Private Pace & Perspective (Sia)

[Sia]

Sia's eyes widened slightly, tension building in her temples as he went on. "Wow. That's... that's a lot." On many regards. Political, personal, how did he get up in the morning? How’d he know what to do next.

Who was calling the shots?

Oh. Him, she realized, her temples aching in sympathy. He was the one in charged. This did nothing but reinforce her perception that jedi folk were a whole ‘nothter level about civilians like her— Even as an old war vet. He had the galaxy on his shoulders. She didn’t envy him one bit.

She fell silent, her discomfort apparent. He had said more to her in that moment than she had said herself in a month. She already felt tired— like maybe her ship was the best place for her after all. But she wasn’t ready to go back, the sun warm on her pallid skin. She had asked for an update. Well, she got one.

After an uncomfortable moment, one question popped to mind. She grimaced, then let her curiousity get the better of her as she asked. “...What happened to the kid? The recruit you wanted.” Bad news, she was sure.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Well...-Nothing happened to them, per say" Caedyn replied on a fairly lighter note, "While their Parents reluctantly agreed that she could join the Jedi Order if she wished to, the Youngling chose to remain at home with her family" Caedyn smiled a little at the thought of them, dipping his gaze back to the glow of the embers thoughtfully. It was easy to admire how close and loving the family had been. He could tell the parents didn't want to see their child leave, yet loved them so much as to not wish to stand in the way of a possible dream had they the desire.

"I don't conscript Jedi, I recruit them..." Caedyn clarified, "In my opinion, conscription was a mistake the Order made long ago that I never wish to see an active practice ever again. Jedi aren't supposed to remove people of their free will, you see". There were plenty of mistakes that had been made over the annals of history with regards to the Jedi Order, flaws that had been exposed that never helped the Galaxy's already fragile view of Force User's. People like Sia couldn't be blamed for their skepticism and distrust.

"So you see...-It's not all negative" Caedyn chuckled softly under his breath, "We see plenty of good in the Galaxy too. And although the purpose of the trip was a failure, it was nice to see at the same time. Sort of reminded me of my childhood" he concluded with a smile.

 

[Sia]

She have him a tight grimace, his pleasant words about a close family and warm memories striking a pang in her.

"Well. ... I guess the galaxy is large," she allotted, swallowing the large and hard pill that her perspective was indeed as old and outdated as she feared. That kinda happened when you spent you years skipping from backwater planet to backwater planet with your nose turned in and your gaze kept down. At least other sectors were out there living peacefully again?

Honestly, it wasn't right to want otherwise.

She was just a smidgen jealous. The small pang in her chest grew into an ache. She looked away, swallowing hard, a swath of small questions hitting her that she didn't have the energy to pass onto him. Her fingers went up, catching dog tags tucked under her shirt, and mindlessly rubbed at the letters engraved there.

"...So what do you do now?" she asked, aware of his gaze and her emotions that had become unchecked. She turned the conversation back onto him, not the very best in engaging him back. But she tried. "Just.... go back without her? What about your numbers."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn found himself studying her in that moment, Sia's subconscious withdrawal sparking another moment of insight as Caedyn was left to presume there were more experiences of her past leaving her feeling uncomfortable with the information he was sharing. Though there weren't any details or further telling evidence to know for any certainty just what had triggered this sense of anxiety about her. While he could have searched her mind for answers, he did not; It wasn't the Jedi way to invade another's privacy.

"That's about all I can do for the time being, yeah I suppose so" Caedyn shrugged, giving something of a sheepish smile in light of the truth of it. It had been a journey made for reasons lost, yet it hadn't been wasted as the experience had led him to this moment and every moment was strung together by the Will of the Force; This was where he was supposed to be, for whatever the reason.

"I'll probably head back to Svivren after this, and see if I can't contact the other Jedi Organizations closer to the Core. They might know of another opportunity that could lead me to finding other prospective students to teach" he continued, though nothing was written in stone, so to speak. There were still the Order of the Silver Jedi, the Jedi of the Republic and other various branches easily contacted via the Jedi Comport. Thanks to his Father, it was as easy as switching on his Datapad, and looking them up via the Jedi database that Veiere had commissioned for use over the Holonet.

