medical school, most likely drowning in debt from it, and well meaning.

"I've lived a long life, kid," James said. "Some of it good. Some of it bad. I ain't always made the best choices."

"Yeah, well," the doctor hesitated, glancing down at the file again. "About that. Both of your livers have received extensive damage, Mr. Lakewood. And your lungs are in horrible shape. There's a mass on the lower quadrant of your left one. I am not sure what your funds look like, but we could consider transplants, synthesis, or we can always go with cyborg components."

James chuckled ruefully shaking his head. Even from here he could sense the young doctor's thoughts underlying it all. There wasn't a point, but we could still do it anyway. The spacer didn't blame him. "There ain't no point in prolonging the inevitable, kid."

The doctor stared hard at James for several moments, "You are being strangely calm about all of this."

"Like I said, kid, I made a lotta choices," James' eyes locked with the younger man. "Ye don't survive what I been through without making peace with ye gods. Ye start being ok with the eye of dying real fast when ye in a fire fight. Or when ye lookin' down the barrel of a blaster."

"I can imagine," the doctor said in the half-hearted way that proved he couldn't. "Your prognosis--"

James held up his hand, "All I wanna know is how long can I stay functional? How long I got to wrap up my business?"

The doctor pursed his lips, "Its--its hard to tell. A year? A month? Two years? You could lose all brain function in two weeks if things speed up. Its hard to tell on these things, they start to flal out of the realm of science."

James nodded, "Fair enough."

"I'm going to prescribe you some pain killers, just to take the edge off things." the doctor started writing on his clip board.

"I don't want 'em."

"Take them, in case things get too intense." The doctor ripped the sheet of paper off his pad, placing it on the counter. He turned to the door and stopped. "I, uh, I will give you plenty of time to get yourself together. Take all the time you need," he paused again before saying lamely, "I, uh, I'm sorry."

​

​

James couldn't recall all the times Kay had to come and find him. Three or five, he couldn't remember. Too often he would lose his mind and vanish. Or he would just get kidnapped or captured and she would have to lead a band to try and bring a band of their friends to do something about it.

He had been a horrible friend, and an even worse brother. The man felt guilt, and he deserved it. Even the first time they met, he lied to her and placed her in harm's way. It had become the hallmark of their relationship. Of all the people he had let down, besides his children, James knew she was the most affected. She needed him when Commenor fell but he was too deep in his own agony to help. She needed him to help build it, but he was too lost in drinks and drugs to find her. She needed his help when Zakuul was lost, he swore he would help her--but then this came up. God alone knew how many other times she deserved his hand, but he did nothing. All of her failures could be traced to him failing her.

The Nestis Cora settled in on its props in the forest of Altira. Around him, the planet teemed with life. It was fitting for her to make her home here now. She dodged death yet again and set up her own tea company. The level of self control it had to take her to not drink the entire stock had to be colossal.

"You deserved better than me," James muttered as he made his way down the loading ramp.

Every step closer to Kay was a dull pain. The doctor had warned him afterwards that some days would be better than others. This was one of the worst ones. The doctor had recommended going easy on himself and not pushing when he felt this way. But James couldn't afford to wait or take it easy. He had spent a small fortune to find her and a massive amount of favors. He was going to find her. He had to find Kay and start to make things right.

When he finally reached the front door of the Sphaera Tea Shoppe, hidden as it was, James was all but out of breath. He took a second to compose himself before pushing the door open. Empty. But he could feel her here, on the premises.

"Kay? Your Empress?" he asked, calling her the nickname that he had given her. "I--" how could he finish that statement? I've come to die? I've come to make things right before they put me in the ground? I've got to say I'm sorry for being fvking horrible to you? "I came to visit. Love what ye've done with the place."

