Recuperation

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Adele Adonai"]
It was akin to bringing tired muscles in from the cold. The tingling sensation was tinged with pain, yet still a welcome one. Her proverbs once again betrayed a wisdom that was quickly brought to bear. How she could keep so many proverbs to hand and bring the appropriate ones out each time, he had no idea.

She was right though, he decided after a moment's thought. You never really understood a danger, found the measure of it, until it tested you. Perhaps having been through the experience once would make it apparent next time.

He had been carefully tracing the join lines in the ceiling as she worked on the wound. As he saw her tilt her head upwards him in his periphery, he lowered his head and met her gaze. Her eyes were a pale blue that matched the pink tattoos that accentuated them. They were encircled in a much darker hue that drew the eyes in.

For the first time she seemed to address him directly. He caught the faintest micro expression cross her features, but was too slow to recognise it.

"Please," he said, almost pleadingly. He turned aside and sighed. "I always found it easy to meditate in your sessions," he started to add as explanation. "I'm not sure being down here with just my own thoughts as company is great for me." Her voice was soft and gentle. When he had struggled to build his mental walls, cutting out all other sensation and focusing on her voice had allowed him to quiesce his distracting high level thoughts.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Their gaze would hold for a few moments. Then, as if making a decision, A'dele gave a short reaffirming nod. Dropping her attention back upon his thigh, she would appear to focus anew upon stimulating the natural healing of Voidstalker's body. A thought came to her, remembrance. He had been one of her students in her thought shield class. So he had the basics at least.

"To find serenity," she began, the slender digits of her fingers giving a slight curl as they would hover over his injury. "One must first empty their mind to allow the Force to flow through it. " it was easier said than done, and she realized that. However, it began in much the same process as one did in finding their center and focusing on it.

As if satisfied with the manipulation of the Force over his thigh, A'dele would draw her hand away. The glow would fade from her skin, and the warmth would start to wane. Her hand would draw back, and she once again upturned her face to quietly study the battle worn knight before her.

"It will be difficult, and you may not completely succeed at first." honesty lay in her words. They were not meant to comfort, but to reveal reality. "But do not concern yourself of growing slowly,"

Only of standing still."

Her voice was a soft, silvery rasp. It was as if it held a quiet cadence of its own. Precise, but free flowing at the same time.

"Close your eyes, Knight Voidstalker." her delicate encouragement would drift upon the man to latch like an anchor to sea. "Return to that mental fortress. Stand upon the foundation of your center."

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Adele Adonai"]

He had expected more frustration. Yet when she spoke some part of his mind drew a connection from the present back to that training hall. A relieved smile appeared on his face as he gradually closed his eyes.

Jacen adjusted his posture, sitting more upright, holding his head up where before he had been lounging back on the bed. He left his feet on the floor, rather than shift the wounded thigh which now felt quite strange.

Inside his own mind all the competing thoughts and emotions swirled like a thunder cloud, the constant shifting causing sparks of lightning. He was not certain how long he sat there in silence. This time rather than her voice, he focused on her presence, reaching out to gently brush against her consciousness. It was enough to simply know that someone else was there for him and eventually there was a long diaphragmatic breath. Afterwards his breathing was shallow. The dark clouds turned white and dissipated back into the ether.

Jacen found himself back in an incomplete circle of transparent bricks that reached only as high as his knees. Shards of crystal lay scattered across the floor. There was a great deal of work to be done, but he rarely trod the easy path. His Road to redemption would be a long ordeal, but that was his lot in life, it seemed.

 

[Adele Adonai]

A teacher opens the door; you enter by yourself

A'dele would watch him quietly; how long was hard to say. Seemingly listless pale blue eyes would drift over the Jedi Knight's visage, taking in the angles of his face, the shadows and the planes, the wrinkles lines of his brow. Then she felt it. It was a brush of his consciousness, like a skim of fingertips across a crystal pane. Internally, she drew back, much like one would after being startled at movement outside the window of her home.