"It's a daunting task though, recruiting people, while knowing that the path they're choosing to pursue isn't a safe one, let alone easy to follow".

 

[Sia]

Sia snorted, the noise catching softly. How he stayed so positive with all that he carried, she didn’t know.

It was admirable. In a way.

“And it doesn’t bother you? Recruiting them to their deaths?” The question came out harsher than she intended, her tongue picking out sharper words when a simple pause would be all she needed to phrase things nicer. Micah had taught her that lesson.

She grimaced, catching it a moment too late. Like usual. “I mean- with all the danger out there- the odds of making out— you said so yourself with your father.

It was ironic that he was worried about overstaying his welcome with her. The concept was equally on her mind.

“You know what you’re asking of them.” She stated, finding a kinder phrasing.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Well...Yeah, it's not easy" Caedyn replied, not having been discouraged by her choice of words as the simple fact was that she was right to ask such a thing. It was a controversial subject between the Order and those whom remained skeptical, or simply those that cared for their loved ones leaving to serve the Galaxy in the life and duties of a prospective Jedi Knight. "Every day, the people that live within the Enclave could die out in the field and that ends up falling to me in terms of overall responsibility, who gets assigned to what missions and so on..." Caedyn elaborated a bit as to his role within the Enclave of Svivren.

"Jedi Students undergo years of training before they're sent out there though, and the risks as well as their reasons for following the path....-Our way of life, is usually ingrained into them through their own choice as well as the education the Enclave provides for them. So I guess I take comfort in knowing that not only are they choosing to do so, but they also recognize the need for Jedi as I do" he concluded, giving a sort of generalist response to her questions, though the details of training, routines and schedules along side the curriculum as a whole would've taken far longer to explain...

"I will say that most of the Jedi that do continue to live and serve under the Jedi Order, are people who have a personal and vested desire to make a difference in the Galaxy" Caedyn added, his thoughts moving to his students and peers on Svivren. "Some have experience with the Sith, lost people in their past that spurred them on to become a Jedi, while others may have witnessed our aiding those of more natural incidents like poverty and starvation where our humanitarian aid programs come into play...".

Sia

 

[Sia]

His words were simple and truthful, a fact she could not fault him for. She had asked and he had answered, but it was in that answer that she found something she did not want to hear.

Judgement.

No, it was not that, though her initial response had her feeling judged. Her range of emotions remained withheld from view, a building tightness occurring in her tear ducts. It was as if he had found a mirror to her past and held it up to her-- knew her inner words of years past and reflected them back. He spoke of someone who cared. Who held passions. Who wanted to see change in the world.

He spoke of someone that was selfless. Someone that valued a concept more than their own life.

Her first response was to scream. What did he know? He had not lost what she had. One parent? Try two. Some friends? How about them all. Anguish tore through her chest in a wave of intensity that startled her. It hit her all in an abrupt wash-- heat prickling through her body as she looked away from him. The tears fell without explanation, and she was sure they seemed out of place.

She rubbed them back before they could get far, the woman making instant attempts to regather herself. "Sorry." She cleared her throat, running a hand through her hair to cool her back down.

"You just remind me of someone."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn frowned out of concern for Sia, though he knew little about her, there was obvious remorse in the assumption that he'd made her tear up for reasons unknown; "I'm sorry..." He apologized gingerly, "I didn't meant to upset you?" he added, speaking with an unintentionally questioning tone, rhetorical though evidence to his uncertainty and want to know more. He didn't however seek to ask, for it wasn't his place to further her discomfort for the sake of his simple intrigue. Some things were better off left unspoken.

It was true that he had gained the impression that the woman's views were shaped by whatever had occurred in her past, though he didn't think unkindly of the fact. Caedyn did his best to avoid judging others; he was human so he wasn't always successful in that, but he also understood that everyone led extremely different lives, and you could never truly know what another person was battling through without them being forthright about it. She would never have known of his loss, had he not spoken of it, for example.

Her being there alone on Elysian did make him question whether or not she was particularly safe or comfortable to be there on her own like this, however. Caedyn couldn't help but feel a sense of sympathy for the woman, she had many questions and seemed interested to hear his perspective of the Jedi in the Outer Rim, yet she had also just shown him a point of vulnerability that led to his thinking in consideration for her personal well-being.

