Private Reflection, Refraction

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

Refraction: "The change in direction of a wave passing from one medium to another."​

It was a quiet night, at the Star Lounge. For once, it was not bustling with characters of varying ilk, no private discussions being held above nor below with the mysterious Donna. No business arrangements between Businesswomen and Politicians. Not even Phaelix was here to tend to the bar - it was far past regular business hours. No scheming, no talking, nothing. Just the quiet, dreary ambience that quietly permeated through the Star Lounge.

To an extent, it was a lonely night. Samuel Exel, clad in his usual crimson-red attire most folk who frequent the Star Lounge had come to know him and his partner for, was tending to the bar tonight. Frankly, he didn’t mind lonely nights. Crowds often wore upon his paranoid nerves, an unfortunate inevitability when he works as a Bartender. But he’s grown used to the sensation. Even still, why was he on this night, so devoid of character and witticism that was customary at the refined establishment, you might ask? Well, a particular person (and perhaps a droid in accompaniment, if the man so chose) had decided to idle at the Bar for an exceedingly long period of time. Perhaps it was a rough night. Perhaps they had past sins weighing on his mind and heart even moreso than usual. Or maybe it was some mixture of everything and nothing in between. Samuel couldn’t have the answer for that, not yet at the very least. It had been a good moment since Samuel had seen the vaguely familiar man’s first appearance with an assassin droid of similarly familiar model and make in tow, having been training under Phaelix that night in the background. He tried his best not to judge books by their covers, and it was clear to him in the encounters he’s had with him in the past, that Kardek Alpha had a lot more to tell than the cover he so blatantly tried to give off. Or maybe the cover was something the man wanted to believe himself to be, but felt he wasn’t truly up for it?

There may have already been a glass in the Gunslinger’s hand. Maybe he’s had a drink or two already, trying to drown his sorrows and thoughts - though not as much that he was full-on drunk yet; Samuel would cut him off if he asked for another. Or, maybe, something stayed his hand from doing so today - as Samuel idly leant against the counter, neutral facade peering at the other’s figure with his hands neatly folded in front of him as per usual. His keen, thoughtful gaze levied upon the other individual, mindful not to stare for too long out of rehearsed protocols for politeness, but nonetheless it was longer than normal if the man took notice. They both know of each other's existence, but it was only now they have finally seen face-to-face, without business in the way. He wanted to get a faint idea of how he was doing, first, before he chose to speak up.

 

[Kardek Alpha]

It was not often that the gunslinger would allow for himself to be so exposed… so vulnerable… But tonight he just couldn't find it within himself to care. And so he had drifted aimlessly back to the Star Lounge after taking out his frustrations on one of his own speeders, his hands still bloodied from the outburst. He was sick of being in his room alone with his own thoughts... needing to be anywhere but in that dreary ship. Alpha had reluctantly agreed to join him, which of coarse was necessary for Kardek to be able to go anywhere at all due to his ever-dependant neural connection with the droid. Seated in a booth nearby, Alpha busied himself with a new holo game, silently focused on the small screen in front of him.

The man sat there, alone in his thoughts, still fuming from his latest encounter with the unbearable Jedi, Valery Noble . The absolute nerve of that woman was astounding, and while his emotions were still high-strung, his anger had begun to dull from the lack of sleep. He unclenched his fists, tired eyes turning back to his half-emptied glass as he took hold of it and slowly raised it up to his lips. It wasn't a viable solution, he knew that... but it was the only thing that ever seemed to bring him some form of comfort. As Kardek set the glass back down, his eyes drifted over towards Samuel Exel , the bartender that he had now seen on many occasions but had never had the opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation outside of business. The man seemed to be assessing him, and Kardek, while not in the mood to have idle conversation, could not bear the silence any longer.

He looked down and surveyed his bloodied knuckles, then pulled them back a bit to see a bit of blood that had dripped onto the bar. "How about that." He muttered, offering a forced chuckle as he looked up at Samuel Exel , his eyes tired and rather dull, "Could I bother you for a rag, Sam?"

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

Blood. The man had blood on his knuckles. But, it wasn’t another’s - no, it was his. That much he could tell; the bruising, scraping. Didn’t even see a tinge of faded, or dried blood of another. Just his own. His eyes were tired, and restless. This roused some concern within Samuel, briefly visible upon the usually neutral facade he carried. As Kardek seemingly took notice of the fact himself, he gave a chuckle - forced, obviously - and asked: “Could I bother you for a rag, Sam?”

“...Of course.” Came the reply, his thoughtful stare broken as it flickered to look elsewhere, grasping the rag a short distance away. Once he did, the man stepped back over to the bar, “Feel free to keep it - in fact, I insist. Wrap it around the wounds to stem the bleeding.” As he held over the cloth. Once it was taken from him, his arms came to rest on the counter directly in front of the other man, his hand coming to idly shift the half-empty drink aside. It was then, he decided, that the time for assessing and watching was over.

“You seem distraught, Kardek. Even more so than usual.” ‘Usual’ was an odd terminology to use, given the Gunslinger’s carefree persona he so often undertook. But Samuel could read between the lines. He had seen the sparse few moments that facade dropped, be it in the heat of battle, or on nights like these at the bar. Whether Kardek took this observation badly, with confusion, relief, or was just too tired to care at that point, he would gently set the glass aside.

“You should stop drinking. Alcohol, at least.” Came the deep, yet soft tone of his voice - tinged with sympathy. He was careful not to make it appear that he was merely pitying him, so as not to slight the man; yes, he’s had experiences like that before. “...If you wouldn’t mind me imposing, I’d like to propose an alternative. Perhaps it’ll be of more use to you than the bottle.” Pausing, as if to prompt the gunslinger to ask something along the lines of: ‘What?’ He hoped they would play along. He's not used to situations like this, but he'd be damned if he didn't at least try.