And along the same analogy, A'dele would let the mental curtains fall against the glass, shrouding the windows and drawing an invisible line he would not be able to pass. Like a two way mirror, he would be able to sense her yes, but would not be able to go further. She took a breath. Held it. Focused anew and sank into the Force. She was suddenly seemingly mercurial. There, much like the polished surface of a small pond. Still and silent. Deep. Like a mirror, it would reflect the aura that would project itself upon it, and much like mirror, reveal the state that Jacen found himself in. Surrounded by shattered crystal walls, sharp shards and slivers scattered on the floor. There he would stand, surveying the damage.

Like a mirage, A'dele's voice would continue. Weaving, floating in and out, just an edge of resonance to her voice. "Survey the damage. Find the weak points. Cast off all distractions and empty your mind."

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

Jacen's brow furrowed in concentration for a moment. The sensation of her communication arriving across dual channels was not unwelcome, but disorientating for a moment. Closing off all external sensation, Voidstalker was left with just the manifestation of his mental fortress.

Well this is strange, Jacen observed, his voice reverberating around the inside of his shattered walls. It was not his real voice, of course, but how he perceived the sound of his voice. Beats those sensory degradation tanks, he added. He knew that she wouldn't respond on the level of casual conversation, but it helped him relax, to imagine he was actually engaged in conversation.

Mentally, he made the equivalent gesture to breathing out an exasperated sigh; there was a lot to be done. Briefly, he wondered on the healer. He very rarely saw her outside of her usual domains. Even back on the old Academy he had barely seen her float past. What would it be like inside that mind of hers? Was she really limited to speaking in proverbs, or was that merely how she wished to project herself? There was a flash of embarrassment as he realised she could probably sense such surface thoughts.

Once again, he centred himself. In the real world he took a deep diaphragmatic breath and his head tipped forwards. If there was one thing that had allowed himself to pick himself up the floor each time, it was hard graft. Rather than attempt to bring the walls up in one go, his avatar picked up a brick that materialised before him. It clinked in a satisfying manner as he placed it down at the lowest level.

Of course, he needed to address the past, not just distract himself and pretend it wasn't there. As he picked up the next brick he told himself: Now I have faltered, I will know how to avoid being tripped again. For a moment a flash of shame as he mentally revised that place, the brick refused to join the wall. After a moment the emotion faded and it set into place, melding seamlessly with the bricks around it. This might take time, he advised Adele, though his gratitude for her help would radiate towards her.

 

[Adele Adonai]

Why did he continue to talk her?

It was a rather odd experience for the Jedi Knight. All previous students in her training classes would simply retreat unto themselves, focusing internally in order to find their own measure of peace and tranquility. They would either use manifestations of their own creation or simply sink into the silence of meditation.

Knight Voidstalker did none of these things.

So as he would talk, A’dele would watch with growing uneasiness from behind her mental two-way mirror. It was as if both of their spheres of sanctuary met along the other, and where normally A’dele would be the hovering observer, Jacen was continually drawing her into his state of awareness. Perhaps it was just a fluke. Perhaps he would soon become immersed in his own focus and concentration and his attempts at a discussion would wane.

At that, the meditating healer’s brow would once again smooth over. Yes, of course. This was only due to the initial guiding steps he would require for the meditation and to properly empty his mind. A deep breath would relax her body anew, and she would attempt to once again sink into the role of the observing mentor. One locked away behind the reflective mental barrier that separated his mind from her own.

His emotions, however, would rise and fall like the swells of the sea. Her lips would purse as she caught their wake, rocking against her while she attempted to maintain her carefully constructed creation. As she did so, she noticed when he was able to empty his mind, the manifestation of his mental walls would line up perfectly.

Well done. The thought would be processed more as a sensation than actual words. Gentle nuances of encouragement to guide him to continue that path. This she was more familiar with, comfortable.

A pause would follow with his last advisement. This might take time. Her fingers would lightly curl against the fabric of her robe, an unconscious tick. The sensation of the embroidered fabric, of the threads that ran through it, the subtle ridges were like a worry stone to her. A sense of hesitation rose, then after a moment, her voice would float in a mild and cautious disclosure.