 

[Kay-Larr]

There was no chime or bell when [member="James Justice"] opened the door. What gave Kay the indication was the sudden change in the air and the flicker of the various flames in the shop. Candles dotted the area, and there was a fireplace too. It kept the shoppe dark and cozy. It wasn't a popular place by any means, but the Sphaera Tea Company was doing well for itself by means of others buying pallets of her teas.

While James walked in, Kay was busy organizing the boxes of teas. More had been produced in the back and she was working on a few more. So more space was needed to be provided and she need to figure out where to situate them.

For the moment Lord Mayhem was out of sight and out of mind. However how long that would last was anyone's guess. Kay held her breath as she heard James' voice, her body freezing for quite a few seconds. Hardly anyone had seen her. For the most part she had kept the very fact that she was alive a secret. The eyes of the Galaxy was everywhere but up north, and that was something that she was fully enjoying.

Kay slowly turned on her heel after sliding a box of tea onto the shelf. She offered him a small smile before wiping her hands on her apron. "It's just Kay now...nothing more. But outside of here..." she gestured to the shop. "I go by Cessy. How did you find me?" Of course she was curious. If James could do it, then surely others would begin to do so as well. Veiere had asked her how long she could keep it a secret. Kay had no correct answer to give.

 

[James Justice]

"Good to see ye too," he said to her unspoken greeting. What did he expect? The fact that she didn't come at him with a cleaver in her hand to finish what his body was doing to itself was more than he deserved. He made a note of it. Cessy. It was an interesting choice, but he was hardly one to judge for that "Cessy, eh? I'll try to keep it that-a-way."

James closed the door behind himself. The whole place here had the feel of a cult, from the stone walls to the many candles around. It was warm enough for James to discard his leather jacket. He moved to try and take it off, but his left shoulder screamed in protest, warning him to stop or else. He instead adjusted it, playing the movement off like he had meant to. He could only hope that she would buy it, and not notice the half a second where the pain was too much and he winced.

"I will always find ye," he said promised, taking a few steps closer. He reached his right hand out to place a comforting hand on her forearm. His eyes studied her's. Things were different. She was different. It wasn't just her face, or her eyes, it was deeper. He could feel it bellow the surface. He couldn't quite tell what it was just yet. The pain coursing through every fiber of his being made it just hard enough for him to feel even what he did coming off her. "I'm ye brother, I care, even if I am a crappy one. I searched Zakuul for ye body, all of it. When I couldn't find one, I dun't believed ye died. I searched for ye." he shook his head and pulled his hand away, "Ye dun't wanna know what I did with that. Leave it at that."

He looked around at her cult-esque set up. He wasn't about to bring up how her decor of choice made him feel like bringing a goat to sacrifice to Cuthulu or one of the other elder gods. "Nice place ye got here. Ye really just movin' tea here? I heard that there be other things movin', things with effects."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay walked around the counter as [member="James Justice"] closed the door, intending on meeting him halfway. It had been so long since she had seen him, yet here he was, and obviously in physical pain.

She placed her hand on top of his after he settled his hand on her arm, their eyes studying eachother while he spoke. Oh how she longed to be hugged. Not even her husband had hugged her when he dropped by. He hasn't shown any sign of affection since she was locked up in Purgatory. And now? Now anyone that stumbled upon her kept themselves at a distance. Perhaps she was more worse for wear than she had thought.

"You're not a crappy brother, James." She gave a tiny laugh. "If anything I'm quite used to family not being around. Everyone has their own lives. People come and go as they please....Thank you for looking, and for caring."

Kay nodded to his questions about the shoppe. "Oh yes, I have plenty of teas, even some baked goods. Each of them have something that makes them special and unique. Would you like to look at the menu? I can get you whatever you'd like. No charge, of course." She stepped over to a side table that held the menus and picked one up, returning with it in hand for him. "How long are you here for?"

 

[James Justice]

James smirked as she said he was actually a good brother. He shook his head at her with a sigh, "We just gotta agree to disagree there, sis. Only way ye and I ain't gonna get into fighting words over that."