"By all means tell me it's none of my business..." Caedyn spoke apprehensively, clearly leading to a question; "But are you on your own here on Elysian? Do you have any sort of company nearby?".

 

[Sia]

Sia wiped at her nose, unbothered by his question. She half wondered if he was naturally this timid or if she just came off as unapproachable. ...alright fine, stupid question.

“Nah. Just me.” She reached for her canteen, drinking deeply. For a moment that was all he was going to get from her— all she was use to giving, if she was being honest. She wiped at her lips, the red of her eyes slowly fading as she met his curious look. “...and my ship, when I actually have possession over it.” she added, unsure why she was compelled to speak further.

But she did.

She cleared her throat. “I find work where I can. I’ll head in soon, get credits to travel back out.”

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Oh, right" Caedyn lifted his head in a half nod. She seemed to be living life one day at a time, which was fine, a lot of people were like that and to an extent Caedyn himself had used to live that way before reforming the Svivren Enclave. There was a certain element of freedom in it, though also uncertainty for where one might end up in the future.

"You must enjoy the independence?" he asked in the best, polite way that he could as to whether or not she was particularly happy. It wasn't exactly the most straight forward way of going about the question, and she might not have even connected the dots, but it'd lead to further discussion he presumed. "You'd probably get alone with my sister, Loreena Arenais-Valhoun " he added with a slight chuckle, as she was very much the explorer and day to day type as well.

While still tempted, he didn't ask as to whom he reminded her of. Clearly it wasn't someone in her present life and with the sight of tears, he could only assume so much.

"What kind of work do you do?".

Sia

 

[Sia]

Not the kinda work that she should be telling a Jedi. She grimaced, softening her answer. “Whatever needs doing. Protection. Procuring. I fixed someone’s speeder once.” Bought her a few days worth of food. She felt a small bit of shame over her answer, his presence making her do comparisons she hadn’t made in years. She had never been reduced down to scrambling for fuel money. She wasn’t sure she liked it.

She didnt sense where he was going with his question. Perhaps it was a lack of social awareness, but she answered the next part honestly. He had been honest with her. “It sucks. But. You do what you have to do.”

She gave a tight shrug, trying not to think about all the other things she could have found herself doing if events has been different.

“I get by.” A sentiment she knew he understood well.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn nodded thoughtfully, his gaze falling to the embers for a time as he gave consideration to where his thoughts were leading the discussion. It was strange, but despite the fact that she had voiced a bit of a bleak view towards the Jedi, Caedyn couldn't help but ask the question. "So I guess you'd never have given it much thought for yourself then eh, life as a Jedi I mean..." his eyes lifted and landed upon hers, holding the contact for but a moment before speaking further, "It's not every day two people run into each other like this, sit down and start talking as though they've met somewhere before or known each other. I can't help but wonder..." His words drifted off, leaving the sentiment hanging in the open for Sia to pick apart if she so desired.

It wasn't as though Caedyn was trying to make up for his previous failing to acquire a member for his Enclave either, he honestly didn't expect that the woman would care all that much to just up and follow him into a whole other life, yet even if just provoking the thought within her, then perhaps it meant something more for her future and those she might live and serve along side. Were she ever to agree to it one day.

 

[Sia]

Sia stilled, the hairs on her arms pricking as she watched him speak. A bump formed in her throat, one she failed to swallow past. Her thoughts were still. She willed them to be, afraid of where they would go otherwise. Where they would take her.

What she would reveal.

She didn't answer for a long spell, and perhaps that was revealing enough. She struggled over her choice of words, only to find that for once, she was tired of lying. This exhaustion crept into her tone, the woman's shoulders dropping as a wall crumbled down.

"You are... the second person to ask me that this week." It had been a week, hadn't it? Maybe more, days didn't exist in space. She reached over to her bag, pulling it open with one hand. After a small bit of shuffle, a saber hilt rolled out. She watched it, concern lines growing over her face.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"You are... the second person to ask me that this week".
​

Caedyn chuckled softly, clearly finding some form of pleasure and good tidings from Sia's response, easily finding his words in offering a response from his point of view; "Perhaps that is the Will of the Force speaking through us, rather than a simple coincidence of likely minds?" he asked rhetorically, seeking to provoke the woman to give more thought on this.