Not just time, Knight Voidstalker.

A pause.

But your entire life

If one could imagine the Iridonian female, she would stand quietly affirming from beyond that two way mirror window pane.

Much like a home, emptying one’s mind requires constant upkeep. Reinforcement. One is always patching the cracks, weathering seals, installing support beams.

A few more seconds would pass.

It is cyclic. A task one must always persevere in.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[SIZE=14.6667px]He paused at her last communication. Not because the notion of continuing this work indefinitely perturbed him - it did - but because he had missed something. This brick wouldn't fit in the wall. It was still in his hand, but he knew his train of thought had been derailed for a moment. Voidstalker's time in the Jedi Order had included a number of interrogations. During that time he had learned to become far more perceptive of others. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]His eyes half opened. Having reached a lower level of consciousness and calmed his mind, he was able to maintain both his mental image and a perception of the outside world. It was akin to letting one's eyes slide out of focus and observing the periphery. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]She was still sat there in that awkward looking posture: pale, beautiful and serene. Perhaps he had been mistaken, sensing a reflection of his own anxieties and projected them onto the iridonian. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]"Does it become easier? Do all Jedi have to work so hard to maintain control?]" he asked, both queries were vocalised and came through the Force together. [/SIZE]

 

[Adele Adonai]

There was the slightest of flutters under Adele’s lids, as if one caught in the depths of REM. Once again, her fingers would curl tightly upon the fabric of her robe, a tension of the slender digits as if bracing oneself for a coming storm.

Adele took a deep diaphragmatic breath, cool air within the holding cell sweeping up her nose and down into her lungs. In. Hold. Release.

Concentrate.

The pale pink tip of her tongue would lightly sweep over the fullness of her lower lip. The moisture would sink against the slight dryness that had formed. A few seconds would tick by, and it would appear as if the Jedi Knight was considering in her normal manner how to answer him.

“A Jedi’s strength comes from the Force.”she began, her words careful. Precise. As if reciting from memory, from an endless cyclic lesson told and retold again and again.

“A Jedi must have the deepest commitment and the most serious mind.” It wasn’t an answer. It was a mantra. Did it become easier? The hours of sitting in seiza meditation? The careful and precise adherence to the code? Ingraining every tenet into daily application.

Did it become easier?

No.

But like pain is the temperature gauge to the nervous system, a precautionary measure to ensure the body was at its peak performance, so too was the struggle to maintain the Jedi Path.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Before he'd even been allowed to work as an investigator with law enforcement he'd been on nearly a month of courses. Whilst he'd relied on the Force to help them interrogate suspects, he'd learned a great deal from his colleagues on signs to watch for. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]She was more tense that her carefully spoken mantras would suggest, though he could not identify why. At his heart Jacen always strive to do right by others. He'd been an arrogant and brash youth and had been burned for his attitude. Whilst he didn't always choose the right path, he was determined to look after those around him. In some ways he was already resigned to the fact that the chance of dying on a battlefield for a cause he believed in was significant. Although she was closed off, she might feel a flicker of concern radiate from the Knight. It wasn't the same as the worry for his own future that had been there before, it was an altogether different emotion. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]“Would you prefer… if I stopped asking questions and listened and got on with the mental exercises?” he asked quietly, sincerely. No expression graced his features as he spoke, he was too deep in meditation. [/SIZE]

 

[Adele Adonai]

At that A’dele’s eyes slowly rose.

That startled her. Not in so much as a shock, but more... unsettled her. She was faced with a decision on how to answer the Jedi Knight. She breathed in through her lips, trying to maintain her seemingly perfect shell of a composure. Perfectly feminine. Perfectly lovely. A picture of serene tranquility.

At least until she caught the glimpse of the brown of his eyes.

They were hooded. Half slit. Hazy with focus, but seemingly keen in observation. Her pulse at her throat would flutter. Not quite in the spotlight as much as caught by sonar. A reminder came to her then, he was by all accounts trained to be an Investigator. To peel back the layers and reveal what lay therein. Suddenly, that flutter at her throat kicked wilder.