When he received this answer, or just received a dry look, he would make his next statement; “Someone to talk to. To listen to you. It...may not be much, but I think you might appreciate the ability to speak your mind. It is a quiet night - there are no patrons other than yourself. And Alpha.” Posing a small, light jest towards the end as he referenced the Droid. “I find talking often helps to ease a mind of frustration and sorrow, no matter the topic.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

"Feel free to keep it - in fact, I insist. Wrap it around the wounds to stem the bleeding."

Kardek nodded with appreciation, "Thanks… I'll bring you a new one." He wrapped it tightly around the hand that had faired the worst in the one-sided scuffle.

"You seem distraught, Kardek. Even more so than usual."

Kardek blinked, pausing for a moment as he processed the comment. Did he often come off as distraught? That was not favorable. He would surely have to mitigate such perceptions of himself in the future. But there was no denying his current mood was rather grim, so he shrugged, "Sorry." He muttered, giving an almost apologetic expression to Sam for the fact that he had failed to keep up his usually flamboyant image. Everything he said and did seemed to lack enthusiasm tonight.

"You should stop drinking. Alcohol, at least."

Kardek furrowed his brow at such an unfavorable proposition, his eyes watching blankly as the glass was removed from his reach. Almost instinctively, he fumbled around in his upper pocket for a cigarra… anything to keep him distracted for the moment. He lit it and took in a drag, letting it out slowly… as if the life was slowly leaving his body.

"...If you wouldn't mind me imposing, I'd like to propose an alternative. Perhaps it'll be of more use to you than the bottle."

An eyebrow raised slightly, Kardek's gaze focusing curiously on the barkeep. "What you got for me, Sam." Could it be some other form of substance abuse he had up his sleeve?

"Someone to talk to. To listen to you. It...may not be much, but I think you might appreciate the ability to speak your mind. It is a quiet night - there are no patrons other than yourself. And Alpha."

Ah. I see. Kardek's eyes drifted downward, taking in another drag of his cigarra. Truth was, he hadn't had any conversations about anything he was going through for some time now. That wasn't a part of the plan. This was supposed to be a reset for the gunslinger, a new path and a different life… But alas… he could not ignore that it did not appear to be going very well. Perhaps it was the alcohol in his system, or his deep craving for something meaningful… Or simply just the fact that he was reaching the end of himself… Whatever it was, he found himself open to Sam's proposition.

He glanced up at the bartender for a second, a bit embarrassed that the man was willing to waste his time listening to whatever ended up coming out of his forsaken mouth.

"Ah… well…" He took another drag, "Feel bad letting you into my garbage."

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

He had been observing the man’s reactions carefully when he placed his words. Again, he didn’t mean to be rude - but he didn’t want to overstep, or further cause pain to Kardek. He was concerned, and his words quiet as he carefully placed them. When he was met with confusion at his comment about his distress, there was a soft, ‘Ah,’ As if upon second thought that might’ve not been the greatest thing to say. Only to then be met with what seemed to be a murmur of “Sorry.”

Neutral expression softened, with this. “There is nothing to be sorry for, Kardek. I apologize - do not mistake my words as indication you constantly seem to be this way. I just take the time to read between the lines for the folk I spend time around. I hope that doesn’t offput you from my offer…” Trailing off, some. Samuel was good at telling that sort of stuff apart. Kardek's confusion, to him, indicated either he didn't know how Samuel saw through this, or if he always appeared to be that way and just wasn't trying hard enough. If it was the former, Kardek could've asked. So he felt it might've been the latter.

As he slid the glass away, he quirked a brow at Kardek taking out a Cigarra. Of course, he forgot more than half of the people around here smoke. Giving a soft sigh, and a bow of his head - he was just grateful he listened to his prior request to stop drinking. For the moment, smoking wasn’t as comparatively bad. He watched as he took a slow drag of it, probably thinking further interaction over before he posed his proposition. Here, he was met with: "What you got for me, Sam." Along with a look of curiosity. That was something - it at least seemed to grab his attention. Though, it was true, he was aware that it might be thought as another substance. So, he wasn’t entirely expecting a ‘Yes’ when he gave the rest of his offer. The last time he attempted this with someone, he was met with the horrendous extreme of a ‘No.’ A story for later, should they come to the topic.

He watched as Kardek’s gaze flickered down, mulling it over. Then, his gaze met Samuel’s once more - perhaps with a twinge of embarrassment, he noted? - and spoke; "Ah… well…Feel bad letting you into my garbage."

Progress. The bartender’s head tilted some, “Nonsense, Kardek. I’ve been meaning to speak with you at one point or another, regardless.” He gave a soft hum in response. “I can think of no better time than now.” As he would rest his head on the palms of his hands, still watching with keen gaze. Ironic, as consoling a person in grief wouldn’t really be considered a ‘best time’ for introductions. But for Samuel, the option to help someone willing to accept what meager help he could provide, that was as good as any. “Many of the folk around here wear masks of varying sorts. So do I, at times. I know that it is a taxing thing to constantly maintain that.” Spoken with intention to part the idea that, at the very least, he vaguely could understand. “So, if you’re interested… just for a while, set aside the mask, and speak unburdened by it. You’ve my word, for what it's worth, that not a thing discussed will escape here.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

"So, if you're interested… just for a while, set aside the mask, and speak unburdened by it. You've my word, for what it's worth, that not a thing discussed will escape here."

Kardek reached again for the glass that no longer sat in front of him, realizing his mistake and instead balling it into a fist and knocking softly against the counter top.

"Right…" He said with a smirk. No more liquor.

The man leaned back up straighter, looking at the ceiling for a moment as he struggled to find a place to begin.