Frankly, Caedyn was gladdened to hear that he had not been the first. Regardless of where she went or whom she chose to train alongside (if she did), at the very least that could offer the Galaxy another beacon of light and hope against the rolling tides of darkness that had engulfed the northern territories and sought to take the Core.

Looking to the Lightsaber that had been exposed from her bag, Caedyn nodded thoughtfully; "You've had some form of training already then?" he asked further, this question one where he sought an answer for his curiosity's sake. Some form of introduction to an Order or Force Organization, as one didn't simply come upon the knowledge and creation of such a thing without outside guidance.

"I felt there might be some sort of insight or experience behind your earlier questions...".

 

[Sia]

Sia grimaced. She didn’t believe in the force, and the suggestion that she was here before him because of it disturbed her. She brought herself here. End of story. She bit her tongue, recognizing her desire to correct him was merely another self-defense mechanism. Funny how many of those she was seeing now that they had been pointed out. It took a conscious breath to cool herself back down, the woman shifting uncomfortably as they both looked to the saber.

“It’s not mine,” she corrected, almost briskly.

From the silence came memories, ones she couldn’t shove back. She looked away, her words falling out of her before she could restrain them. “I wasn’t trained. I was never trained.” Her hand shook as she ran it through her hand again— the only part of her to betray her struggle.

“He died. To sith. They hunted him.“ Her words were sharp and biting, so much so one might think she had never spoken them before. She hadn’t. It showed, the shake creeping it way up her hand as she fought to keep herself contained. Of all the ways she saw today going, staring down the facts of her ...The Master’s death was not one of them.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn had presumed wrong about the Lightsaber, it didn't belong to Sia and nor had she been trained. This did not however deter him from believing that there was a greater purpose behind their meeting today. While she was well within her right to believe differently, Caedyn remained conscious of a much larger picture, and knowing that her future would forever be changed by the consequences of a mere discussion shared between them. Whether it was Caedyn or someone elses guidance she might seek further down the line, the Force was calling to her now. She needed only listen.

"I'm sorry to hear that, and for your loss" Caedyn offered his sympathies, knowing just how tragic and difficult the experience of losing those you cared for to the Sith Empire, truly was. The truth was that criminality, things like murder was everywhere in the Galaxy and while the Sith excelled in this area, many others had suffered similar pains at the hands of common folk too. Society could be a dangerous and difficult thing in the Galaxy, but all the more important for people to look to the light and see those willing to help. That's what Caedyn wished to offer Sia, in that moment.

"I know we're probably about the same age, and I don't look the likes of an experienced Master like someone would typically picture in their heads" Caedyn began to speak after a moment of silence between them, "...-But if you ever decided that you'd like to learn how to use it, and the ways of the Jedi that it sounds like this man you cared about, followed...-I can offer that. I could teach you" he offered. Though he was sorry for her loss, it wasn't sympathy that he offered this by, but confidence in her capabilities and how she might grow to help the Galaxy in her future ahead.

 

[Sia]

Sia snorted, grabbing the saber and jamming it into her bag. "Why? So I can watch you die too? No thanks." Her hands shook as she jammed it all closed and shove it to the side, a choppy attempt at biting her cuticle being made.

See this was why she didn't think about it. She didn't like how she got when she thought about it. She ran her hand through her hair-put her finger in her mouth to bite- ran her hand through her hair again. Her distress was clear, and by now he would know it wasn't directed at him. At least so hoped so, but she quite liked him but couldn't control herself-- that was the realization she came across as she ran her fingers through her hair for the third time.

She looked to him, a bit of wildness to her gaze as she found herself desperate for ... something. He couldn't understand what she had been through. He couldn't know about her encounter with the sith. She couldn't identify what she needed here, which only drove her deeper into her rare, frazzled state.

"How do you all keep finding me? I'm no one! I'm nothing! Why do you even care?" He tone rose with each question, spittle catching in the hand that lingered at her face.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Why? So I can watch you die too? No thanks.
How do you all keep finding me? I'm no one! I'm nothing!
Why do you even care?".
​

Caedyn frowned, looking to Sia now with concern for how she had reacted to his offer. He understood her reluctance, as well as her fear though he hadn't anticipated she would express such a feeling over losing him in particular. They hardly knew each other, they'd not long met however their discussion had become more in-depth than what most others would find.