Is that what was happening? Am I being measured? She had the oddest sense that he could be sifting through her emotions, examining how they interconnected from the inside.

A flare of panic rose, like the cresting of a wave only to suddenly sink into oblivion. Just, gone.

Or was it?

“Empty your mind, Knight Voidstalker,” Closing her eyes, A’dele forced herself to continue a semblance of calm.

“Distractions will tempt you to stray, but perseverance will ensure a solid foundation in your path.” one would assume she meant that conversation might sway him from focusing. The Healer did have his best interests at heart and had solely spoken that for his benefit.

Or was there more to it than that?

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Perhaps there was something beneath the surface there. Perhaps it was nothing, there were no outward signs that his question had perturbed the healer in any manner, though he did not her fingers unfurling a few moments before she spoke. She may even have noticed that tell, or he was reading too much into things. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]His lids slowly shut, closing out any external distractions once again. Still, this time as he started laying bricks his mind was able to consider other questions. In this state it was an objective analysis. He knew many Jedi meditated when they needed to think through a particularly tricky problem. To step outside the question, look at it from the outside and find the solution. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]It might have been that the healer simply didn’t like him. That was the most likely explanation. She was a private individual who wished to be done with this in a formal manner. Afterall she did not know him, and he was down here for questionable activities. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]On the other hand, she may simply have been a model professional. Her manner was for his benefit, to help him relax. He reshuffled the options in his mind as he laid down more bricks, the light refracting through them and throwing an array of colours across his mental space. This one now became his explanation of choice. This was indeed an interesting technique, one he would have to apply when investigating once more. In this space he was impartial, analytical. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]One final thought occured. Perhaps she had suffered trauma in her past, or a debilitating injury. Sifting through his memories several faces appeared. Soldiers he have fought beside who had been taken from the field injured. Several had never spoken more with more than a few words strung together for the rest of their lives. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]The reality never occurred to him. There was no space in his imagination for an Ad’ele who had given herself over to her emotions and now used this defence mechanism. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Jacen idly wondered if this technique could be applied to his own life. Could he stand back and look at his own experiences in a nonpartisan manner. He thought he could, but just the notion sent a small tremor of uncertainty through his psyche. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]How long...sorry. Empty mind. Perseverance[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px], he had almost instinctively started to ask an idle question. Talking of something other than the task at hand was something he wanted to do, just to take his mind from recent events and their surroundings. But he had asked, she had answered. He tried to push all of that away and focus. [/SIZE]

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

A lifetime.

The thought would slip before A'dele could rein it in. Unconscious, and reactive. A slight flush would warm her cheeks and she took another deep breath. She would gather her bearings anew, lowering her lids, seemingly assuming a posture of complete relaxation. A second later, she would add to it.

It is a continuous path that a Jedi must walk, Knight Voidstalker.

There was a quiet acceptance to that. A finality. It was hard to discern an emotional tie to it none the less. Reading the Jedi Healer was a rather difficult survey to perform. Her mental fortitude and her ability to project that ever constant tranquil serenity a clouded reflection upon a still pond, as if a stormy sky brought a haze to the water below, no ray of light to filter through into the depths below.

They must remain vigilant. The Darkside clouds everything; it is quick to flow. A clear mind can help aid in combating it. Draw focus to clear away anger, fear, aggression.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

For a time there was nothing but silence. No words or expressions of thought to threaten the calm demeanour of the Jedi Healer. As each brick was carefully set into place, he made a small mental affirmation. Sometimes he recited a proverb, other times he echoes a small positive reinforcement. He told himself that he would leave this cell and re-join his kin, that the dark side would have no hold on him.

There was a slow and steady exhalation of breath as he opened his eyes. For the first time in days he genuinely felt settled. His mind was no longer vividly replaying past events, or drawing on his insecurities to imagine potential futures. Perhaps now he could settle in his small cell and start to come to terms with all those episodes of his life which played on his mind. Alone in his tiny little concrete box. With a few million tonnes of molten rock over his head.

Alone.