She was stubborn. So was he, it would ruin the whole mood he had come for. Today wasn't a day for him to fight, it was a day for him to make amends and bring peace where he had ruined so much. She stepped to the table and handed him the menu, James squinted trying to read it, but a lifetime of partying and age was catching up to him. He gave her a laugh as he stepped closer to one of the candles, "I'm not as young as I used to be."

Even then, the man had to squint and hold the menu at arm's length to have a chance at reading it. "The dianogan tea sounds good."

He offered her the menu back before easing himself in a seat. His knees felt like they were on fire, the doctor was right. At times it was too much for him to bear. When Kay turned to get to work, his fumbling and shaking fingers pulled the pill bottle from his coat pocket and retrieved one of the capsules. It vanished in his mouth and the pill bottle went back in his pocket.

"I ain't on an agenda no more," he said with a half-hearted shrug. "I'm basically retired these days. Justice Shipping, or what's left of it, runs itself, dun't need me much anymore. No one calls me to fight their wars anymore, and I ain't in touch with the old crew no more." he tapped the table, "The real question is how long ye'll have me, I guess."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay nodded. Right now she didn't have much energy to argue much. Or maybe she just didn't care? It wasn't as though she had to hold her stance for the betterment of other people. No, there was only herself and her alone. Well and there was Mayhem.

Kay studied [member="James Justice"] after returning with the menu. Something wasn't right about him. She gave him a small smile as he commented on his age. "Neither of us are."

As he made his choice, Kay set off to prepare it for him. There was no waiting for water to boil, as she always had some on hand. Instead she merely grabbed the right tea bag from it's box and set it in a cup. As she poured the hot water, she listened to him before responding. "I'm retired too. Well, from politics anyways. I'm not fit for leading anyone. Now I can just sell and drink as much tea as I want." Sapir tea was the only comfort she had these days. That and the extra heavy blankets that she'd bundle herself in in bed.

She carried the cup over to him, not bothering with a saucer. Setting it down in front of him, she then took a seat on the other side of the table. "I have some spare rooms upstairs next to mine. You can stay as long as you like. You're always welcome, James."

 

[James Justice]

Neither of us are.

James couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably at that one. His eyes watered from the tears before his laugh ended in a series of violent coughs. It wasn't just phlegm or a common cold, he knew it was the mass on his lungs and the smoking he'd done. There wasn't much he could do about it at this point. It just was. It took him a while and three tries to regain composure.

"Hell, I'm," he had to count on his left hand for a moment, "damn, fourty-eight now. And, let's be honest, ye've been kinder to ye body than I have." he sighed, "I gotta tell ye, drugs are hella nasty."

His body was a living testament to what they could do to someone when abused beyond all reason. He felt his heart sink slightly when Kay said she wasn't fit to lead anyone. That wasn't true, at least not to him. He knew he operated in fields he had no business churning in. The man was hardly the Fortune 500 type. He was hardly the type to stand and give a lecture on good business. Yet here he was.

His right hand trembled as he reached out for the cup. He instantly pulled his hand back, clenching it in a fist. It was all but impossible to miss but he was going to pray to whatever gods there were she did. Or at least that Kay would pretend she did. He locked eyes with her, "I'd follow ye to hell if ye asked."

He meant it. His eyes were nothing but sincere.

James took a deep breath and took the cup, careful to steady his hand this time. Tea tasted good, nothing quite like anything he'd had before. Sure as hell was less bitter than all the whiskey he would have otherwise swallowed. He smirked at her offer, "Just wait, two days from now, when ye see how much of a slob I am an' how loud I snore, ye'll be kicking me out. Believe me that."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay joined in his laughter for a bit. But the moment that [member="James Justice"] started coughing, her brows furrowed in concern. He was ill, that much was certain. Was that why he had come? Some of her teas had healing properties, so maybe...