"My guess is that the Force has led us to you, clearly there's been more than just myself from the sounds of it..." Caedyn replied softly, not wishing to further irritate her; "Though perhaps you'd prefer to call it a coincidence...-I just don't believe in them myself. I'm the 'everything happens for a reason' sorta Jedi" Caedyn smiled warily.

"As for dying...-I do my best to avoid it" he chuckled sheepishly, clearly trying to lighten the mood a little. Whether or not he was succeeding, that was yet to be seen; "But that's the risk we take. Without us taking that risk, how many defenseless people would be killed instead? A single Jedi can go on to protect numerous people over the course of the missions and assignments they fulfill in their career. That's why despite what people might think, Jedi aren't encouraged to sacrifice themselves...-A lifetime of service in the Order can see so much good come to the lives of countless peoples...-The death of a Jedi means the possible good they might have achieved, will never come to be".

As honorable as it may sound to die so that others might live, the success of one rescue as opposed to countless future opportunities wasn't worth lose. The greater good, that was unfortunately what Jedi had to consider. The bigger picture and all that.

 

[Sia]

The subtle shake slowly subsided, the woman hearing him out. She huffed, the air catching in her nose as his words rang through her. “I can’t tell if you’re arrogant or overly confident,” she commented.

Probably both.

Sia didn’t believe in a bigger picture. She only saw the now; it was the only way she could handle the cold realities of the world. There was simply a do, or a don’t do, with no grand schemes and no bigger purposes. It was easy. Swallowable.

Ironically he spoke of simple realities. There were those out there that fought for others, and their actions saved lives. Those that died, didn’t. And Those that did nothing... well, he had not commented on those. But he might as well have. She swallowed hard, looking down at the fire. “Well that explains Coursant,” she mumbled into her hands.

If he was waiting for an immediate answer, he did not get one. Years of running could not be disassembled by a single offer. Or two. Or even a third, if it ever reached her. There were questions... concerns... and most of all fears. But at the root of it all she operated on trust. And he, as nice as he was, was not there with her. Not yet at least.

She pulled the last corn out of the fire, holding it out. “No one ever plans to die. They just do. And eh- don’t give me any more of that jedi crap. I’ve heard it all before. You could die out there. Admit it.”

The corn was waggled at him, the husk shaking with each word

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I could, yeah...-And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of it" Caedyn replied, reaching forward to take the Corn offered to him and nodding lightly in an appreciative gesture; "But I rely a little on the fact that I've done my best to be a good person. Putting all of that 'Jedi crap' aside..." he smirked a little, repeating her particular use of words to emphasize his personal stance.

"There's a lot of nasty stuff going on out there in the Galaxy, and I've experienced some of it..." he continued, "And on a more personal note, I've never exactly been the kindest towards myself, so I guess it helps me to feel better about myself knowing that I'm trying my hardest to be the best me, that I can be...-If that makes sense". The truth was that Caedyn wasn't some stead fast or strong headed warrior of the Order, he was a sensitive and self conscious young man who still had a very long way to go in life. He had struggled to find his place in the Galaxy as a member of the Order, and in some ways was still struggling with this now after his Father had gone. Who he was as an individual, as a Jedi and what those two livelihoods looked like when brought together. The Jedi Path was as much about self discovery as it was about aiding the rest of Galactic society.

"My parents were the King and Queen of Commenor, when my Sister and I were born. We were brought up within a family whom wanted for nothing..." Caedyn began to speak of his life, wanting Sia to understand a bit more about him. "I got bullied in school for being the rich kid, and I didn't start my training with the Je'daii until I was twelve. Instead I learned about politics, watching my Mom leading humanitarian efforts while Dad continued to serve as a Jedi Master. They taught me things like generosity and providing for those who had nothing or less than I did...".

"I had it far easier than most, which is why I took nothing with me when I left Commenor and began training under the Je'daii Order. My Master and I traveled with the bare minimum and she always encouraged me to appreciate what I had, the little things in life..." Caedyn smiled, thinking of Lief with fond regard. "It's easy to preach to others from a position of privilege but I wanted to be able to relate with others on the same level...-It's why I didn't make use of my ties to House Arenais until much more recently when the Enclave needed it".