Clink

One of those bricks cracked. Maybe it wasn’t time to enter into that just yet. Unlike Ad’ele, there was no guarding of his expression as he looked at her with a small sad smile on his face. “Would you stay a moment longer? You could recite proverbs, or discuss the finer points of healing if you’d like. Just a voice other than my own for a few more minutes would be welcome. Or if not, maybe ask if someone else could come down for a time?”

He was aware that this sounded rather pathetic. But for all she had helped him achieve so far, it would take time to hold that firm, impassive state of mind he needed to scrutinise himself. And it was just damned lonely sitting in this box.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Why did he have to ask her for that?

There was a growing sense of discomfort at the request from the Jedi Knight. Normally, her lessons never progressed beyond basic instruction. She did not have a permanent Padawan and that meant she had the freedom to do what needed to get done without concern for another bridging her sphere of personal space. There was a reason why she preferred to be alone, to lead her meditation in silence and alone.

It allowed her to focus unhindered; not other emotions, desires, or needs weighing her down. To others it may seem as if A'dele was being deliberately a hermit, but no one had ever questioned her actions. No one had ever pushed for more. Having Jacen Voidstalker ask for her continued presence made her uneasy. But it also made her struggle with the desire to support as much as the one to leave.

The desire for white noise was not at all unfamiliar to her.

Her lips drew thin, and it appeared as if the young Iridonian would simply excuse herself. Her lips would part, hesitating. Searching inward she appeared to struggle with what to say next.

"One must be careful when one looks upon the dark side, for the dark side looks back. " the quiet reminder was one of the many A'dele would repeat to herself on and off. There was more to the selection than met the eye, but for Voidstalker, would relay that she would continue and linger for a few more minutes.

A pause.

"How are you feeling, Knight Voidstalker?" she would inquire, this time referencing about his injuries that she had helped with earlier.

Changing and focusing the subject would help more than one individual in this instance.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

The corner of his mouth turned upwards and his eyebrows came together. In that quick expression the small lines appearing in the corners of his eyes and across his brow revealed his age. Thank you, that small expression said briefly, the relief evident.

“Generally just sore now,” he replied in a casual tone. “The thigh was the worst, though the blaster wound was fairly superficial, it gets tugged no matter what exercises I do down here. It's a little sort of, warm now, but the thigh feels better already thank you. Master Nytrau showed me some basics, so later I may try and meditate and help push along the healing rather than make things worse by doing some training. ”

There was a pause as he thought of something else to say. A few general questions came to mind, but he had the distinct impression the pale iridonian would shirk away from anything personal, even if there was a temptation to enquire as to what her facial tattoos represented.

“How is the search for more members going?” he asked quietly. “Have they managed to gather and younglings from the nearby worlds yet?”

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

This was neutral territory. The relief that would relax her delicate features would be evident as more tension would wane from her posture.

“Our focus has been on Sullust and the local Sector,” A’dele would explain, revealing all she knew about the recruitment policy of the New Jedi Order. Truth be told, her time within the Circle of Healers and the archives left her with little interaction with younglings and recruitment. Her training sessions also did not include those younger than sixteen standard years, a policy done on purpose for the Jedi Healer.

It was best for the younglings and the Iridonian to ensure that.

“I am not well versed on the current standing, however, there has been an increase in attendance in the Jedi Academy.” when it came to conversation detailing the Academy, the Archives, or any matter in regards to expanding one’s abilities with meditation, A’dele could offer small tokens of guidance.

It was the far more personal matters that the quiet and seemingly introverted Healer had qualms about.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Adele Adonai"]
Ah, so she could speak plainly beyond the proverbs. Focusing on something other than his own circumstances was blessed relief. He nodded his head slowly as she spoke. Jacen had come here to fight, to make a stand. However, he had particular views about the manner in which the Republic had sent children into what were - in his opinion at least - war zones. He decided to air this view, keeping the topic moving.

“I trust you've been giving them an education beyond the martial,” he said quietly. “The Republic always seemed so keen to turn their children into weapons. Desperation I suppose,” he added with a shrug. “So many ways to use the Force, I wouldn't want to see anyone born into being a soldier.”