At the mention of her being kinder to her body, Kay had to laugh in disbelief. She had fine lines of her own and her muscles weren't as toned as they used to be. In fact she was skinnier than she normally was, and her face was drawn with a lack of sleep and loss of hope. "I may of been kinder to myself, but others...hadn't been." How many times had she been beaten to a pulp? Especially recently? How many times had she been tortured and then put back together? Far too many. Now she just wanted it to all end.

She watched James as his hand shook, though she did her best not to stare. He was a prideful man and for the moment her concern wasn't enough to press the issue. At least not right now. But later...

His mention of going to hell for her made her smile. James had always been loyal to her. Not in some romantic way, but there was love there. "I know you will...perhaps that time will come soon." Of course she left it at that. Details for what was going on with her would come in time.

"Two days? Care to make a wager on that?"

 

[James Justice]

James gave a solemn nod at her statement. A pang of regret shot through him at her reference to the hell her life had been the past few years. When he was imprisoned and tortured, there were always people to rescue him; Anara, Stardust, Gray Raxis, or Kay. I should have been there. He knew what it was like to be shattered, coated in your own blood with no hope and no way out. I should have been there. He knew now what it was like to lose your people, to have them killed before your very eyes with nothing you could do to rescue them. I should have been there. He knew what it was like to be cast out. I should have been there.

"Kay I--" James hesitated, pursing his lips. There was nothing he could do now. His apology, even though it was clear in his eyes what he wanted to say, wouldn't make it all go away. At best, all it would do is make him feel better. "I always admired ye resolve. Ye never gave in. Ye never got ye eye off doing the right thing. I wish I coulda been more like ye when it really mattered."

She was very cryptic with her promise that he may have to follow her to hell sometime soon. It was rather unlike her. The spacer furrowed his brows for a second, then relaxed them. It would have to be soon, if he was going to have any of his faculties to give her any real aid. "Just tell me who needs to die, break, or disappear. Ye can always count on me to get the job done."

He took another drink from the cup of tea. The warm liquid was starting to take a gentle effect on his bones. Combined with the painkiller he took, it was working magic on his pain. Mobility was going back into his body, the stiffness was wearing away. He smirked at her question. "Sure we can. If I win and ye kick me out," he paused, thinking for a moment, "If I win, I get to take ye out for a crime spin. Nothing too wild, but a crime spin." he took a sip from the cup in his hands, "What do ye want if ye win?"

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

As [member="James Justice"] hesitated in speaking his mind, Kay reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. If only he knew how much that part of her was now gone. She had no more resolve, no more hope, and what she had planned was certainly not the right thing. But it would be helpful for the Galaxy if she was to succeed. "It's okay..."

She let go of his hand and then folded her arms across her chest while she leaned back in her chair. "I'll have specifics on who you can target later. Right now it's not quite ready." Just what 'it' was, Kay wasn't about to divulge just yet. Now was too soon. There was more testing to be done.

Amused laughter erupted from her while James made his wager. Just what it was that was his idea of a crime spin, she wasn't so sure. But it wasn't as though she had any intention of losing anyways. "If I win...then you'll owe me a favour. I may need you to keep some people off my back while I work on a project. And by that I mean to distract and mislead them. Deal?"

Kay held out her hand for James to shake on it. There was no other way to seal a deal afterall.

 

[James Justice]

It wouldn't be ok, and that would have to be ok. That was all he could hold on to is that even though it wasn't ok, it would have to be. James would try to remind himself that, he would have to live with that. Everyone had to live with the choices they made. He just wished there would have been someone to show him how to do just that growing up instead of having to try and figure it out later. "I guess ye are right."

He quirked a brow. She had changed that was clear. Before the girl he had called his sister would have said no and never. He said that statement expecting her to shove it away or push the idea out as ludicrous. No, she wanted death. She wanted him to make people disappear. Kay didn't say no--she had a plan for him to make someone disappear. James felt a flicker of familiar rage stir deep inside him. Images of being coated in blood, kicking in a skull, the lights were too dim to see who's it was or where he was flashed through James' mind. He could see the rage in his eyes as streams of blood flowed from either side of his mouth. Was it a memory or a flash of the future? He couldn't tell.