"I've lived a life that I… regret. Nothing shocking there, I'm sure. Haven't we all?" He took another drag, his gaze wandering around the room at nothing in particular as he spoke, "I know I'm not a special case. I'm not egotistical enough to believe that no one can possibly understand me. The truth is? No-one cares. That's the truth." He looked solemnly at Samuel, sighing heavily, "I don't care about you. I don't care about… Marcella Fiora …" He waved his hand as if she was standing in her usual spot in the lounge, "Ultimately? I only care about myself. Everyone only really truly cares about themselves in the end. You?" He pointed at Sam, "You care about yourself more than anyone else. Just the nature of the galaxy…" His head then fell a bit, his gaze settled on his bloodied knuckles wrapped in the rag offered him by Sam…

"We live in a selfish galaxy, with selfish people and selfish dreams. And everyone in it can't possibly imagine that the galaxy doesn't revolve around them. Of coarse it does. It's all about them. It's all about me." He slapped his hand against his chest, taking ownership of his own lobbied accusations, "And what's the kriffin' point, ya know?" He looked up at Sam, the fire in his eyes burning hotter with the internal anger he had cultivated for so long, "What's it all for? Those who call themselves good do good in order to stroke their own egos and receive the praises of those around them… those who do evil do so to satisfy their own selfish desires and to obtain more power over others. It's all a game. It's all a stupid, selfish, arrogant, pointless game."

His eyebrows furrowed as a thought tried to drop down and convert itself into words, but he caught it. His eyes grew wider as his gaze fell down again, clearing his throat as a wave of emotion seemed to envelop him. Finally he uttered the words…

"And I… I lost the game. Both sides… ego-centric evil… ego-centric good… I failed at both sides. And now, where is my place? Where do I belong? Why am I still here?"

He looked up at the liquor cabinet, his finger outstretching towards it, "To drink? To play pretend? To act like any of this even matters?" He laughed loudly, throwing his head back in disbelief of it all. "I'm just a man waiting to die, Sam. Just waiting for my clock to run out. Then… maybe… I'll find some form of peace on the other side." He took in another drag of his cigarra, shaking his head as his mind continued to process his own words. And that is why Kardek drinks as much as he does... and abuses his body the way that he does, taking unnecessary risks... because he is hoping to help hasten the day of his life's departure.

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

The man would quietly listen, as the man spoke of his worries, his concerns. His thoughts, fears, his failures concerning the world and his place in the galaxy. And ultimately, an unfortunate reveal of what Samuel had figured to be after seeing his dead expression on Belltrix III. Kardek had lost faith in everything, including himself. To the point of Nihilism. He didn’t know what experience, be it a singular occasion, or a never-ending string of repeat incidents, caused this. Perhaps later he would have an answer to that question. But for now, he would provide Kardek with feedback on the matter.

“...If you do not mind my opinion, when it comes to such…” Came the beginning of his careful reply.

“Perhaps, it is true. Folk can be selfish, at times. More times than not, in fact. At times, you are correct about me - while it may not always be the case, in the end, I do care about my well-being more than most others, if only for the sake of others in my care.” Brow furrowed, as he thought. He did not believe himself to be a selfless person, that much was true. Yet, here he was, speaking with Kardek when he could just look the other way. So... “...But, just because one can be selfish about themselves, does not mean they are incapable of caring for another individual. Even then, there are some folk that prove such wrong; those who are selfless for little reward. Maybe that’s a bit of an obvious statement - so allow me to elaborate,” Leaning slightly against the bar.

“You make it sound like you’ve tried each side and found you didn't quite fit in either. ‘Good,’ ‘Evil,’ what-have-you. Folk like you, me? No, perhaps we aren’t good people, when it comes to it. We are not caped crusaders, soldiers fighting on the front lines of battlefronts and saving the world. But, neither are we bad people. We are not the ravagers on the other side, destroying planets, murdering and enslaving families for the sake of bloodshed. But, ultimately, in the end…” Gaze flickered upwards coyly, as if contemplating this statement. “Folk like us can do what we can, to help where we can, in ways we see fit. And faced with such, that is all it can take to make a difference in someone’s world, vastly.” As he gave a very small, soft smile. “I think that is what matters the most when it comes down to it. Not everyone can be perfect, whatever their intention.. But folk can try their best, and that is the most telling thing of all, and the most that can be asked.”

His hand slid off the counter, as he adjusted himself with a soft sigh. “Peace will not come from death, Kardek. You may well end up bringing what burdens you to your grave. I understand the search for purpose. It is part of the reason I have come to be here, as well. But, I have come to learn, maybe you don’t need one, if that makes sense. Not a concrete one like the sort you seem to be aiming for, at least. I am not saying you should believe life is pointless - but I'm saying life does not need a purpose to be livable.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

Kardek listened silently at Sam's rebuttal, his eyes occasionally drifting over to his glass of liquor, wishing it would magically return to his hand somehow. He felt it a bit ironic that Sam seemed to be describing in many ways his own vigilante antics. Sure Kardek had painted with a broad brush, but he found little to disagree with… until Sam started to talk about the matter of purpose. The idea of living without purpose, for Kardek, was truly suffocating. As Sam finished voicing his thoughts, Kardek turned a bit more in his direction,

"Very good. And I agree… We do what we can, we make a difference where we can…. You see, the problem is, I just don't do things in half measures. I'm all in, a hundred percent, all the time. There is no middle ground with me, no balance, it's just the way I'm wired. And that is a costly lifestyle. In fact, it has cost me everything… everything that matters most to me, on multiple occasions." He looked intently at Sam, slamming his open hand as a barrier between the two of them for demonstration,

"You see, most people would see this line and say 'that's too far, thats too extreme.' Not me. I just blow right past it without a second thought…" He shot his other hand across the barrier he had made, "My health, my relationships, my collateral damage, all of it… just a sacrifice for my purpose." He leaned back in the stool a bit, taking another drag of his cigarra. "And that's where you and I differ greatly. Purpose. I need one. I require one. Without one? Well…" He motioned to his current state, "Without one I am lost. I use to have a purpose… Be the best Bounty hunter I could be. But in honesty? It was much more personal than that… It was to make Droken proud of me… to prove to him that I belonged." He took another hit from the cigarra,

"I did terrible things in pursuit of my purpose. Killed entire families… communities… unmentionably horrific crimes. All. For. My. Purpose." He let out a heavy sigh, "But I rejected my purpose when I couldn't take it anymore, and I found a new purpose… to be a galactic vigilante, to help those who couldn't help themselves. I've liberated entire planetary populations from suppressive governments and corporations, killed mob bosses that were untouchable, liberated entire slave rings…" His eyes saddened suddenly as if something had just hit him like a ton of bricks, "And I sacrificed everything for my new purpose… Friendships… The love of my life… any meaningful connection of any kind. Everything was consumed by my ever-present purpose. Can I have the rest of that drink please?"