As he spoke, his presence unravelled out into the Force, like a flower spreading its petals towards the dawn light. Reaching out with his senses, he allowed his mind to explore the physical world around him. He felt the unbelievable heat of the magma flowing past them, the minds of those on guard duty far above.

There you are world, he thought to himself. For this first time in days he felt as one with the Force again.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]


“The Jedi Academy holds a vast array of subject matter and knowledge to pass on to the next generation, Knight Voidstalker.” A’dele would state plainly, her voice returning to its light and neutral flow. Informative, but no real method of discerning her emotional state beyond that.

“Master Eden is overseeing the Circle of Healers and the administration of class sessions concerning those aspects of the Force.” the construction of the New Jedi Order’s Healing Crystal Chambers had provided a new domain for the Jedi Master to pass on her knowledge and skill. “The Jedi Academy is willing to lend aid in other areas of study beyond martial skill.” a pause came to the Iridonian, and she would seemingly search for a way to clarify her thoughts.

“Each generation will reap what the former generation has sown,” the Masters and professors of the New Jedi Order and that of the Jedi Academy were the forge and the furnace that would mold the padawans under their care. There was a fine line of balance to be had; the Jedi Academy was an institution of knowledge and held no duty to councils or Orders of any kind. While the New Jedi Order was significantly more militant than previous Jedi Orders in existence. It would be interesting to see if the two would be able to continue to work as a cohesive unit, taking on each other’s strengths rather than the weaknesses.

“The Force’s Will shall prevail.”

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Adele Adonai"]
Jacen nodded as he spoke, his mind focussing as much on the sound of her voice as the content of of her words. It was hardly a riveting conversation and he was hardly going to be able to turn to conversation. He doubted the placid healer was going to be interested in a chat about sports and anything else was liable to make her uncomfortable again or just make him seem creepy. Perhaps he should just close off their conversation anyway. It was for selfish reasons after all. She had clearly been in discomfort when the conversation had been anything more than casual observations or proverbs. He could ponder on that later.

“Indeed. I hope that there are plenty of opportunities for the younglings to visit other facilities and expand their experience. If you live in one confined environment, it’s too easy to get dragged along with group think. We’re fighting...no we’re losing a war here. We shouldn’t lose sight of what it is we’re fighting for. If we descend into following the same path as our enemies to achieve victory, then we’ll have already lost.”

He sighed. There was a half-hearted chuckle. “I really do appreciate you staying for a while Ad’ele. Really. This has all been very difficult for me. But I’m sure I’m keeping you from important duties.”

It was only polite to give her the opening to leave if she wished. It made his heart heavy to consider the solitude that would follow, but he had to put others above himself. That was what he had to stand for now.

“But perhaps you could c...you could make sure someone could come down again tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Ice blue eyes would settle upon brown, and for a moment the Jedi Knight would linger. Thoughts would percolate through her mind, drifting shadows and sowing seeds. Finally, she gave a small incline of her head, the fabric of her cowl lightly caressing her violet tattooed cheeks. She did, after all, have other responsibilities throughout the Academy and the Circle of Healers.

“I will do as you ask, Knight Voidstalker,” came her quiet reassurance. With an apologetic expression, A’dele slowly rose to her feet, the whisper of her robes falling into place with a brush over the tops of her embroidered slippers.

“If you have any need of medical attention from the Circle of Healers, please do not hesitate to contact the guard to summon one of us.” she would add, her body and hands moving in the precise, graceful motions to pack away the med-kit and toss away the soiled bandages and wipes. A wash of her hands would follow, making use of the nearby sink. Even in this cleansing, the Iridonian paid close attention and care, washing under her nails and taking care to dry her hands carefully.

“With all available haste, the attending Healer will come to assist you,” curious her choice of words, ‘The attending Healer.’ There was a measure of truth to it, for every day saw a new healer attending to the day’s request.

With that done, A’dele would turn to Jacen, giving a slight incline of her head and torso in adieu.

“May the Force serve you well.”