"I'll keep the thrusters burning for ye then," he said before taking another sip of his tea, "Goddamn, Kay. This is some serious gourmet sh!t."

The spacer smirked at her bet. "Ye are supposed to ask for things I wouldn't normally do. If ye wanna vanish, ye know I can make that happen. I'd offer to take ye back to Socceras but," his voice trailed off, James cleared his throat, "Did--did I ever tell ye what happened, what really happened, to Socceras?"

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay nodded a little. These days she didn't feel right about anything. Others seemed to agree with her. She saw it in the way that people looked at her. Or at the very least, the people that knew her anyways.

Fortunately she had hidden herself here on Altiria to hide away from them all. However [member="James Justice"] seemed to have discovered her whereabouts.

She laughed as he complimented her tea. "Some are addicting. Some are very very good for you. Others...not so much. And did you see? We have Darkside cookies." The change in subject was wonderful. What better thing to talk about than tea?

But then he brought up helping her to vanish and of Socceras. Something really bad must have happened, for his behaviour seemed to suggest as much. "No, no you didn't tell me. What happened?"

 

[James Justice]

"Keep me away from the addictive ones," James reached into his coat and pulled a shimmering red plastoid chip and a yellow one. White flecks of light radiated off both of their edges, "I'm going on 6 months without spice or dope and 3 months without the cigs." The irony was not lost on the spacer. It was too little too late. At this point, it was almost better for him to not even try anymore. "Nothin' but booze at this point. That's the only thing I can't kick."

He really couldn't. It was his oldest friend, older than any relationship he'd ever had. Alcohol was his first love, his last mistress, and it would be the thing that warmed his soul.

"Of course," he said, quirking a smile as he lied. He had missed it, his vision hadn't been good enough. "I was just gonna ask ye why ye ain't offered me one yet."

If she offered him one, he took it and played with it in his hands for a second, trying to think of a way to answer her question. Clear pain welled in his eyes as he thought it over, they were vivid. He could still hear the screams and pain. He could hear their deaths ringing in his ears, and see the explosions.

"I stole a ship 3 years ago," he began quietly, "Because I wanted it. Nothin' really except that. Hell, I even flew it here," the spacer shook his head, "I got hundreds of thousands of ships but I wanted this one. It was the Thetans, if ye remember them," James nodded, referencing to the cyborg species that Kay had brokered a peace deal with for him. A treaty he broke for his ship. "The Arch Prince had made itself a ship, and I wanted it. I dug in and stole it. A year passed by, I thought I got away with it. But they ain't forgotten. They were only gettin' ready. When they woke me up, the Thetan fleet was on us. They bombed the city. We were caught off guard and I weren't in any state to do anything from what we done the night before," his voice faltered and James sighed. He couldn't even bring himself to look up at Kay's eyes. "I failed my people. It were my pride, arrogance, lust, and hunger that destroyed Dal'Bor. Millions died cause of me. A few thousand escaped, I were one of them. The Arch Prince captured me on my way out and made me listen to them die."

The spacer wiped the tears from his eyes. He cleared his throat, "I can't bring myself to come back after that."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

"For me, all tea is addictive. But yes, I'll keep the glitterstim teas away from you." She knew of his drug habits, yet was glad to hear that [member="James Justice"] had kicked those habits. Did he stop womanizing as well? Probably not. Most men found it too hard to give that up.

And yet here was Kay, on her own for a good few years now, pushed her husband away and 'divorced' him through holo-message so that he wouldn't be seen as responsible or associated with the things that she was going to do. She owed him that much at least. It'll make the death that she knew was coming all the easier for him to take.