He reached towards the glass, unable to resist the urge for Its effects any longer.

"I'm not proud. And after my new purpose killed the love of my life… well… I rejected any purpose of any kind. And… well… you can see how well that is going, can't you." He held out both hands as if they were scales…

"Purpose…. No purpose…" He gripped both hands tightly into fists, "Karked either way. At least without a purpose I'm not hurting anyone except myself.... mostly..."

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

The bartender would continue to closely listen to Kardek’s unfortunate circumstance. His determination, of which has led him so far astray in either direction, to the point it ended up just collapsing in on itself out of straining. He did not flinch at the man’s gestures. Nor when he imparted the darker aspects of a bounty hunter’s life. To appeal to someone by the name of ‘Droken’ - that’s where he recalled Kardek from, maybe they were a mentor or father? - And then heroic vigilante aspects that not even Samuel would’ve been able to uptake. And then, he watched as his visage darkened, recounting how it had cost him everything. And not even Samuel stop himself from giving a soft intake of breath at “The love of my life.”

Not even he could imagine such a fate… Hell, he’d likely be in the exact same circumstance if that happened to him. Hence why he felt he should do what he could for the man. He pulled the glass back further from Kardek, as he reached and asked to finish it - “I can’t give this to you in this state, Kardek. It'll only cause more issues. Please.” Came a quiet, soft plea in reply, asking the man not to make this difficult. Samuel felt bad for keeping the drink away from him, but what purpose would it serve, if only to cause more pain in the future? It flat out didn’t feel right to give the man more alcohol. “I know how to make tea, instead. People back home liked it, maybe you will, too.” Taking the glass away completely, to eliminate the temptation. At this rate, it was practically an intervention. He had shifted aside to take up the ingredients for the concoction he mentioned before - maybe giving Kardek a substitute drink, even without the effects he craved, might suit what seemed to be a wish to preoccupy himself with something as wave, after wave of emotion assailed him.

“You are stubborn for your life to revolve around this 'purpose'. But, what if your constant, unending pursuit of it, has led you to believe that you just flat out can’t function without one?” He would pose this next question. Kardek practically denied all possibility he could even begin to be his own being without either having or chasing after a purpose. But, there was always at least a chance, in Samuel's experience. Perhaps the key to this was getting Kardek to see that? “It’s an admirable pursuit, and you now have experience with both sides, though you are dogged with the cost that experience has given to you.” Head tilts some. “You still live. And as long as you live, there will always be an opportunity for new connections to be made. I am sorry for your loss, all of them. And I cannot imagine the pain it would be, for you to move on - but it is this, or oblivion. I don’t want the latter to happen to you.” Came his voice, tinged with concern. Sure, Samuel knew the other man as a coworker, for the moment. This was their first 'formal' conversation. But frankly? The telling of this story was something important being entrusted to him. Whether it was out of a moment of weakness or not, Samuel took that seriously.

“And I don’t mean flirtatious connections, nor business ones. In a life like this, I know that is difficult. But it is not impossible, this much I can promise you.” Poouur, of water into a kettle, as it came to temperature, adding a mixture of herbs and other such things, and the packet. “Maybe the issue isn’t whether you are devoid or not of purpose, it’s that you don’t know how to live without having one, or pursuing one to a detrimental extreme. It seems as if you've become so enraptured by the idea of it, that you've let it dominate everything about you, and you force your life to revolve around it. And such a thing does not need to be set in stone, Kardek."

"What if, you can start to learn to do otherwise? Begin to figure out that balance that has seemed to elude you thus far.” A new glass was set down in front of Kardek. The concoction didn’t seem to be typical of the menu of the Star Lounge. “It is not an instant thing, I know. But, nothing of this sort ever is.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

Kardek chuckled as Samuel referred to him as being stubborn. He wouldn't refute it, because quite honestly, it was true. He was very stubborn. It was just a bit surprising to hear the barkeep say it straight to his face. And the refusal to give him the rest of his drink surely did rub him the wrong way. Who did he think he was? His father? But he did not contend against it, instead shaking his head with a bit of irritation as he awaited for the surely less intoxicating drink to be made. "Fine." He snapped. He had learned his lesson about laying hands on a bartender in the Star Lounge, and he had no plans on reliving that experience again.

He chuckled a bit at Samuel's remark against flirtatious connections, raising an eyebrow at the man across the bar, who had obviously been paying attention to his antics. While Samuel meant well, and he was grateful to have someone to finally talk to beside a childlike droid, he wondered if the barkeep had missed his current condition as being enough evidence that Kardek without a purpose was a bad idea. But then again, maybe he was right… maybe this was just the process of learning to find balance in his life.

"I've been trying, Sam." He said, his voice a bit lower in tone as he shrugged half-heartedly, "This? Right now? This is me without a purpose. Maybe I just need more time… maybe it's growing pains… I don't know. Whatever it is, it sucks." He took hold of the glass of tea that had been offered to him, tilting his head a bit as he assessed the liquid, then took a small sip.

Not bad.

He then let out a laugh, shaking his head, "And what's wrong with a little bit of flirting, mate? Honestly, without a purpose, what the kark are you suppose to do with yourself? I'm just so kriffin' bored all the time, at least stirring up some drama makes my life a bit more interesting, ya know?"

