"I... I think I understand, Mistress," I said in a quieter voice, my thoughts pulling me back to memories I would rather forget.
"Anger can be powerful, but it doesn't last… and if we let it control us, it will end up destroying us."
I clenched my fists for a moment. I knew what it was like to feel that rage burning, consuming, pushing me to act without thinking. I remembered the chains, the endless days of obedience, the silent humiliations. And most of all, I remembered him. My jailer. The man who controlled everything, who decided whether I ate or not, who laughed whenever I gritted my teeth through the pain.
"But it's not easy… sometimes it comes so fast that I don't even have time to think. How do you stop yourself from giving in?"
There had been one day, just one, when I could have killed him. He had come too close, let his guard down, and in my hand, I had felt the weight of a tool strong enough to crack a skull. My heart had pounded, every muscle in my body screaming at me to strike, to take my revenge… But I hadn't. Something in me had hesitated. A voice, faint and distant, telling me that giving in to that rage wouldn't make me free. It would just make me another slave… but this time, to my emotions.
Followed Junko into the shop, my eyes widening at the many colorful fabrics and carefully displayed outfits. Everything was so different from what I had known. I had never had a choice before. Just rags, rough cloth, nothing beautiful, nothing that expressed anything but submission.
"You mean… you can tell what kind of government a place has just by looking at the clothes?" I asked, puzzled. "But how is that possible? Don't people just wear what they like?"
I ran my hand over a soft fabric, feeling its lightness beneath my fingers. Free to touch, to choose… it was still a strange feeling for me.
Her explanation made me see things differently. "
So… if everything is dark and uniform, it means people don't have a choice… and if everything is extravagant and covered in jewels, it's either because they're free to express themselves, or because someone is forcing that style on them?"
I had seen both extremes. The total absence of choice, the uniformity, the submission… but also the masters and nobles who imposed their tastes, forcing slaves to wear ridiculous outfits for their own amusement. In both cases, no one was deciding for themselves.
My eyes turn toward Junko with a mix of admiration and frustration.
"I don't think I would have noticed all this on my own… It seems so obvious when you explain it, but I never would have thought about it."
Took a deep breath and close my eyes, engraving these new lessons into my mind. The anger was still there, lurking inside me, like a beast waiting to pounce. But I wouldn't let it dictate my choices. Not again.
"I'll try to learn, Mistress. I want to understand these signs too. And I want to be stronger… so I never feel like a slave to anything ever again."
Junko Ike