She got to her feet as James seemed to suggest that he wanted to try one of her cookies. So Kay quickly went to the counter and picked one from the display case. She hesitated a little, given the side effects of the cookies infused with the Darkside, but if he read the menu, then he'd of known.

As she approached with the cookie, she noticed the changing colour of his lips. That was a side effect of the tea, one of the more prevailant ones anyways. But at least it won't last.

She sat herself back down as he began his story. It sounded all too familiar to her. It was similar to what had happened on both Commenor and Zakuul. And why? Only because she was too stubborn to yield to those that were far superior in military might.

Kay folded her arms on the table, leaning forward into them as she stared at the wooden surface. "I know what that's like. There are some planets that I'll never go back to because of the millions that died because of me and in spite of me. It's why I'll never lead again. It's why I'm retired from politics. I don't want it to ever find me. I don't belong anymore. I'm finished." Her time was over. But hopefully she'd take some down with her.

 

[James Justice]

"Thank Gods," James chuckled putting his chips back in his pocket. "I'm not too sure what I think of being sober. But with Seo in me life, I'm doing my best to make sure I can be the best me I can be."

James took a thoughtful bite from the cookie. He chewed slowly, both thinking and trying not to think their situation over. Carl, James' counselor had told him that dwelling on the past too hard and too long was ruminating, and that wouldn't help anything. It only made things worse and made him feel horrible. But at the same time, the painful irony wasn't lost on him. They were both failures. Drop outs. They could bond over their loss.

"I always knew ye were too good for politics," James said with a smirk. "Ye are way too good for politics. Ye know my stance on things, it don't do anything. A good blaster and a fast ship can do more in a shorter span of time." The terrifying part for James was he was afraid she was starting to believe that. James had passed his limit. He saw the limit and jumped off it. But Kay hadn't even toed the line for as long as he knew her. What it would look like for her if she jumped the line was a nightmare he didn't want to envision. Fallen angels were more dangerous than the demons they joined.

"Does this mean I'll finally get ye to run a con with me?" James teased. "Get ye to come with me and scam cantinas across the outer rim. We can go under the guise James and the Kid."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Seo? Kay hadn't a clue who or what that was. But if it kept him off drugs, then it was probably a good thing.

She nodded to [member="James Justice"] and his assessment of politics. "You're right. Politics is evil. It's worse than the Darkside. Do you know how many times I've tried to get away from it? And how many times it regained it's hold on me? Even Veiere can't escape it now. Once he became involved with me, politics got hold of him too..." Hopefully their children would be able to escape such a fate.

Kay laughed a little at his suggestion of running some cons. As well as the nickname. "I'll have some things going of my own. And soon I'll have an auction for the underground market. I may have a couple of connections for that. I'll know more in time." She was sure that some of her customers for her teas worked in the Underground. Kay just needed to poke around a bit and ask.

 

[James Justice]

James couldn't help but chuckle at Kay's statement about politics. It was ironic that he was willing to taste the dark side, but his bare ventures into politics had usually ended in blood. Either his own and/or someone else's. Now Kay's mate, who James couldn't recall meeting, was in this too. Lovely.

"I've dabbled in a lot of things, but never in this, not willingly." James sighed, "Even my attempt at politics in Soceras amounted to just killing the competition."

If he was going to find a solution, you could be sure as hell, it was going to be done his way. With blood, screams, and voices begging for mercy--while he showed none.

"I hope so," James said. He took another bite of the cookie, chewing it thoughtfully. His eyes fell to the table between them. Silence fell for several moments. James had to find the courage to say what he had to. There was no easy way to say it. He just had to. A part of him wondered if her not knowing the truth would be better for her.

He swallowed. No, he had lied to her enough, she needed to know the truth. She needed to know that even now as he was dying, he could think of her. He should have been ashamed of the selfishness he had in this moment--he was only trying to find a way out of what had to be done to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

"I'm dying," he said at last meeting her eyes. The spacer swallowed. Saying it out loud made it even more real. He licked his lips, repeating it more assured, "I'm dying."