He took another sip quickly, then turned in his chair a bit, seemingly in a bit of a better mood for the moment as a mischievous look crossed his face. He leaned in closer to Samuel, as if he was about to tell him a secret, "I just invent these little games… social experiments… intellectual hurdles… whatever you want to call them. I do it with pretty much everyone… well, not everyone… not Ivory Stroud … she intimidates the kriffin' hell outta me, man. Anyways, the games are simple… figure out what a person wants? See if I can get it first. Discover that a person likes someone? Make it a competition to win that person affections. I am literally an agent of chaos, Sam. And ohh my kriffin force, is it fun. The drama… it's a beautiful thing. Honestly, I would probably lose my mind out of sheer boredom without it."

He chuckled, thinking immediately of Mairéad Solus and their competition for the affections of the illustrious Marcella Fiora . "I just like to win, Sam. Whether it's small or big, I love to win."

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

He noted the irritability of the denial of the drink, but appreciated the fact that Kardek didn’t object to it further. “Thank you." Came the quiet reply to his snappy acceptance. No, maybe he wasn’t a Father - hell, he probably wasn’t a good influence either. But he could try to be, and in this moment, that is what counted.

"I've been trying, Sam." Came the individual’s half-hearted, perhaps sullen reply. As he listened along to the rest of it, he mentioned the possibility of ‘Growing Pains,’ of ‘Needing more time.’ At this, Samuel gave a soft, encouraging nod. “That's a good thing. Honest. And, perhaps so. I can’t imagine trying something new like what I propose is going to be a painless, instant process, Kardek. But, so long as you try, that is what will matter. I promise you, if you continue to try in that regard? You will eventually come to terms with it. In fact, I can almost guarantee you by the time we finish this conversation, you may end up leaving with a new connection, yet.” Giving a quiet, entertained jest at the prospect.

The drink Kardek tasted was bitter for a brief moment, and yet rich in flavor the next - surprisingly so. It teemed with deep undertones, a simplistic yet powerful energy to it. Samuel had long since made this concoction as a personal drink for himself. Even before he had been bartending, in fact - he’ll never know the identity of the old man who taught him it, but it was a long since treasured thing.

"And what's wrong with a little bit of flirting, mate..?” And Samuel’s head tilted in response, as he listened to the rest of this part of his statement. About his method for staving off boredom, about why his facade acts the way it does. It seemed that because he lacked purpose, he felt anything lacked meaning, so he had to make his own. More thought came from the bartender, before he replied slowly to this,

“I’ve now observed you flirting with almost as many people as I can count on one hand, each from varying backgrounds, though sharing some similar characteristics. Pardon me for saying, but I imagine you were deeply wounded from your losses, Kardek. I don’t think it’s a healthy mindset going into flirting, be it to entertain yourself, or stave off the pain. Perhaps I’m wrong, I know little of the topic…”

“...I’m not sure how it is for you… but, I would imagine constantly flirting leads to some confusion. Would it not become difficult to distinguish what’s merely a tease, between what’s real and what’s merely deemed a fling?” His hand gestured as he posed this next question of his.
“Unless…” He would then give an idle muse, as he stared thoughtfully at Kardek. One might consider his azure blue eyes piercing, in that moment, but that would be up to the eye of the beholder. “That is the purpose?” Came the soft echo of his voice, deep yet sympathetic in this query. Inviting Kardek’s response to this next, important question. “If not, then wouldn’t all that drama, the positing and hot-cold style of which flirtation is, eventually come to hurt you? Has it already?” Kardek had a particularly rough night today. That much he could tell for certain. He didn’t quite know what was the cause of it, so he left this question open to interpretation. “I’m not saying you should never flirt, nor abandon the quirks that entertain you, but perhaps you should be a bit more careful. Intellectual and social games are fun until reality is confused, and misunderstandings happen.”

“Wanting to win is fine, Kardek. Being able to enjoy what victories you can, no matter how large or small, isn’t a bad thing - it’s how you do them that matters. In your case, you need to win for yourself, not some purpose, not some temporary thing that will only abate the hunger for a tad longer. And I think you can understand, that winning for yourself does not have to always have to be a selfish endeavor.” Came the reply, understanding with the desire to win. Samuel had struggled, still struggles, with the joy of the Hunt. The pursuit, the excitement.
“I understand your pursuit for excitement. I share it. But, there are better ways to go about it. You may not be entirely wrong - social games are the appeal for some people. I just believe it…harmful, if done in excess, if you get me.” Peering forth, “Maybe you need better ways to keep yourself occupied, or maybe you merely need to adapt your current ones - that answer, I cannot provide for certain, because I am ultimately not you, Kardek, just someone who has shared some of your experiences, and may be able to provide some clarity where I can.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

Kardek smirked at Samuel's reference to their budding friendship, offering an approving nod at such a possibility. As the bartender began to share his observations concerning his flirtatious activities, the gunslinger seemed to grow more concerned about the direction this conversation was going, his brow furrowing a bit as he slowly sipped at his tea. Any evidence of a smile disappeared at the mention of suspected deep wounds obtained from his losses, the internal pain beginning to resurface and causing him to grow uncomfortable and a bit frustrated as the man seemed to peer into his soul in a way that was rather troubling, and frankly... it felt rather exposing.

"...I'm not sure how it is for you… but, I would imagine constantly flirting leads to some confusion. Would it not become difficult to distinguish what's merely a tease, between what's real and what's merely deemed a fling?"

Kardek's sharp and piercing gaze focused rather intently onto Sam, his discomfort continuing to grow as the man spoke.

"Unless… That is the purpose? If not, then wouldn't all that drama, the positing and hot-cold style of which flirtation is, eventually come to hurt you? Has it already?"