[member="Kay Arenais"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

"There's a lot of killing in politics, that's true. And a lot of pain. I know that too well. That's why I'm hoping to be out of it. I've died too many times. I've been tortured too many times in too many ways. I'm tired and I will never recover." Kay was quite certain that death would finally claim her soon enough. It was why she 'divorced' [member="Veiere Arenais"] . She wanted to save him some of the responsibilities and some of the pain. It wasn't as though she didn't love him at all. But wasn't that the saying? If you love them, let them go. And that's what she was doing. She let him go. It was made all the easier given that they had loved so far apart for some time.

But it didn't mean that she was saved from the pain. Yet pain was just a reminder of what she once had. It was too late to recover from all that had happened. Her life could never return to what it once was. And neither would her reputation.

Her attention turned back to [member="James Justice"] as he spoke up, letting her know of his own mortality. And it struck her hard. "Wait-What?" How was it that he was dying? "How?" Her eyes drifted to the boxes of teas that she had behind the counter. Maybe she had a cure for it in there.

 

[James Justice]

James couldn't help but give a sad smile as Kay recounted her pain. Part of him believed in I told you so, but the man was too old and too wise now to say that. There was no point. She knew better than anyone the suffering it gave her. But now they were both too old and tired for much else in this world. He set his hand on the table, cradling the cup of tea. The confidence from her cookie coursed through his veins, enough to quell some of the overwhelming weight of guilt, shame and pain. It was a glimmer of hope. It was a glimmer of the younger man he had been. But just a small bit. That young careless man was dead and gone, in his place there had been a husk of age that clung to it dearly. Now he was a middle aged man attempting to find peace in an afterlife.

"I guess that makes us both old and gone," he said with tinge of ironic humor. "Battered and broke, bunch of washed up has-beens you and me, eh?" He shook his head before taking a sip of the tea, "Me dad never knew what this were like. The Force spared him the pain. I dunno how to navigate this."

She took the news better than he thought, there was shock, but even that he wasn't sure of its source. He had lived life loose and risky, rolling the dice every night and most days. It was only a matter of time. The fortunes he had spent repairing this mortal shell was extensive. Revelry had a price--James had paid in cash. Now he was paying with everything.

"The doctor weren't exactly able to pin-point it," James began slowly. His eyes dropped to the tea in the cup. It was easier if he didn't have to look at her, or in the eyes as he said it. He couldn't stand to see her heart break. "Best he could state, my body is giving up. I've had me lungs replaced four times. My heart's been taken out an' replaced twice. Even they are slowly degenerating." He looked up, his eyes meeting Kay's. "The Force is killing me off. Call it Force Cancer if ye want. The All that is All has decided that I be too much of a bedsore, too much of a pain to exist anymore." He shrugged. "I'm tryin' to make amends before I go."

[member="Kay Larr"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay nodded in agreement with [member="James Justice"] . She was a washed up old has-been. As she had been told previously; she has nothing, no army, no power, no worth, no marriage. Even when [member="Darth Tacitus"] held her, she was never called by her name. Only a number. She was dehumanized. Couple that with plenty of emotional and physical trauma that may or may not have been all inside her head; and one could perhaps come to understand why she was so messed up.

She frowned some as she listened to James explain his condition. It just wasn't fair. Why would she be given someone that actually cares for her to arrive at her doorstep, only to have them taken away? It was as though the Galaxy was continuing to torment her.

"I have teas that do some healing. You could try those? Maybe they would help? I lost you in my arms before...I don't want to have to say goodbye again." James was there when Kay was coronated on Zakuul, only for him to die during the celebration as the city came under attack.

Kay slammed her fist on the table. "The Force hates me too. I don't know why Veiere thinks that I should let it guide me when all that it's done is cause me pain. I can see now why my Father despised it, and why he despised me!"