The man's blood began to boil as he was forced to confront his own insecurities, the ones he tried so desperately to burry under his care-free and flamboyant persona. The pain naturally translated to anger, an emotion that Kardek was very familiar with. And now his anger was overflowing and growing into an uncontrollable torrent. As Samuel finished sharing his observations, Kardek pushed the tea away and stood up from his stool, pointing rather accusingly at the bartender,

"So you think you know me, do you?" He spat his words rather venomously, evidence that Samuel had struck a deep chord within him, "You want to know why I'm a fucking flirt? It's about control! Controlling others peoples perspective of me. Controlling how close they are allowed to get to me. To keep these fuckers from ever hurting me ever again! Do you understand?? I draw the lines! I control the narrative!" He slammed his bloodied fist into his chest with force, "And if anyone gets hurt, it's them! Not me!" He was starting to breath heavily as waves of emotions washed over him uncontrollably. He stared at Sam for a moment, trying to convince himself that he was actually in control of anything… trying desperately to believe that he was right… that he was unable to be affected… to be hurt… by anyone… ever again.

And then… Valery Noble flooded his thoughts, confronting his own narrative. Poking holes in the walls he built around himself. The truth? He was weak. Vulnerable. Wounded. insecure. And he hated it, he hated it with all the hate he could possibly muster.

He dropped his head, letting out a labored sigh as he stumbled a bit from the alcohol still in his system. The tired gunslinger pulled himself back onto his stool and put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair with forceful irritation.

"I met this girl…" His voice was muffled through his hands, "…And she was different, you know? There was just something about her that captured all of my senses… It felt like… it reminded me of… Sashia… my wife…" He lowered his hands and stared at the bar in front of him, a look of utter defeat and exhaustion evident. His voice was soft… muted… labored… "I fucking miss her… more than anything… Every day… It never gets easier. And I will never… I will never forgive myself for what happened to her… My pride… my arrogance… I fucking killed her. And I hate myself for it."

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

There was a visage of a smile at the small nod the Gunslinger gave, in response to the connection he offered. And yet, Kardek’s gaze was met as he continued speaking. He could note the evidence of discomforts as he said his piece. And that was how he knew, he was practically spot-on with his observations - he clearly hit a sore spot, at the very least. He felt bad for prodding in such a way, but if one continued to do nothing but skirt around what seemed to be one of the biggest issues, the progress built around it would maintain a rotten core. So, it was best to at the very least address it now, make its presence known, so that it can be something to be worked on later.

And when he finished, he received a visceral reaction from the man. His gaze, sympathetic still as it was, remained on the individual. Unflinching, stoic. Like a tree weathering a storm with ease, he watched as Kardek sat up, pointing at him, and talking in venomous fashion. Samuel was patient, merely waiting for this to subside for the moment. It was an understandable reaction - things like this were painful. Kardek didn’t seem to be a man of much restraint, given what has been spoken about overall. Pain naturally translated to raw emotion. And for Kardek, it seemed like he didn’t do too well in controlling said raw emotion. But he didn’t mind, as he stared at him, watching as his gaze trembled for a moment, before his head lowered with a sigh. That was a good sign.

“...No, Kardek, I don’t know you.” Said his voice in response, leaning on the countertop once more, as Kardek took his seat. “It would be pretentious of me to presume I know everything about you. But I tend to know someone in pain when I see it.” Came the matter-of-fact reply, placing the glass of tea back in front once more should he wish to continue drinking from it.

He watched as he placed his hands on his face, Samuel’s head tilting some as he lamented. Over his loss, his guilt. The real reason he was a flirt. Running from the pain. He told him about his, wife. Who he got killed. And how he encountered someone who reminded him of her. Ah, so that was why he was so distraught today. No wonder. Once again, Samuel’s expression softened, twinged with sympathy. His hand…tentatively, warily reached out, and placed upon Kardek’s shoulder. “I can understand.” Came his quiet reply. “I cannot imagine the amount of pain you are in. And I can only try to fathom how… difficult, how impossible it feels to try to move past that. But it is possible. It is destroying you, Kardek, and I know… that perhaps you want that to happen, but you can’t let that sort of thing win like that. The fact you are able to speak of it, and acknowledge it could be a step in the right direction. I reaffirm that not a word of this shall leave here.” Soft words of reassurance, with an urgency as he carefully placed his next ones, “It’s ok to miss her. And dismissing the guilt isn’t something that can be done on a coin flip. But, you can grow to learn how to deal with it, properly. Perhaps it's a bit presumptuous of me, but...if she loved you…I don’t think she’d want you tearing yourself up over it, would she? She'd want you to be happy.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

It was true. It was destroying him. And there were definitely some days in which he hoped that it would succeed. But he knew, despite everything, that Samuel was right. She would have wanted for him to find happiness… to build a new future for himself. As much as it devastated him… the idea of moving forward without her… he knew it was his only hope. He could not stay locked into the past, or else he would end up destroying everything around him.

Kardek nodded, ultimately finding the conclusion he needed to discover. He knew it would be a journey… such things were not instantaneous. But this was a significant turning point for the gunslinger… a shift in his heart in a different direction. For the first time in years, he found the anger dissipate into sadness, with foreign tears welling up in his eyes and beginning to stream down his face. He buried his face in his arms, beginning to silently shake at the overwhelming grief he was finally beginning to let out of the deepest places of his soul. It was a moment that was beyond words as his soul attempted to say goodbye to his love, the woman that he had hoped to grow old with, to have kids with, to build a future with. He would always love her, no matter where his future would take him. But she could not go on this journey with him. She had taken a different path, and he needed to accept that. He needed to move on. The road before him was unknown… lonely… but it was his road and his road alone.

Finally, the wave of intense grief of separation subsided, allowing for the gunslinger to wipe his eyes free of the tears and regain his composure. He simply took the tea in his hand and took a sip, blinking away the pain of the moment and letting out a deep and slow sigh.

"You're a fucking bastard, you know that?" He said with a chuckle as he shook his head, trying to lighten the mood for his new-found friend. He patted the man's hand that rested on his shoulder with his own, looking up at him with subtle gratitude.

"Why do you care, Sam?" He asked genuinely, never having had anyone invest such an intentional amount of time into the depths of the gunslinger. It was a strange experience for Kardek, and it seemed that the man had seen through his facade and looked into the depths of his soul. Most shrugged Kardek off as an arrogant flirt, a confident scoundrel… a lost cause. But Sam had seen the wound. He had seen the desperation within him… the lost man who simply needed a friend… someone to care… someone to listen.

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

Samuel was sympathetic as he watched the man slowly nod, as if processing these words. And then, the wall came down. He broke down, crying in front of him as he kept his hand placed upon his shoulder in awkward fashion - supposed it helped to an extent. Ironically, Samuel wasn’t really familiar with social situations, not in the manner of being in them anyways, he had only just quietly observed and learned. He watched as the man collected himself, giving a deep and heavy sigh.

At Kardek’s name-calling, he gave a wide, genuine grin. “I get that sometimes.” Came a jest in reply. It was certainly better than the first time he tried this sort of thing; Kardek was the second, and substantially more successful. “Last time I tried something like this? Psychopath tried to gas the cantina with a Dioxis grenade stuck inside a Tusken head. Don’t worry, though - he didn’t get away with it.” Sharing in his attempt to lighten the mood with a far-fetched, yet very true story. Just a small look into why the man was such an inwardly paranoid individual.

His gaze peered at Kardek, as the man posed a question to which Samuel didn’t fully have the answer for… Why did he care? His expression blanked, as the Bartender stared at the Gunslinger thoughtfully for a moment. It was then his next response came: “‘Cause there ain’t enough people who do.” Dropping his formality with the simplistic statement. “To be frank? If what happened to you, happened to me? I’d be in exactly the same place as you. Your story shares parallels with mine here or there. And with the mindset I have now, unburdened by those sorts of thoughts? I know that I’d want someone to drag me outta that rut, kicking and screaming. ‘Cause I know for almost a fact that I wouldn’t follow my own advice with ease. Life’s too short to throw away, and since I ain’t got that mindset right now, I’m able to help what folk I can. And when I saw you, and who you really were under that mask, I realized: that maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to help you get past something I’d fall prey to.” And so his truthful response, in analysis of his own character, was spoken with a clarity.

“‘Member how I said selfish things don’t mean you can’t care for other people? Maybe that's some of it. The rest? There just ain’t enough people who give a damn, and I see too many folk go down nasty paths because they felt there was no other way. Such as it were, I don’t like sitting by and watching things happen that I might be able to prevent.” A bit of an ironic statement, given his usual occupation as a bodyguard or some such. Simply put, Samuel believed his helping of the man was selfish, to an extent. Whether Kardek deemed that true or not was up to him. He felt strongly about the matter because of how close to hit to home. In truth, he probably would’ve tried to help either way, but he wouldn’t have the understanding he did if he didn’t at the very least have some kind of experience. He felt obligated to at the very least try to stop a train-wreck from happening, when the opportunity arose. And it did - he saw the tenuous mental state Kardek was in, grief-stricken and tired. He worried that perhaps that might’ve been a tad exploitative, and he felt bad for having to press upon sore spots the likes of which he couldn’t fathom. Yet, in the end, it worked out for the better. He supposed that is what mattered in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

"Last time I tried something like this? Psychopath tried to gas the cantina with a Dioxis grenade stuck inside a Tusken head. Don't worry, though - he didn't get away with it."

Kardek blinked, a look of amused curiosity flashing across his face as he smushed the butt of his expended cigarra into an ash tray.

"No chit."

Kardek studied the intriguing man with a muted expression. There was surely more to Samuel than his current occupation behind the bar, that much the gunslinger could surely glean from the bits and pieces that the barkeep had eluded to throughout the conversation. He listened to Samuel as he shared his reasoning for his investment of time, taking a sip of the tea and scratching a bit at the dull pain of his bruised hand. Hey grew more curious at the mention of parallels that the man implied were present between their stories.

"'Member how I said selfish things don't mean you can't care for other people? Maybe that's some of it. The rest? There just ain't enough people who give a damn, and I see too many folk go down nasty paths because they felt there was no other way. Such as it were, I don't like sitting by and watching things happen that I might be able to prevent."

Kardek nodded, processing the response. He then smirked and raised his glass as if coming to a conclusion to the mans motives,

"Ego-centric good, then." He was obviously jesting with the man regarding his own narrative of the two types of people in the world, but truthfully he didn't give too much weight to his own emotion-field ponderings. Kardek turned a bit more in Samuel's direction, scratching his chin as he thought best how to inquire into the mans background and… confessed parallels.

"So tell me, Sam. You been in the bar business long?" His gaze implied that he suspected that there was much more to the mans story than simply serving drinks.

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

He regarded Kardek’s reaction to his tale with an expression of mild amusement. Yes, many of the tales and experiences the man had to share were ridiculous. He came from a chock-full of psychopaths, individuals so bent on bloodlust they’d do nearly anything to have it. Even if you tried to help steer them off of that path, as it turned out. Thankfully, he could leave that behind him. Furthermore, Kardek was not of the bloodlust type.

"Ego-centric good, then." Came the Gunslinger’s jest, and with that the man’s expression of mild amusement remained as his head tilted. “Mmh.” Giving a soft hum in response. “I’ll let others be the judge of that. My actions and words shall carve my path, and others can view me how they see fit from there.”

As the man turned towards him a bit more, it was obvious he was intrigued now that the emotional turmoil had subsided. Been resolved, even - though it might’ve been generous to say that. The man had been merely steered in a new direction, and now the question was whether they will continue to tread that path or not. Samuel had done what vague goal he sought to accomplish, here, far beyond what he expected to in complete honesty. That was a good thing, though.

He would stare at Kardek for a moment as his next response was formulated. He supposed it was fair. But he didn’t want to give everything away at once. Then it would be too boring. Carefully-placed words came: “No. Year or so, perhaps. Though I've been making that tea since before that. I don’t keep track.” In idle thought, “The days don’t blur together as much anymore, though. Used to be from the Outer Rim,” Vague as to where specifically. “The Core is new. I don’t know how to feel about it, yet. But I suppose it’s better than being menaced every day by rowdy patrons.” He would concede towards the end of his sentence. “And the pay is also far better here.” Added that in as well. “But, to an extent - it can be rather boring at times. This general idea, you are not incorrect about. I find my ways, though.” Before giving a soft chuckle. “Interacting with folks such as yourself is part of that. Hearing rumors and tales from elsewhere of certain Bounty Hunter crews, of who’s name you just reminded me of can be another. I thought I found you familiar.” The Bartender further leant into the counter as he mused.

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

"I'll let others be the judge of that. My actions and words shall carve my path, and others can view me how they see fit from there."

Kardek nodded in approval. He obviously resonated with the statement… for better or for worse. He had a troubled and dark past, with actions and words that would condemn him in others eyes… but at the same time, he had woo'ed a Jedi by the apparent good nature that she had observed within him. There was a growing resolution within the man, greatly inspired by this current conversation, to live his life for himself from now on… Wherever that might put him on the spectrum in others minds was largely irrelevant. His darker days had been fueled by a desire to please a single man that he had looked up to greatly, and in a similar vein, his days of valor had been an attempt to distance himself as far as he possibly could from that man's influence in his life.

Kardek wondered what it would look like to simply live for himself. Would he be a hero? A villain? Or where such categories simply an irrelevant box that only hindered one from discovering themself. It was an intriguing line of thought.

Kardek couldn't help but smirk as he listened to Samuel's rather carefully crafted response. It seemed that he was masterfully good at using a lot of words to ultimately say nothing at all. He was keeping his cards close to his chest, something that honestly rubbed Kardek a little bit the wrong way after he himself had been a bit of an open book.

"Interacting with folks such as yourself is part of that. Hearing rumors and tales from elsewhere of certain Bounty Hunter crews, of who's name you just reminded me of can be another. I thought I found you familiar."

Kardek walls were starting to go up a bit, feeling that the Bartender had somewhat skirted his inquiry. He would not continue to open himself up if such a posture was not returned in kind. He took another sip of the tea, then leaned in against the bar with both arms now resting on its surface, "Yeah. I use to run with a bounty hunter crew." He stated in confirmation. His expression was rather muted. More reserved. "It is was it is, you know?" He looked back at Samuel, deciding in the moment to pry further to see just how resistant the man would be to sharing anything more personal… More informative...

"Outer Rim? That use to be my stomping grounds too. Did you bartend a cantina? A year is not a long time, sounds like you switched professions."

 

[Samuel Exel]

Tags: Kardek Alpha​

Mild disappointment came as Kardek only seemed annoyed with the man’s reluctance to share. The smirk, he could tell, was one to mask a light hint of frustration. Seen a Devaronian do that once, wasn’t usually a good sign. Frankly, he was not used to sharing details, either. He supposed it was only fair. The Gunslinger had practically poured his heart out to him. Samuel only hoped this would not serve to bite him later - trusting folk in his line of work was a dangerous business. And yet, there was a sliver of suppressed hope it would work out, just this once.

The man was not resistant to his questions at all, really. He had only needed to ask, and he would tell - he just found it inappropriate to suddenly speak of an entire life story unprompted. Luckily for the both of them, though, Kardek was continuing to ask questions, which prompted another contemplatory head tilt from the man.

“For a while, yes. I did tend to a bar there.” In response, “Though, I more often spent the time guarding it, rather than tending it. Which, leads to the answer to your next question: of which, I will also affirm is correct. One usually has to be in the game to know of the playing crews, mmh?” Alluding to the fact he shared the profession. And if it was not clear enough, he would further clarify; “I was a Bounty Hunter. Mercenary. Bodyguard. Whatever that made the credits, really. Such is where the aforementioned parallels had come to be.” Head would rest on his hands, of which were propped up by the counter he rested upon. “I don’t hold that same mentality as much anymore. I don’t reveal this lightly, but I believe it is only fair. I am placing a measure of trust in you with this." Came a soft sigh from the man. "Consider it something of a token of friendship: we’ve worked together rather recently.” Muse at the statement. “Because I’m still in the business a tad. Word of advice: always keep your avenues of work open. It’s always a smart decision to have other sources. I’ll let you have a guess, but I’ll tell you if you really can’t figure who’s who.”

 

[Kardek Alpha]

Samuel Exel​

He listened as Samuel opened up more about his past and confirmed his suspicions that there was much more to the man than he let on. He was grateful for the faith that was being entrusted to him, because Kardek had been growing a bit uncomfortable with how much he himself had actually shared. If Sam was willing to divulge things that he did not want to be openly known, then the two could move forward on equal footing. Keeping secrets was much easier after all when you had your own secrets that you desired to keep, and that went both ways. The two men appeared to be rather discreet about their pasts, and that along with the parallels they shared seemed to bond the two in a unique way.

Kardek relaxed again, feeling a bit safer now that he could trust their conversation to remain private. As the bartender began to reveal that they had actually worked together recently, Kardek's eyes widened as he looked at Samuel, his mind processing the information quickly. He immediately went back in his mind to the fact that a man named Gorian had been on the ground during the Fiorian heist, a name he had assumed was coincidently similar to a known bounty hunter, but now knowing that Sam had been a bounty hunter himself, he immediately suspected that Gorian was in fact Samuel's hidden identity. He also remember a rather reclusive armored man in the shuttle of another mission as well… he hadn't gotten a clear look, but the armor had been reminiscent of the notorious Bounty Hunter he recalled… and the voice of the sniper had been that familiar distorted timbre of Gorian's.

Kardek pointed at Samuel with a look of revelation and a slight smile, "You're kriffin' Gorian, aren't you!" He pounded his fist into the bar with a confident conviction that he was right. Kardek had heard many stories of the bounty hunter, and it was no wonder that the man had recognized him as well. It was all beginning to making sense.

"Never had the pleasure of meeting you, but I've heard about you. Damn!" He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. He then looked up with an edge of soberness, "I think we both have said things tonight that we would prefer to remain private." With that he stretched out a hand, offering a silent agreement between the two of them to never divulge each others information to anyone else.